by M. H. Soars
I wipe the tears that are now streaming freely down my face. “I was afraid.”
He whips his face back to mine. “Afraid of what?”
“That you wouldn’t understand my decision.”
“What decision?”
“I was told I could have surgery to remove the clot and I refused.”
“You refused?”
Fury seems to crackle up his body. In a blur of movement, Oliver strikes the wall with his fist.
“Ollie!”
His hand is a bloody mess now, but he still pulls his arm back for another punch. I stop him before he can do more damage to himself. “Stop it!”
He looks at me with eyes that are brimming with unshed tears. “How could you do that?”
“I didn’t want to risk turning into a vegetable. That would be worse than death.”
“Who else knows?”
“Tabatha, my mother, Liv’s mom, and Derek.”
“Derek, of course.” Oliver walks away from me.
“Before you go on another jealous rage, you have to know that Derek has helped me in more ways than one.”
“That makes me feel so much better. You don’t tell the man you claim to love about your self-imposed death sentence, but you tell your friend’s ex? What the fuck, Saylor.”
“I’m sorry! I messed up.” I pull my hair back hard, ignoring the pain on my scalp. I deserve it. “I went to see Derek’s mentor today, Dr. Laurent, a renowned neurosurgeon. I’m having the surgery, Ollie. I’ve changed my mind.”
“All because of fucking Derek,” Oliver says in a mocking tone.
I snap my face to his. “No, you idiot. Because of you. You are the reason I want to risk everything.” I move closer and grab his chin, forcing Oliver to look into my eyes. “What I feel for you is bigger than anything, it reaches beyond the contours of my heart. You brought color to a world I didn’t realize was gray before. I love you so damn much, Oliver. I don’t want just a year with you. I want a whole life.”
I can’t believe I’m laying my heart out like this for Oliver to stomp all over it if he chooses. But I’m sick and tired of withholding the truth. I want him forever whether he’s ready for it or not.
He captures my face between his hands and crushes his lips to mine for a kiss that is savage, almost cruel. He pushes me backwards until I hit the wall and he cages me in with his body. His hands leave my face to run down the sides of my body. His fingers brush the underside of my breasts before he cups them a little too roughly. I bite his lower lip in response, and suck it into my mouth while he teases my hard nipples.
He grunts right before he rips my top in two in an unrestrained move. I let out a yelp which Oliver promptly muffles with his tongue.
This won’t be a sweet making love session. It will be hard and punishing. This is where we both exorcise our demons. My fingers make quick work of his fly and his hard cock springs free only to be captured again by my hand. Still backed up against the wall, Oliver lifts me up, forcing me to let go of his erection. My legs wrap around his waist at the same time he tears the flimsy underwear I have on.
“Stop destroying my panties,” I manage to say between kisses.
“Don’t wear any and I won’t.” He glides inside of me in a swift move and I lose my ability to speak.
There’s no going slow, Oliver pumps hard and fast and I squeeze tight around him, welcoming his fullness, loving the roughness. I dig my heels on his ass and Oliver responds with an assault of his own. He bites my shoulder and the pain sends me right over the edge. I scream his name and grip his arms tighter. Oliver’s grunts turn more animalistic and before the waves of my orgasm subside, I feel his hot release inside of me. I come again, a less intense orgasm than before, but still enough to turn my body into mush. Oliver trembles in my arms and kisses the spot he has just bitten. I rest my cheek on his shoulder as I try to control my breathing.
Oliver chuckles next to my ear. “Back to back orgasms, sugar? I am a God.”
I’m glad to hear some amusement in his tone, but I still feel the dark shadow hanging above our heads. I untangle my legs and drop to the floor. Maintaining my hold on his upper arms, I raise my eyes to meet his.
“Please say you forgive me.”
His eyebrows furrow before his eyes soften. “I’m still fucking mad at you. I’m so mad I can’t see straight.”
I open my mouth but Oliver places a finger against my lips, silencing me.
“But how can I not forgive you? I will always forgive you, no matter how big you screw up. Don’t you understand, Saylor? You own me. My body, my heart, my soul.”
“You own me, too.”
“Good.” He smiles. “Now explain to me how Derek got involved in this story. Bear in mind I will never like the guy. That would be a betrayal of epic proportions to Bas.”
I sigh loudly and let my shoulders drop, fixating my gaze on the hollow of Oliver’s throat. “You might need a drink for that. You’re not done getting angry at me.”
Thirty-Seven
SAYLOR
It wasn’t easy to convince Oliver to not say a word about Derek and the fake health report he signed for me. Granted, he only knows because I told him. He never opened the envelope, choosing to shove the document inside a drawer somewhere. I made him burn it. I couldn’t risk that report ever surfacing to ruin Derek’s life.
The truth didn’t set me free, though. I won’t ever feel that way until I get rid of the ticking time bomb in my head. But a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. After I told Oliver everything from the start, I realized there were no more secrets I was keeping from him. He holds my life in his hands now, he could ruin it if he wanted, but there’s no doubt in my heart, no fear. I trust this man implicitly, blindly.
For once, I’m not filled with guilt when I wake in his arms the following morning. My head is resting on his chest and my legs are wrapped around his. I run lazy circles over his nipple and I smile when his skin breaks out in goose bumps. He hums with eyes still closed and holds me tighter. I let my hand trail down his torso until I find his bulging erection, making Oliver hiss. My fingers play with the head of his cock, spreading pre-cum around the sensitive skin with my thumb.
Without saying another word, Oliver rolls us over so he’s now on top of me, between my legs. He kisses me right before he enters me, his cock sliding into my burning core with ease. He makes slow, circle movements with his hips each time he pumps into me, driving me insane in the best kind of way. I want him to go faster, but at the same time, I want to prolong the sweet agony.
When we come, almost simultaneously, I feel something click into my place inside my heart. There’s a deeper connection between us now. I feel tethered to him in a way I wasn’t before.
After we shower and get ready for the day, Oliver makes me breakfast. No one has showed up yet to end our time alone and for that I’m grateful. I’m nibbling on a crispy piece of bacon when Oliver finally broaches the subject we tried to forget for a few hours.
“When do you want to tell everyone?”
I swallow the food in my mouth before I reply. “I’ll tell Remi, Sticks, and Allan today when they come in.”
“Do you want me to invite Bas and Liv for dinner tonight?”
I stare at Oliver, startled. I don’t know why I’m surprised he knows exactly what I need. “Yes.”
“When is your next appointment?”
“Dr. Laurent ordered another CAT scan and a bunch of other exams. The CAT scan appointment is Monday. Would you—“
“I’ll be there.” He reaches out and squeezes my hand.
I look down at his hand covering mine and my stomach flips. “I’m so scared, Ollie.” I bring my gaze up again. “What if something happens?”
“Then we will deal with it together.”
I don’t want to think about the worst case scenarios. I don’t want to ask if he will still love me if I’m no longer me.
We tell everybody when they show up at Renegades, a couple o
f hours later. Remi and Sticks are devastated, especially Remi who can’t stop crying. Allan remains stoic and tries to look at things from the practical side. Do we issue a press release about my condition or not?
The media is already running wild with stories to explain my fainting. A lot of them allude to a potential pregnancy, but others hint at drug abuse as well. One particular article that does manage to get me rattled is the one that links me to the Senator. Someone has finally made the connection.
Within hours, other gossip sites catch wind of that rumor. The story is too juicy to pass up. So now I’m not only cheating on Oliver with Derek—he showed me the article last night—but I’m the illegitimate daughter of a Senator with a drug problem. Frigging fantastic.
When Liv calls to ask me how I am, I take the opportunity to invite her and Bas for dinner. By the cheery sound of her voice, she thinks Oliver and I have news. Maybe she’s hoping we’ll announce an engagement or something. If only that was the case. Not that I want to get married to Oliver. I don’t need a wedding and a piece of paper to solidify my relationship with him. We already belong to each other.
I spend the rest of the day in the studio, working on some new songs. Music has always been able to heal my heart and I hope it will ease the anxiety and turmoil it still lingers there. I don’t notice the passage of time nor when the girls leave. Oliver is the one who comes in to let me know Liv and Bas should be there at any moment. I put Rita back in her case and walk out the studio, feeling sudden jitters in my belly. I’m nervous about tonight, about what Liv will say.
Thirty-Eight
OLIVER
Saylor is fucking nervous. She’s trying to hide it in front of our friends, but I know her too well. She wants to have dinner first before she tells Liv and Bas the news. I want to pull her tight against my chest and tell her everything will be okay, but I’m respecting her space. She doesn’t want to be cuddled, she told me earlier.
We’re having dinner outside by the pool. Saylor and Liv are chatting about mundane things. I’m by the outdoor bar, preparing drinks while Bas sits on the high stool opposite me. I’m glad Charlotte has decided to visit some friends in New York for a few days and is not around for the drama.
“Come on, mate. What’s the reason for this impromptu dinner? Liv and I have a bet going on.”
I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk. “Oh, really?”
“She thinks Saylor is pregnant, but I told her you’re acting way too calm.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Dude, if you have knocked Saylor up, you would have gone mental. You hate kids.”
I shake my head and think how I wish Saylor was pregnant.
“Nah, having a kid with her wouldn’t be so bad.”
I watch in amusement as my friend’s jaw drops and his eyes widen. “She’s fucking pregnant.”
I shake the cocktail tumbler before I pour the girls’ martinis into the glasses. “Bas, would I be making Saylor a dirty martini if she were pregnant?”
“I suppose not. You might be irresponsible, but she’s not.”
“Jeez, thanks.”
Bas looks over his shoulder and stares at his wife for a moment before turning to me again. “Are you keeping tabs on all the gossip about Saylor? It’s getting ugly, Ollie. Liv is very upset.”
I take a deep breath and grind my teeth. “Yes. I’m trying to keep the worst of it from Saylor.”
“There was a particularly nasty one penned by Craig Hawthorne.”
I stop what I’m doing and almost let the tumbler slip from my hand. “Which one?”
“Shit. I thought you had seen it.”
Bas pulls up his phone and shows me the article in question. I read it quickly and my blood is boiling when I reach the end of it. It’s disgusting and filled with lies. They all make Saylor sound like a dirty whore, it takes slut-shaming to a whole new level.
“He’s doing that to get to you,” Bas says.
“I know and he will regret it.”
“Ollie, don’t do anything stupid.”
My nostrils flare as I try to contain the fury running rampant through my veins. “Craig Hawthorne is scum and he just messed with the wrong person. He won’t get away with this smear campaign against Saylor.”
I don’t know yet what I’m going to do about him, but by the time I’m done, he will be lucky if he can get a job writing copy for a local grocery store.
SAYLOR
Oliver is acting strange after the conversation he had with Bas and I wonder what they talked about. But that is a worry that I have push to the side. Dinner and dessert have come and gone, and now it’s time for me to come clean.
“You must be wondering why I invited you guys to dinner with such short notice, especially after what happened yesterday.”
“Yes. I’m dying to know, but you’ve been so secretive.” Liv smiles at me.
“Well, I wanted us to have a good meal first before I drop the bomb.”
Liv and Bas frown and stare at each other. I glance at Oliver, hoping his gaze will give me courage. He smiles and nods at me before mouthing ‘You got this.’
“Blue, you’re beginning to scare me. What’s going on?”
I take a deep breath and tell my dearest friends everything. It has to come out all in one big whoosh before I lose my courage. When I’m done, there’s a heavy silence all around us. Liv and Bas are staring at me like they’ve never seen me before. Suddenly, Liv jumps off her chair, walks around the table, and hugs me. Bas soon follows suit and together, they make a human sandwich out of me. When they step away and let me breathe, there are tears in their eyes.
“You’re not mad at me?” I ask.
“How can I be? You’ve kept the truth from us to give us an untarnished wedding. I just wish you’d told us sooner.”
“But I only changed my mind about the surgery a couple of days ago.”
“You did, though. That’s what matters. Now, the story would have been a whole lot different if you were still insisting on dying on us.”
Oliver snorts next to me. “Like I would have let that happen.”
A few weeks ago I would have said it wasn’t his decision to make, but the fact he would fight for me, spreads warmth over my chest.
“Do you want to tell my folks or should I tell them?” Liv asks.
“Your mother already knows. I told her when I freaked out at the Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Oh, Saylor…”
“What are the next steps?” Bas looks at me first, and then at Oliver.
“After Dr. Laurent gets the results of the exams he ordered, he wants to schedule the surgery as soon as possible.”
“What about the commitments Wreck of the Day has? Not that you should worry about it, Blue, but you’ve worked so hard to get here,” Liv says.
I look down at my lap, the guilt of letting Tabatha and the girls down seeping into my heart.
“Allan will handle that. The most important thing is getting Saylor well.” Oliver grabs my hand and brings it to his lips to kiss my knuckles. His gesture eases the knot of anxiety in my belly. I smile at him.
From the corner of my eye, I see Bas wrap his arm around Liv’s shoulder and kiss the side of her head while she stares at Oliver and me like a proud parent.
“Alright, alright. There’s too much mushy stuff going on right now,” I say. “I feel like I’m stuck in a Hallmark movie. It’s time for some tequila.”
Thirty-Nine
SAYLOR
For the next few days, everyone keeps walking on eggshells around me, as if they are afraid to do something that will upset me. I’ve lost count of how many times I entered a room and the conversation ceased. Oliver also forbade me to search my name online. He didn’t want to upset me. I didn’t Google myself because I chose not to, not because he ordered it, and I made sure to tell him that.
Today I feel cagey, on edge. My nerves are fried and I’m sick and tired of the kid glove treatment. It’s time for me to s
top hiding and face the real world. So the first thing I do when I’m alone is power up my laptop and bring up the browser on my screen. First, I search for Wreck of the Day and I’m glad that not all top links refer to the fiasco performance at the beach. It’s when I Google my name that the nasty comes out. I click on a random link and I’m horrified to see pictures of me when I was out clubbing with my friends. They all make me look like a drunk whore. Bile pools in my mouth and my vision turns blurry. I clench my jaw and read the entire piece of garbage. The last paragraph is what delivers the final twist of the blade. It alludes to my involvement in a murder case. How in the world had they come by that information? I was a minor, my name should have never have leaked to the press. What if they keep digging and find out the truth?
“Sugar?”
I turn to find Oliver right behind me. I didn’t even hear him enter the room.
“Ah, luv. I asked you not search your name.”
“Did you see this?” I push the laptop toward him.
He picks it up and frowns. “No. This must be a new one.”
“They mention the attack.”
Oliver’s gaze connects with mine. He knows what that could mean. He focuses again on the screen, his expression serious and determined. “I’ll get to the bottom of this.”
“How? What can you do?”
He shuts the laptop off and puts it away. “I don’t want you to read any more of this garbage. You can’t get upset.”
“Stop treating me like I’m a china doll! I’m not breakable.”
My outburst seems to startle him. His expression softens. He walks back to where I am and kneels in front of me. “But you are breakable. I don’t want to make your condition worse.”
I want to refute him, but my body betrays me and undermines any argument I might have. I sway on the spot and I have to close my eyes to make the room stop spinning. I feel Oliver’s hands on my arms, steadying me.
