Falling Up
Page 18
Natalie seems to consider this as she looks at herself in the mirror again. I can tell she's not totally sold on this particular wedding gown, that it's not really her dream dress. But this isn't exactly a dream wedding either. And it's quite possible that the marriage will turn into a real nightmare. But, selfishly, I want to end the shopping now. I do not want to go looking for wedding dresses again.
“It looks so great on you,” I tell Nat. “It's the best one you've tried on all day. Imagine it with your hair up…you'll look so elegant, so grown up.”
Her eyes light up at this. “Grown up?”
I nod eagerly. “Yes, don't you think so, Caitlin?”
“It does make you look older… “
Nat holds her blond hair up with one hand and gives the dress one longer look. “Okay, I'll go ahead and try the next size up.”
The saleswoman smiles. “I'll get it for you.”
As it turns out, the larger size isn't all that much bigger than the other one, but enough that we all think it'll be the best choice.
“And the price is really reasonable,” I point out. “Even less than what your mom budgeted.”
Natalie turns around again, checking out her dress from every possible angle.
“Since Ben is tall,” Caitlin says, “you two will look very regal together.”
Nat looks at me. “Cesar's not that tall. With your height, Kim, you guys will be just right together.”
“Is that who Ben finally decided on for best man?” I ask.
“Yeah. Since Josh finally agreed to perform the ceremony. Ben and Cesar have really been getting close lately.”
“This will be Josh's first wedding.” Caitlin smiles. “Pastor Tony really had to twist his arm to get him to do it.”
I suppress the urge to point out that it makes perfect sense for the youth pastor to perform the wedding ceremony for two seventeen-year-old youths. How appropriate.
Finally, it's decided that Nat will get the creamy satin after all. As we're leaving the store and Natalie is gushing to Caitlin about how perfect everything is going to be and how great it will be to have Caitlin as her sister-in-law, I notice what I think is a shadow of doubt cross Caitlin's countenance. And I'm guessing that, despite her sweet nature and positive attitude, she's still struggling with this marriage. Probably just as much as I am. After all, Ben is her little brother. And although he has as much to do with Nat's pregnancy as she does, Caitlin must be feeling somewhat protective of him.
And as I sit in the backseat, I can't understand why one of the “adults” in either Ben's or Natalie's lives hasn't put the brakes on this whole crazy thing. I mean, what are these people thinking? Even my dad is appalled by the craziness of this. And it's not like it's his daughter getting married either. I seriously doubt that he'd ever allow me to do something like this. Even if I were pregnant.
“Have you guys found a place to live yet?” I ask absently. Okay, maybe I do want to stir the pot just a little. Make Nat think a little further than just the big wedding day. And I absolutely refuse to discuss the honeymoon with her, although she's already informed me that they'll probably stay at a cabin in the mountains that's owned by friends of Ben's family. She thinks it'll be so romantic.
But I'm imagining this rustic animal-infested shack with a smelly outhouse and no running water. Okay, I'm a terrible excuse for a friend. But it's only because I love Nat, because I care about her future. And possibly because I'm a realist.
“Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you. Josh's mom knows an older couple who need house sitters until next spring,” Caitlin says as she turns down the street where Nat and I live.
“Really?” Nat sounds hopeful.
“I think Josh gave Ben the number, and he's going to talk to them.”
“That sounds good.” Then Nat gets quiet. “But that would mean we couldn't really get settled…couldn't have our own things.”
Okay, I'm wondering, what things? But at least I don't say this. I mean, I know that Nat and Ben have registered at a couple of stores. But from what I've heard from Nat's mom, the wedding's going to be pretty small. Which reminds me, I wonder if being maid of honor means I'm supposed to plan a wedding shower or something to that effect. I lean back into the seat and let out a little groan. When will the madness end?
“You okay?” asks Nat.
“Just a little carsick,” I say, which isn't entirely untrue. I'm in a car and I feel sick.
“Almost there,” says Caitlin.
Caitlin drops us off, and we both thank her. I make a mental note to call her later for some wedding shower advice. Sheesh, I'm only seventeen. I shouldn't have to be doing all this. Of course, as I walk into the house, I realize that Nat shouldn't either. But then it seems as if she's enjoying it.
In the family room, I tell Dad all about our afternoon of shopping “fun” and set my purse down on our new leather couch. Dad and I replaced a few things—in an effort to move on in our grieving process over mom. “Everything about this wedding feels all wrong to me too, Dad.”
“It seems a hard way to start a life together…getting married because of a baby. I just don't know.
And suddenly I remember my grandma, Dad's mom, and the surprising story she told me down in Florida last summer. I look at Dad and wonder if it's the right time to tell him about this. But he's replaced his reading glasses and is already opening his book again. Maybe some other time.
After I head up to my room, I do a double check on the things that I've already laid out for school, because I'm tired of thinking about how my best friend is ruining her life. Everything seems to be in good order. And so I decide to check my e-mail and maybe answer a letter for my column.
Dear Jamie,
My mum has been married six times so far. My dad was number two in the lineup, and they got divorced when I was a baby. Her marriages last two to three years, although they seem to be getting shorter. And every time she gets engaged, she says, This one is going to be the one.” Anyway, she's about to get married again. She calls this dude her “lucky number seven,” but I can tell he's a loser like the rest. I'm seventeen, and this will be my senior year, but I'm sick of this game. I'd like to move out, but I'm not sure I can handle it. I have a part-time job, but I don't know if it's enough to support myself with. What should I do?
Tired of Stepdads
Dear Tired,
I can understand your frustration. But f also understand your hesitancy to move out. Here are my questions for you: 1) is there another relative who you might live with during your last year of high school? 2) Or do you have a good friend with understanding parents who might let you stay there? 3) if you really want to move out, do you have enough money for a rental deposit? 4) Have you estimated what it will cost each month, making a budget that includes things like rent, food, utilities, clothing, travel costs, etc.? 5) Have you asked a school or church counselor for advice? 6) Last but not least, have you told your mother how you feel and asked for her help in making this adjustment?
I know that being on your own could look tempting right now, but it could end up being like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Maybe you should do what you can to get yourself ready to move out (like saving and planning a budget) while you give yourself time to see whether or not your mom's made another mistake.
Just Jamie
This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the authors imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
FALLING UP
published by Multnomah Publishers, Inc.
and in association with the literary agency of Sara A. Fortenberry
© 2006 by Carlson Management Co., Inc.
Multnomah is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers, Inc.,
and is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
The colophon is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERV
ED
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted, in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission.
For information:
MULTNOMAH PUBLISHERS, INC.
601 N LARCH STREET
SISTERS, OREGON 97759
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Carlson, Melody.
Falling up: a novel / Melody Carlson.
p. cm. — (Diary of a teenage girl. Kim)
eISBN: 978-0-307-56299-9
Summary: Dealing with her grief over her mother's recent death and major problems her family and friends are facing cause Kim so much stress she even finds it hard to pray, but things improve when she really starts to “let go and let God.” [1. Grief-Fiction. 2. Christian life-Fiction. 3. Pregnancy-Fiction. 4. Korean Americans—Fiction. 5. Diaries—Fiction.] I. Tide.
II. Series: Carlson, Melody. Diary of a teenage girl. Kim. PZ7.C216637Fal 2006
[Fic]—dc22
2005025584
v3.0