by Stead, Nick
My thoughts turned to Lady Sarah and what she’d have had me do. I doubted the vampire would approve of my decision to let him walk away but I had no intention of telling her about the encounter. Maybe it would have been wiser to keep the human nearby till nightfall, when she could have used her powers to make him forget about what he’d seen. But I didn’t want another lecture on how careless I’d been through the rage driven nights that had probably led to this, so I dismissed that idea, childish and reckless though it was.
“Go, before I change my mind,” I growled. “I need to feed now.”
I turned my back on the guy before he could say something that might prove too great a temptation, but I was aware of more grass trampling beneath his feet as he walked away. Satisfied that was the last I would see of him, I focussed on the natural world once more and resumed the hunt for prey.
I couldn’t escape Lady Sarah’s lesson that night.
“We now have only three weeks before the moon grows full again and it is becoming vital you learn to control the overpowering urge to feed on humans it awakes in you, if you wish to remain in one place for any length of time,” she said. “Wait here while I find prey for us to work with. You might want to transform at least part way to raise your hunger. We need you able to resist even the strongest of bloodlusts if you are to ever have any hope of surviving the full moon without my intervention.”
I still wasn’t happy about being put through this new trial but deep down I knew she was right, so reluctantly I took my hybrid form while she went to hunt. I didn’t have to wait long before she returned with a sheep and the length of rope from the nearby barn we’d been using as shelter. The animal was docile enough that it seemed she’d used her powers to place it under her spell.
She tied the sheep to a tree and released her mental hold over it, the animal suddenly going into a panic over our very presence. “Now, let the bloodlust rise up.”
I focussed my senses on the terrified animal straining to break free of its tether and let my mind fill with thoughts of ripping into its soft flesh and gulping down chunks of meat. But no matter how hard I tried to reawaken my bloodlust or how much my insides ached with hunger, only the empty chasm gaped within. I was hungry enough to desire the meal in front of me but not to the point that it was an urge I was struggling to resist.
“It’s not working,” I growled.
The vampire opened up a gash in the sheep’s side and I breathed in the scent of fresh blood, but still I felt nothing.
“Then either change forms a few times to make the hunger more powerful or let the wolf take control. Both of you need to learn to show restraint in the face of your bloodlust; I can work with him first if you’d prefer.”
I took the transformation fully to wolf form but I was all too happy to let her train my wolfish half first. Even if I hadn’t been particularly feeling the need to satisfy the hunger with the prey in front of me, the wolf wanted to gorge himself on its flesh. He felt like a caged animal pacing on the edge of my consciousness and he eagerly rose up when I surrendered control to him, while I was glad of the reprieve I’d been offered.
Even though the bloodlust was born of the human within me, it was there alongside the hunger the instant I took control. With a ravenous snarl, I readied myself to lunge at the wounded prey before me.
“I take it the wolf is in control now,” Lady Sarah said. “Let your hunger and your bloodlust rage through you, but I want you to try and channel it if you can. Focus on the tree your prey is tied to and imagine that tree is an enemy. Your bloodlust can be useful in battle but only if you can learn to channel it – become too focussed on a single target and it could cost you your life. The tree is the threat: make that your target, not the prey you truly desire.”
Her words sounded far away, my senses focussed so completely on the pounding of the sheep’s heart and the blood pumping from the gash in its side. Drool leaked from my maw, slimy strings hanging down in anticipation of the meal the sheep presented, and my mind became clouded by the red haze of my bloodlust once more. My hunger would not wait for the vampire and her lesson, and with barely a conscious thought I bounded forward to claim my prize.
My jaws snapped on thin air as the vampire held me back by the scruff of my neck. I slavered and continued to snap at the meal that stood just within reach, straining against the vampire’s grip in vain.
“Focus, wolf. Let reason guide you, not your instincts.”
Her words held little meaning as the bloodlust turned my mind to its most primitive state, that base need to hunt and to kill making me no more than a mindless beast as it had so many times before. Her language meant something to my suppressed thoughts but it was like a niggling little itch at the back of my mind, swept aside by the force of the urge to feed, growing ever stronger with my prey so close, its presence occupying every one of my senses until the world around me ceased to exist and there was only the hunger and the wounded animal that would satisfy it.
“Control yourself, wolf!” she commanded. “Fight these urges and channel the bloodlust into striking at your enemy. This tree is the threat, not the sheep.”
Still I continued to struggle, until weariness began to creep in and I relaxed in the vampire’s grip, panting heavily. She led me back to my original position a few feet from the sheep and released me, watching closely to see what I would do next.
Twice more I went for the sheep and was held back just as my jaws were about to close on its throat. Then came the sound of footfalls and while the vampire turned her attention to the potential threat I struck again, and finally succeeded in tearing the life from my prey. She left me to investigate the approaching humans and greedily I tore into the carcass, ripping off great chunks of flesh and swallowing ravenously. But once my reason returned I realised I’d failed the first test the vampire had given me, and I knew I was going to have to try harder next time.
The two humans were not Slayers as the vampire had feared and she was able to use her hypnotic powers to persuade them to turn back to the town they’d come from. She came back to find me stood over bloody bones and shreds of fleecy skin, and I sensed she was disappointed we hadn’t made any progress.
“I suppose that concludes your training for tonight,” she said. “We are out of time now as I still have to feed, but we must continue tomorrow night if you are to have any hope of mastering your urges before the next full moon.”
I buried the remains and relinquished my control back to the human as Lady Sarah went off to hunt, to avoid further temptation. My hunger was bearable after feeding on the sheep but I could still have eaten more, and I was craving human prey.
The wolf might have considered the hunger bearable but my stomach was still rumbling and I wanted more. But I didn’t want to hunt small animals that night, though I had enough sense not to turn to human prey either.
The more I’d thought about the lack of pleasure I’d derived from killing the rabbit and other small animals, the more I felt it was the size of the prey that was the problem. I might not have felt anything when I’d faced the human earlier, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t have felt any thrill if I’d decided to hunt him. I just needed to kill something big enough to spark my bloodlust again, and give me some dark thrill to drive away this emptiness that I’d so quickly fallen back into. And hadn’t I sensed a lack of satisfaction from my wolf half when I’d touched upon his consciousness after taking that first rabbit in our temporary new territory? If a bigger kill brought him more enjoyment, hopefully the human part of me could share in that.
While Lady Sarah was busy hunting her own prey, I went in search of more livestock. The sheep hadn’t appealed to my bloodlust either and I was convinced I needed something like a cow or a horse to awaken it.
I soon found a field full of cattle and I deliberately targeted the biggest animal which would yield the most meat, and hopefully the most pleasure. She was a fine specimen, one any farmer would be angry to lose, but obsession with the idea of big
ger is better drove me on.
It didn’t take long for the herd to sense my presence, even before I was on my chosen prey, and they began to panic. A brief image of the cows stampeding through the town flashed through my mind, but it didn’t bring me any amusement as it once would have done. Despite what I’d just imagined, they headed in the opposite direction, away from the town and towards the patch of nearby woodland, terror allowing them to break through the fencing fairly easily. I focussed on my target and struck her with all my raw strength and power. My jaws locked on a hind leg and I wrenched her to the ground, her good legs kicking uselessly in a futile attempt to rise and flee with the others.
Attempting to awaken the bloodlust so I might lose myself in it once more, I struck again at her belly, ripping off a great chunk of flesh in a spray of blood and spilling her organs onto the grass into one soft, squishy lump. Yet the dark desire to continue to rip and tear and slaughter mindlessly still would not come. If it still existed in me it was now locked deep inside, and if the act of killing didn’t give rise to it, I was at a loss. The chasm of emptiness gaped wider than ever and I felt the same sense of despair descending on me that I’d had nearly a year ago. Though before it had come with the realisation that I would continue to kill and there was nothing I could do to stop it, short of committing suicide. And now I would gladly spill more blood, if only that life could flow into the empty husk I’d become.
In the absence of the bloodlust there was no joy to be had in the cow’s death and I struck a third time at the throat, to end the animal’s suffering. I ignored the rest of the fleeing cattle and began to feed, feeling resigned to my fate of a pointless, empty existence.
Chapter Eight – Return to the Lunar Madness
Once my hunger was satisfied, I transformed back to human while I had enough food to replenish the energy required for the second change and picked more meat off the bones.
Having eaten my fill, I looked down at my bloodied body; so much blood on my outstretched hands. Another meaningless death so an equally meaningless life may continue. I hadn’t yet regressed to the state of guilt and remorse I’d been trapped in after the death of Fiona at the jaws of my wolfish half, but there was no escaping the knowledge I was a killer. One who had left so many bodies in his wake he couldn’t even remember how many there’d been. And those deaths were beginning to seem more and more pointless as time went on.
The sound of footsteps creeping towards me brought me out of my dark musings. Instinctively I ducked, sinking into a crouch just as a bullet tore through the air where my head had been only seconds before, the gunshot ringing in my sensitive ears. I hadn’t been in the field of cattle that long; how had the Slayers found me already? For that’s who it had to be, surely. There’d been no indication the farmer had been alerted that anything was amiss yet, and who else would be wandering the fields, or carrying a gun for that matter? Unless it was more curious humans like Luke but it was highly unlikely they’d have come with guns. And besides, they’d be more interested in me alive.
With one fluid motion I stood and turned to face my opponent, before they could fire off another shot. He turned out to be the same man I’d seen that night they’d set the trap with the help of the spellcaster, the one who’d been retreating when it had started to go so wrongly for them. He carried the same air of experience and lack of fear as before, though age had already begun to slow his movements.
I hesitated as he pointed the gun at me once more. My will to fight seemed to have gone the same way as my rage and bloodlust, either sucked into the void of my empty soul or locked away so deeply that it would take a lot to spark the smouldering remains and rekindle the fire. But had I also returned to the point of losing the will to live? My existence felt worthless once again, but was I ready to give it up yet? I’d already discovered I didn’t have the strength to end it myself, but perhaps if the Slayers were to do it for me, there lay my salvation.
I couldn’t do it. I knew Hell existed: Lady Sarah had told me as much, and I knew I must surely be headed there. That meant no peace for me in death, and if that Hell was as bad as the one I currently resided in, or quite possibly worse, I wouldn’t go there willingly.
I turned and ran to find Lady Sarah, ducking a second time as the old Slayer fired again. A stinging on my scalp and the trickle of warm blood down the back of my head told me I’d been too slow in my hesitation. The aim of this guy was better than many of the Slayers I’d faced over the last year, who were too undisciplined and gave in too easily to fear, or simply too inexperienced, to land a killing shot. It suddenly struck me how lucky I’d been whenever I’d faced the Slayers before. Lucky they’d always missed my heart or my brain, sometimes only by millimetres. But I knew eventually my luck would undoubtedly run out, especially if I grew careless. I was far from faster than a speeding bullet, especially in human form. I would’ve been faster if I’d remained in wolf form, but there was no time to transform back and it would mean depleting my energy reserves yet again. Though in human form I was still much faster than most mortal animals and that made me a much harder target to hit, so long as I kept moving. With that in mind I tried to zigzag as much as I could, doing my best to avoid running in a straight line, and heading towards the woodland. It was a relief to reach the cover of the trees, and I allowed myself to pause and glance back towards the fields. The Slayer still stood there, an air of calm patience about him. There were no sounds of cursing or frustration and he didn’t immediately call for back up, which I thought was odd. I pushed on before he could spot me, turning my attention to locating the vampire and wondering how I was going to explain this to her without sparking her own anger.
“Foolish boy!” she said as I came to a stop just in front of her. “I warned you against hunting large prey but did you pay heed? And now they’re on our trail again, are they not?”
I opened my mouth to make excuses but the icy look she gave me killed the words before I could give them sound, and instead I stared at the floor like I was just a little kid again being chastised by a parent or a teacher. I briefly wondered how she’d known exactly what had gone on that night, as if she’d read my mind. She’d named telekinesis as one of her abilities not long after we’d first met, even if it was fairly limited compared to her other powers, or so she’d implied, but she’d never mentioned having telepathy. She must’ve guessed from the smell of the fresh bovine blood on my body and the fact I’d been running to find her, I decided.
“I only hope you learn from this experience,” she continued. “Certain aspects of this way of life may be less than ideal, but I insist on it for a reason, born of centuries of experience. But enough of that for now; we must make haste if we are to lose the Slayers again long enough for the necessary rest through the daylight hours. You’ll be better off returning to your wolf form and don’t even think of moaning when your own recklessness is to blame this time.”
I remained silent, so empty that her lecture didn’t even stir any arguments born of that rebellious nature that comes with being a teenager. Further proof my anger seemed dead, and in its absence her words just fell into the void, instead of landing on the fires of my rage, and fuelling the need to argue which would have come from knowing she was right.
In hindsight it would’ve been better to keep my wolf form after killing the cow, and gorging myself while I had the chance, instead of wasting energy changing back only to have to waste yet more energy transforming again to flee the area. But I hadn’t expected things to happen so quickly and I’d not exactly been thinking clearly. It was too late to go back and undo my mistakes so I had little choice but to do as Lady Sarah instructed and manage the weariness and the hunger as best I could. Then we began the long, seemingly endless run of the hunted, putting as many miles between ourselves and humanity in general as we possibly could before the dawn.
The next two weeks were a blur. With the Slayers back on our trail we weren’t safe in any one place for very long, and I quickly grew weak and exhau
sted without sufficient time to feed. The hunt seemed even more intense than the last, and I had no energy to spare to transform. The wolfish half of my mind was growing stronger and the constant, aching hunger was playing havoc with our instincts. Even worse, once the moon was waxing again it began calling to our dark desire for human flesh. Since there’d been no time to continue with my training whilst on the run, it seemed my fate lay in the vampire’s hands once more when the full moon came.
Due to my increasingly feral state, Lady Sarah had us stay as far from humanity as possible, having to make do with natural shelters from the sun. She wasn’t entirely confident she could keep me in check with her power this time – the hunger had grown so powerful that my current state of mind rivalled the madness of the full moon, meaning it was possible I might be able to break free of any hold she placed over me. But seeking shelter in caves and other such places in the natural world was in some ways more dangerous, as there were fewer places to hide which made it easier for any Slayers in close pursuit to find us, and they could come in greater numbers. It wasn’t until we were attacked one day and I was shot several times and stabbed twice that she resigned herself to having to sleep in the ground without the luxury of a coffin. It meant she was better hidden through the sunlight hours, and staying out in the open made an ambush impossible. I would sense any approaching humans long before they could get in position to lay a trap.
It also meant I had the option to run from any hunting parties, rather than having to fight my way out of a corner as I’d been forced to do in the last cave we’d made use of. I’d been lucky once again that the Slayers had been too undisciplined and inexperienced to aim well enough to land a killing shot, but in my weakened state I’d also been slower to kill the group. The one good thing to come of the latest skirmish was the chance to feed on my desired prey, which helped calm my urges and replenish enough energy to allow me to transform back to human before I began to completely lose myself. The vampire was also glad of the chance to feed on human blood when she awoke, from another Slayer I’d kept alive till nightfall for her.
