by Lynne Hinton
“May our Lady in Blue bring you comfort,” the voice whispered, and then she was alone.
The door opened, and Kelly thought she felt a brush of clothing lightly touch her on the cheek a second before it closed. Her eyes fell shut just as the darkness covered her, just as she took her final breath.
TWO
Eve closed her eyes and clasped her hands with the rosary looped around her fingers. She had not been able to sleep and had walked over to the chapel to pray. It was dark and quiet in the narrow room, the only light coming from the small votive candles burning at the prayer station on the east side and from the large candle burning inside the red glass cylinder next to the altar of repose where the reserve sacrament was kept. The shadows danced across the wall, filling the space around the Benedictine nun standing in front of the second pew.
She pulled out the long wooden kneeler and placed it in front of her before slowly lowering herself onto it. Her head was covered but not with her veil. She was not in her habit. Instead, Eve was wearing what had become her new work attire since leaving the abbey, her private detective uniform: jeans and a long-sleeved flannel shirt, a gray hoodie that supplied the covering for her head, her old cowboy boots, a leather belt, and a jacket. In actuality, since she was still a nun, she could in good faith wear the long tunic and veil. She still had it back at her father’s home, but when she was packing for the weekend, it somehow didn’t feel right to wear it when she knew she would be at the monastery only for a two-day conference. She had not planned to stay, not yet, anyway. She was still in the period of time dedicated to her discernment. And presently, things were even harder than they had ever been.
Eve had talked to Father Oliver several times since moving back to Madrid, had taken another leave of absence since her father’s surgical amputation, and then was given another couple of weeks before a decision had to be made. She was going to have to choose which path she wanted to take: being a private detective with her father, Captain Jackson Divine, or keeping her vows and remaining a Benedictine nun.
However, now that the monastery no longer housed the women, the result of a decree handed down by the New Mexico diocese months prior to this return visit, if she decided to put the habit back on, Eve wouldn’t be making a decision just to return to the religious life, she would be making a decision also to leave her beloved home state of New Mexico. This was the reason she was given more time for discernment. If she kept her vows, she would have to transfer to another Benedictine convent. She would not be able to stay in Pecos as a nun even if she wanted to. This decision carried more weight than ever.
“It’s no good,” she said, shaking her head and rising. “I can’t sleep and I can’t pray.”
Even as she tried to call out the familiar words, her mind kept racing, thinking about the cases she had solved with her father, how much she enjoyed the detective work, and thinking about the other sisters who had left the order, of how lonesome it felt without them there. A couple of the women, Sister Vivian and Sister Jeanne, had left the religious life altogether, angry with the decision that forced their departure. And the rest of the nuns had chosen other convents, moved away, the new housing at the monastery originally built for them now turned into guest quarters.
It was all so confusing and overwhelming. She hadn’t been sure she wanted to remain in the religious life as a nun, and now, even before she was prepared to make her decision, she was having to face this terrible fate handed to the sisters in her own community. “Maybe this is the sign I was looking for,” she said out loud. “Maybe this is more than enough to let me know that I should revoke my vows.”
Eve got up from the kneeling bench and sat on the pew, remembering the meeting Father Oliver had called with members of the monastery, herself included. She recalled his words: “Our great experiment of men and women living together, being in community together, is over. The archbishop has made his ruling; the nuns have to go.”
“But it’s not just an experiment,” one of the women had contested. “This worked. We worked.”
Father Oliver had given no response.
“Can’t you say something? Can’t we fight this?” Eve had demanded.
“They didn’t ask for my opinion any more than they asked for yours,” he had explained to the monks and the nuns. “We cannot fight. We must only obey. It is in our vows to do so.”
Eve leaned back, placing the rosary in the front pocket of her shirt, and looked around the chapel where she had prayed and sung and received Communion for almost all of her adult life. It was the center of community worship at Pecos, just like the dining hall had been the center of community life. It was true, she thought; she missed that part of her vocational life. She missed living in community, missed being with other men and women devoted to the Christian practice, devoted to the Benedictine rule, devoted to living and serving together, but she also realized that she didn’t miss it enough to be excited about joining a new convent.
She knew that she wasn’t twenty years old any longer, and the thought of starting over, meeting new nuns, working with a new mother superior, none of that was appealing to Sister Evangeline. She knew that it had been hard just getting used to her father again, living with him, and she couldn’t imagine starting over with a group of women she didn’t know. She also knew that it was going to be very difficult for her to accept the decision of the diocese with devout submission like the others. She had written a letter to the archbishop to complain, and whenever she thought about it, the anger took over. She sighed; it was going to be a long night, she guessed, without sleep and without being able to pray.
Still, even with all that she felt—the sadness, the disappointment—she was glad to be back in Pecos, glad to be able to attend the conference on Sister Maria de Jesus de Agreda, one of Eve’s favorite nuns, one she favored for her courage and her willingness to stand up to those who questioned her religious gifts, her calling. She hoped there would be new information about the faithful nun who had demonstrated the gift of bilocation, showing up in Spain and to the Jumano Indians in New Mexico at the same time. And Eve was looking forward to hearing the speakers, especially the young female professor from Austin, Texas, the sister of Brother Anthony, one of Eve’s closest friends at the abbey.
Anthony had talked about Dr. Kelly Middlesworth for years, told Eve about his little sister: how smart she was when she started to work on her PhD; how devoted she was to Sister Maria; how she had traveled to Spain, to Agreda, to write her dissertation from the place where the nun had served and lived over four hundred years ago; how close Kelly and Anthony were, always writing each other, calling. Eve remembered meeting her when the professor had come to the monastery on previous occasions, and she had always thought of her as quiet and studious, much like Anthony. But as she sat in the chapel, thinking about things, she realized that this time, having seen her earlier in the day, the young scholar had appeared to be a completely different woman.
Talkative and animated when they ran into each other, the professor had seemed excited about being in Pecos and giving the first speech of the conference. She had even hinted at some exciting news that would she would share in the keynote address, but when Eve had pressed for more, pressed for a story that she hoped might finally convince the Vatican to complete Maria’s beatification process, Anthony’s sister had only smiled and shrugged, clearly unwilling to say anything until the presentation scheduled for the following morning.
Eve thought about Kelly and how she physically resembled Anthony with the curly brown hair and blue eyes, the freckles; how they even shared some of the same mannerisms, rubbing their chins before they spoke, covering their mouths when they laughed, as if somehow laughter was meant to be hidden; and while thinking about the two, she recalled the disagreement she had witnessed between the siblings earlier that evening at dinner.
She was sitting at a table close by with a couple of monks, and the
y all noticed the brother and sister arguing. At first it just seemed petty, insignificant, but quickly the volume rose and Eve heard some of the argument in which Anthony accused his sister of being selfish and of breaking a promise she had made. When Kelly tried to calm him down, tried to explain, clearly embarrassed by the situation, it seemed that nothing she could say helped matters, and the confrontation ended only when Anthony stormed out of the dining hall.
Eve had wanted to comfort her friend, wanted to check on Anthony, but Father Oliver had gotten up first, and she was sure he had gone after the monk to offer guidance or comfort. Not long after that departure, Kelly left as well, and neither of them had been seen in any of the public areas since mealtime.
Later, when the service of Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament had started, Anthony was not in the chapel, and he had not attended compline either. Eve had gone searching for him everywhere she thought he might be, including in the library and the monks’ quarters, but he was nowhere to be found. Then, just before coming to the chapel, sometime after nine or ten o’clock, she had walked by the guest rooms and noticed that in the first room, the one she knew Kelly was in, the light was on.
Thinking that the professor might still be up, Eve had knocked on the door lightly, hoping to hear that the two siblings had worked things out, but there had been no response. So Eve had come to the chapel to pray and hoped that she would find Anthony before the conference started the following morning and that he would break Grand Silence so she could find out what had happened and perhaps know how to help. She did, after all, know all about conflict with a sibling. Dorisanne, her younger sister, knew how to push every button Eve had.
She slid down a bit on the pew and bowed her head, clasping her hands together, trying once again to do what she had come there to do.
“I pray for Brother Anthony,” she said out loud, “and his sister, Kelly.”
“It’s too late for prayers,” was what she heard just as she ended her prayer. And then came a sentence that caused the nun to turn quickly to see who had entered the chapel.
“She’s dead,” was what came next.
THREE
Sister Eve scrambled from her seat, turning to the chapel doors behind her. Brother Anthony was standing at the last pew. His head was in his hands, and he stumbled forward in the aisle, falling to his knees. Eve ran to him.
“What’s happened?” she asked her friend, dropping beside him. “What do you mean, she’s dead? Have you called 911?”
The monk leaned into Eve and began to cry. She held him as they both sat on the chapel floor.
“Hail Mary, full of grace—” she began to recite as he sobbed into her shoulder.
“It’s too late,” he said, interrupting her. “It’s too late for that.”
“Anthony, what’s wrong?” Eve faced her friend, trying to look him in the eye. “What happened to Kelly?”
He held up his face, his eyes filled with tears, and shook his head. “She’s dead,” he said again.
“How do you know this?” Eve asked. “Did she fall? Was there some accident?” She began trying to think of all the ways the young woman might have died. “Is she sick?” she asked, still not believing that his sister was dead.
Brother Anthony kept shaking his head. “I did it. I’ve done this,” he said, his voice breaking.
“What have you done? You couldn’t have killed Kelly,” Eve responded. She clasped his chin, stopping him from shaking his head back and forth. “Anthony, look at me; tell me what has happened.”
He didn’t answer.
“Is she in her room?” Eve asked, prompting her friend. “Did you see her in her room?”
He nodded.
Eve started to stand. “Let’s go there,” she said. “Maybe she’s not dead. Maybe I can help.”
Anthony pulled on the sleeve of her jacket, yanking her back down beside him. “No,” he answered forcefully. “Not yet. Not until I tell you.”
Eve nodded and waited. She had never seen her friend in such distress. She knew she needed to hear what he had to tell her, even though she wanted to run to the guest room to check on the young woman.
The two sat in silence. There were only a few candles still burning at the prayer station, and it had grown darker in the chapel than it had been when Eve first arrived. She was having a difficult time seeing the monk who sat beside her.
“We argued,” he said, and Eve nodded in agreement. She had, after all, witnessed the exchange at dinner.
“I … I found something.”
Eve didn’t respond.
“I made her promise that she wouldn’t tell anyone. I needed to show it to Father Oliver first, and she promised.”
Eve felt him slump a bit. She was leaning against the side of the pew, resting her back but still keeping one arm around him.
He was shaking his head. “Only, she told. I don’t know who or how many people she told, but she told, and now someone’s killed her.”
Eve couldn’t believe the news. Not only was his sister dead, the young, beautiful, smart Kelly Middlesworth, but now he was saying that she had been murdered.
“How do you know this?” she asked, her head reeling with the information.
“I just came from there. I was just in her room. The pages are gone and she’s dead.” He slid farther down, dropping his face into his hands. “It’s my fault. I never should have given them to her. It’s all my fault and now she’s dead.”
Eve reached over and pulled his hands away from his face. “Anthony, how do you know for sure? I need to go to her. I need to check to see if she’s really dead.”
He grabbed her hands. “She’s dead. There’s no pulse. There’s no breath. I checked. I checked over and over. She’s dead.”
Eve looked at her watch as he held on to her hands. She could tell the time because the hours on the face of her watch stayed lit in the dark. It was after midnight. She pulled her hands away from his and touched his face, studying his eyes. She didn’t ask, but she wondered where Anthony had been all evening, wondered why he had gone to his sister’s room so late, wondered how Kelly had been killed and why, if indeed she had been murdered. This was all just too much to believe.
“Tell me what happened,” she said. “Tell me why you went there.”
“I wanted to tell her that I forgave her, that I understood why she did what she did and that I forgave her.”
“Why? What did she do?” Eve wanted to know. “Why did you need to forgive her?”
Anthony shook his head. “I can’t tell … It’s something I found and shouldn’t have taken in the first place. I was wrong to take them. I know that now. Father Oliver said not to tell anyone else and that we’d just take them back, and that’s what I was going to tell her. I was going to tell her that I needed the pages back and that she was just going to have to wait until we went through the proper channels and that she’d be the first to have access to them later if we got them again, but that we had to take them back.”
He was rambling, and Eve was having difficulty following what he was saying. “So, this thing, these pages, Kelly had them in her possession?”
He nodded. “I gave them to her when she first arrived.
“Last week,” he added and then smiled. “She was so happy.” He looked at Eve. “I really made her happy.”
Eve smiled in return. “But she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about them?”
He nodded again. “I just wanted to give her some time with them alone, let her enjoy this revelation all by herself, as one of the first people to know about it.” He reached up and pounded his forehead with his fist. “But I was wrong to do it, and Father Oliver said I was and that I needed to get them so that we could take them back. But she had already told people and she was going to tell everybody at the presentation tomorrow.” He stopped and lo
oked at Eve. “The conference,” he said. “What will we do about the conference? I don’t know what to do.”
“Anthony …”
He was rocking back and forth, both hands now clenched and pushed against his forehead. “What have I done? What have I done?” he kept asking as he continued to rock.
“Anthony.” Eve tried to get his attention once again. She pulled at his arms, but he was too strong. “Anthony, listen to me!” she shouted.
“I’ve killed her … I made this happen … It’s my fault … I’ve killed Kelly,” he repeated over and over.
“Anthony, you didn’t kill her. Let’s go to her room and let me see what has happened. We’ll make this right, I promise,” Eve said, her hands still on his arms. “Let’s just go to her room.”
“I can’t go back there.” He was shaking his head. “I can’t go back.”
“Okay, you stay here,” Eve instructed him. “I’ll go to her room and see for myself. I’ll call an ambulance and the police. I’ll help make this right.”
He stopped rocking and dropped his hands from his face, looking Eve in the eye. “It’s too late. You can’t make this right. It’s too late.”
FOUR
Eve was able to pull herself away from Anthony, who promised he would wait for her in the chapel, and she ran as fast as she could all the way to the guest quarters and to the room where she knew the young professor was staying. She was winded when she arrived at the door, conscious that she wasn’t in the greatest shape. She bent down, grabbing her sides, trying to catch her breath.
There was no one around that part of the monastery as far as she could see. It was late, and the New Mexico night sky was dotted with bright stars and a full moon. It was chilly too, even though it had been seasonably mild for the high desert winter. Eve could hear coyotes in the distance, three, maybe four, a pack, she couldn’t tell for sure, but the cries were familiar to the nun, and she wondered how far away the animals were from the Pecos abbey.
