Falling Up

by Melody Carlson

  The wedding date is set for Saturday, September 21. Pastor Tony will officiate, and the ceremony will be in our church with a reception to follow in the basement. “A very inexpensive reception,” Natalie's mom informed us last week. “Everything about this wedding will be inexpensive.”

  “Caitlin is helping me with the details,” Nat told me a couple of weeks ago. “She's like a wedding expert.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Her wedding was so beautiful.” What I don't say is that Caitlin's wedding, in my opinion, was truly beautiful because she and Josh did it the right way. Unlike the backwards way that Nat and Ben are doing it. So many things that a maid of honor must not say

  But this is what I'm learning—as I watch my best friend doing things that I don't quite understand or accept—it's her life, not mine. And if she asks for my advice, I can give it—in love. Although I have absolutely no control as to whether she would take it or not. But I don't need to obsess over Nat's life, or what I feel certain must be a huge mistake. Because it's her mistake. Not mine. And for all I know, it might not be a mistake at all. It's not like I can read God's mind.

  I guess I'm learning to let go and let God. I talked to Caitlin about this very thing last week when she invited me to have lunch in their new apartment—which I have to say is totally cool. And when I commented on her fabulous-looking decor, she just laughed.

  “Compliments of Target and Beanies thrift store finds,” she confessed. “And a few goodies we picked up south of the border.”

  “Well, it looks awesome.”

  “Thank you.” She picked up a bright-colored pillow and fluffed it. “We had so much fun unpacking all our wedding gifts and things after we got home from

  Mexico. It was just like Christmas!”

  “I'm so glad you guys decided to come back.” “It was the right thing to do,” she said as she set a homemade quiche in the center of a very chic-looking dining table. “A God-thing, you know?”

  I nodded as I sat down. “Yeah, I think I do know.” Then she sat down and said a blessing. “Dig in.” After a few bites and some general catch-up kind of conversation, I decided to get to what was bothering me.

  “Can I be totally honest with you about something?” “Of course.” She buttered a piece of French bread.

  “And you can even have client confidentiality.” She looked up and smiled. “If you need it, that is.”

  “I do. Thanks.” Then I took in a breath. “Its about Natalie and Ben.”

  She nodded. “That was my guess.”

  “Well, I'm sure you've heard the whole story by now.”

  She nodded again. “Yes. Ben told Josh and me everything while we were still down at the mission. And

  I know it wasn't easy for him either.”

  “Ben's really trying to do the right thing. I don't know if he told you how messed up Natalie was after all this happened. She totally fell away from God and wanted an abortion…and there were times when I think she was even suicidal. It was awful.”

  “I'm not sure that Ben knew all that.”

  “She pretty much kept it to herself, well, and me.”

  “That's a lot to carry.”

  “I know. It was really getting to me.” Then I give her a quick rundown of my trip to Florida and my last night there.

  “That is so cool, Kim. What a great story!”

  “Yeah, it was amazing. And its helped me a lot in dealing with Nat. But still… “

  “You're worried about her.”

  “I'm worried about both of them. I mean, I totally realize it's their lives and their problems, not mine, but I just think they're making a big mistake.”

  “You mean by getting married?”

  I nodded without speaking.

  “Okay, can I have confidentiality too, Kim?”

  “Of course.”

  “We're not convinced it's the right thing for them either. Josh has really been counseling with Ben since we came home. Actually with both of them. But Natalie, well, she's in a tough spot being pregnant and all. We understand how that could make her feel really desperate.”

  “Totally desperate. She was a basket case.”

  “Right. And like you said, its their decision, not ours. We're just trying to give them the information and tools to help make sure they're making the right decision.”

  I wanted to make sure we were really on the same page here. “So just because they're going to have a child, you guys don't think that means they have to get married?”

  “We don't think that two wrongs can make a right. Not that we know it's wrong for them to get married. But we do see some red flags.”

  “Yeah. So do I.” I sighed.

  “So, if it makes you feel any better, we're not back behind the curtains pushing for them to get married.”

  “It does make me feel better.”

  “I think all we can do is to speak the truth in love— when they're ready to listen—and to pray for them. After that, we just have to support them and love them and hope for the best. I mean, its entirely possible that God can redeem this whole thing, and that they'll be happy together.”

  “Miracles do happen.”

  Caitlin laughed. “Yes, they definitely do.”

  “And I'm afraid it will take one to make this work.”

  “And that's why we need to just let go sometimes, Kim. Let go and let God. I mean, after you've done everything you believe He's called you to do—and done it in love—well, then it's time to step aside and just pray.”

  So I'm trying to follow Caitlin's advice. Not just about Nat and Ben either. I'm trying to apply it to all areas of my life. I can see that I've been kind of a control freak in the past. And look where that got me—almost certifiable.

  Because when you get right down to it, we can't control much of anything. Well, other than ourselves and our own personal choices. The rest is up for grabs. And if we're really trusting God, really believing that He has our best interests at heart—then what's to worry about? Let go and let God.

  Okay, it'll probably take me a lifetime to really get that. But at least Im off to a good start.

  Reader's Guide

  Besides the death of her mother, Km had a lot of stress in her life. Do you think this helped or hindered her grief process? Explain why or why not.

  How did you feel when you noticed Matthew and Kim drifting apart? Did you want them to continue dating? Why or why not?

  Do you think it's right for Christians to date nonbelievers? What kind of challenges would result from that kind of relationship?

  What did you think of Matthew s relationship with his grandfather? Was it a good step for Matthew to agree to attend the school his grandfather recommended? Explain.

  Were you surprised to learn that Natalie was pregnant? If you were her close friend, what would you have said to comfort her?

  After losing her mother, Kim's role with her father changes. Why do you think that is?

  Despite her previous views, Natalie decides abortion is the only option for her. Why do you think she changed her position on this? How would you have advised her?

  Kim was extremely stressed by circumstances in her life. How do you handle extreme stress? Kim went to her grandmother's house to unwind. Where do you go to renew your spirit?

  Why do you think Ben and Nat decided to get married? What do you think they should do?

  Kim learned that she could control very little in her life—and yet this experience led to an extremely cool encounter with God. Why do you think that is? Have you ever experienced anything like that?

  JUST ASK, Kim book one

  “Blackmailed” to regain driving privileges, Kim Peterson agrees to anonymously write a teen advice column for her dad's newspaper. No big deal, she thinks, until she sees her friends' heartaches in bold black and white. Suddenly Kim knows she does NOT have all the answers and is forced to turn to the One who does.

  ISBN 1-59052-321-0

  MEANT TO BE Kim book two

  Hundr
eds of people pray for the healing of Kim's mother. As her mother improves, Kim's relationship with Matthew develops. Natalie thinks it's wrong for a Christian to date a non-Christian. But Nat's dating life isn't exactly smooth sailing, either. Both girls are praying a lot—and waiting to find out what's meant to be.

  ISBN 1-59052-322-9

  FALLING UP, Kim book three (Available February 2006)

  It's summer, and Kim is overwhelmed by difficult relatives, an unpredictable boyfriend, and a best friend who just discovered she's pregnant. Kim's stress level increases until a breakdown forces her to take a vacation. How will she get through these troubling times without going crazy?

  ISBN 1-59052-324-5

  THAT WAS THEN…, Kim book four (Available June 2006)

  Kim starts her senior year with big faith and big challenges ahead. Her best friend is pregnant and believes it's God's will that she marry the father. But Kim isn't so sure. Then she receives a letter from her birth mom who wants to meet her, which rocks Kim's world. Can her spiritual maturity make a difference in the lives of those around her?

  ISBN 1-59052-425-X

  Log on to www.DOATG.cora

  DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL Caitlin book one

  Follow sixteen-year-old Caitlin O'Conner as she makes her way through life— surviving a challenging home life, school pressures, an identity crisis, and the uncertainties of “true love.” You'll cry with Caitlin as she experiences heartache, and cheer for her as she encounters a new reality in her life: God. See how rejection by one group can—incredibly—sometimes lead you to discover who you really are.

  ISBN 1-57673-735-7

  IT'S MY LIFE Caitlin book two

  Caitlin faces new trials as she strives to maintain the recent commitments she's made to God. Torn between new spiritual directions and loyalty to Beanie, her pregnant best friend, Caitlin searches out her personal values on friendship, dating, life goals, and family.

  ISBN 1-59052-053-X

  WHO I AM Caitlin book three

  As a high school senior, Caitlin's relationship with Josh takes on a serious tone via e-mail—threatening her commitment to “kiss dating good-bye.” When Beanie begins dating an African-American, Caitlin's concern over dating seems to be misread as racism. One thing is obvious: God is at work through this dynamic girl in very real but puzzling ways, and a soul-stretching time of racial reconciliation at school and within her church helps her discover God's will as never before.

  ISBN 1-57673-890-6

  ON MY OWN, Caitlin book four

  An avalanche of emotion hits Caitlin as she lands at college and begins to realize she's not in high school anymore. Buried in coursework and far from her best friend, Beanie, Caitlin must cope with her new roommate's bad attitude, manic music, and sleazy social life. Should she have chosen a Bible college like Josh? Maybe…but how to survive the year ahead is the big question right now!

  ISBN 1-59052-017-3

  I DO, Caitlin book five

  Caitlin, now 21 and in her senior year of college, accepts Josh Miller's proposal for marriage. But Caitlin soon discovers there's a lot more to getting married than just saying “I do.” Between her mother, mother-in-law to be, and Caitlin's old buddies, Caitlin's life never seems to run smoothly. As a result, the journey to her wedding is full of twists and turns where God touches many lives, including her own.

  ISBN 1-59052-320-2

  Log on to www.DOATG.cora

  My NAME IS CHLOE, Chloe book one

  Chloe Miller, Josh's younger sister, is a free spirit with dramatic clothes and hair. She struggles with her identity, classmates, parents, boys, and whether or not God is for real. But this unconventional high school freshman definitely doesn't hold back when she meets Him in a big, personal way. Chloe expresses God's love and grace through the girl band, Redemption, that she forms, and continues to show the world she's not willing to conform to anyone else's image of who or what she should be. Except God's, that is.

  ISBN 1-59052-018-1

  SOLD OUT Chloe book two

  Chloe and her fellow band members must sort out their lives as they become a hit in the local community. And after a talent scout from Nashville discovers the trio, all too soon their explosive musical ministry begins to encounter conflicts with family, so-called friends, and school. Exhilarated yet frustrated, Chloe puts her dream in God's hand and prays for Him to work out the details.

  ISBN 1-59052-141-2

  ROAD TRIP, Chloe book three

  After signing with a major record company, Redemption's dreams are coming true. Chloe, Allie, and Laura begin their concert tour with the good-looking guys in the band Iron Cross. But as soon as the glitz and glamour wear off, the girls find life on the road a little overwhelming. Even rock-solid Laura appears to be feeling the stress—and Chloe isn't quite sure how to confront her about the growing signs of drug addiction…

  ISBN 1-59052-142-0

  FACE THE MUSIC Chloe book four

  Redemption has made it to the bestseller chart, but what Chloe and the girls need most is some downtime to sift through the usual high school stress with grades, friends, guys, and the prom. Chloe struggles to recover from a serious crush on the band leader of Iron Cross. Then just as an unexpected romance catches Redemption by surprise, Caitlin O'Conner—whose relationship with Josh is taking on a new dimension—joins the tour as a chaperone. Chloe's wild ride only speeds up, and this one-of-a-kind musician faces the fact that life may never be normal again.

  ISBN 1-59052-241-9

  Log on to www.DOATG.cora

  Here s a Sneak Peek at Kim's Final

  Diary— That Was Then…

  Monday, September 2

  School starts tomorrow. My senior year. And I'm glad. I look forward to my classes and to seeing teachers again. Fm sure an even bigger reason I want school to start has to do with Natalie. I'm so sick of hearing about how happy she and Ben and the baby are going to be…how beautiful their weddings going to be…how God has truly blessed them in an unexpected way. And I can't let on to her how I still think it's a great, big, fat mistake for two seventeen-year-olds to get married. Or how it's really hard playing the role of her best friend these days. No, I just have to smile and act like everything's peachy. Yeah, right.

  The only thing that keeps me from totally losing it is my relationship with God. Seriously, I feel like Fm starting to depend on Him for everything these days. There's a Bible verse (2 Corinthians 12:9) that says God gets glorified by our weaknesses because we have to lean on Him, and as a result, He gets to really shine in us. I think that's been my personal theme verse this past summer.

  And I really have to kick this verse into gear on days like today. Here I was thinking how I was just going to hang around and enjoy the last day before school. Maybe get a few things done at home, practice my violin, answer some letters in my column—but then Nat calls up and insists we go shopping. And she doesn't mean back-to-school shopping. No, that would be too obvious. Nat wants me to go with her to look for her wedding dress and my maid of honor dress. What an honor!

  And never mind that all the last-minute back-to-school shoppers are out in hordes, or that the parking lots are packed full, or that its nearly a hundred degrees out. We still have to go shopping.

  “We can't keep putting this off,” she tells me when she calls late this morning.

  “Just for week?”

  “Fine,” she says in an aggravated tone. “But just so you know, I already invited Caitlin to join us today. If you don't want to come, well, I'll just tell her you're too busy and she and I will do it on our own.”

  I let out a long sigh. “I'll come.”

  “Great! It'll be fun, Kim. Just the three of us.”

  So it's agreed. And although I try to be a good sport and I keep my smiley face on throughout most of the day, I am so ready for this to be over. After wearing out the traditional mall where all the wedding gowns are out of Nat's price range, we head on over to an outlet mall. And this final stop seems to show the
most promise. At least when it comes to price tags. Caitlin learned about this little discount shop when she was looking for her own wedding gown. Of course, as it turned out, her good friend Beanie Jacobs, who goes to this big New York design school, created a gown that was a perfect dream. Caitlin looked like a princess in it.

  “What about this?” Nat says as she finally emerges from the dressing room with the saleswoman just behind her. It's about the hundredth dress she's tried on today. And I have to say that her stamina (especially in light of being pregnant) is rather Impressive.

  Caitlin and I both stand back and study the cream-colored satiny dress as Natalie moves in front of the big three-way mirror.

  “The sweetheart neckline looks very nice on her,” the saleswoman points out.

  “Not bad.” The good news is that I actually mean it this time. “It's simple but elegant, and that style really seems to suit you, Nat.”

  She pats the small rounded belly that's become a bit more obvious lately. “And the way the waistline is cut high like this sort of disguises the baby. Don't you think?”

  “Is there room to get bigger?” Caitlin asks. “Steph warned me that the baby will really start to grow after the fifth month. She said to make sure you get a dress with a little room, just in case.”

  Nat checks the dress around her waistline. “I think it'll be okay. I mean, it's only three more weeks to the wedding. You wouldn't think I could get too big in that amount of time.”

  Caitlin shakes her head as she looks at the dress more closely. “I don't know, Nat. Just to be safe, you might want the next size up. Why don't you just try it and see.”

  “Shall I get you the next size up?” the saleswoman asks with a hopeful expression, like she thinks we might be getting out of her hair soon.