He pecked at my nose, pulling me into giggles.
But as I stroked his tuft of feathers my amusement turned bitter sweet. What would he do if he were his real self? This display of emotion came from magic. A duck should be playing in the pond, not splashing in a bathtub. I was being selfish by keeping him under a spell so I didn’t have to be really alone. Did he remember, at all, what it was like to be free?
I dusted a kiss to the top of Tufty’s head, set him back down on the floor, and picked the spell book up from where I’d left it on the table. Turning to the earmarked page, I took a deep breath. I had to let him go. It was time for me to stand on my own.
As I uttered the words, my throat tightened. I sure would miss the little guy. God, I didn’t want to be forgotten…
I set my hand on his back as the book instructed and winced as magic flowed through my fingertips. He cocked his head, peered at me with those bright eyes, but nothing spectacular happened. I set the book down with a frown. “Whatcha think? Do you feel different?”
He tipped his head in the opposite direction and chirred quietly.
Hm. Maybe it took a while to kick in.
My mind strayed to Kale. I should let him be, let him rest. Beth and Gerard were probably hovering over him, along with a dozen healers—he didn’t need me there too. For that matter, when he’d woken outside, he’d said nothing to me. Not that I could blame him; I wasn’t sure I’d be speaking to me either given my outburst in the glade. I never should have doubted him.
Screw it. It might be selfish, but I had to see him. Had to know if he would be okay. Because if he wasn’t…somehow I had to make it right. He’d put himself in danger for me. Let himself be attacked because of me. Bottled-up feeling struggled to the surface. Truth was, I just wanted to sink into his arms and hold on for a while. Soak up his strength.
But what if he didn’t want to see me?
With a shake of my head, I dismissed hesitation. There was only one way to find out—open myself to the rejection. I wasn’t a coward, and I wouldn’t become one now.
I strode to the door, refusing to acknowledge the jittery nature of my legs.
All too aware of the eyes on me as I passed the people in the courtyard, I walked to the stairs. Did they hate me? Like Beth, did they blame me for Kale’s injuries? Or was it merely what had been present from the start, that I was half Yaksini?
My legs felt heavier as I trudged up the stairs. My heart knocked like it might crack a rib. I told myself I wouldn’t drag him into a long conversation. He needed his rest. I’d just peek in and make sure he was doing all right. Come back later when his strength had returned.
And then suddenly his door stood before me.
I reached for the knob but a burst of fear refused to let me grasp it. What if Beth had instructed the healers to keep me out? Could she even do that?
You’re being ridiculous. Open the damned door.
With a deep fortifying breath, I grabbed the knob and turned.
Silence greeted me, unlike the hustle and bustle I’d expected. I spotted a young woman sitting on his couch reading a magazine. I didn’t recognize her, but then I’d only met a handful of the camarilla. She glanced up as I entered.
“You must be Halle.” A timid smile lighted her face.
I nodded warily, bracing for the announcement I wasn’t welcome.
“I’m Sephora.” She gestured down the hall toward his room. “Kale’s been asking for you.”
“He has?” I cringed inwardly—did I have to sound so pathetic? “I mean, he’s awake?”
She nodded, her smile broadening. “Quite. In fact, if Maude hadn’t ordered him to stay put, he’d have been looking for you already.”
Oh, wow. My gaze slid down the hall, and I nibbled on my lower lip. I took a tentative step in that direction then stopped and turned back to her. “Is he well or is he just being a bad patient?”
“Halle?” he barked from his room.
Sephora chortled beneath her breath. “He’s not one hundred percent, but being here, in the camarilla, helped immensely. I did manage to drain out some of the…darker effects…they were unable to address the first time. It would seem the chest wounds he suffered somehow brought that poison closer to the surface—if you will.”
“So when he heals, he’ll be stronger than he was?”
“Halle!” Kale’s voice rang with impatience.
“Yes.” Sephora giggled. “You best see what he wants. I stayed only so he didn’t leave, and I’ll be taking my dinner now. If you need anything, send for me.”
Heat crept into my cheeks at the obvious insinuation that she was giving us time to be alone. I turned toward Kale’s room, trying not to give in to the ear-to-ear grin that threatened.
When I ducked my head through the doorway, Kale shot out of the bed. Before I could tell him to take it easy, he swept me into a bear hug. “God,” he murmured into my hair. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“Me?” Sliding my arms around his waist, I chuckled. “You were the one bleeding all over the floor.”
He pulled back to gaze into my eyes, and my lighthearted banter caught in my throat. Without warning, all the fear, the heartache, the trauma I’d experienced in the last few days surged past my barriers. Tears coursed down my cheeks. I tucked my face into his bare chest and hung on to him like my life depended on it.
“Shh,” he soothed, stroking my hair. “I have you, princess. I have you.”
“I killed her,” I sobbed. “I almost lost you. All this is my fault. You told me we’d fail. You warned me not to go. But I didn’t listen. I killed her.”
Kale moved backward, slowly taking me with him until he reached the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress, then lifted me into his lap, cradling me in arms that felt more heavenly than I deserved. He said nothing as I blubbered on nonsensically, spilling all the grief I hadn’t been able to shed. When I trembled, he held me tighter.
A handful of days ago, I would have been humiliated to break down the way I did. But in his room, in his embrace, I felt no shame. He let me talk until there were no more words. Until no more tears would come. Then he held me through my broken hiccups.
When I pulled myself together to brave whatever emotion might reflect in his eyes, he settled two fingers beneath my chin and tipped my head back a smidgeon further.
“I love you, Halle,” he whispered.
Denying me the opportunity to respond, his mouth settled softly over mine.
Thirty-nine
When Kale’s lips released mine, I spluttered. “How the hell can you say that? It’s my fault you almost died. You told me we’d fail, and I refused to listen. People died trying to rescue us because I screwed up.”
“They chose their fate. And after what Gerard told me you did in the end, many would choose to do so again.” He leaned back against the pillows, carrying me with him. One strong hand stroked my hair. “It was never you I doubted. Not in my heart. I knew what you were the moment you showed me Rafini’s book. I just didn’t want to admit it.” He ran his knuckles down the side of my cheek and gazed into my eyes. “Not because I might lose you, though I’d move heaven and earth to keep that from happening. But because I’m not your equal.”
I blinked. “What? That’s insane.”
He shook his head on a heavy sigh. “You saw my weakness. I can’t overcome it. I can’t lead the camarilla when I’m chained within its boundaries. I failed you, far more than you could ever fail any one of us.”
“No,” I murmured emphatically. Framing his face between my palms, I gazed into his eyes. “That’s not true. Everyone sees what I do, Kale. So you can’t go into Yaksini territory. I don’t see Gerard ordering warriors there, or him taking the fight to Allen.”
“He used to.” A shadow fell over Kale’s face, and his gaze slid to the wall. “I’m the reason his powers faded.”
“Oh, Kale…” This was insane—how could he think so wrongly? He
was strong, courageous, damn near perfect. Not knowing what to say, I scooted up his chest and drew him into a tender kiss.
His tongue tangled lazily with mine, but the way his fingers rested gently at my waist told me he held himself back. That self-restraint infuriated me. He’d just told me he loved me. He couldn’t pull into a shell now.
To force him to engage, I bit down hard on his lower lip. He grunted in surprise and drew back, eyes wide.
I arched an eyebrow. “Well at least you felt that. I could have sworn you were numb.” Scooting further up his chest, I caught him in another kiss. When the tip of his tongue touched mine, I slid my palm over his pectoral. God, how I’d missed touching him.
His hands skated up my back. Pressed me into his body. Slid down my spine to grip my bottom. “Mm,” I murmured. I lifted to my elbows. “I forgive you, Kale,” I whispered, “I need you to forgive me.”
Tipping my hips forward, he lifted his. “I did a long time ago.”
Arching up, he sought my mouth again. I gave it to him freely, pouring everything I was into the kiss. His warm hands slipped beneath my shirt and ran over my skin. Tingles swept through me down to my toes. Against the juncture of my thighs, the hard ridge of his erection teased delightfully. I shifted position and aligned our bodies more intimately.
Kale groaned as his body jerked. “You feel good,” he murmured against my lips. “I’ve missed you so much.”
I rocked my hips slowly into his. “Should we be doing this?”
“Yes.” His teeth nipped the sensitive skin at the base of my ear. “We absolutely should.”
I gave him a playful smack to the shoulder. “No, I mean with your injuries.”
He lifted his lower body, stroking me again. “I’ll be fine.”
“You’ve said that before.” Though I lectured, I couldn’t stop from dropping my mouth to his chest and flicking my tongue over his nipple.
Kale sucked in a sharp breath. His fingers clenched my buttocks for a heartbeat. Then, with a push of his foot, he flipped me onto my back. Bracing himself on his hands, he smiled. “This time, I swear it’s the truth.”
Swept away by the magic of being together, I cupped his cheek in my palm. “I love you too, Kale,” I whispered.
His lips parted in brief surprise, and then a tender smile broke across his face. He dipped his mouth to mine as his hand curved over the flare of my hips. Time moved in slow motion as he removed my clothing. My eager hands didn’t waste seconds with his. I savored the warmth radiating off his body, the hard drum of his heart beneath my palm, and the intoxicating scent of his skin.
We’d been through so much together. So many things I had never dreamed would be possible. Positive, negative—I couldn’t imagine my world without Kale. Now, he was mine, and I was his. No more barriers. No more secrets.
His body trembled as he glided into mine. Pleasure shot through me, and I gasped. His low, throaty groan rumbled in my ears.
“I won’t last long,” he whispered at my shoulder.
I locked my calf around his waist and slid down the length of his erection. “Good. Me neither.” Another burst of ecstasy pulsed through my veins as he pushed deep within. He felt so perfect. I’d never connected with anyone the way I did with him. It transcended the physical, merging into something far richer, far more intangible than I could describe. And I never wanted it to end.
We loved slowly, drawing out each slight motion each soft kiss. As if by doing so we could somehow stop time long enough we could draw the pleasure out forever. But we’d spent too long apart, and need refused to be tempered. Slow and measured gave way to an urgency that sent ecstasy crashing over us. I cried out his name. He gathered me close and murmured mine.
Then we lay still, and I bathed in the simple pleasure of hearing his uneven breathing. With a sated smile, I ran a hand lazily down his spine. He rubbed his cheek against my shoulder.
“I’d do it all over again,” he said quietly.
Playing innocent, I batted my eyelashes. “Make love to me?”
“Mm.” Chuckling, he pushed off my body and rolled onto his back. “Not exactly what I meant.” He gave into a yawn and stretched. “But now that you mention it, yes. As soon as I wake up from a nap.”
My giddiness gave way to empathy, and I lifted onto one elbow. As I ran my hand down the broad expanse of his chest, I asked, “You sure you’re okay?”
“Perfect.” He closed his eyes with a smile. “Just exhausted.” He crooked an arm around my shoulder and dragged me into his side. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Nor would I. Settling my head onto his shoulder, I tucked my knee between his and closed my eyes.
* * *
Hushed voices outside Kale’s door dragged me from intangible dreams. I rose up on both elbows and peered at the partly open entry, listening.
“You will not, Beth,” Gerard insisted emphatically. “He’s a grown man, and you insult me by questioning my decision to choose him as my heir. If you take this to the council, you will bring irreversible trouble between us.”
Beth countered in a passionate whisper, “You know what she is, and that darkness in her already controls him. Given his right mind, he would have never let anyone convince him to go to the mines!”
“I know exactly what she is.”
“It’s her fault we lost Sevrin and Alyssus. Bartholomew is fighting for his life in the healing ward as we speak! Where is your concern for them?”
“It is war, Beth. You cannot survive it without casualties.”
“Did you not hear her in the woods? She threatened me! The council deserves to be informed of that alone.”
Gerard’s words became biting. “You will divide the entire camarilla! And if you do, Kale will go with her. Who would you have lead us then? No one knows the Yaksini like he does. For better or worse, his fate is aligned with hers, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Trust his judgment as you covet his body, my dear wife.”
Beth let out an indignant squeak.
“Let that young woman prove her love for him. Let her become what he knows she is capable of. If you cannot sense her power, you are deluding yourself.”
A door shut firmly. Two seconds later it opened and closed again.
It’s her fault we lost Sevrin and Alyssus. Beth’s angry words pounded through my mind, and I sank into the bed, staring at the ceiling, a heavy weight pressing down on my chest. A few hours ago, I’d embraced the only happiness I had ever known. Now, the full measure of what I was, what I had done, threatened to choke me. I loved Kale; I wanted nothing more than to live a full life at his side.
But that life didn’t come with laughter or the simplicity we found in private moments. The Tolvenar needed him. His future wasn’t solely mine; he belonged to the camarilla as well as me. How many would turn against him if he stayed with me?
Maude’s warning echoed in my head. You have the power to destroy him, and without Kale, we are nothing.
At the time I didn’t understand her meaning. Now, I did. Gerard was right—Kale would go with me if I was forced to leave. Much as I would go with him in a heartbeat, anywhere he asked. But if that happened, I robbed him of his own fate. I was the perfect excuse for him to shirk the leadership the Tolvenar so desperately needed. If I stayed, I did much the same. I didn’t belong here. I was out of my league, surrounded by things I couldn’t fully comprehend and had brought heartache to the camarilla. Allied with me, Kale would never have the camarilla’s entire support. They would come to despise him as Beth despised me.
And in my heart, I knew Maude’s warning went deeper than the fate of the camarilla. She’d known, much as Kale had when I touched the book, the destiny I would eventually be called to. I couldn’t deny my ancient blood forever—even now, tucked into a bed I never wanted to leave, I felt that essence stir restlessly. It had awakened in the forest against the giant demon, and hadn’t fully slept yet. But I knew where the path of a
windwalker led. Even if I ignored my power, I would be hunted. More trouble would come to Kale and his people. If I accepted my calling and failed the journey, Kale’s love for me would shatter him. It wasn’t an egotistical conclusion—his death would destroy me as well.
As he would eternally be my Achilles heel, I would be his.
A tear slid down my cheek. I couldn’t allow that to happen any more than I could denounce my dragon heritage. No matter how I wished otherwise, I didn’t belong here. Not in the camarilla, not fighting a war I didn’t comprehend, not playing with magic in a game of life and death. Beth was right—I was a liability. A huge, cankerous liability that would only destroy Kale and his people unless I mastered my powers.
Hell, even Marcus was right. Faye didn’t need me. As long as my uncle remained in the public eye as Mayor of Applegate, he would never do anything to truly harm her. She wasn’t in jeopardy, and in a few months, she’d be free of him. I was hanging on to her because I was too afraid to let go. Faye didn’t belong here with me. No more than I belonged in the camarilla.
There was only one place meant for me. One road to follow.
As quietly as I could, I edged out of the bed and collected my clothing. I dressed, biting back gut-wrenching sobs. I couldn’t even explain—he couldn’t go with me, and I couldn’t allow him to convince me to stay. Not when I knew, deep in my heart, our paths were divided.
I paused in the doorway to etch him as he was now into my memory. Peaceful. Content. Happy.
Then, as tears filled my eyes, I turned away.
I didn’t dare stop once I left his room, though everything inside me screamed to turn back. I took the stairs two at a time and bolted for my room. When I darted inside, Tufty flapped his wings in alarm. I scooped him under one arm. With the other, I snatched Rafini’s book. Halfway to the door, I set both down and hurried to the tablet on the counter. My note was simple, yet final all the same:
Look after Faye and remember me with a smile.
Before the Storm Page 31
