by Sarah Tork
*****
Knock. Knock.
“It’s open,” I called out happily, my hands behind my head as I continued to stare at the ceiling. I was in the middle of a wonderful story on my ceiling; it was just getting good.
Charles, my thirteen-year-old brother, came barging in. “Dinner’s ready!” He turned right back around and left, leaving the door wide open.
Dinner’s ready! Am I even hungry? I thought as I got off my bed and headed out the door. My stomach began to grumble loudly, apparently I was hungry. And like a crash of lightning blowing up the tree that gave me life, it all came back.
Mom!
She wasn’t happy with my calorie burn today and I didn’t burn those extra fifty she’d wanted when I came home. I would have to brace myself for a battle during dinner tonight.
As I descended the stairs, I smelled tomato sauce and garlic bread. They had made pasta, my favorite!
I paused mid-step.
They’re so evil!
The chances that I’d be getting almost none of one of my favorite meals were extremely high. Strangely, I was handling this realization differently than usual. I was happy, and I knew if this had happened yesterday I would have been devastated.
So I won’t get to eat a plate full of my favorite meal. So what!
Yeah, so what, I thought as I continued down the stairs and into the dining room. I stopped in front of the table at my usual seat, stunned. Mine was the only plate with just salad on it.
Gee, thanks Mom, I know I can always count on you.
I smiled at her, although I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. Oblivious as she was, she smiled back genuinely. The woman believed with all her heart that she was doing her rightful duty as a mother, keeping the evil words of the teenage world from tearing up my soul because I was bigger than my average classmate.
Damn you Florida and your perfect weather making everyone want to have gorgeous beach bodies all year long!
I quietly sat in my chair and stabbed a piece of lettuce with my fork.
“Oh joy,” I muttered, tasting the balsamic vinegar dressing.
*****
If I went to bed with a stomach full of salad, my parents would be happy. My brother and sister didn’t give a shit, they only joined in on raining on my parade when it was a family affair. They liked doing things ‘as a family’; it was kind of understandable, in a sadistic sort of way.
But salad wasn’t enough to satisfy my stomach entirely, nor did it stop the pains stabbing through me while I was trying to sleep.
Salad wasn’t enough.
So it was the usual routine. Wait for everyone to go to sleep, then take out my secret stash of candy bars and chips from beneath my bed frame. The calories would cost me; it was an extra 300 that my stomach needed to push away hunger pains until morning or else I’d have to endure another sleepless night. My parents would be none the wiser in the morning because I didn’t log those calories in my food diary or my mother’s food diary (she liked to keep her own diary for me). The only time they would become puzzled and frustrated would be on Monday, weigh-in day, and so far my weight loss had been slow.
A pound a week was slow. I was 175 pounds when we started this torture a month and half ago, now I was 167. I was setting a horrible example for Katherine. At eleven, she was skinny and a dancer, but who knew what bad habits she might be learning from me. She could begin to gain weight in high school like me, and it would be my fault for waiting until now to lose the weight, and for doing it at a snail’s pace.
I finished my snacks and tucked wrappers back into the bag; I’d take care of them in the morning. I would need to restock tomorrow. Thank God junk food was cheap. I wiped any remnants of evil food from my face and lay down on my bed. The full moon peered in through the slit in my window shade, highlighting the clutter in my room while dancing on my ceiling.
I gazed up and imagined familiar angry faces shouting empty threats at me. I did this as a way to prepare for the scolding I would inevitably receive; my worst moment was crumbling into tears because I couldn’t take their bullshit anymore.
Jesus, Annabelle! How can you be so selfish?
Move faster!
Chin up! Chest straight! Ass tucked in!
Have some respect for yourself!
You’re fat, sweetheart. We’re just trying to be honest.
Then why are we all fit and you’re not? Don’t you want to be a part of this family?
I can’t believe this happened to you.
I bought you a pair of jeans, but they’re a size 8.
Do you want to be bullied for the rest of high school? How come you don’t go to parties?
I don’t tell people you’re my sister when you come to my recitals.
You want to eat freely? You do it in smaller jeans!
That was enough for one night. I turned on my side and fell to asleep.
*****
My eyes fluttered open with sprinkles of fairy dust blowing out. My entire room was filled with bright sunshine that smelled of butter. Baby pink, blue, and violet cupcake butterflies flew playfully in the sunshine. They giggled softly as they bumped into one another, their icing making polka-dots on each other. I stared at them in glee as, one by one, they flitted around me, outlining my body. Then, simultaneously, their joyous humming filled the room and 3-dimensional music notes bounced off everything. One hit my forehead and I laughed as I swept it away.
“ANNABELLE!”
There was only one piece of artillery left in this world that could have broken that happy bubble: my mother’s screeching voice.
It was amazing, as I rode my bike to work I felt a new strangeness inside. The early morning sunshine hadn’t heated up yet so it lazily caressed my back. It was nice, peaceful. I stopped at the top of the hill, the wind leaving my hair as I paused. I’d been pedaling pretty fast and there might have been a good reason to get to work early today…
Nervous, I pulled my feet back onto the pedals and pushed forward. As soon as I picked up enough speed, my arms flew open. As I soared down the hill there was a big car driving down next to me, but I didn’t let it distract me; this moment deserved my undivided attention and respect.
“Fireball,” a familiar voice called from behind as I knelt to lock my bike.
My heart instantly began beating a mile a minute. “Hi,” I replied as I looked over my shoulder at him.
Standing a hundred feet tall with the sun framing his entire body, he practically sparkled. James smiled warmly and stepped towards me, offering his hand.
“Thanks.” I grabbed his hand and a jolt of electricity shot threw me as he helped me up.
He didn’t let go of my hand and pulled me closer to his body.
Oh. My. God!
“What do you think you’re doing?” I said quietly in his embrace.
He looked down and leaned in. “This.”
Suddenly, his lips were on mine. My first kiss ever was happening thirty minutes before my shift!
The kiss began lightly, gently. I had no intention of pulling back because it felt too darn good and he must have felt the same because his lips pressed further into mine. He released my hand and softly held on to my face instead. He tilted my head back a little and leaned in further; my mouth was forced open by his urgent tongue. His hand left my face and glided down my shoulder, his arm encircled my waist and pulled me tight against his chest.
Wow! I can’t believe this! I should totally stop, I’m not easy…!
Just as I was about to pull back, he did. But only his lips left me, his forehead rested on mine, his hands held me close.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he whispered breathlessly.
I giggled quietly and leaned back. “Awhile? We just met yesterday.”
“I met you first when I saw you riding your bike down that hill. It was like you were flying.” He didn’t let go of my waist.
“You saw me fly?”
He nodded.
“The black SU
V, that was you?”
“And today too. It was beautiful, the way you looked with your arms stretched out as if you were actually flying.”
“It was beautiful?” I repeated, looking deeply into his eyes.
He nodded. “Beautiful,” he muttered huskily as he leaned back in and kissed me again.
My arms slid around his neck and I pulled myself as tight as I could into his embrace…
Then I woke up again.
The memory of sparkles and kisses still resonated on my face. The lasting impression left me in a slow daze like I was on a drug that had my entire body tingling. As the minutes passed, the real sun slowly peaked in on me, inch-by-inch, starting from my feet and covering me in its warmth.
I felt light, I was on a cloud baking under a ray of sun that was reserved for angels. It was almost 8 a.m.; in a perfect world, the radio would turn on playing a slow R&B jam and I’d cross my arms behind my head and drink in the moment, humming along to the slow, sensual beats of the song.
Chapter 5
August 2nd, 2012
“Honestly, Annabelle,” Mom sighed, “I thought I taught you to at least brush your hair before putting it up in a ponytail.” Exasperated, she took a sip of her steaming black coffee.
Lalala! What was that? I can’t hear you!
I held back the delirious giggle that threatened to erupt. I wasn’t in any kind of mental state to be answering Mom’s questions. I simply nodded like I understood and accepted her complaint. Absentmindedly, I swirled the contents of my cereal bowl and brought a spoonful to my mouth.
Ugh! What the hell is this?! I grimaced as I chewed the twigs. Whatever this ‘cereal’ was, it didn’t taste like anything you’d find in the supermarket.
Where the hell did she buy this crap?…Maybe a health food store? They’ve probably got crazy stuff like this on their shelves.
I took a deep, subtle breath before attempting another spoonful.
“Yummy, right?” Mom asked, gesturing her chin toward my bowl. She did a weird thing with her eyes, widening them then squinting.
I didn’t know about her sometimes…
Yeah, it’s delicious – for a rabbit!
I nodded calmly and gulped down the mulch. I glanced up at her through my lashes; her eyebrows were wiggling at me. Confused, I offered her a shrug, my eyes saying ‘What?’ Her eyes widen in irritation at my cluelessness then jerked her chin towards Katherine. I glanced over at my sister, obliviously playing with her iPhone.
“Delicious, right?” Mom urged in a tone I didn’t dare disagree with.
I cleared my throat. “Uh, right, delicious.”
I brought another spoonful to my mouth and grudgingly ate it to prove I was telling the truth.
Damn this shit is awful!
I chewed quickly and forced it down with an audible gulp. “Yummy,” I whispered at my empty bowl.
Thank God, I’m done!
“Katherine, darling,” Mom said sweetly. “See what Annabelle’s having for breakfast? It’s delicious and good for you.”
Katherine looked up from her iPhone and smiled amiably. “Mommy, I want some of Annabelle’s cereal tomorrow.”
Mom looked like she was about to explode with happiness. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you say anything earlier? I would have given you this special cereal today.”
“I thought Annabelle was the only one who was supposed to have healthy cereal.” She was practically pouting.
I stared at my sister in amazement as Mom blathered on about this rabbit food. With a single line, Katherine had Mom eating out of the palm of her hand. She was a pro, and now she was barely paying attention to anything Mom was saying about health benefits
Bullshit! I mentally yelled at her.
Instead, I gave her a knowing look. She replied with a sly grin when mom leaned into her coffee.
“I want to eat Annabelle’s cereal every day from now on,” she declared.
Mom put down her mug and gushed at her ‘little princess’ for making such a ‘wise decision.’ What a fool.
“You make Mommy so proud,” she beamed at Katherine who nodded.
I shook my head. It was so easy for her. She could just shoot out garbage about wanting something I know she couldn’t possibly eat every day. She’d try it for a few days then ask Mom if it was okay to eat Cornflakes instead. I recalled the beginning of summer when I’d been told about what my breakfast would be from then until the end of the world.
“This is the cereal you will be eating from now on. Do you understand?”
That was it. You eat this. There are no other options. Only healthy, ‘delicious’ rabbit food.
I wish I could have some Cornflakes. I pouted to myself.
“I’m off!” I announced, quickly rising to put my empty bowl in the sink before rushing out the kitchen and into the foyer.
“Annabelle, wait!” Mom shouted at my back.
I could hear utensils banging together and her slippered feet rushing around frantically.
What the hell is she doing in there?
I shrugged as I tied my shoes – that’s when it hit me. The realization. My head jerked up, horrified.
The purple lunch box!
I gathered my laces and shoved them down the sides of my shoes; I had no time for tidy little bows now. I scooped up my backpack, yelled “bye!” and opened the front door.
“Wait!” Mom yelled again.
I paused in the doorway and reluctantly turned to face her, horrified of what was to come. Mom ran from the kitchen with the beautiful purple lunch box swinging in her hand.
Damn it! Almost made it!
“Annabelle, I told you to wait,” she huffed. “Your lunch!” She lifted the box with a flourish like the models on game shows.
With a sigh, I dropped my backpack from my shoulder and unzipped it for her.
“You’re welcome,” Mom muttered, annoyed, as she shoved the box into my bag.
“Thank you,” I mumbled back, zipping the bag back up and hoisting it onto my shoulder. I stepped over the threshold and shut the door behind me with an unintentional bang. An exasperated breath slid from my lips.
Why?
I remembered the high I was riding when I woke up. It only lasted until the beginning of breakfast and then, with a few stupid words from Mom and Katherine, it vanished. I pulled out my phone out of my bag and scrolled through my inbox, tapping the conversation with James from last night. A smile instantly broke out of my miserable expression as I reread the messages. It didn’t make any sense; I was pissed off but reading his texts magically made the world okay again.
We hadn’t even talked about anything special; it was actually nothing. ‘Hey is this you?’ ‘Yeah it’s me.’ That’s it. Yet it made me so freaking happy.
I’m gone. So totally gone!
I shook my head at the grinning-idiot-in-love I called ‘myself’ and wheeled my bike out from behind the gate.
Small, grim clouds began building into jagged mountains. The wind picked up, pushing against me as I rode to work. It was a hot, humid wind and I could smell the impending rain. I sensed a blustery, monster of a storm closing in.
Halfway to work, the first crash of thunder rattled through me. I pumped harder on the pedals knowing the rain would begin to fall in a matter of minutes. As I got closer to work, I thanked God that I lived only a ten-minute bike ride from the club.
The coming storm meant the golf course would be closed along with all the outdoor snack stands. When Jenna and I first started working at the club, we’d been told that even if there was rain we still had to show up because sometimes other work could be arranged. We’d be in a heap of trouble with management if we didn’t show up, assuming work was canceled. Only management had the privilege of deciding when our shifts were canceled, and that wouldn’t be done until after we’d taken the trouble to come all the way to the club in the first place.
The first drop of rain splattered on my forehead as I paused on the top of the hill. I alwa
ys took a moment to gaze at the glorious sight of the path as it curved down the hill, anticipating the adventure I was about to experience once again. I flew down; it was amazing as always.
The slow patter of raindrops increased rapidly as I locked up my bike. By the time I made it inside the employee entrance, the pouring rain had soaked my entire body. I flung out my arms, throwing water everywhere.
“Annabelle!”
My head jerked up as I shook off whatever bit of water I could. Shelby was at the end of the hall, pointing her finger at me and motioning me to come forward. Like a good little doggie, I obeyed.
“You’re actually on time today, rain and all!” She sounded mildly amused. It was such a lie though; I rarely came to work late, but this bitch counted the milliseconds.
She takes her job way too seriously!
“Am I working today?” I did my best to not look annoyed. My go-to smile that shielded me from most of Shelby’s irritating quirks felt strained this morning. My shields were wearing thin.
Where’s a mutant monster butterfly when you need one? Can I get like a hundred of them to capture Shelby and lock her away in a dungeon?
There was no way they could miss her, she was practically a mythical creature herself.
I sighed softly; only in dreams could things that cool happen. I pictured Shelby screaming like a lunatic as mutant monster butterflies carried her away. A quiet chuckle escaped at the thought.
“What’s so funny?” Shelby demanded, pursing her lips and slamming her clipboard to her side.
I bit my lip to stop the smirk and shook my head. “Nothing. I was just thinking about something funny that happened this morning.”
“Yeah, I bet,” she replied, unconvinced.
“So, am I working today?” I impatiently repeated.
She narrowed her eyes at my tone.
“Yes, you are. Maintenance is cleaning up a huge water spill in the basement, so I’ve been instructed to gather any spare staff and get them to clean all the change rooms and the rest of the bathrooms in the other wings.” A satanic smile spread across her troll face.
