“Jason, please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
As much as I hear her, I can’t bring my body to move. Like it’s drawn to her and refuses to let this opportunity pass. But as I stand here, I know that I’m not that guy. As much as I like her up against me, I have to move because she asked. So, I do. Well, I step back a little.
“Thank you,” she says softly, and pulls out a dish of food. “Do you like enchiladas?”
Nodding, I take her hint and move back to the barstools, then take a seat, and let her warm us up some food. She babbles nervously while she moves around the kitchen, making sure to avoid eye contact with me. The tension buzzes around us and, no matter what happens tonight, the attraction between us is unmistakable. I respond idly while I breathe and try to calm my body back down. It’s only a few minutes before she’s standing across the bar from me, placing our plates down, and offering me a drink.
“Water’s good, thanks.”
She grabs us each a bottle from the fridge, and I can see the beer next to it. As much as I’d love a beer, I know I need to flush this alcohol through me in hopes of being able to keep from dragging Dawn to her bedroom and living out one of the many dreams I’ve had about her.
It’s silent while we eat and, even though we should be uncomfortable, something about sitting here seems right . . . easy. It’s a strange feeling to have, and I expect to be hit with the guilt of being near another woman who isn’t Amelia, but it never comes. She clears our plates, rinses them, and places them in the dishwasher without even a word. My eyes follow her every movement, and I know she feels it. The attention doesn’t make her noticeably uncomfortable. Her movements are as graceful and fluid as ever.
When she’s done, she turns to me and says, “Follow me. I’ll grab you some blankets and a pillow for the couch.”
LYING ON THE couch in Dawn’s house is killing me. I listened to her get ready for bed and was hopeful she’d change her mind and come to me, but that didn’t happen. The movement died down over an hour ago and yet, I lie here waiting, hoping that she’ll come to me. I’d go to her, but her plea in the kitchen keeps me rooted to the couch. I can’t break her trust. Friends . . . I can do friends.
At some point, I fall asleep and find myself jolted awake in a sweaty mess from a new dream.
I’m lying on my couch, sleeping. It’s not the couch in the cabin, but my couch at home. The home Amelia and I shared. The one I haven’t been to since before I was deployed the last time. I’m floating outside my body, an observer of my life in this moment. A figure moves from the hallway and approaches the sleeping me. I can’t make out who it is yet. When the figure leans down and brushes her lips against mine, the shadow fades and an actual person takes shape. It’s not Amelia, but I can’t make out the face yet. She is blonde, like Amelia, but her hair is wavy and a little warmer, like honey. I close my eyes, thinking about who could be kissing me since it’s always been Amelia. When I open my eyes, it’s her. Dawn’s amber eyes open too, and the electricity that whirs between us is unmistakable. She’s not kissing me anymore, but her lips hover just barely off mine, and I can still feel her softness.
I hear Dawn moving around in the kitchen, completely unaware that I just had this simple yet extremely confusing dream about her. I can’t catch my breath, my heart is racing, and there’s a light sheet of sweat covering my body. It’s a little overwhelming to think of her in the home that I shared with Amelia. Hell, I can’t even think of myself in that house again.
I try to shake off the feeling of unease, knowing I’m going to have to talk to Dawn. The dream and the discomfort it brings me are not anything I want to talk about. A few deep breaths help slow my heart rate and take the feeling of suffocating away, but before I have the chance to get up, use the bathroom, and splash some cool water on my face, Dawn is in the room.
“Hey there sleepy head. I didn’t peg you as such a sound sleeper.”
“Uh . . . I’m not. Well, not usually.” I glance around the room, trying to gauge just how late it actually it is. Realizing she still has all the blinds and curtains shut tightly, keeping the outside world away, I have to ask, “Just how late am I going to be today?”
“Oh.” Her eyebrows raise in surprise. “Sorry to make you nervous. You’re not late. I just thought you’d be more like Uncle Brandon and only sleep in short spurts. I think the longest he’s ever slept is about four hours. He’d taken some medication for a sore throat, and I’m sure it was the reason he slept that long. He’s never said as much, but I think it’s why he leaves at lunch a lot.”
A little confused, I ask her, “What does his sleep have to do with leaving at lunch?”
With a little embarrassed giggle, she says, “I think he goes home to take a short nap.”
“Hmm . . . that makes sense.”
“Anyway, I think you should eat something and shower before we need to leave for work. We have about an hour before we need to be in.”
“I’ll just have some coffee.” Sitting up makes my stomach turn and my head spin a little, reminding me of just how much I drank last night.
“Yeah, I figured you’d need more than coffee for that hangover this morning. I made some bacon and French toast. Help yourself. I’m going to go get dressed while you eat.”
She walks past me and down the hall to her room, and I can’t take my eyes off of her. When she pushes the door closed, I get up slowly and head to the kitchen. My stomach doesn’t seem too happy with the idea of food, but I know I need to eat to feel a little better. Shit, today’s going to suck at work.
I clean the kitchen up when I’m done, figuring she’ll need more time in the bathroom than I took just eating. When I finally get back to where I think the bathroom is, I knock lightly on the closed door as to not startle her. When she doesn’t answer, I open the door and go in.
Dawn’s loud squeal catches me off guard and before I can move, and I see her towel fall to the floor. Suddenly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about my hangover. I do like what I see, but I’m trying to be respectful and not look. “Shit! Sorry!” I try to keep my eyes averted from her, but looking away from her gives me the perfect view of her ass in the mirror’s reflection.
As she bends over to pick up her towel, a groan leaves my mouth involuntarily. She looks perfect, bent over with her ass in the air. Two steps and I could be standing behind her, caressing that ass.
“Ah-hem.” She clears her throat to get my attention. Apparently I’m caught staring at her in the mirror. Instead of disgust on her face, though, her eyes are darker, and I can see that she’s enjoying me looking at her this way. Our eyes lock in the mirror, and neither of us move. The only noise in the room is the sound of our breathing.
“Dawn, if you don’t want me to touch you right now, you need to go get dressed.”
“And if I want you to touch me?” The soft tease in her voice is my undoing. In two quick strides, I’m pulling her up against me and kissing her . . . hard. She doesn’t fight me; in fact, she sinks her nails into my arms and kisses me back just as fiercely. My hands rub her back and down to her ass, pulling her closer so she can feel just how she affects me. Her little noises are sexy as hell, and make it difficult to not lose control.
Slowly, she runs her hands up my chest under my shirt, until she’s pulled the hem up enough to expose my chest. I help her with the rest, breaking our kiss. Her lips move to my chest as she kisses and nips a path to my waistline. The thought of her mouth on me has my dick harder than I can remember it ever being. When she unbuttons my pants, I feel my dick jump in excitement. “Dawn, you don’t have to do this.”
“Mmhmmm . . .” is her only response, before she pulls my dick out of my pants, licks the tip once, and then wraps her mouth around it.
“Dawn, this will be over real fast if you keep that up.”
Ignoring me, she takes up a slow rhythm, before adding her hand to the process. When she starts to pick up the speed, I have to pull her back up to her feet or I’ll
be done in seconds. Her expression causes a little chuckle to escape. “I’m not laughing at you. It’s a turn on to know you like to do that, but if we’re doing this, I’m finishing inside your pussy, not your mouth.”
Her response is so simple but so perfect. She just closes her eyes with a soft moan of pleasure. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. Dawn’s little noises might be my undoing. “Baby, it’s been a long time. I won’t last long, so this is gonna be fast and hard,” I say as I pick her up and place her on the edge of the counter. Then I begin kissing her again, drawing a deep groan from her throat.
My hands travel slowly down her body, until they hit her freshly shaved pussy. Fuck yeah! I love it nice and smooth. A little teasing around her outer lips has her wiggling around, trying to get my finger to her sweet spot. Instead of giving her what she wants, I trail my mouth down her neck to that spot behind her ear and whisper, “Trust me, I’ll take care of you, baby.”
Her sweet, breathy “yes” in return is all I need to keep me going. Kissing a trail down her core has her mewling and wiggling all around.
The smell of her desire gets stronger the closer I get, making me want to spend my day here, even though I know we only have a little time before we’ll both be late for work. When my tongue takes its first pass along her lips, my dick jumps in anticipation. I know I need to get her to the finish line quickly, or I’ll embarrass myself by coming all over.
After a few swipes around her clit with my tongue, I slide my finger inside her. First one, then two, increasing the tempo of my fingers before finally sucking her swollen bud into my mouth, sending her over the edge while she calls out my name. I’ve never heard anything sweeter. Suddenly, I’m aware of losing control and doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t. This can’t work with us, but it feels so good, so right. My heart and my head are at war. My heart is feeling something, and I never thought that would happen again. But my head tells me to stay loyal to Amelia, and let Dawn find someone who is whole and can give her every part of him. Then the thought of someone else touching Dawn boils in my gut. I’m an ass . . . I want her, but I don’t.
“Fuck!” I know she thinks it’s a good thing and I’m going to be an asshole here, but this can’t happen. “I’m sorry, Dawn,” I say as I pull my pants back up and head for the door. Before I exit, I turn to her. “I wish things were different. I’ll just call a cab. I really am sorry.” Then I head back to the living room to gather my things.
Before I can get to my phone, I hear the bathroom door slam and footsteps pounding their way down the hall. I was hoping she’d just let this go and not make more out of it. I know she deserves so much better than this shit.
“Don’t you dare try to leave, you coward!” Her face is red, and I almost expect steam to puff out of her ears. “You do not get to just walk away without more than an ‘I’m sorry.’”
“What do you want from me?” I run my hands over my face, frustrated, but trying to keep from saying something to make this worse. None of this is a reflection of her at all. “I’m not worth your time. I shouldn’t have let things go that far this morning. I don’t know what else to say.”
“How about talk to me. I know you feel this thing between us. Let me in.”
My head drops, my chin almost hits my chest, and the disappointment I see in her eyes hits me like an arrow through my heart. I hate that I’m hurting her, but it’s better now than later when she sees that she can’t have my heart because it’s hollowed out.
“I can’t, Dawn. It wouldn’t make anything better. Words can’t fix me. Nothing I say, nothing I do, can fix me enough to make me worth your time. It really is better this way.”
“You don’t get to decide that. You can’t know if your broken is worse than someone else’s. What could make you think that you deserve to live in misery?” She paces back and forth while she screams at me. I don’t speak. I know she needs to get this all out. I deserve every bit of her anger. What I don’t understand, though, is why it hurts so bad to know I disappointed her. She shouldn’t be able to affect me like that. I mean, yeah, she’s hot as fuck, but it’s all just superficial. My body responds because it’s been over a year since I’ve touched a woman, but shit if it doesn’t make me feel guilty to touch someone who isn’t Amelia.
“Jason”—she takes a deep breath and sits on the chair across from the couch where I’m standing—“talk to me. I think you might be surprised to hear my story.”
“Dawn, I think we should cut our losses before someone gets hurt.”
“You don’t think it hurts to finally let someone touch me after three years, and have them turn and walk away saying it was a mistake? Fuck you, Jason.”
“Three years?” I’m shocked. She is gorgeous. I’ve wondered from the beginning how she’s still single. But three years? That’s insanity.
“Yes, he left three years ago. Well, three years and four months ago. But you don’t deserve that story.” She stands and says, “Go shower, we’re leaving in thirty minutes.” Then she walks out of the room and I hear the back door shut. Disappointed in myself, I drag my ass back to her shower and go through the motions once again. Shower, dress, work, eat, and sleep. That’s all I’ll have in my life. I don’t even deserve a friend like Dawn. It’s better for everyone if I just stay in solitude.
When I finish showering and getting dressed, I find Dawn waiting on the couch for me. Without a word, she moves toward the door, and I follow. There’s nothing left to say if I refuse to open my life to her. It’s just another crappy turn in life. She shouldn’t have to have a complicated life. Who would want to have just a small part of someone’s heart? Why would she want to lie next to someone at night who will wake up screaming someone else’s name? It wouldn’t be fair to her. Besides, Amelia deserves more from me. Her life. Our baby’s life. They deserve for me to honor them forever.
The drive is tense. She doesn’t look my way. She doesn’t speak. She just drives. I glance at her out of my peripheral vision now and then, and it kills me to see the anger on her face. Knowing I could’ve avoided this if I’d just stayed strong makes my gut turn, threatening to bring my breakfast back up. I manage to keep it down, and when she pulls into the diner parking lot, I just sit there hoping I can come up with something to say to make up for this morning.
“Dawn . . .”
“Just stop, Jason. Go to work. I don’t need anything from you. I’m just sorry you’re too much of a coward to open up and explore this. I know it could be great.” She climbs from the car and waits for me to exit, before setting the alarm and heading into the diner, leaving me to stand there dumbfounded by her strength.
Brandon’s face when I walk through the doors says just how much he knows about last night, but he doesn’t say a thing.
I MIND MY own business for almost a week at work. Dawn avoids the garage for lunch, and the guys end up at the diner a lot. Nobody says a word to me about her, but I know they’re pissed. I don’t blame them at all. I’m a selfish asshole. I knew better than to get too close to her, and yet I let it happen. So many times this week I wanted to walk over and talk to her, but it wouldn’t do any good. No explanation excuses the shit I did. I’m a grown ass man and I knew better. I shouldn’t have messed with her feelings. It’s clear she’s been through some crap in her life too, but my selfishness still took over.
It’s the last work day of the week for me, and I’m looking forward to the day off tomorrow. I’ve been keeping to myself and staying under the cars as much as possible to avoid any conversation about Dawn. I’m finally done with the last oil change, and getting ready to clean up my area when I hear my name. I turn to find Brandon standing in the doorway, looking my way. The look on his face is anything but friendly.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath and lay the tools in my hands back on the counter before heading his way, slowly. I know I have to just take whatever shit he throws at me. I screwed up, and I deserve this lashing.
I don’t say a word when I walk in
to his office and take a seat across from him. Judging from the way he’s glaring at me, I should be thankful there is a desk between us to keep him from killing me.
Before he speaks, he takes a deep calming breath. “Look, I don’t know your story, but I know Dawn’s. I told you that girl didn’t need more shit in her life, and yet you gave it to her. I love that girl like my own, and I don’t like to see her upset. Fix this shit!”
I don’t know what to say to him. How do I explain my clusterfuck of emotions? “Brandon, man. I didn’t want to hurt her. Trust me though, if I let it go any further, she’d be hurting worse down the line. It’s not something I can make her understand. I’ll never be good enough for her. She deserves more than what little heart I have left.”
“You know, Jason, when you walked through my door, I had a good feeling about you. I could see the sadness in your eyes, and I hoped you’d heal slowly. We’ve all been there. This entire garage is filled with vets, man. But not one of them made me regret hiring them. They listened to me and didn’t pull that amazing girl into their shit. Now that they all have their heads on straight, they will protect her like she’s their sister. They know her story. Not one of us will let that girl get shit on again. Not even from you, and we all like you. Fix this. Today.”
“How can I fix it? You want me to quit? To leave?” My heart races and my breathing speeds up. I’m anxious because without this place I’m not sure I’ll make it. I’ve grown to think of this place as home. I was even thinking about looking into buying my own cabin in the resort so Gunnar will have his place to himself when he’s ready.
“Talk to her. Start there. Tell her your story, listen to hers. I bet you’d be surprised how much that girl’s been through. She’s shown every one of us that we only think we’re broken. Dawn is the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. You’d be an idiot to walk away if you feel anything for her. I promise you’ll regret that the rest of your life.”
A Soldier's Dawning (The Happy Endings Resort Series Book 8) Page 7
