“Q, you’re –”
“Sabrina, please?” The sorrow in her voice tugged at her. “Please don’t make me answer questions about what happened.”
Nosy doctors would be all over her ass, demanding answers, calling in social workers. Q would be mortified. Now that they’d covered her body, she’d stopped shivering. Her eyes looked clearer. The wounds were superficial – they could bandage them at home.
She sighed. “Alright. To the apartment.” Gently, she tugged Q back into her lap. Stroking her hair, she scolded, “Why on earth would you do this to yourself, Q? You scared the shit out of me. I get that you’re upset about Jude. Piercings are one thing, but my god, you could’ve been murdered! Do you have any sense at all?” Then her brain processed what her fingers already had. “Your hair!” It looked like someone had taken a blunt machete to it. “What did you do to your beautiful hair?”
Q remained quiet, but her breathing had steadied and her muscles relaxed.
“I should have never broken things off,” she whispered, more to herself. It was her fault Q had almost just died – hers and Jude’s. She wished she could kick his sorry ass for leaving her. And if Sabrina had been brave enough to stand up for what she believed in instead of hiding – like a coward – this never would’ve happened. Thank god she’d made it in time. If something worse than this had happened to Q…tears welled up in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry.” Sabrina leaned down and kissed her hair.
“I don’t want your pity,” she slurred.
“It’s not pity. I mean it. I love you. It just took me a while to…realize it.” Denial was a powerful trap.
“No.” She shifted as if trying to get away then seemed to think better of it and gave up with a sigh. “I definitely don’t want your pity love. I’m pathetic enough without it.”
Sabrina’s patience snapped. “It’s not pity, dumbass! I busted down the door of a stranger’s house for you. If he had tried to keep me from taking you, I probably would’ve gotten myself killed protecting you. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. Now lie still and shut up!”
There was a pause long enough to make Sabrina think she’d fallen asleep, then, “When did you get so bossy?”
She chuckled and kissed her temple. “When I thought I’d lost you.”
Ivy dropped them at the apartment, promising to get her car back to her in the morning. Q seemed stronger and pushed Sabrina away when she tried to help her into the house. But Sabrina managed to bully her into her bedroom and lie down on the bed while she bandaged her wounds.
The dim lamp on the side table didn’t provide much light but Sabrina didn’t want to disturb Q, who seemed to be resting soundly. She only winced a few times when Sabrina dabbed on the antiseptic cream. The wounds would probably heal without scarring. Luckily, it did seem like Fuckface knew what he was doing – for that part of things anyway. There wasn’t much Sabrina could do for the bruising though. Q would feel that tomorrow. But she bandaged up the gashes on her thighs then tucked her under the covers.
She considered her options from here. This was Q’s room and they hadn’t been the closest of roommates lately. Should she sit beside her or leave right away or –
“Fuck it,” she mumbled, unzipping her jeans then letting them fall to the floor. She kicked off her flip flops then freed herself from her bra before approaching the bed.
“What are you doing, little girl?” Q’s voice sounded too small to be in big, bad Domme mode.
“Oh, I’m ‘little girl’ again, huh?” She made a scooting motion with her hands. “I’m getting in bed with you, and you know I only wear underwear and a tee to bed. Move over.”
Q chuckled softly as she made room for Sabrina. It was good to hear her laugh, even if it was weak. Sabrina slid in under the covers and lay down on her side, facing away from Q.
She could feel Q’s breath warming the back of her neck but Q didn’t touch her. After a few moments of scrambling for something to say and coming up empty, she reached back and grabbed Q’s wrist then tugged it around her waist. Q chuckled again and tightened her hold while Sabrina ran her fingers up and down her arm.
“You don’t act like a straight girl,” Q whispered, nuzzling into her hair.
She smiled into the pillow. “You don’t make me feel like one.”
Another moment of silence then, “So this is it, Sabrina? One night I was in danger and suddenly you’re bi?”
She inhaled slowly then exhaled, thinking through the right words. It was more complicated than what Q boiled it down to. And it would be hard for Q to believe her no matter what she said. So she did her best to explain.
“You know that song, Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell? Counting Crows did a cover of it in the early two thousands, I think. It was a good cover. I almost like it better than the…”
Q’s soft laughter made her trail off. “A serious conversation and you talk about pop songs. Figures.”
Sabrina squeezed her arm. “I have a point. Anyway, the idea of the song is that you don’t always know what you have until it’s gone. And I…”
Her voice cracked and she had to stop.
“I…I didn’t know.” Tears flowed down her cheeks, forming a wet pool on the pillow. “I don’t know if I’m bi or straight or lesbian or asexual…” She snorted a silly, tearful laugh. “And I don’t really care. I just…I want to go back to the way things were. Before Jude left.” She couldn’t stand facing away anymore – she needed to see Q, to see her face. Carefully, so she didn’t shake the bed too much, she rolled to her other side.
Q was there, with big watery blue eyes. Sabrina smiled and placed her forehead against hers. “I want to be your girlfriend again. And I want to be your sub. Your little girl.”
Q’s hand came up and wiped the falling tears from her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Q.” Her tears came faster. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner. I didn’t know. I thought I knew what I wanted but…” She had to pause because she was sobbing so hard. “Please say you forgive me.”
“Shh.” Q petted her head. “Of course I forgive you.”
“And…and…” Dear god she was blubbering like a baby. “And you’ll be my girlfriend again?”
She frowned and dropped her gaze. “Sabrina, I…” Her expression told of a war going on inside her head. “I know you say you love me, but…”
“You don’t love me back?”
Q shook her head. “No. Never that. I always loved you, Sabrina. It was just hard living with you when I couldn’t show it.”
She slowed down her sobs and took a few deep breaths. “It was awful!”
“Yes. So you know it’s hard for me to believe you love me. To take that risk again.”
Sabrina nodded and bit down on her lip. “I know. But I’ll do anything to prove it to you. You’ll see.”
“You’ve done a lot tonight. I’m sorry I dragged you into that. I didn’t mean for my –”
“Stupid act of recklessness,” she filled in for her.
Q gave her a small smile. “Yes. That. I didn’t mean for it to affect you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Well, you did.” She looked over her best friend’s face – which used to be familiar but now seemed so strange. “And so does all this…punk, goth, whatever you call it stuff.” She pointed to her hair then the piercings.
“You don’t like my new look? And here I thought you were tired of black.”
“It’s fine if you’re going to wear blue shirts from now on. But if you keep wearing black, you’ll always clash.”
Q laughed. “Funny girl. I’ll dye it back if you want me to. But there’s still one thing I have to know before we go any further.”
“What?” Sabrina froze. She really couldn’t take much more tonight.
Q smirked. “You really think you might be asexual?”
A big snort escaped her and they both giggled. Then they held each other, runny noses, tears and all, until the sun came up t
he next morning.
Chapter 20
Sabrina
The smell of sautéed onions filled the small kitchen, bringing a smile to Sabrina’s face. Q stood in front of the sizzling pan, stirring the onions with a wooden spoon. Sabrina was giving her a cooking lesson. And so far, it wasn’t going too badly.
“That’s good for now, Q. Slice the peppers and we’ll add those next.”
Sabrina moved to the other counter and unwrapped the sausage then started to cut it into round pieces. “So I made a lunch date with my mom. I’m going to start dropping hints about us.” She glanced at Q, trying to gauge her reaction. “No, no, no!” She took the knife out of Q’s hand with a sigh. “Lengthwise. Like this.” She flipped the pepper around and cut a few pieces to show her.
Q rolled her eyes but copied her instructions.
Sabrina smirked. “You need lessons on being a girl.”
“I thought you liked me the way I am.”
She walked behind her and pressed a kiss to the back of Q’s neck. “I love you the way you are.”
Q’s shoulders tensed and the knife froze in place, hovering over the vegetable. It’d been a week since Q’s bad night with that jerk Dom. Sabrina had used the L-word dozens of times since then yet she still acted as if she didn’t believe it. She’d known it would be hard to prove to her friend after what she’d put her through. All she could do now was keep at it, until she finally gave in and accepted her love.
A long sigh then Q said, “I know, beautiful.”
Sabrina paused halfway to the fridge. She knew? A big grin stretched across her face. It was about time! Though they’d been acting like girlfriends, something was still missing. The last week had been the best they’d had since Jude left, but it wasn’t perfect. Things were tense between them. They hadn’t done anything kinky and she was beginning to crave it. She’d even bratted a bit last night, hoping Q’s inner Domme would rise to the surface and deliver a smack-down. But it hadn’t. Though moping less than before, Q was still unhappy. What would it take to get the old Q back?
Sabrina felt it too. An emptiness. Like a piece of them was missing. She had Q on her right but her left was gone. Jude. She still got choked up when she thought of him. His song had been on the radio a couple days ago and she’d had to pull over the car to cry.
She sighed and wiped her eyes. Damn onions. They had to force themselves to move on. At least now they had each other.
She threw some ingredients on the table then grabbed her mp3 player and docked it. Picking some quiet background music only took a few minutes, but she kept checking on Q anyway. The girl was next to helpless in the kitchen. It was both amusing and sad. Funny because Q needed adult supervision to attempt an omelet. Sad because Q’s older brothers raised her through her teens – meaning that beer in her morning cereal had been common, whereas real food hadn’t.
A knock at the door startled her. She turned to Q. “You expecting someone?”
Q shook her head. “It might be the neighbor looking for his cat again.”
“Hmm. I’ll get it. Keep stirring the onions.” She left the kitchen but called over her shoulder, “Take them off in a minute though if I’m not back.” At the door, she wiped her hands on her jeans then gripped the doorknob, swung it open, and gasped.
Six plus feet of masculine beauty stood in her doorway. He hooked his thumbs in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, his expression pained.
“Jude,” she breathed. She couldn’t move. Never in a million years had she expected him to show up on her doorstep.
“Hi.” When she just stared, he pressed his lips together and gave her a tiny smile that spoke more of discomfort than humor.
Sabrina gave her head a little shake. Swallowing down the words that were dying to spill out was almost impossible. Her jaw worked. Saying, you bastard, where the fuck have you been, would not endear her to him.
He’s here. But why?
“Um… come in. We’re cooking.” She backed out of the way. Then she couldn’t resist it anymore. “If you left a toothbrush behind, it’s long gone.”
Those eyes of his, focused down on her. Had he even registered what she’d said?
He stepped closer, then tentatively reached out and took a lock of her hair between his fingers. The nearness, the scent of him – it sent some indefinable emotion spiraling down inside her. She should speak, slap him, do something.
When she didn’t pull away, he played with her hair then released it. “God, I missed this,” he whispered.
She blinked, opened her mouth then closed it again. “Look, whatever it is you want…” Tears brimmed in her eyes but she tensed, blinking to make them go away. “You can’t just…”
So damn confusing…showing up like this. The possibilities confounded her. Was he truly back? Or just visiting? If she asked him bluntly if he was staying and he said no again, she would break. If she let him in, Q would think it too. And twice might shatter her friend. She couldn’t let that happen.
“I can’t just what?” He searched her face then straightened a little and took a breath. “I missed you. Both of you.”
“Who is it, Sabrina?” Q asked from the kitchen.
But when he raised his head to reply, she put the flat of her hand on his chest. She looked directly at him, blinking back more stupid tears. She wanted to wrap her arms around his waist, lay her head against his chest, inhale his familiar scent, feel his heavy hands on her back…she wanted to stay like that forever. But she had to protect Q.
“Don’t… Don’t you hurt her. Please. Go away now if you’re not staying. You don’t know what this did. I won’t have her hurt again –”
“Shh.” For a second, he gently laid his finger across her lips. “I won’t. I promise, Sabrina. I’m sorry.” Regret surfaced in his eyes.
“Okay,” she said softly then raised her voice. “Q. It’s Jude.”
A moment of silence then, “Ha, ha. Very funny.”
Jude smiled. “You’re not going to come say hi, brat?”
A loud clatter in the kitchen made Sabrina run in to check on Q. She stood, eyes wide, cooked onions around her on the floor. If she’d burned her bare feet she hadn’t noticed. Sabrina went to the counter for a towel, when she turned around, Q was gone.
“What are you doing here?” she heard Q demand from the living room.
Sabrina dropped to the floor to clean up the mess.
“I need to talk to both of you,” Jude answered.
After scooping the onions into the towel and tossing them in the garbage, she placed the pan into the sink then rushed back to Q and Jude. She came to a decision. No matter what Jude had said, she couldn’t put her hands back in his – couldn’t trust him that easily.
World War Three was about to break loose. She stood between them, but closer to Q – she knew her allegiance.
“Jude.” Q sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You can’t just pop in like this. You don’t know what it does to…” She paused. “Sabrina.”
Sabrina tossed her an irritated look.
“I’m not just popping in,” he said. He inhaled deeply then exhaled. “I want to take you two home.”
“Home?” Sabrina snorted.
Q tilted her head, looking skeptical. “Home? What do you mean?”
He shrugged then stared at the floor. “Well. When I have one. Which I’m working on. And some contracting jobs.” Lifting his head, he gave both of them a long look, his eyes pools of hope. “But none of that matters right now.” His brow furrowed as he zeroed in on Q’s neck.
Sabrina followed his gaze and saw it. A bruise, leftover from jerk face Dom, right next to her collarbone. Q’s face turned pink as she placed her hand over it.
“Is there someone else?” he asked, his voice husky.
Q shook her head. “No. There’s no one else, but…” She swallowed hard.
Sabrina jumped in to help. “I agree with Q,” she said, stepping toward Jude, placing herself between him and Q. �
�I just got her put back together. It’s been…difficult.” She felt her voice start to choke up too. Oh god, and here she was trying to be strong for Q!
“I messed up,” he blurted, frowning. “I’ve been miserable without my girls.” He took a step toward them. “I missed you so much. I didn’t realize how much you meant to me until…” His voice trailed off with a funny sound. And were his eyes watering?
Sabrina looked at Q. “If he starts singing Big Yellow Taxi, I’m gonna faint.”
But Q only had eyes for Jude. Not googly ones – guarded but hopeful. Maybe…maybe, could she hope too?
“I quit school,” he said. “I made Fredrick an offer on the house.”
Kerthunk. That statement hit home. He meant this then? He quit school. Can’t go back after that, right? She felt her body lean a little, toward Jude.
Q said nothing. She wished she was telepathic and could know what she was thinking. Taking her lead, she just stared.
Jude shifted. He lunged and captured Q’s hand, ignoring her gasp. Then he grabbed Sabrina’s. Oh fuck. She closed her eyes, enjoying the rough feel of his skin against hers. She felt the sting of rising tears.
His grip tightened, like he didn’t want to give them a chance to get away. Like he was desperate.
Like I am.
“I know I’ve been an ass, but I just couldn’t respond to your emails. I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to let go like I needed to. Or thought I needed to. It was supposed to be just for the summer, but I can’t get the two of you out of my head. Could we try again? See if we can make things long-term?”
Sabrina couldn’t hold back big sobbing tears. “I missed you so much.” Her lip trembled.
He beamed at her, then turned, bent his head as if to meet Q’s downcast gaze. “Q? Will you give us a chance?”
“You quit med school because of us? Are you an idiot?” When Q’s eyes came back up, an angry storm brewed. “And you might have won Sabrina back fast, but I’m a harder sell.”
“I never wanted to go to med school, Q. Quitting was about me, not about you two. If anything, you made me realize that being happy and being successful don’t have to be mutually exclusive. The fact that I’ve been miserable without you both – that I realized I made a huge mistake by leaving like I did – well, I guess that’s about me too. Would you even think of taking me back? How can I prove to you that I’m a mess without you two? I think about you day and night. I can’t eat. I feel like there’s a hole where my heart was.”
The Dom with a Safeword Page 27
