Meg tried not to react to Sasha’s obvious discomfort as she met her boss’s face. “Okay.”
“No rush. When you’re through, come on in,” Anne called out as she headed down the hall to her corner digs.
“Well that sucked,” Sasha said.
“Christ, who cares?” It wasn’t sensitive or reassuring, but Meg was barely functioning. She didn’t have any spare energy, certainly not enough to deal with Sasha’s relationship neuroses.
Sasha huffed. “I know you don’t get it. But I really don’t need the boss to think I’m flirting with anyone at work.”
“Whatever, Sash. I gotta go see Anne.”
Before making it to her boss’s office, Meg stopped by the kitchen and filled a plastic cup with ice-cold water from the cooler, sipping it slowly as she pushed down her frustration over Sasha’s knee-jerk reaction over Anne having seen them and what it implied about the fate of their relationship. Logically, she knew she couldn’t be completely angry with Sasha for not being totally down with everything yet. Tracy had pointed out that very fact last night, reminding her everyone had different timelines and boundaries and cautioning Meg to cut her a little slack. After all, Meg had known pretty much her whole life she was gay. Sasha had been adjusting for a whopping few months. It would be fine, she told herself. She just needed to give Sasha some time without judgment.
When she shuffled back into her office with her new assignment after her meeting with Anne, she couldn’t keep a smile from spreading as she saw Sasha’s handiwork in effect. On her desk was a steaming cup of coffee, perfectly doctored, and her favorite—a toasted sesame bagel. Meg lifted the coffee to her lips as she read the note Sasha had written on a napkin in her small, orderly handwriting. “Feel better, baby.” She had signed it with a series of x’s and o’s, and just the first initial of her name.
It was a small but intimate gesture, entirely unexpected, and more than enough to make Meg forget she was annoyed at all.
*
Three days later, at 7:10 Thursday night, Meg clicked away at her computer reading old budget reports from her new client’s case file. Her desk phone rang and she grinned, seeing it was Sasha calling from her own office.
“Yes,” she answered.
“Are you almost done?”
“I can go whenever. I’m mostly just doing research.” Meg glanced at the clock. “You ready to eat?”
“If you want.”
Silently Meg tried to figure out the purpose of Sasha’s call, but she didn’t have to wait long before Sasha spoke again.
“Will you stay over tonight? At my apartment?”
It was an unusual request for a weeknight, but Meg jumped on it. “Sure.” She scanned her office and spotted the spare clothes she kept there. She crinkled her nose at the beat-up jeans and ratty sweater, but tomorrow was Friday, so she figured it could pass. “What’s up, everything okay?”
“Mm-hmm,” Sasha purred into the phone. “I’m just not sure I want to let you leave tonight.” Her tone was beyond suggestive. “Is that okay with you?”
“Absolutely.”
Sasha hurried off the phone, explaining she needed another five minutes to run off some copies before they headed across town to her place. Meg closed out her search, logged off her laptop, and got her things together. She dropped her satchel outside the office production area, a glassed-in enclosure adjacent to the kitchen, where she saw Sasha making copies.
Meg knew they were alone in the office, and sensing Sasha’s mood, she stepped behind her, put her arms around her waist, and kissed her neck. Sasha only had to turn her face slightly and reach back to pull Meg into a long kiss.
“Hi, gorgeous.” Meg smiled, wrapping her arms tighter around Sasha.
“Hi, baby,” Sasha said sweetly. “Just two minutes, and I’m ready.”
Meg slid her hand down the front of Sasha’s skirt and rubbed gently over Sasha’s underwear. “I think you might be ready now.” She was half kidding, half serious, and completely turned on even as Sasha moved her hand away.
“Megan, we are at work.” Sasha scolded her playfully as she pressed the green start button on the copy machine. Placing her stack of papers to the side, Sasha turned and put her arms around Meg, kissing her fully as she pressed their bodies together while she let Meg feel her up over her blouse. The hum of the copier stopped and Sasha breathed in Meg’s ear. “Come on, let’s go,” she said, grabbing all her stuff and dropping it on her desk, before grabbing Meg’s hand as they headed to the elevators.
Their night was off to a fantastic start until they bumped into Anne Whitmore in the reception area.
Meg couldn’t hide the shock in her voice as she stuttered out her words. “Hi, Anne. I didn’t know you were here.” She felt her pulse race.
Anne pressed the down button repeatedly. “I grabbed dinner nearby. Just needed to get a file from the office before heading uptown.” She could barely make eye contact with either of them.
When they reached the lobby Anne held the door open so they could all pass through. Meg and Sasha were headed to the West Side while Anne lived north. Before they parted ways, Anne looked directly at Meg and Sasha, the corners of her mouth turned up a little. “Have a good night, girls.” She did a terrible job of hiding her grin as she continued, “Don’t work too hard.”
Sasha clutched Meg’s arm and buried her face in her shoulder. “Gah, Meg. She definitely saw us.”
Meg knew Sasha was right. There was no sugarcoating it. “I think she did.” A laugh slipped out. “I mean, she couldn’t really look us in the eye, and that comment at the end about working too hard.” She laughed in earnest. “It’s kind of funny. You have to admit it.”
Sasha whacked her playfully. “For you, maybe. Not me.”
Meg stopped on the sidewalk and turned. “Hey, now. Why is it funny for me, but not you?” Her voice still had humor in it, but she was genuinely curious about the sentiment underneath Sasha’s comment.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She rubbed the sleeve of Meg’s jacket. “It’s just I would prefer not to be thought of as the office slut.”
Meg put on an exaggerated pout. “Because you’re sleeping with me? That makes you a slut?”
Sasha couldn’t help but smile. “It’s more complicated than that.” She shook her head. “You don’t get it because you’re good at the work we do. Maybe the best. Your reputation is, like, known.” She slid her hands in her coat pockets. “But me”—she closed one eye and tilted her head—“eh, mediocre, on a good day.” She reached for Meg and tugged her coat. “But you help me. All the time.” Her voice got suddenly serious. “I just feel like if Anne or anybody knew…I think it would look like I was doing it for, you know, self-serving reasons.” She looked up and met Meg’s eyes. “Particularly since I’m not out as gay or bi or whatever.”
Meg decided to keep it light. “Wait, you’re not in this for selfish reasons?” She faked a snicker. “Well then, tonight, I am going to be a total pillow princess.”
Sasha pulled her close. “That’s too bad,” she teased back. Lowering her voice to a whisper she added, “Because I almost let you fuck me in the office.”
Meg’s voice was a mix of shock and desire. “Really?”
“Really,” Sasha cooed. She pulled Meg in and breathed in her ear. “So you can imagine the possibilities tonight if you actively participate.”
“Taxi!” Meg yelled, throwing up her arm and breaking into a huge grin.
Chapter Nineteen
“All set?” Tracy turned away from staring out the window at the holiday decorations toward Meg descending the stairs.
Meg nodded, grabbing a thick coat as they headed out the door to the Commons and briskly walked the few hundred feet to the building where the Bay West Holiday Extravaganza was already in full swing.
Tracy paid her admission fee, still a guest price even though she had basically been living here for six months, while she checked out the setup. Although she had been to Bay West so
cials before, Meg had warned her the Christmas party was in a category all its own. The development didn’t even really need to advertise it because its reputation was so established in the gay community.
She took the ice-cold beer Meg handed her and nodded her thanks. She scanned the room from her vantage point on the edge of the semicircle of Meg’s buddies—girls she now considered to be her friends as well—while she half listened to the gang talk about their holiday plans, smiling a little at how unbelievably PC the decorations were. All the major celebrations were accounted for—Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, even Winter Solstice got a nod. Her ears perked up reflexively at the sound of Betsy’s voice when she arrived.
She watched as Betsy made her rounds, saying hello to everyone. When she got to Tracy, she gave her the same warm hug she’d given the rest. Only when she pulled back, she held Tracy’s gaze for a moment longer, as though she was trying to communicate something. Was it an apology for the other night? Tracy might have asked, but Betsy was drawn into a ridiculous debate some of the girls were having regarding the truth about how herpes was spread. It was a gross conversation and Tracy tuned out completely before walking over to the glass wall and peering outside at the treetops and the stars beyond them.
After a few minutes she returned to the group and pulled Meg aside. “Hey, dude, I’m gonna split.”
“You’re going home?” Meg asked, obviously confused.
Tracy shook her off. “I’m leaving for California on Sunday to spend Christmas with my dad.” She let out a deep breath. “I was planning on going to Long Island tomorrow to see my mom first, but I’m all packed.” She shrugged. “I think I may just grab a train tonight.”
Meg looked into her half-finished beer and then set it on the table next to them. “Let’s go. I’ll give you a ride.”
“Meg, you don’t have to do that. Stay. Hang out with everyone.”
“Nah.”
She saw Meg scan the room briefly, her eyes stopping for a split second on Reina Ramirez across the floor before she returned her attention to Tracy. “Not really feeling it tonight.”
“You sure?”
“Yep.”
Twenty minutes later Meg zipped through the toll plaza and headed for the lower level of the bridge. “I’m just going to go ahead and assume things are still weird with you and Betsy?”
Tracy leaned on her elbow and looked out the window. “They’re fine,” she said halfheartedly. “They’re the same,” she answered, swallowing her feelings. “I know I’m being over dramatic, but”—she breathed out heavily—“I just couldn’t do it tonight.”
She drew small shapes in the condensation on the passenger-side window as she spoke. “I just didn’t feel like being that close to her, pretending there isn’t something between us.” She paused for a second. “I know I sound full of myself,” she said, dropping her hand to her jeans. “Maybe I am. I just know what I feel.”
“You’re not full of yourself.” Meg shifted lanes. “I’m with you. I think there’s something there. What do you think is stopping her?”
“I don’t know.” Tracy sucked at her cheeks, considering. “I think she’s scared.” She made another weird noise with her mouth. “We almost hooked up in P-town a while back. At the time she gave me all these reasons why it was a bad idea.”
“Like?”
“I don’t even remember. I guess the gist was she was looking for something serious, and I live out in California.” She looked over at Meg. “That’s the thing, though. I don’t. I pretty much live here. I’m looking for a job here. So…” She held out her hand as if she had proven a point. “Maybe she’s just not into me and I’m misreading everything.”
Meg flashed a look that suggested she seriously doubted that theory.
“I don’t know, dude.” Tracy shuffled her phone from hand to hand, still thinking about it. “Tonight was the first time I’ve seen her since the Gala. I thought it would be fine. But then she walked in…” She shook her head. “It’s like I can’t go back to being what we were before. The flirting, the pretending. Not after experiencing what it might be like to really be together. I don’t want to.” She exhaled, stretching her neck against the seat. “Christ, maybe I just need to chill.” She smacked her palms against both legs. “Thank God I’m going to California,” she added, rubbing her hands on her thighs repeatedly. “I think these next few weeks will be good for me. Put a little space between us. Give me some time to decompress a little. See my dad, my friends. When I come back, I’ll be good as new.”
Her voice evened out as she spoke, as though her little pep talk was cathartic as much as it was informative.
When she looked over at Meg, her calm carried forth with her. “What’s your deal? You heading to Sasha’s?”
Meg nodded her head. “I know. I’m whipped,” she added lightly.
“Want to grab a drink at the Kitchen before you head uptown to join her and the straights?”
“She’s actually at home,” Meg confessed.
“Oh.” Tracy’s surprise was audible. “I figured she’d be out somewhere with her friends,” Tracy finished, knowing the routine.
Meg tightened her grip on the steering wheel as they idled at a red light. She chewed her lip, looking over at Tracy before the light changed. “You think I’m pathetic for going there? To her place, I mean?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“It is lame though, right?”
“Don’t look at me,” Tracy quipped. “I’ve been chasing the same girl for months without getting anywhere.”
They were silent for a few blocks, the radio playing holiday music quietly in the background. “You know what? Fuck it,” Tracy said out of nowhere. “Drop me off at the Kitchen.”
“Are you serious?” Meg asked.
“Yeah.”
“Trace, you can hang with me and Sash if you want company,” Meg offered.
Tracy crinkled her nose. “Thanks, but that’s not really the kind of company I’m looking for.” Tracy’s voice held a level of confidence Meg was instantly jealous of.
“Holy shit, you’re gonna hook up.” Meg’s mouth hung open a little as she looked over at her friend.
“Probably not.” Tracy smiled as they pulled up across the street from the bar. “I’m not looking for anything, that is.” She leaned her head back into the headrest. “There’s a train every hour until after midnight. I’m just going to stop by and have a drink at a place where there’s no Betsy, no pressure.” She couldn’t keep an impish grin from coming out. “But I’m not going to lie. I haven’t gotten laid in six months. So, I can’t say for sure that if there’s something halfway decent in there”—she nodded at the bar with her chin—“I’m not going for it.” She curled her lip. “Because to be honest, I think the release might do me a world of good.”
Meg nodded and laughed a little at Tracy’s naked honesty. “Be careful. And text me when you get to your mom’s, no matter what time it is. I will make no judgments and ask no questions.” She leaned across the console and gave Tracy a hug. “You’re back for New Year’s?”
“I’ll be in Long Island with Mom and Lily for New Year’s Eve. Back by you after that.”
“’Kay, dude. Merry Christmas.”
“See you next year, Meg.”
Meg was still smiling at Tracy’s cheesy joke as she shifted into drive and headed to Sasha’s apartment.
*
Meg kicked off her shoes and settled on top of Sasha’s Lilly Pulitzer duvet, leaning back into the stack of fluffy pillows to watch the reveal of a home makeover on Sasha’s flat screen. Sasha padded in from her galley kitchen and placed a tall glass of water on the night table. She scooched Meg’s legs apart and settled herself between them, twisting her body a little to face Meg.
“I’m so glad you came.” Sasha gave her a nice kiss and handed her an ornately wrapped envelope. “Here. Merry Christmas.”
“What is this?” Meg asked through a smile.
“Open it.”
Meg pulled at the red and gold ribbon, opening the envelope, and took out two computer-generated tickets.
Meg’s jaw dropped. “You got me tickets to see Cameron Esposito?” She was still wrapping her head around the surprise. “How did you know…?”
“Hello, you talk about her all the time. I even heard you trying to convince Carrie to listen to her podcast with you the other day.” Sasha smiled. “She’s doing a show in New York in March.”
Meg was still beaming as she examined the tickets. “Unbelievable.” She looked at Sasha. “Will you come with me?”
“Duh,” Sasha said with a smile. “Do you really think I’m going to let you loose in a room full of lesbians by yourself?” Sasha shook her head. “Uh-uh,” she added playfully. “You are far too cute for that.” She took Meg’s face in both her hands. “I plan on keeping my eye on you the whole time,” she said, leaning forward and kissing her quickly. “It’s a miracle I made it through tonight,” she said, settling her body comfortably with Meg’s as she breathed out a sigh in relief. “I was a nervous wreck.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Why?”
“Because, Meg.” She squirmed a little, sounding vulnerable. “You’re adorable. And sweet.” She brushed a piece of lint off the bedspread, keeping her head down as she spoke. “I’m constantly worried someone is going to snatch you up.”
Meg lifted her chin with one finger. “I don’t want anyone else.”
“Now, maybe,” she responded in a low voice. “But what happens when you get fed up waiting for me? You’ve been awesome, and I know it’s not fair to you. Honestly, why are you so good to me?” For a rhetorical question, she looked genuinely interested in Meg’s answer.
Meg brushed a long wavy strand of hair from Sasha’s face. “Baby, I know you’re stressed out about your friends, which, I’m not going to lie, I don’t really get.” She kissed the tip of her nose. “Why don’t we just hang out with my friends, then? You totally could’ve come to the social tonight.”
Serious Potential Page 18
