by Alyson Noel
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In memory of Shaun Daniel Winegar 1966–2012
Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Animal Spirit Guides
Epigraph
House of Light and Shadow
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Burnt Offerings
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-one
Twenty-two
Twenty-three
Twenty-four
Twenty-five
Twenty-six
Twenty-seven
Twenty-eight
Twenty-nine
Thirty
Thirty-one
Thirty-two
Thirty-three
Thirty-four
Thirty-five
Thirty-six
Thirty-seven
Thirty-eight
Serpent’s Kiss
Thirty-nine
Forty
Forty-one
Forty-two
Forty-three
Forty-four
Forty-five
Forty-six
Coming Soon
Also by Alyson Noël
About the Author
Copyright
Animal Spirit Guides
Jaguar
Jaguar represents power, grace, and stealth. Jaguar teaches us the benefits of silence, concentration, and deep contemplation. Having enhanced physical abilities to feel and see its prey, Jaguar inspires us to be more sensitive to the people around us. With its eerie unyielding stare, the spirit of the Jaguar leads to a greater depth of vision and inner knowledge. Able to bring down prey many times its own size, Jaguar reflects power beyond the individual, a power enhanced by the intimate connection with all, the spirit, and imminent rebirth.
Monkey
Monkey represents perseverance, fluidity in motion, and balance. Monkey teaches us to adjust our course quickly when confronted with new information. A brilliant shape-shifter, Monkey prompts us to explore who we are and who we choose to be. Intelligent and adaptable, the spirit of the Monkey instructs us to reject rigid thinking and to be open to new perspectives, approaches, and experiences. A naturally curious and social creature, Monkey encourages learning, creative problem solving, and communicating in a concise and straightforward manner.
Raccoon
Raccoon represents disguise, dexterity, and adaptability. Raccoon teaches us how to be dexterous in the many faces of self we reveal. Disguised by its mask, the spirit of the Raccoon is not one of a thief, but rather one of mystery, a tool of transformation allowing us to achieve altered states for healing and magick. Having powerful nimble claws, Raccoon encourages us to be creative with our hands, and its ability to live anywhere reminds us to be flexible and adaptable in any situation we find ourselves in.
Squirrel
Squirrel represents trust, thrift, and preparedness. Squirrel teaches us to gather resources and prepare for the future without accumulating things from the past, such as worries and fears. A very active and energetic animal, Squirrel reminds us that in our quest to achieve our goals we need to take time to socialize and rest. With much of its time spent gathering and storing food, the spirit of the Squirrel informs us of the importance of balance between giving and receiving. Able to scurry up the side of a tree to evade a predator, Squirrel cautions us that danger is best avoided by climbing to a higher place.
Red Fox
Red Fox represents wisdom, invisibility, and discretion. Red Fox teaches us to be in harmony with our surroundings, through stillness and quiet we can blend in almost to the point of invisibility. With its highly developed sense of smell, Red Fox encourages us to sniff out every situation and person, avoiding those that we sense are trouble. Using its keen eyesight to hunt under the cover of darkness, the spirit of the Red Fox encourages us to see beyond our present situation and into the realm of spirit. Mentally agile, Red Fox guides us to rely on the power of our instincts and to freely call on our creative force.
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
house of light and shadow
one
Daire
I wake to a room gone suddenly bright as Axel calls to me from his place by the door.
He pauses. Allowing time for me to gather myself, begin the slow crawl from slumber, before he makes his way to my bedside. His approach heralded by the soft hum of his breath rising and falling—the muffled hush of his feet crossing the smooth limestone floor.
His voice is a melody.
His movements an inspired choreography.
Still, when he stands by my side and places a tentative hand on my shoulder, I shrink from his touch and squinch my eyes shut. Stretching back to the dream where I cling to the memory of Dace’s embrace. The sweep of his fingers moving over my flesh … the press of his lips meeting mine … desperate to lose myself in the glittering burn of his kaleidoscope eyes, reflecting my image thousands of times. Preferring the fantasy of Dace and me blissfully reunited at the Enchanted Spring, to the barren truth that awaits me.
“Daire, please. I know you’re awake.” Axel keeps his tone light, as though he’s not the least bit annoyed by the game. “I will gladly sit here all day if that’s what it takes.” He claims a space on my mattress and waits for me to acknowledge him.
“You have the patience of a saint,” I snap, reluctantly forfeiting the dream and accepting it for the ghost that it is. My eyes widening at the sight of Axel’s anxious lavender gaze. Caught by the way it darkens to a deep stormy amethyst, before turning as clear and luminous as the day we first met.
The day our first words were spoken, formalities exchanged.
The day he swept me into his arms and rocketed me high into the sky. Piercing through the glorious silken spun web that yielded to a world of bright golden light.
So unlike the prior times—once deep underwater—once in a haunted Moroccan square—back when I was naïve enough to disregard the events as coincidence.
“I’m hardly a saint.” His fingers spear through his shock of blond hair that swoops over his brow and falls in loose curls past his cheek. A move I’ve observed countless times, and yet, it’s no less enchanting than the first. The platinum strands seamlessly blending into a complexion so fair, smooth, and translucent, I can’t help but think (and not for the first time) that between the pastel eyes and porcelain skin, he appears so exquisite, so strikingly angelic, the only things missing are a halo and wings.
“If not a saint, then an angel, perhaps?” The question hangs heavy between us, not nearly as jokey as it might seem on the surface. Here in the Upperworld, anything is possible, and I’m eager to get to the truth of this strange situation I find myself in. “Or a spirit guide, maybe? Perhaps even my spirit guide?”
My gaze narrows on his as I silently ponder the unspoken questions:
Am I a convalescent or a captive?
Is he savi
ng me or enslaving me?
Assured by the way he flinches, the way he tears his gaze away, that he heard the thoughts as well as the words.
“What if I told you I was none of those things?”
“Then I’d suspect you were lying,” I say in a voice that’s strong and sure. Wanting him to know that while I may be at a physical disadvantage, dependent on his willingness to take care of me and tend to my wounds, my will is still strong. My days as an invalid are nearing an end.
He lowers his chin, sending a tumble of blond curls sailing over his forehead, down past the finely sculpted bridge of his nose, before landing at the perfect bow of his lips. “If you insist on a label, and clearly you do, then I guess you could say I’m a Mystic.” He runs his palms down the crisp white tunic he wears.
“A Mystic?” My tone is as stark as my face.
He nods, making great study of the abstract, Georgia O’Keeffe–style painting of a vibrant blue lake on the far side of the room, before settling on the small, glass-tiled pool where I often bathe in a modest white gown as Axel rinses the suds from my shoulders and hair.
“Define Mystic,” I say. Despite a number of prior attempts, this is the most I’ve ever gotten out of him, and I plan to push it as far as I can.
“One who is initiated into esoteric mysteries.” He turns to me, clearly pleased with his explanation, but I’m far from satisfied.
“Would you care to elaborate, or are you being purposely vague?” I lift my chin, quirk a brow, surprised to find my sarcasm tested by the shock of his luminous grin. A grin that begins at the tip of his chin and creeps all the way to the haphazard part in his hair. A grin so open, kind, and authentic, it takes all of my will to curb the impulse to return it.
“I’m being purposely vague, there’s no use denying it. So now, if the interrogation is over, perhaps we can talk about you?” Misreading my silence for surrender, he leans closer. “How are you feeling?” he asks, studying me with a concerned eye and a cool palm that travels from my brow to my cheek. Searching for signs of the fever and chills that have plagued me since I arrived in this place.
“The interrogation is never over. You should know that by now.” I pull away from his touch, striving for a stern voice and the expression to match. Resolved to get at least a few of the answers I seek. “What exactly is a Mystic?” I demand.
He shutters his eyes, sighing when he says, “I’m afraid it’s of a scope that is far beyond human comprehension.”
“Try me.” I frown. Glare. Commit to waiting for however long it takes to get him to properly answer me. But all I get in return is a view of Axel’s grin. “C’mon, Axel,” I plead. “Why won’t you tell me what it means? Is everyone in the Upperworld a Mystic? And if so, where are they? Why haven’t I seen anyone but you the whole time I’ve been here?”
He commits to the silence, leaving the questions to hang heavy between us.
“Fine.” I breathe a frustrated sigh. “But don’t think this is over. You can evade me for now, but I’ll find out eventually. You’re not the only stubborn one around here.” I do my best to rebuff the lure of his charm, but it’s no use. Even when he’s not smiling, chucking a self-conscious hand through his hair, or engaging in any of his other well-practiced gestures from the “Handbook of Disarming Moves,” he radiates such an abundance of genuine kindness, benevolence, and undeniable charisma, it’s not long before I fold. “So, in the spirit of cooperation—which, by the way, is something you could stand to learn a thing or two about—I will answer your question by saying my fever has finally broke.”
I watch as his fingers move from his lap to my cheek and then back to his lap. Captured by the way his movements cast the most glorious veil of light, bearing no hint of darkness or shadow.
“And my memory is returning,” I add, noting the fleeting flicker of worry that crosses his face as his gaze returns to the painting.
“And exactly what do these memories reveal?” he asks, his voice as quiet and uncertain as I’ve ever heard.
I hesitate, needing a moment to decide what to say. Torn between the desire to pretend to know more than I do—if for no other reason than to gain some semblance of an upper hand—and admitting I know very little in the hope that he’ll finally explain how he came to find me dying in the Lowerworld with my own athame turned against me. The double-edged blade bisecting my heart as Cade Richter moved to stake claim on my soul.
“I know there was a struggle. I know that I lost. And I was hoping you could fill in the blanks.” I stare hard at his profile, willing him to turn to me, acknowledge me, but for the longest time, he favors the wall. “Fine,” I say. “Keep your secrets for now. It’s not like I won’t find out eventually. But, if nothing else, can you please just tell me whether or not Dace is okay? I’m thinking that if I’m here in the Upperworld with you, then everyone in the Middleworld probably assumes that I’m dead. Which means that the prophecy was averted. Which also means that Dace is alive—that I was able to save him. Right?”
Axel clamps his lips so tightly it takes all of my will to keep from grabbing hold of his shoulders and shaking him until he responds. Allowing an annoyingly long drag of time to loll before he says, “I’m not keeping secrets, Daire. It’s just I see no point in reliving the past when the present awaits.”
“It’s the past that got me here!” I cry, instantly regretting the hysterical ring to my words. I’m getting worked up. I need to rein it in. Need to rebuild my strength. These emotional outbursts never result in anything good. “How long have I been here?” I ask, casually broaching the question as though I’m only mildly curious. My attempts at keeping track have left me confused. Most of my time is spent sleeping, and the light seeping through the curtain-covered window never seems to change all that much, making it impossible to count the succession of days.
“Linear time does not exist here.” Axel shrugs. “But then you already knew that.” He brings a hand close to my chest, ready to move on to more pressing concerns. “May I?” His hand hovers uncertainly, awaiting permission to proceed, despite the fact that as my only caretaker this is hardly the first time he’s done this.
I nestle my cheek against the pile of downy pillows with soft silken cases he’s placed under my head. Embarrassed by the rush of blood that creeps up my neck and floods my cheeks as he loosens my robe until my wound is exposed.
“It’s healing nicely.” He skims a finger along the jagged, puckered line of angry red flesh he coaxed back together with his platinum needle and spool of golden thread. His touch reverberating straight through my core, all the way to the invisible network of scars hidden under the surface, where he worked his magick and reassembled my heart.
“How soon can I return?” I ask. It’s the same question I always ask.
And like always, Axel defers. Grabbing a small glass jar from the nightstand, he repeats his usual mantra of “Not yet,” as he removes the lid and places it on the glass-topped table beside me. “But soon … very soon…”
He dips a finger into the fragrant blue ointment, about to apply it to the wound, when I catch him at the wrist and push his hand away.
“I don’t want it to fade,” I say, rendered nearly breathless from the effort it takes to resist him. Fielding his skeptical look, I add, “Now that I remember, I can’t afford to forget what landed me here.”
He mutters under his breath. Some archaic language with slurred vowels and hard consonants I don’t understand. Then he abandons the jar, pulls my robe closed, and with a sigh of resignation, says, “If you’re entertaining thoughts of revenge, I’d advise you to quit. You’ll only lower yourself to Cade’s level, squelch your potential, and establish yourself as his equal. Is that what you want?”
“It’s not revenge that motivates me.” I clench my hands into fists, my actions betraying my words. “It’s love. Dace is my only concern.” At the mention of his name, my heart clenches in pain. Imagining the grief he must be feeling, not knowing the full truth of what reall
y happened that night.
And while the exact events may continue to elude me as well, one thing is sure: I saved him.
I died so that Dace could live.
Except that I’m not really dead.
He just thinks that I am.
“Best not to think about that either.” Axel turns his back in dismissal. “You need to get well. That’s why you’re here.” He scoops an uncertain hand through his hair.
“Is that the only reason I’m here?” I prop myself higher onto my pillows, and stare hard at his back. It’s an uncomfortable subject, but I need to know once and for all.
Why did he save me?
And what does he expect in return?
“What are you really asking me, Daire?” He faces me with a gaze so open, so direct, I’m instantly silenced. No longer sure how to phrase what I most want to say.
Is he a crazy stalker who took advantage of a moment of weakness in order to abduct me?
Or is he truly a Good Samaritan, a Mystic, as he claims, with only my best interests at heart?
While he’s always treated me with kindness and respect, I can’t help but suspect that his motives aren’t entirely altruistic.
We fall into an uncomfortable, sagging silence. The kind that used to spur me to say something stupid, crack a dumb joke, but no more. I’m no longer that girl. The new Daire is patient.
She’s willing to wait.
She has no other choice.
But when Axel makes for the door, I instantly regret having pushed it too far. He can’t leave. Not yet. He’s not the only one with an agenda here.
I lift myself until I’m almost fully upright, making an exaggerated show of breathing heavily and gritting my teeth. And just as I’d hoped, an instant later he’s right back beside me.
Patience. You can do this. It’s like Paloma taught you: Think from the end.
“Don’t push it, Daire.” Axel’s fingers grab hold of my shoulders as he lowers me back toward my pillows. “Just because the fever broke doesn’t mean that you’re healed.”
