by Tricia Lynne
“Yours are better, sweetness,” he grated into the mic, and I let go of the green monster with a pink blush.
When I realized during the next song that not only did he not hide his eyes from me, but he made sure I saw everything, I fell all over again.
Only six songs and BlackSmith thanked the crowd and left the stage. I wanted to see Molly perform, but I also wanted to tell the guys how great they were and Declan how riveting he was onstage.
Roadies tore down Mattie’s kit without fanfare dramatics, Flogging Molly carried on and plugged in. They thanked BlackSmith for opening, razzing Declan about shared heritage, and then launched into my favorite track, “Drunken Lullabies.”
We decided to stay put. I’d never seen my favorite band this close. Kat and I jumped and shouted and sang along with “What’s Left of the Flag,” “The Worst Day Since Yesterday,” and “Devil’s Dance Floor.” We stayed in the pit until they played “If I Ever Leave This World Alive” before we went backstage to see the guys and meet Molly when they came off.
We found Jamie, Shaun, and Sadie in the lounge, knocking back beer while VIPs milled around and fangirls waited for the headliner to come off.
“Hey, baby, what did you think? Did you stick around long enough to catch the headliner?” Jamie wrapped his long, graceful arms around Kat’s waist as she leaned a hip on the sofa arm. He didn’t carry a boxer’s build like Declan, or thick muscles like Matt and Shaun. He was long and lean, but well defined, and every play of muscle was exaggerated after being onstage. The fallen mohawk, and the five o’clock shadow over his razor-sharp jaw, played up his laid-back attitude.
“Yeah, but we wanted to come back and tell you guys how much we enjoyed your set.” She ran elegant fingers through his damp hair. “Y’all brought the house down, baby. I wouldn’t have wanted to go on after you.” Kat liberated him of his Corona before giving it a deep swig.
“What did you think, sweet cheeks?” Jamie turned blue eyes to me. “We could use you up front, you know. If we ever manage to get rid of that sandbagger who’s up there now.”
“You guys were amazing. I seriously think you could make it big. I would buy BlackSmith’s stuff in a heartbeat.”
He nodded. “Thanks, but it’s easy to get tainted in this business. Then it’s not about the music. It’s not yours anymore. It’s about putting money in someone else’s pocket. Plus, we’ve all got other irons in the fire.”
Shaun and Sadie strolled over, arms wrapped around each other’s waists, and I caught sight of Mattie off to the side with a couple fangirls. He looked downright murderous as he glared at Jamie. Taking one of the girls, he guided her toward the door and the look he shot Jamie was as threatening as I’d ever seen on Matthias.
“Well, most of us have other irons anyway.” Jamie shrugged, snatched his beer back from Kat, and took a long, uncomfortable pull.
“So, where’s your lead singer? I’m dying to get an autograph. I might even throw my panties at him. Oh, gonna have to be the bra.”
Kat smiled ear to ear. “Forget something?”
Shit, I said that out loud?
“Oh, please? Throw the bra. Please, please, please,” Jamie begged while Kat slapped him in the head. “Oh, c’mon, baby. You said yourself you’ve fantasized about Avery’s knockers.”
My eyes went saucer wide as Sadie laughed and Shaun choked on his beer.
“No, shithead. I fantasize about having those boobs. You make it sound like I fantasize about playing with Avery’s cans.”
Jamie looked incredulous. “You’re telling me that given the chance to play with Avery’s tits, you’d pass it up? Don’t lie, Katia.”
Oh, oh. Thought I was the only one who called her Katia.
“Okay, no. If she offered, I would totally fondle those boobies, maybe even motorboat ’em. But in a completely platonic sort of way.”
“Kat!” I slapped her arm.
“Can’t say I wouldn’t grope you, too, girl,” Sadie added. “I’m pretty handsy anyway, but under the right circumstances and liquor influence, I’d be dying to feel you up.” Shaun choked again. “Women are like that though.” She ignored her husband. “I could walk up to a stranger and say, ‘Hey, nice tits. Do you mind if I touch?’ and most women would totally let me do it.”
“Mmhmm, I have seen that very situation with you, Avery, and you always oblige the ladies.”
It was Jamie’s turn to choke, except he went full-on sputter and sprayed a mist of Corona on the couch. “You’re shitting me. You guys do that?”
Kat nodded and Jamie looked at me with huge questioning eyes.
“Yeah. It’s why we always go to the bathroom together,” I deadpanned.
Kat snorted and Sadie cackled.
“Oh. Oh.” He practically bounced in his seat. “You gotta let me watch Kat touch your boobs, Avery. Please, I’ll do anything.”
Kat looked at me with an ornery smile. “Think Declan would make out with him? ’Cause that might be worth it.”
I snickered. “Definitely worth it, but Declan wouldn’t cooperate.” Jamie looked stricken, Shaun’s booming laugh filled the room. “And can someone please tell me, why is it men get stupid in the presence of a decent pair of tits?” I directed my question to the group, but Shaun was the only one who wasn’t staring at said tits, and he was trying to look anywhere but.
“C’mon,” Jamie put in. “Because, you know—boobs. Who doesn’t think boobs are fun?”
“It’s okay, big man. You have my permission.” Sadie patted Shaun’s chest.
Shaun shook his head. “I’m not dumb enough to fall for that.”
“Never mind. Guess I’ll find Declan on my own.” I turned, walking to the doorway.
Jamie called after me, “Oh, Matt beat him to the shower. He’s in there now.”
“Just for that, handsome.” I spun back, pulled the neck of my shirt down under my bra and shimmied.
Jamie’s mouth fell open. Kat laughed, Shaun stared at the ceiling, and Sadie’s voice trailed after, “They are some great tits, though.”
Chapter 26
Avery
I tapped on the dressing room door. No answer. Declan must have still been in the shower. If I caught him soaping that magnificent body…well, I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions. I checked the knob, crept in…
…and stopped dead.
Declan was backed against a makeup table silhouetted by soft mirror lights, water beading his chest and stomach, a towel wrapped around his waist. The tramp I saw Matt leave with straddled his legs. She raked cheap acrylic nails over his chest and cupped his neck while she pushed her tongue into his mouth as he gripped her arms in what may have been an attempt to escape.
For a second, I stood paralyzed, rooted to the floor. Then it crumbled away beneath me and a sharp, sinking feeling spread through my chest. When it hit the pit of my stomach, I felt every stab of pain as my heart shattered into countless pieces.
Declan caught sight of me, mouthed, “Oh, shit,” but his voice was merely an echo through a tin can as his eyes widened. His lips parted to say more, but held still, suspended and speechless.
The girl looked early twenties. All of 110 pounds with long legs and a tight little ass encased in black leather. A white tank top, sans bra, showed off her boob job, a face thick with makeup and bottle blond hair, twirled into curls.
Hand still on the knob, I lowered my head, saw a tear-blurred version of my Vans. Then came the anger and the tears dried up without falling. When my eyes ascended, there was cold iron in my backbone and rage written on my face. My heart beat in my ears and I felt the fine tremor that signaled I would do serious damage to anyone who got close enough. I struggled to rein it back.
When I angled my head at Declan, I had murder in my eyes. “Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Should have locked the fucking door.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. Deep and malicious. Lethally soft. I turned to leave before I did something that would land me in jail.
“Avery, don’t,” Declan scraped out.
Too little, too late.
So stupid. Blinded by good looks and a great lay? God, why had I thought he would be any different? I was nothing more than a toy to set aside as soon as something better came along.
And that tramp. Well, she was the anti-me.
A dark corner of my soul whispered that I knew it wasn’t true. He’d said he loved my curves, that they were made for him and he wanted to see where this thing led. He didn’t want to let me go….
I buried that shit right then and there. Did it really matter? Declan drew women like honey drew flies and I wasn’t strong enough to stomach it. Or, God forbid, what it might feel like if he consented to it.
It was all too much. Declan was too much. His looks, his money, the band, and the kind of lifestyle where women threw themselves at him. He was too gorgeous, too rich, lived too far away….I’d never be enough to hold the attention of a man like Declan McGinn.
“Avery, goddammit, wait,” he barked, following me down the hall.
“Fuck you,” I snarled over my shoulder. He caught my arm and I whirled, throwing his hand off with a deadly look that dared him to do it again.
He held both hands up, stepped back. “Matt dumped her there. She just wanted to nail a band member, she didn’t care which one.” Declan’s hands dropped to rest on toweled hips, his eyes pleading with me to listen.
I started to pace a three-foot area like a tiger at the zoo watching some dipshit tourist trying to retrieve a dropped cellphone. I was vaguely aware of a gathering audience.
“How thoughtful of you to oblige her.” My tone was lethal.
“I didn’t, I wasn’t—Shit. She kissed me. I didn’t even know she was in the fucking room!”
“Oh, shit. This is bad.” A familiar voice echoed somewhere behind me.
“I can’t believe I swallowed all of your bullshit.” I leveled my eyes at him, my voice getting louder by the second.
“I’ve never fed you bullshit.” He had the gall to look pained. “I’m telling you the truth. I always have, I—” He shook his head, cutting the sentence off. “I’d never do that to you.”
I almost believed the regret etched on his face. Almost bought the pain in his eyes. Then I flashed on that skank’s tongue pushing into his mouth.
Almost wasn’t enough.
“Looked pretty fucking cozy to me,” I growled.
“I was pushing her off, sweetness.”
“Don’t you call me that!” I shouted, poking him in the chest. “God, what the hell was I thinking screwing a goddamned ‘bang ’em two at a time musician’ on vacation. And I bit, too, Declan. Hook, line, and sinker. Every motherfucking word.”
Apparently, I had good reasons to be so dead set against trying to see things through, trying to maintain a relationship with a man like Declan. If he had better options, he’d eventually take them, because that’s what men did. Greener goddamned grass, every time.
Declan’s brows drew tight and his shoulders squared as his eyes met mine. “Go ahead, Avery. Slam those bullshit walls of yours into place.” His voice turned cold and calm. Angry. “The same walls you used to hold me at arm’s length all week. The same fucking ones you threw up when you ran.”
“Apparently, I had good reason to hold you at arm’s length. You used me. I knew you were too good to be true, you sonofabitch.”
“I used you?” His eyebrows shot up, anger burning bright in his eyes.
“Oh, I know you did. But don’t worry, Declan, the one you took for the team this time should last you well into the next year.”
“That’s just another one of your chicken shit excuses and you damn well know it.” He held his arms out wide. “Here I am, Avery. I’m as fucked in the head about all this as you are, but I’m here, goddammit. And I’m not trying to run back to my safe little life so I can bury my head in the sand. I’m not using excuses to see only what I want to see, and I’m not the one looking for a fucking exit strategy because the vacation is over. That’s all on you, baby.”
“Oh, that’s fu—”
“No.” He snarled. “You don’t think I’m scared? I’ve tried to avoid this shit my whole life. This very moment right here. Then I back into you and you hit me like a prizefighter.” Declan swiped a hand over his head; anger drained into a weariness that lined eyes he leveled at me. Let me see all the sincerity and fear, regret and hope. “Christ, I’m so screwed. I’m falling for you and I am so thoroughly fucked. You think I don’t know I’ll never be…” He let the statement trail off. “But I’m here, Avery. Right. Fucking. Now. Trying to get you to see me, instead of the warped bullshit you’re trying to twist this into.”
I nearly broke. Was so close to crumbling and falling into his arms.
Click. Click. Click. Click. The stillies on the floor got louder as the band whore inserted herself into the drama. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, prayed for strength that didn’t come. This twat was about to get what she wanted: proper fucked.
“Hey, baby, you don’t get to run out after getting me all worked up like that.” She stormed into the fray, putting a delicate hand on Declan’s arm.
“Shit.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
She had enough nerve to turn to me, and not enough sense to keep her mouth shut.
“Look, chubs, if you want to ride this ride, the line forms to the left.” She looked me up and down. “But I’m guessing you’re probably over the weight limit for this particular Sit ’n’ Spin.”
There were only tenths of a second between her finished sentence and my fist connecting with her nose. And I didn’t pull it—I hit her like she was a dude. It made a sick cracking sound and blood began to flow. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she tumbled off her heels, smacking her ankle on the way down.
Out. Cold. And it felt soooo gooood.
“Sorry, cunt cakes. I’m guessing there’s a nose job in your future.” Man, I wished she’d stayed up so I could hit her again. Muffled laughter echoed through the hall and I picked out Kat’s voice saying she needed to get me out before someone called the cops. I didn’t care if I got arrested but was getting out all right.
Declan made it that much easier when he bent to check on her. “Jesus, it’s broken.” The admonishing look he sent me felt like a slap across the face. “She’s gonna need a hospital,” he added with the reproachful glare of a parent disciplining a child.
Right. I’d seen enough.
“Guess it wasn’t just your control we needed to worry about, was it?” I snapped, turning to push my way through the gapers. I hit the fire exit, shaking loose Kat’s hands as I ducked through the door.
Finally, I let the tears fall.
* * *
—
I walked a furious pace, head down to hide the stains on my cheeks. Shivering despite the warm air, I pulled my jacket tighter around me while the visual from the dressing room played on an endless loop in my head.
What position would I have caught them in if I had waited a couple minutes? Her bent over the couch as he pounded into her from behind? Her squatting on those five-inch heels as she pulled him into her mouth?
The images were spliced together with pictures of Declan’s face carved with pain. The pleading in his gaze. The way his features hardened when my words cut through his thick skin. The way his eyes flashed with fear of the unknown.
The crack her nose made.
The look on his face as he tended to her.
My ears rang faintly and the stream of tears flowed freely as I strode down the sidewalk with purpose but no direction. My phone rang. I checked the I
D.
Declan.
I shoved it into my pocket.
Flashes of our week together crept into my film reel. The way he whispered about my body. His T-shirt soaked with whiskey and that wicked grin. The way my legs clung to his hips. The emotion we both poured into that song, our song.
I shook my head, trying to brush the memories away, but they just kept coming.
Tracing his tattoos. The way we danced. The way his face strained when he came.
My phone rang. Declan.
Her tongue slithering between his lips and pushing into his mouth.
Call declined.
Funny how the images my mind kept coughing up had nothing to do with the kinky shit we’d done. Just him and me, and the raw emotion every time he’d let me see pieces of his soul. I knew Declan deep in my bones long before I ever met him. Whatever it was between us, it stretched the threads of time. A thread we’d both tried to break to no avail.
A text.
Kat wanted to know where I was.
In hell. I’m in hell.
I stopped walking and looked around. Nothing was familiar. I texted her I would get a cab to the hotel and that I wanted to be left alone. I’d call in the morning.
I wiped at my cheeks, hailed a taxi. Mascara and eyeliner smeared my fingers and palms. I must have looked like an Alice Cooper wannabe. I crawled into the cab as tears started to fall fresh, soft, and quiet as spring rain while I watched The Quarter go by in a blur. The driver eyed me with concern in her rearview. I gave her twenty for a five-minute trip. A thanks for not asking the question.
As I got in the elevator, my cell rang again. I didn’t even look. Sent it straight to voicemail, then turned it off completely.
In my room, I shed my clothes, pulled on my boxers and a tank top, and washed my face.
