by Gia Riley
“Do you want me to walk you back to your room?”
“No, I’m good.” If I was smart I’d let him help me get back to my room, but admitting I need help only makes me look as pathetic as I feel. Lark Williams doesn’t need a man to take care of her. She’s capable of screwing up all on her own.
“You’re sure?” Aki seems hesitant to leave me, most likely because he’s the one who fed me drinks all afternoon to get me drunk in the first place. Not that anyone forced him, I wanted to forget.
“Just point me in the right direction before you leave.”
He turns my shoulders so I’m facing the nearest entrance to lido deck. “Straight through the double doors. The elevators are on the right.”
“Thank you.” I shuffle my feet inside, my balance either off from the rough seas or the alcohol—I’m not sure which. There’s a clump of passengers standing next to the elevators already waiting for the doors to open. When the next one arrives, I slide inside with them making sure I can hold onto the wall the entire time. But as soon as the last person takes their place in front of the door, I remember Noelle asked for the room tonight. Even though I’m desperate for a shower, I get off on the first floor we stop on.
There’s a rush around me, everyone hurrying to wherever it is they need to be. It makes me miss home that much more. Especially when wandering eyes turn to stare at me every so often, probably wondering why there’s an underdressed, drunk girl holding onto the wall for support. I must look as pathetic as I feel.
Another ten minutes pass and I’m no closer to figuring out a plan than when I left Aki. Part of me wants to go find Easton. The part that deserves an explanation even if I don’t want to hear it. The other part would rather lie down and go to sleep, pretending the entire day never happened.
I get my chance when I stumble upon the solarium—the adult’s only retreat that’s both calm and quiet. A place I can easily hide out in until I’m ready to face the rest of the world again. There’s even a chair in the back corner of the room surrounded by tropical plants.
As soon as my body hits the cushion covering the chair, I close my eyes and pray sleep will come and take me away. Reality is too much to handle today.
As soon as my shift in the lounge ends, I search the room for Aki. He’s been watching over Lark all afternoon while I was stuck working. If it was up to me, I would have quit the job entirely, that’s how much it killed me to walk away from her when she was so upset with me.
Aki’s call from the bar when Lark showed up only made me want to quit that much more. But if I couldn’t be with her, at least I had a guy I trust looking out for Lark until I could make us right.
“East? Where are you going? We have to be in the theater in fifteen minutes.”
“Have you seen Aki?”
Dom scans the crowd, searching for the Dominican bartender we’ve both depended on more times than I can count. “Na, but he’ll be here if he said he was coming.”
Just as I’m debating if I have enough time to make it up to Lark’s room before show time, Aki rounds the corner. “How is she? Please tell me you know where she is.”
“I watched her all day. She pretty much drank and sat in her chair the whole time. Before I had to leave, she ate the food I brought her and then went back to her room.”
“How was she when you left her?”
“Stubborn, but decent. She wouldn’t let me walk her to her room like you wanted.”
“Why didn’t you follow her?”
“She doesn’t know me, man. It wasn’t right. I pointed her in the right direction and then I came here.”
“And she’s been drinking all day?”
He nods his head. “Yeah, I made all her drinks though. Had she been completely sober to begin with, she would have noticed I was shortchanging her on the alcohol. Thankfully, she was fine with what I was refilling her glass with. But she’s still had more than enough to feel it.”
“Thanks, Aki. I owe you one.”
“You don’t owe me anything. It’s actually pretty damn good to see you finally giving a shit about someone other than yourself. I thought you were a lost cause with all the tail you turn down, but you’re finally back in the game.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m back in the game. We’re both in The Perfect Match. It’s not like I picked her up at the bar.”
“Not entirely, but you did meet at the bar.”
“You know what I mean. She wasn’t a random hook-up. Meeting Lark was Gina’s doing.” Whether I was ready for her or not, Lark managed to get under my skin this week. Aki’s right, I’m invested.
“I’m just glad you told her about Shay. I’m not sure you could have gotten anywhere with that kind of secret hanging over your head.”
I snap my head in his direction wondering what he’s talking about. “I didn’t tell her a thing about Shay. If you let something slip, I swear to god, Aki.”
Aki holds his hands up as soon as he sees the rage building inside of me. It’s my decision when I decide to tell Lark, not his. I’m the only one who knows the entire story.
“She said she knew. I told her she can’t hold your past against you, not under the circumstances, but she didn’t seem to agree with me.”
I run my hand through my hair, wondering how things got so messed up so fast. Everything was fine. We were on the same page. “This makes no sense. Lark has no idea about Shay. I’m positive.”
“Maybe she’ll show up and then you’ll set the record straight. Right?”
I watch the door the entire time Aki’s talking to me. I couldn’t even tell you what he’s rambling about because Lark’s the only thing on my mind. Each minute that passes, I wait for her to walk through the door. But the longer I wait, and the closer it gets to show time, I realize she’s not coming. Whatever’s going on inside that pretty little head of hers, I’ll have to wait until after the show to find out what it is.
The cruise director takes the stage, announcing Midnight Fate. Dom gives me the signal and I move toward the curtain. Before I take my mark on the stage, I turn around one last time. “Aki, watch the door—just in case.”
“She’s not here, is she?” Dom asks, as I grab my guitar and sling it around my neck.
“Doesn’t appear to be.”
“Sucks, dude. I’m sorry it’s not working out, but thanks again for your help with Gina earlier. For a minute, I thought we were done.”
I love Dom like family, but the two of them fight constantly. Today wasn’t even the first time I’ve had to haul Gina’s drunk ass back to their room. And then it hits me like a tsunami crashing into the side of the ship, flipping us over and over with its force. Lark saw me with Gina. “Fuck!”
Dom cringes as he looks over his shoulder toward the manager’s office, waiting for all five feet of Buck to run out with our contract in hand, threatening to cancel it for the tenth time in six months. We’ve gotten more than one warning about our behavior, and constant reminders this isn’t one of our regular shows. As he would tell us, this is a job on a family oriented cruise line. Not that I needed reminding, I’m well aware of where I am and the world I left behind.
This time I grab the microphone when I speak, my head so clouded I can’t think of anything to say to the audience other than the usual. Like someone pushed the play button on a recording, I begin the show on autopilot. “Are you ready to get ROCKED?”
The usual roar from the crowd travels around the room, but I’m so stuck inside my own head, I don’t even catch the intro to the first song. Dom and the rest of the band play it again, the audience blind to my fuck up. This time, I catch it but I end up singing “Better Off Without You” like each verse is a lie. And if I don’t believe what I’m singing the audience won’t either.
Dom walks over to me, his eyes full of concern. “We can cancel this if you’re not up for it.”
That’s our policy, cancel instead of half-assing it. Normally, I’d agree with him, I have no business being on stage, but the truth i
s, now that I know what’s wrong with Lark, I’m not sure how to fix it. Not when she’s already running from a guy who cheated on her. What could I possibly say to her to convince her I didn’t break the one promise I made?
“I’ve got shit on my mind, but I’m playing.” A lot on my mind or not, I let my body do what I do best. Running on pure adrenaline and muscle memory, my fingers pluck the strings of my guitar, my voice delivering words to songs I wrote to save myself from darker times.
We play for a good half hour before I decide to change the set list. “We’re nixing ‘Fallen Angel.’”
Dom looks shocked considering this song means more to me than any other. Shaking his head, he vetoes my idea immediately. “We can’t, East. It’s the finale—it’s the best song we’ve got. They go crazy for it every time we play it.”
I don’t care how much they love it. They don’t get what’s behind it—how long it took me to put Shay into words. The song is all I had left of our connection, and I was positive if I grabbed ahold of every emotion we shared, I’d have a musical time capsule that would exist for eternity. “I’m not feeling it tonight. Okay?”
“I swear if you don’t tell Lark about Shay, I’m going to do it for you. That chick has you so twisted up, she’s inside your head fucking with your music, and nobody messes with your music.”
If it was as simple as telling Lark I lost someone I loved, I would have done it already, but it’s not. There’s more to it—her feelings, mine, what we’ve already shared. It’s fucking complicated.
“Not that it matters, but I’d rather not sing about my dead girlfriend when the girl I’m currently seeing is somewhere on this ship believing I’m two-timing her with Gina.”
Dom’s eyes grow wide as he processes just how messed up this situation is. “Shit, I didn’t know. We can take it out and play ‘Autumn’s Edge’ instead.”
“You want me to sing about your ex-girlfriend?”
“No, I don’t want you to, but what else can we replace ‘Fallen Angel’ with that’s finale worthy?”
“We can’t. Just do the damn song, but this is the last time. I can’t sing about her the way she deserves when my head’s fucked up like this.”
Before he has a chance to argue, I turn around and get lost in the music for the rest of the show. Dom doesn’t end up playing my song though. He risks Gina’s wrath and sings the song he wrote for his ex instead. Even if he’s part of the reason I’m in the situation I’m in, I still owe him.
After one encore, the curtain closes. I can finally breathe again now that I know I can find Lark. Dom comes up behind me, clasping my shoulder the way a brother would. He’s always been able to tell when my mind is going a mile a minute. “You okay, East?”
I tuck my drumsticks into my bag and close my guitar case. I don’t even know how to answer his question. Am I okay? “I gotta stop thinking, man.”
“I don’t think you can hide from this one. Whether you wanted her to or not, she’s gotten to you. You won’t have another Shay, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have something just as good.”
“There you go sounding like Gina, again.”
He shrugs his shoulders, not even trying to deny it. “She’s fucking mine. I can’t help it. She owns me.”
Mine. It’s been forever since I’ve been able to call anyone mine let alone have them own any part of me.
“Go find her, East.”
“I plan on it.”
I swing by my room to dump my sticks and guitar, the sticks still a reminder of Lark. It takes a cold shower to stop thinking about where they’ve been.Fuck, that was a hot night.
Despite my cold shower, I think about her naked body the entire walk to her room. Once I’m there, I hesitate for a second, trying to think of the right thing to say when she opens the door. I raise my fist and tap my knuckles against the door.
When it opens, I’m about to barge in without taking no for an answer. That is until I realize there’s a guy standing in front of me instead of Lark. For a minute, I think I must have the wrong room. I even almost walk away, but I double checked the number on the door before I knocked—twice. “Where’s Lark?”
Her roommate sticks her head under his arm and peeks into the hallway. “She’s supposed to be with you.”
“I haven’t been with her all day. Aki said she came back here.”
“Who’s Aki?” they both ask in unison.
“Never mind.”
“Easton, wait!” she calls after me.
I turn around, and see her whispering something to the guy she’s with. He disappears inside the room, and when she hurries to catch up to me, I notice she’s wearing a Midnight Fate T-shirt. “Nice shirt.”
She blushes like she forgot what she was wearing. “Sorry, big fan. And considering my best friend is banging the insanely hot lead singer, I had to start wearing it.”
“Thank you, I think.” There was a time I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I would have flirted right back, but I’m not that guy tonight.
“I was so shocked when you ended up being Lark’s match, I may have been a little jealous. But I’m glad she’s happy. Where is she anyway?”
“That I’m not exactly sure of. I worked most of the day in the lounge and then had a show. I was hoping you’d know.”
Noelle wraps her arms around her middle and mumbles, “Shit.”
“What is it?”
“I sent her away this afternoon because she said she had plans with you. I never would have asked for the room if she had no place to go.”
Luckily, there are only so many places she can go on this ship. It’s not like she could have gotten off considering we’re in the middle of the ocean. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll find her. Sorry I bothered you guys.”
She waves her hand in the air, dismissively. “Don’t even worry about it. This is more excitement than I’ve had all day.” Considering the guy who answered the door looked about as exciting as a math problem, I can see why. “And tell her she can come back to the room, okay? And tell her I’m really sorry.”
“I’ll tell her, but she’s staying with me tonight. We have a few things to clear up.” Lark’s going to hear the whole story whether I’m completely ready to tell it or not. She may have been dropped into my lap like a prize, but I don’t regret meeting her. I can’t. She’s the first one to make me feel something other than complete and total hate. And that’s not an easy feat.
Noelle hugs me, holding on tightly. “Thank you. She needs this more than you know.”
I’m pretty sure Dom would say the same exact thing about me if he were here, and once Noelle lets go, I walk down the hall, to where I’m not exactly sure. All I know is, I need to find her—wherever he may be hiding.
I search every inch of the ship, leaving no stone unturned. If there’s a chance Lark could be there, I make sure to check. Each café, diner, and lounge I enter, I come up empty. The sports deck, the library, even the boutiques have no signs of Lark. As a last resort, I check the pool where Aki said he was working. It’s dark and empty.
I keep walking, hoping I’ll stumble upon her eventually. But the longer it takes to find her, the more my tired brain begins concocting the worst case scenarios. Right now, I’m picturing her in someone else’s bed, and I wouldn’t be able to get mad at her because after seeing me with Gina, I would be the one who drove her there. Whatever trouble she’s in, it’s my fault.
I’m about to give up, so I sit on a chair in the solarium to come up with a new plan. Walking in circles won’t bring Lark back to me. That’s when a pair of familiar tan legs catch my eye. It could be almost anyone, but I’ve had those legs wrapped around me, and I’d know who they belong to no matter where I saw them.
Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to Lark. I walk closer, careful not to scare her. But when I’m next to her chair, I find her curled into a ball, her braided hair resting over her cheek and her hands tucked underneath her chin. She looks so young like this, not at all like th
e woman I met in the lounge. The night we met, she exuded confidence and sex appeal, and right now, she looks as innocent as they come—vulnerable and completely alone.
Without even trying to wake her up, I slide my arms under her and cradle her in my arms. The only move she makes is to snuggle against my chest, her fist grabbing tightly to my T-shirt. To think anyone on the ship could have come along and scooped her up the way I did, makes me furious.
I stay mad at her for all of a minute because when she opens her soft lips and utters my name, I realize she knows it’s me carrying her—even in her dreams. “I’ve got you, baby.”
And I do—for now. At least until she wakes up.
Day Four
Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas
When I open my eyes, I expect to see the solarium surrounding me, but as I sit up my eyes dart around the darkened room the same time my hand hits a warm body next to me. I don’t even bother looking to see who it is—I’m too ashamed to be here. All I want to do is go back to my room and forget the last twenty-four fuzzy hours ever happened.
I claw at the sheets, pulling my tired body out from under them. When I stand up, I’m surprised I’m not naked, but the shirt covering me is as foreign as this moment. How did I get it? When did I get here?
My head’s thumping so hard, I can’t stand it. My mouth is so dry I can barely swallow my own spit. As soon as my hand finds the doorknob, my stomach churns painfully, and if I don’t get out of this room right now, I might throw up all over the floor. Bare feet and all, I hurry toward the elevators, stabbing at the button for my floor while covering my mouth with the back of my hand, forcing the bile to stay down.
A tear slides down my cheek when I realize the mistake I’ve made. I don’t have my clothes, my bag, my shoes, or my key, but once I’m standing in front of my room, I bang on the door with superhuman strength, desperate to get inside where it’s safe.
