by J. S. Wilder
The noise of the room is draining my thoughts. Too many people are talking and faint music plays in the background, but right now, it feels loud, like everything else as my head starts to throb. I take his hand and lead him to the balcony. It dawns on me he hasn’t shaven and his normal smooth face looks rough with stubble. He is far from the clean shaven, athletic man I know, more of a man who has lost his way.
A tear traces down my cheek as I push through the crowd and make my way outside onto the balcony. There, people pass us by, but I don’t care. I need to resolve this matter, and I need to do it now.
As we stand facing each other, there is only one thing on my mind. I blurt it out, looking at the ground. I can’t look into his eyes. I’m a coward; he must know it by now, and as my mouth opens, he places a finger on my lip and says, “I know. I just came to see you, to look at you and know it is true. I love you, and part of me has always known there was someone else, but I was in denial.” He laughs as he says, “I will always love you.”
I finally look up at him in confusion and guilt. I never felt that way. I couldn’t, because I let Roy seduce me over and over again without a moment’s thought. I can’t be the woman Kevin deserves.
He kisses me on my forehead and then on my lips. I close my eyes as I inhale his musk. He leaves me standing on the balcony. Grandma comes up to me and whispers, “That is the right thing to do. Roy told me about your relationship, and I thought you wouldn’t be honest with Kevin. Glad you did it, girl. You did me proud tonight.”
After her words, there is only one thing to do. I pick up the mobile Henry gave me when he dropped me here. Only his number is stored, with the instructions when I’m ready to go, I should call him or send him a text.
I can’t speak. I don’t want to. I just want to shower; I feel dirty. For the first time in a long time, I just need to bathe and get whatever is crawling under my skin out of me. I turn back and looked into the flat, wondering if I should go find everyone and say bye.
The problem is if I go inside and said bye to everyone, I would never leave, and I need to leave now. I need to be with the one thing, the one person, who could comfort me right now, and that is Roy.
***
The strangest thing in the world happens as Henry brings me back to Chelsea. I expect Betty to open the door like she has done since the first time I arrived at the house, but not tonight. It’s Roy. I look at him in his jeans and cream shirt, wondering if he ever had before. How can this man look so sexy, no matter what he wears?
His clothes always hang on his body like they were made specifically for him. His biceps always rip through, and I know he wanted me to see them. He looks after his body, and he wants everyone to see how much he takes care of it. He claims that isn’t the reason for the clothes he wears. He sees something, he likes it and picks it up, not for anyone else.
As I draw closer to him, he looks me in the eyes. Relief or tiredness is expressed on his face, but I want to thank him for letting me go. At the same time, I’m not in prison, so why am I thanking him?
As if he read my mind, he takes my hand and says, “Let’s talk.” I follow him as he holds my hand after he shuts the door.
The lights are dim as we enter the library. We stand facing each other. I’m looking at him confused, waiting for him to direct these events. Do I sit down? What is going on?
Is Roy nervous?
I sit down on the couch, following his hand, which suggests I should do so. As I sit, he goes to the bar and makes us a drink. I don’t need to drink; I’m tired and ate a bit too much at Grandma’s, but he hands it to me as he sits next to me and says, “At last, let’s talk.”
As the words leave his mouth, nervousness sits inside my stomach and rises to my mind. I smell the strong scent of the whiskey and I know it needs to enter my mouth. I try to down it as I take Roy’s lead. He pours it down his throat as if it’s water. He shakes his head and then looks at me. I copy him, because there is one thing for sure; the confident, sophisticated Roy Sparks is nervous. It’s going to be a very long night, and I need this drink to deal with whatever is tormenting him, because I have a feeling it’s going to have the same effect on me. Right now, I can’t deal with it. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster and I need something to help me enjoy the ride.
To be continued…
COMING SOON
This is Part Two of a Three Part Series:
Part III of Belonging coming November 2014.
Newsletter for Part III in the series:
http://eepurl.com/TZI9z
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Take care,
J. S. Wilder
J.S. Wilder, Author
J.S. Wilder has spent many years working in the IT industry. She has left the computers behind and taken up her passion of writing. She loves to write romance and still believes in fairy-tales.
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