by J. F. Smith
Matt didn’t like letting go of the handholds on the CRRC, but as long as Travis had him, he could do it. He swung his legs over the seat on the small rubber boat and faced towards Travis.
Travis made Matt lock his eyes to his own. “I’m here. Just keep your eyes on me. Nothing’s going to happen. If you get nervous, just focus on me. We’ll head back in a few minutes, but just relax for now. It’s really peaceful out here tonight. It’s beautiful.”
The sound of Travis’ voice, the sight of him after being gone for two weeks, the words he spoke, all made Matt feel more at ease. It was a beautiful evening, even if it was also a little nerve-wracking at the same time. But Travis was right, as long as he focused on him, he felt like he could handle anything.
Travis eyed Matt a little suspiciously before asking, “So, smartypants, what makes you think this was a dangerous mission this time? Is it the bruise?”
Matt glanced at the large bruise and scabbed up scrape peeking out from under Travis’ t-shirt sleeve on his left arm. He said very seriously, “Kinda. But not really. You’re pretty clumsy, so I expect you to come back looking like that even if you’ve just been out to check your mail.”
Travis grinned crookedly. “Kiss my ass! I’m not clumsy! Come on now, seriously, what makes you say it was a bad one?”
“You were gone for two weeks, no communication at all. You come back earlier today and you’ve clearly not shaved at all for the entire time. You don’t come back like that unless it was a bad one.”
Travis nodded, his eyes sparkling at Matt as he continued to grin at his boyfriend. He scratched at the beard covering his face and growing down his neck almost to the top of his t-shirt. “You got me there, I guess. Yeah, the last two weeks got a little intense a few times. I bet I do look like crap.”
Matt said, “I didn’t say that. I kind of like the beard, even if I know you can’t keep it. Stupid Navy. How do you get to use this boat for something like this anyway?”
Travis said, “Oh, midnight requisition. I know some of the guys. They don’t mind if they look the other way and a zodiac disappears for a few hours.”
Apparently, Travis had taken advantage of this “midnight requisition” multiple times. They’d been out several times now, getting Matt used to being on a boat and out in the water. Each trip, they went further and farther out.
Matt nodded, then asked, “Seriously, though, how is your dad?”
“About the same as always. Well, not totally. Ever since you talked to him, he’s been better about not comparing me to Chris.”
Matt nodded.
Travis looked at his boots in the bottom of the boat.
“The last time I talked to him on the phone, though, he called me Chris a couple of times. Not just a mix-up, but like he really thought I was Chris. I wonder if maybe he’s getting a little… I don’t know… not senile. Maybe early Alzheimer’s. He seems a little different. A little foggy. I worry about him…”
Matt hoped it wasn’t that.
Travis frowned slightly, his face lit by the slowly sinking sun. “Are Bret and Jim mad that I haven’t invited them over to the beach this summer?” His shoulders slumped a little.
“No, not really,” said Matt. “I mean, they’d like to come visit and I think they’d love to watch you out in the water. I certainly do. But they actually do understand. Plus, they really like showing you off in Richmond when you come. The big roughneck Navy guy and all that.”
That finally managed to get a smile and laugh out of Travis, which made Matt feel much better. It was the truth. Bret and Jim did understand about Travis’ situation in Virginia Beach and respected it. But Matt knew it weighed on Travis anyway, having to hide friends of his just to hide something about himself. It took its toll on him.
“Look at your hands, Matt.”
Matt looked down at his hands clasped together casually in his lap. He looked back over at Travis and shrugged a “what about them?” at him.
“You’re not white-knuckling the handholds. You’re getting much more comfortable. You’re getting there, Matt!” Travis seemed genuinely proud of him.
Matt realized that he was right. When he had been out in the small boat previous times with Travis, he almost always clung to the handholds for dear life. Today was the first time they had gone so far out from land, into open water. But he was feeling more relaxed than ever in the boat now that his mind had wandered off it a little bit.
Travis said, “So, since you’re not so wound up this time…” He looked expectantly at Matt.
“What?” said Matt.
“You think I could go for a quick dip? The water looks really good right now.”
Matt’s heart hitched and grabbed in his chest at the thought of Travis getting out of the boat and leaving him alone, but he also knew how much Travis loved being in the water. “Sure, frogman. I’ll be ok. You just won’t go swimming way off or anything, will you? No two-mile endurance swims right now, got it?”
Travis grinned and said, “No. No endurance swims. I just wanna get wet.” He was already taking his boots off as fast as he could.
He stood up in the boat and shucked his t-shirt off and started taking his cammies off, shaking the boat slightly in the process, which made Matt grab the handles next to him again.
Travis stripped down completely naked and dove effortlessly into the water. At least that sight could distract Matt some more. He loved seeing Travis’ body, and the late-day sun seemed to highlight the peaks and valleys of every muscle in his arms, back and legs. Matt watched where Travis had dived into the water, knowing he could stay under for lengths of time that could make him panic. But to his relief, Travis surfaced just a few seconds later about twenty feet away from the boat, the blue ocean rippling around his neck and sparkling in the late daylight. Matt couldn’t comprehend how it would be to feel more at home in the water than on land, but that was Travis.
Travis groaned, “Ohhhh, God, this feels soooooo good right now!”
He swam back towards the boat lazily, reassuring Matt, “This is going to be you one day, Matt. I’m going to get you to where you’re this comfortable in the water, too, one day. One step at a time.”
Matt did kind of wish he could be in the water with Travis right now. The two of them there, naked, not another boat or person in sight, surrounded by the warm water of summer. Except if he were to get in there right now, he’d be screaming his lungs out in terror and clawing rabidly trying to get out of the water. Maybe one day. For now, though, Travis had focused on making Matt comfortable in boats. Travis had decided that actually getting in the water and learning to swim could come later.
Travis swam up to the side of the boat and put his arms up on it, the water running over his face and out of his full beard. “So, tonight’s video games with Petey, huh? And Baya, too, I guess?”
“Yeah. Maybe Crank or Jonas, too, if they don’t have anything else going on.”
Travis pushed back off from the boat, floating on his back, his naked body fully exposed as he drifted away from Matt slowly. He teased Matt, “I guess I’m lucky, as usual, to get this little bit of you to myself before you ‘officially’ show up here in Virginia Beach. I suppose I could start playing those dumb video games just so I can have more time with you.”
Matt shrugged his shoulders and said, “Hey, I’m out here in a boat with you.”
Travis nodded and gave Matt a wet grin. “Okay, point taken. Maybe I’ll come by. For what it’s worth, I know what you and Petey are like when you’re together. I do like for you guys to spend time together, you know. I like what you guys have become.”
“Petey’s a shithead. I can’t believe I let that dick hang out with me,” said Matt. Travis smiled broadly at Matt’s sarcasm. Matt very much appreciated that Travis wanted to give them space to become the close friends, the brothers, that they had become.
Travis pushed himself up against the side of the boat, his wet arms flexing as he lifted himself up. Matt grabbed the handles ag
ain as Travis got back up into the boat with a grace that came with going through that particular motion probably hundreds of times.
He stood in front of Matt, naked and dripping wet, golden in the warm light, with that proud, goofy grin on his face.
Matt said, “You know, even with two weeks of totally unchecked beard growth, I can still see those smile lines around your mouth.”
Travis immediately stopped grinning and tried very consciously to smooth the lines out. He said, “I hate those things.”
“They’re handsome. One of many things about you. There’s so many things like that about you, Trav. You’re incredibly good-looking.”
Matt almost started laughing as he watched the struggle play out across Travis’ face – the grin forcing its way back to the surface after Matt’s comment versus Travis’ desire to not let the smile lines show.
The grin finally won out and Travis asked, “Really?”
“Really.”
Travis taunted, “You’d ditch me for Petey if you had the chance. Admit it!”
Matt guffed in disgust at the thought. Travis planted his wet hands on either side of Matt and leaned over him, dripping seawater onto his shirt and jeans. He said, “I’m just a consolation prize for you.”
Travis leaned further over Matt, pushing him back and off the inflated seat until he was trapped in the bottom of the boat under him. He lay his body down on top of Matt, getting him all wet in the process, and started kissing Matt.
Matt kissed him back, feeling Travis’ wet beard all over his face, their tongues slipping around each other. He didn’t care how wet he got, just as long as he could feel Travis on top of him. He put his arms around Travis and grabbed his ass as their kissing became deeper and more intense. Matt thought maybe he didn’t mind boats so much after all.
When Travis finally pulled back, his dark, rifle-shot eyes only inches from Matt’s, Matt whispered to him, “I love you, Travis.”
Matt ran his hands up Travis’ damp back, and stared into his dark eyes in anticipation. Travis leaned in and kissed Matt hard again, done teasing him about Petey. Everyone else, everything else in the world could just fuck off for a little while. For now, it was just sea and sky and warm sun and the two of them.
Despite the brief moment of disappointment Matt felt at what had just happened, he let it go. Instead, he let the looming Travis have his way, beautiful, crooked smile, non-aerodynamic ears and all. Without any witness from one horizon to the other, in the heat of the late summer sun and the gentle rocking of the small craft, Matt found that a tsunami-inducing orgasm went go a long way towards getting him past his fear of boats and his fear of water. Especially if it was brought on by a large, wet Navy SEAL that was clearly glad to be home after having had a rough few weeks.
Matt slowly floated back down into the bottom of the CRRC when Travis was done with him, the ocean-sized whirlpool swirling the boat around and around, but for once in a good way. Matt let go of the minor discouragement that had swept over him and just let the moment be what it was, and it definitely was a good moment.
Matt gave Travis a stupid, satisfied grin and said, “You know, for someone that claimed to stink at being gay once upon a time, you sure are good at it.”
~~~~~
Matt twisted around trying to get a better angle, firing up wildly. But the guy above him had too good of a position, and the next thing he knew, his head was blown off, leaving Petey completely exposed.
Petey kicked at him with his bare foot while they sat next to each other on the floor, game controllers in their hands.
“You useless cocksucker! What the hell’s wrong with you tonight? You’ve left me exposed and gotten me killed, like, seven times tonight!” yelled Petey. Petey glared over at Matt while Jonas, Baya, and Crank laughed at them from the couch. Wasp was his usual quiet self in one of the other chairs.
And in the split second distraction, Petey was riddled by bullets and reduced to a greasy, bloody smear on the TV screen.
Petey was sitting there with nothing but a pair of running shorts on, his pale, bare chest lit by the glow of the video game.
“You’re too busy trying to look up my shorts at my cock, and it’s gettin’ me killed, dipshit!” grumbled Petey. “I went commando for you tonight, but if you’re gonna play the game, then play the damn game, Cornhole! You can perv on me later!”
Matt stood up and pulled his own shorts down and shot a moon at Petey. “Eat it, Colorado!”
Petey shot one of those looks at Matt that could singe hair. He rubbed his middle finger up and down the burning red stubble that had been growing on his face for two weeks, a fiery bird aimed right at Matt. But Matt knew Petey was right. He was distracted. Just not by trying to see Petey’s dick. Crap, he had to look at that thing way more than he cared to. Every time he slept over at Petey’s place, in Petey’s bed, Petey was nude. As much as Petey ragged about Matt perving on him, it was all just bluster and show. He knew that Matt wasn’t ogling him, or didn’t care. And he was never the slightest bit shy around Matt and didn’t care at all what Matt saw. Hell, half the time, Petey didn’t bother to close the bathroom door when Matt was bunking there with him.
What was distracting Matt, though, was Travis. He had gotten that feeling again, earlier that evening on the CRRC, the one that he had started feeling little by little over the last month or so. In the boat, he could feel Travis holding back, keeping a little distance. It was almost imperceptible, but he could feel it there, the gap between them. He was pretty sure he knew why, but it made his heart heavy nonetheless.
He sensed how Travis struggled with keeping the two sides of his life safely separated, and felt more and more like one was going to have to be sacrificed at some point. How could he not feel sad at that?
He didn’t blame him. Travis had said right up front that being a SEAL was everything to him, and that he was willing to sacrifice for that. And at some point, Matt was going to be that sacrifice. He could feel it in how Travis held back from him. He felt sure that was why Travis kept that slight bit of insulating distance between them.
Matt just really loved Travis. He had meant it every time he had said it to him. He loved the connection they had, on all the different levels. He loved Travis’ smile lines and crooked nose and finely tuned body, even with the scars of a tough profession. He loved that voice that felt like it could move heaven and earth. He loved Travis’ gentle, quiet sense of humor. He liked the vulnerable side that Travis only showed to him. He liked how sometimes Travis used his stomach as a pillow and held onto him tightly when sleeping. He liked how Travis could instantly and aggressively take charge, but yet was never, ever that way with him, preferring instead to respect what they had as a partnership. He liked how he felt that he could trust Travis totally and never be disappointed for doing so. What he had with Travis really felt right to Matt, and that feeling was really important since he had such a recent bad relationship to compare it to. But Travis was in a different place in his life, and was holding back as a result.
Jonas said, “Yeah, Matt. What’s up with you tonight? It usually doesn’t take anything for you to beat Petey’s ass raw at this game. Tear him a new one, Cornhole, or he’s gonna be impossible to live with for weeks!”
Matt was about to reply when Jonas corrected himself, “Sorry, even more impossible to live with.”
Matt picked up the controller, pointed it at the TV, and said, “Start it up again, bitch, and get ready to get that hick ass of yours paddled.”
Petey snarled, “You wish!”
They played a little longer, but Matt was still not up to the challenge that evening. He finally reached over and tried to push Petey to distract him. But Petey rarely would let a physical challenge like that go, especially from Matt.
He dropped his controller, spun around Matt in a flash, grabbed him from behind and fell back with him, then rolled over on top so that Matt wound up in a headlock. It was shocking how fast Petey could pull shit like this.
&nb
sp; Petey dug at Matt, “Who’s your fucking daddy now, cunt hair? Huh?”
Despite all the other guys constantly telling Matt to not get in a physical match with Petey, it never stopped him. Maybe everyone else had something to actually worry about when it came to instigating something like that with Petey. But not Matt. Matt could tell that Petey was barely holding onto him. It was all just for fun. If there was one person he could trust equally to how he trusted Travis, it would be the red-headed SEAL holding him in a headlock at that moment.
He said, “Shit, Petey, all you’re doing here is making my dick hard.”
Petey started laughing and let Matt go. “You disgust me!”
Matt flipped him a bird and sneered, “You love me!”
“I might as well be playing this game by myself!” griped Petey. “Hell, the way you’re getting the good guys killed off, I might as well get Wasp down here on the carpet.”
Petey grabbed his game controller again and continued without batting an eye at what he said. “Crank, why don’t you get your hippy ass down here?”
Matt had already glanced back up over at the guys behind him. Crank and Jonas both shifted around on the couch uneasily, and Matt looked over at Wasp sitting in the chair. Wasp’s lips were pulled tight, and he was totally still, but he didn’t react. Matt could tell, though, even if Wasp would never let it show; Wasp wasn’t about to let it show. But Matt could tell what was behind those unblinking, unmoving eyes.
Matt wanted to beat the crap out of Petey. But instead, he got up to go have a shot of Southern Comfort since it was the only hard liquor Petey kept in his apartment, stepping over the trash bags sitting out in the kitchen. He was pretty sure they were the same bags of trash that had been sitting out the last time he had stayed at Petey’s. Inexplicably, there was now a stuffed armadillo sitting on the kitchen counter that hadn’t been there the last time he had been over.
Matt called out, “Colorado, why is there a dead varmint on your kitchen counter?”
“Family heirloom!” was the only explanation that came to him from the living room.
