This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2015 Lisa Survillas
A Soldier’s Dawning by Lisa Survillas
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Cover photo by Randy Sewell at RLS Model Images Photography
Cover Design by Kari March of K23 Designs
Interior Formatting by Pink Ink Designs
Cover Model: Justin Keeton
Dedication:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Note from the Author
Acknowledgements
Dedication:
To every service man and woman,
Thank you for the sacrifices you make.
You are the true heroes!
To the families of service men and women,
You too deserve a special thanks.
Words can never truly express the
Gratitude you all deserve.
THE DAYS AND nights pass us by and we don’t have a care in the world. Time moves whether we’re ready or not. Don’t I know it. One minute I’m on top of the world. Great wife. Baby on the way. Career I love. Then bam, the world shows me who’s boss. And it ain’t me.
Getting out of bed gets harder and harder each day. Hearing them tell me I’d never be able to do my job again was horrible, but being forced into retirement killed me. And yet, somehow the news got worse. That was when I truly felt dead inside. I was completely and utterly wrecked. I can’t believe nobody told me when it happened. What a bunch of bullshit. Afraid it would affect my recovery, my ass. They should’ve sent my ass home and let me heal there. I should’ve been there.
What do I do now? How do I move on? There’s nothing left for me at home, so thankfully Gunnar has a permanent cabin at this RV resort that I can hide out in and keep my family and friends from watching my every move. I expected this place to be a shithole, but it’s remarkably nice and I have it all to myself for as long as I need in the next four years. It’s even nicer that there isn’t a phone here, so my family can’t even check on me.
I don’t even have to go home for the funerals, since they had them without me. I’m sure my parents and brothers are worried about me, but I can’t bring myself to care.
I can hear children playing in the distance. Shit, listening to children laugh fucking kills me. Thankfully, this cabin is pretty secluded from the areas the families enjoy. I’m not sure I could handle watching families, knowing I never had a chance to enjoy mine. Hell, I didn’t even know my daughter had been born. When I was finally given the news, it was devastating. It was the worst news of my entire life. The previous day they’d told me I would be forced to retire since the injury would never heal enough for me to go back to my job, and I thought that was the lowest point in my life. Then after a good night’s sleep they dropped bomb number two on me. It. Killed. Me.
The beeping of the machines wakes me all night long. The sterile smell, the crisp air, and the solemn faces cause my heart to ache. I want out of here. They’ve made it clear that I can’t go back to work, at least not for the Army. So send me the fuck home already. Shit, I’m sure that a hospital stateside could help me. I’ve been in this hell hole three fuckin’ weeks. I was okay with it when I thought I’d be going back on duty after I healed, but now, I just want to get home to Amelia, and see the birth of our daughter.
The military nurses are not at all what I expected. We soldiers are rough and abrasive, but they are kind and gentle. Although they don’t see the action out in the trenches, they see the aftermath – the pain, the suffering, and the loss – maybe even more so than those of us in the field. After the battle is over, we see the wounded and the lost, but once we’ve cleared the area it’s out of our sight. The hard part is that it’s always at the front of our minds. But the doctors and nurses, they see the wounds, hear the soldier cry out in pain, listen to the heartbreak of diagnoses, and even have to deal with their families. When they lose a soldier, it’s got to cut even deeper because they invested so much into helping heal them.
“Staff Sergeant Reynolds, glad to see you’re up. Are you in any pain?” She places her hand gently on my good shoulder to offer comfort.
Of course I’m in pain, but I hate the pain medicine. I just want to go home. “I’m fine.” I’m an asshole in my response, and although that’s not normally how I am, I can’t bring myself to give a shit.
She doesn’t move, and suddenly I’m aware that we’re not the only people in the room. My doctor is in here, along with the psychologist that was present when they dropped the retirement bomb on me yesterday.
“Staff Sergeant Reynolds, good morning. I hope you slept comfortably.” The soft voice of the psychologist hangs in the room.
It’s clear they have more to tell me, and they’re definitely nervous about how I’m going to take it. Without responding, I look to each one of them, noting the pity in their eyes. How can there possibly be more bad news?
She speaks again, bringing my focus back to her. “We need to talk about what you can expect when you get home at the end of the week. Do you think you’re up for that now?”
“I’m good.”
“Staff Sergeant Reynolds, the day after you were injured there was an accident. Your fiancé was hit by a drunk driver—”
My gasp stops her in her tracks.
“—I’m so sorry. She didn’t make it.”
The squeezing of my chest makes it impossible to breathe. I feel like I’m gasping for air, suffocating. The pain there makes it worse. The nurse, whom I’d forgotten was there, reaches over and places the oxygen mask on me. After a few attempts at inhaling, the air is able to make its way through my body again with ease. The tightening of my chest, however, remains. “The . . . baby?” I can only get out a whisper. Nobody speaks at first, and that’s all the answer I need.
Quietly, the nurse by my side says, “Sir, they delivered your baby, but the trauma was too severe and she didn’t make it through the first night.”
My daughter was born, alone, and died, alone. Amelia didn’t even get to hold her. “Get out!” I can’t do this with everyone in here.
The gentle nurse is the last to leave. She pauses in the doorway and says, “I’m here if you need to talk. All you have to do is request my presence. I’m sorry again, Staff Sergeant Reynolds.”
They all exit. As the nurse leaves the room, she turns and gives me a nod and a s
ympathetic smile. I can’t tell if she understands the pain I’m in or if she is just that kind. I don’t respond to her. I simply close my eyes and will this all away.
My life is over. A gunshot wound to the shoulder missed its mark. Clearly it was meant for my heart, and now that’s being rectified.
Ironic, though, that this Happy Endings Resort is where I ultimately have to figure out where to begin again. There will be no happy ending for me. I’m not sure there will be happy in my future at all. The solitude here will have to be enough for me. Gunnar won’t be out of the service for at least another four years, so I know I can rent this place from him for a while.
Thankfully, Gunnar’s cabin is at the end of the street and fairly secluded. God knows I don’t need any nosy neighbors who want to be fast friends and learn all about each other’s lives. I’m hoping for as little interaction as possible. Gunnar said that in all the times he’s stayed at his cabin, it was almost desolate. The temporary camping area is on the other side of the so-called resort. And while they’re all far enough away that I won’t have to interact with them, I can still hear the joy in the children playing. That joy breaks me a little more each day, but I have to find a way to come to grips with the fact that it’ll never happen for me.
As much as avoiding life sounds like what I need, I know it’s time to look for a job. All that money I’d been saving from the service was supposed to buy Amelia the house of her dreams. I wanted to give that girl the world. She was already my world. Our baby girl was just icing on the cake. Without them, it's like the world has stopped spinning. It's definitely lost its color.
Damn, my thoughts run wild out here. Not that there's much else to do here but think. Instead of thinking about the future though, I’m stuck with painful memories. Well, the memories are wonderful, but the reality of them being just that, flat out fucking sucks.
We’d only been in school for about three days, and it was my senior year. I was daydreaming in government, and in walks Jewel, a student office aide, with a new student following behind. She was a sight to be seen, with long blonde hair, bright green eyes, and a petite frame. When she looked around the room, our eyes met, and the air was stolen from me. Wow! She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. And hers didn’t leave mine as she waited while Jewel checked her in with Ms. Lisser. It was like we were the only two people in the room. It was the most intense moment of my life until then.
Ms. Lisser announced her name and assigned her a seat. I was relieved when it was the empty seat next to me. Gotta love when life works in your favor. She sat and glanced in my direction. That coy smile of hers hit me in the groin, causing me to shift uncomfortably in my seat. I wasn’t sure what it was about her that was doing this to me, but I liked having the chance to find out. Of course, I couldn't do anything about it when Ms. Lisser started class. The rest of the period, I didn't have a clue what was said, but I was completely aware of Amelia sitting next to me.
Class ended too soon and I didn't see her again for the rest of the day. I was surprised at just how disappointed I was at that. It wasn’t like me at all. I'd never had trouble getting the girls, and I'd never really cared much for any of the ones I'd dated. If you could even call it that. It was more like I allowed them to follow me around and made out with them at parties. Other than that, I'd never even really taken the time to know anything about them.
Fucking memories, I can't keep them out of my mind. They hit me all day long, even in my sleep. I don't think I've have a good night's sleep since I was given the news. It's worse that she and my angel were buried before I got home. I knew her parents hated me, but they were my fiancé and our baby. I wish I could bear to go visit their graves, but it's too soon to see everyone. One foot into that small town of ours and everyone will know I'm there. I would never be able to leave.
Fuck! I need something to keep busy. This sulking isn't getting me anywhere, and it's certainly not chasing the damn memories away. I guess tomorrow I'll finally touch base with the resort manager, Edwin, to let him know I'm here. Maybe he’ll know of a place in town that I can look for work. I certainly don't need much, and the more hands on, the better it will be for me. Anything to keep my mind off of my crappy life.
Gunnar has a truck parked here, and thankfully he is allowing me to use it as long as I keep it up and fix anything that comes up. It’s nice not having to walk around the resort and worry about meeting people. As I drive to the front office area, I can’t help but survey my surroundings. All that time in the Army taught me to always be prepared, which means being aware of everything that goes on around you. The resort itself is really nice. The people are eclectic, to say the least. Edwin is an interesting guy. My first thought, though, is to wonder what would make a person want to manage a campground/trailer park resort. But one look at him and it seems to fit.
“Hey, man,” I say as I walk into the tiny office.
“What can I do for you?” the portly man asks casually from behind the desk.
“I’m Jason Reynolds, a friend of Gunnar’s. I’m staying in his cabin for a while. Thought I’d stop in and let ya know so that you weren’t caught off guard when you found me out there.”
“Great to have you here, Jason.” He seems pretty laid back, but then I guess you’d have to be to run a place like this. “You one of his Army pals?”
“You could say that. We’ve served in the same unit for the last ten years.”
“You on leave, or out for good?”
Fuck. What is this, twenty questions? “Out.”
I can see in his eyes that he understands my curtness. “Alright, man. Let me know if you need anything.”
Deciding against asking about a job, I just nod and walk out. I don’t want to make nice with anyone, including him. This isn’t a vacation for me. I don’t need friends. I’ve already lost everything, and I’m not going to set myself up for hurt like this again. I’m better off alone, even if it’s just to wallow in my misery.
THREE DAMN DAYS and I haven’t left the cabin. I can hear people going about their regular day on the resort property happily, but I can’t bear to pull my shit together and be a part of any of it. Edwin stopped by the second day, but I didn't answer. He knew I was here; he hollered as much through the door, but I didn't feel like being fucking friendly. Stopping in the other day was a mistake. I think he took my coming in as an invitation to be friends. Far from it. Friends are the last thing I need.
Now that I'm on Edwin's fucking radar, I'm afraid to go sit outside in the evening, for fear that he'll show up and try to hang out. I’m sure he’s a good guy, but I’ve got good people at home if I need to be around people. Right now Ij just need the solitude. And, well, maybe a fucking job. Okay, not maybe. I really do need a job. Tomorrow . . . that is what I keep telling myself, anyway.
Bored and restless, I just wander from room to room. I'm doing my best not to end up at the bottom of a bottle like most veterans who’ve suffered do. Don't get me wrong, I've done my share of drinking the last few weeks, but I'm trying to keep from living a bottomless existence. I know once I go down that road, there’ll be no turning back. I'm not sure my mom could handle losing me that way. I know she was devastated losing Amelia and our baby, and I'm sure that I was making things worse by hiding away, but drinking myself to death would surely destroy her. And I don't want to do that.
It seems like days pass before I'm tired enough to lay down and, of course, sleep eludes me once again. So instead, I lie here taking in the silence, wishing Amelia was with me and we were complaining about our lack of sleep. It seems to be my new normal, being wide awake and stuck in sorrow, unable to let the memories and dreams go.
As usual, when I wake in the morning I can't remember falling asleep. It's a vicious cycle that's exhausting me. Today, though, I'm determined to make it out of this cabin and into the world to find a job. I know I passed through a town on my way here, but I was thinking of heading out a bit further in hopes
of not running into anyone from this resort.
Showering for the day, I remember back to the last one Amelia and I shared. I was on a two week leave and we took advantage of every moment together. Our families were pissed that I only spent a day with each of them. Knowing I'd be gone for six to twelve months, we wanted to make sure we packed in the memories. And that we did.
Knowing I've only got a few hours before I have to leave, I can't watch her sleep any longer. I need to touch her. Lightly, I press my lips to her collarbone and slowly work my way up her neck to her ear. "Baby, shower with me. I have to leave in a few hours."
Her response is just a grunt. She's never been a morning person.
"As much as I love watching you sleep, I want to spend the last few hours with you in my arms."
"Fine, I'm up. Let's shower." Her raspy morning voice is so sexy. I'll miss it while I'm gone. With the time difference, I probably won't be able to call her and hear that voice very often.
Once I know she's awake, I pick her up and carry her naked body into the shower. The water warms quickly in our little apartment. I take the soap and lather it up in my hands, then slowly drag my hands over her skin. I start at her shoulders and move down her back toward her ass. Then I do the back side of each leg, before turning her around and doing her front side. I make sure to skip her sensitive areas, saving them to savor at the end. The little hums of appreciation she makes causes my dick to twitch in anticipation of what is to come.
Wanting this memory to last us through the year, I continue to take my time, dragging my fingertips over her breasts and around her nipples, and loving the way they tighten up at my touch. I guide her backward a smidge to rinse her off. I need my mouth on her. Once the water rinses the soap off of her breasts, I lean down and suck a hardened bud into my mouth while I drag my hand down her stomach to the one spot on her body I have yet to touch. When I finally run my finger across her lips, she jumps. It makes me smile seeing just how aroused she is. Damn, I'm gonna miss touching her. This will be the longest year of my life.
A Soldier's Dawning (The Happy Endings Resort Series Book 8) Page 1
