by Jo Davis
“Forgot your nightie? I thought you were staying at your place.” He stared at her. What had he done last night? “Did we—?”
She arched a brow and her smile widened, a little cat toying with her prey. “Sleep together? Yep.”
He closed his eyes and bowed his head, humiliation complete. How had she ended up here last night, in his bed, when she was supposed to be with Danny? “I’m so sorry. I don’t remember.”
“That’s okay. It wasn’t anything to write home about.”
Boy, that hurt. The lady knew how to grab a man by the testicles and twist. “Go away and let me die in peace.”
“Sorry, sweetie. You’re out of luck on both counts. I’m not going anywhere and you’re not going to die anytime soon. I will, however, go downstairs and make coffee while you shower.”
Coffee? His belly cramped at the notion, and he groaned. For a few seconds, he thought she’d left, until her throaty voice drifted over him again.
“By the way, nothing happened between us. All we did was sleep. You mixed alcohol and your pain pills, so I stayed with you to make sure you were okay. Well, I was going to stay anyway. That’s why Danny brought me here in the first place.”
His head came up at that revelation. “Oh.”
“Get cleaned up. I’ll explain everything when you’re finished. Can you manage all right?”
Austin sensed she wanted to come in and help him, but she held back. Maybe out of consideration for his bruised pride. Or maybe she believed he’d reject her aid. Whatever the reason for her hesitation, he was grateful. His self-respect had taken a serious beating and was lying prostrate at his feet, in dire need of CPR.
“I’ll be fine, thanks.” He gave her a weak smile, but she wasn’t buying.
“See you downstairs,” she said, shaking her head as she walked out.
Her consternation made him feel like a naughty teenager instead of a grown man, and rightfully so. Of all the stupid, irresponsible stunts to pull, sitting on his deck putting himself at risk. And then what? Damned if he could remember.
He’d needed to escape reality with a desperation that bordered on madness. To get away from everything. Memories of Ashley and the baby, loving and losing them. His stalker, arguing with Danny, falling for Laura.
Laura. She was the clincher, finally pushing him over the edge. The futile struggle not to fall for the lovely ME, because in the end he’d lose her, too.
What a clusterfuck. Weeks earlier, his life had been simple. A neat, tidy, isolated world, posted No Trespassers Allowed. He’d learned the hard way to compartmentalize the pain, to stifle the longing to hold the woman of his dreams. To live without love, the one weakness guaranteed to kill him the second time around.
Cursing, he went to the sink, then brushed his teeth. Removing his jeans, he turned on the shower, allowing the water to heat before stepping in.
The hot spray did wonders for soothing his attitude. His head didn’t hurt as much as before and he found his mind was finally clearing.
Out of the shower, he toweled dry. Leaving his hair damp, he walked into the bedroom, retrieved a pair of black briefs from his dresser, and pulled them on. A fresh pair of jeans and an old, soft powder blue shirt made him feel more human. Then he headed downstairs in search of Laura.
The rich aroma of fresh coffee led him to the kitchen, where he found her sitting at the breakfast nook table, wearing his robe—and talking to Danny. They were leaning toward each other, whispering like a pair of thieves.
Wonderful. Wasn’t this going to be fun?
“Morning,” he murmured. Conversation halted as he walked to the coffeepot and took a mug from the cabinet. He poured the fragrant brew and joined them, taking a seat next to Laura, across from Danny. His friend nodded to him.
“How are you this morning?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Did you know you’re really heavy? I had to carry you to bed last night.” His lips quirked.
He bit back the strong urge to tell Danny to fuck off, but couldn’t keep the snarl out of his tone. “What are you two lovebirds doing here? And isn’t that the same suit you had on yesterday?”
Danny’s amusement cooled. “Your powers of observation are astounding. Yes, these are the same clothes. I slept in them—or rather, tossed and turned—here on your sofa. All damn night. To make certain my ignorant shithead of a friend didn’t die of alcohol poisoning, and to be here in case Laura needed help.”
Crap. He wrapped his hands around the warm mug, but didn’t drink. “What happened?”
“I brought Laura over here to stay with you. We found you out on the deck nursing a bottle of Jim Beam, and you’d taken painkillers. You passed out and, as I said, I carried you to bed. My lower back may never recover.”
“I remember some of it.” Mortified, he dropped his gaze to his mug. “Thanks, Danny. I mean that.”
“Yeah, well, don’t pull an asinine stunt like that again. You scared the hell out of us.”
“Don’t worry. I doubt my brain would survive another round.” He turned his head to peer at Laura, not quite daring to trust what he’d just heard. “I thought Danny was going to stay with you.”
A blush stained her cheeks. “I changed my mind. I’d rather crash here, with you. If the offer still stands.”
Relief washed through him like a tidal wave. He struggled to remain calm, to hide the stupid grin that wanted to spread across his face. “Of course, sweetheart. You’re welcome to stay until this stalker mess is over, as long as you need.”
How about forever? Then I’d never be lonely again and I’d make you so happy—
Danny rose. “I need to go home and get cleaned up before I head in to work. Walk me out?”
Laura took the hint and stayed behind to sip her coffee as Austin saw his partner to the door. In unspoken agreement, they stepped out on the porch together. Danny looked him square in the eye, wasting no time on what he had to say.
“I thought you deserved to know that before you passed out last night, you had a meltdown. I mean really lost it. Do you remember anything you said?”
“Jesus, no. Last night’s a blank.”
“Just as well. You were downright mean when we got here,” Danny said flatly. “But that’s beside the point. The only reason I’m bringing it up is because you broke down, starting moaning about Ashley in front of Laura. Spouting a bunch of crap about not falling in love again. You get the picture.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck! Now would be a good time for the earth to open up and swallow him whole.
“Has she mentioned it?”
“Not a word. If it hurt her, she’s hidden it well.” His friend leaned against the porch railing, crossed his arms over his chest. “Want some free advice?”
“Not particularly.”
“Don’t blow your chance. She’s a terrific lady. Let the past lie. She wants you and you want her, so go for it.”
“My stalker—”
“Is a convenient excuse.”
“It’s a little more serious than that.”
His partner arched a brow. “So you’re gonna drink yourself into oblivion every time you feel low? You’re gonna push her away and she’ll have no trouble finding the man who’s all too happy to help her get over you.”
“Like you?” he bit off.
“Not even close. Laura’s a friend to me, nothing more. But make no mistake—if I had feelings for the lady, I’d fight the devil himself to have her.”
Austin studied the open, honest expression on his friend’s face. And something else lingering there, too. Remorse? No, that wasn’t right. Damned if he knew.
“I hear you. To tell the truth, it’s getting harder to remember why I’m fighting a battle I’ll probably lose.”
“Whether or not you’d be the loser is entirely a matter of perspective.” Danny
pushed away from the railing, throwing him a teasing grin that didn’t quite mask the shadows in his eyes. “Gotta go. One of us has to make an effort to show up at work on time this week.” He turned to leave.
“Hang on.” Austin waited until his friend faced him again before continuing. “I owe you an apology for yesterday.”
“Forget it.”
“I can’t. I was on edge, definitely not myself, but that’s no excuse. I had no right to question your preferences. It’s none of my damn business, and I’m sorry.”
Danny slanted a look at him. “What if I was gay? Would it matter to you?”
“Are you?” he asked. “Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“Just answer the fucking question.”
Austin studied his unhappy friend. Now he got the expression he’d glimpsed on Danny’s face. Total abject misery.
“No, it would not matter to me. Not one bit. You’re a damn good cop, and one of my best friends. I’ve got your back no matter what. Understand? Nothing’s gonna change that, so don’t get all depressed and do anything stupid, for God’s sake.”
“I’m confused, not suicidal,” he muttered.
“I mean, don’t do anything impulsive.”
“Like pay Frankie Blair a visit? You know, if we hadn’t found you in such bad shape last night, I think I might have done just that.”
“Aw, shit.” Austin closed his eyes. How long had his friend been battling a load of inner torment? Worse, how could I have been such a prick? He opened his eyes. “What are you gonna do?”
Danny glanced away, jaw tightening. “I don’t know.”
“Whatever you decide—if you decide—Danny, be careful.”
“This stays between us. I don’t want the guys at the station getting wind of it.”
“Goes without saying.” Most, like Glenn’s and Austin’s detectives, would show their support. Some would keep a cool distance. And the rest, like the jerks he’d caught cracking jokes at his own expense, would turn on Danny like a pack of vicious dogs out for blood.
“Thanks. Catch you later.”
Austin watched Danny trot down the steps and head for his ’Vette, shoulders slumped. Always so alone, he realized. Far too quiet and solitary for a man of twenty-six. The fact that he’d missed the signs of a good friend in serious personal crisis shamed him.
“I’ll do better, I promise,” he vowed as his partner drove away.
A cool spring morning breeze ruffled his hair, kissed his face. Goose bumps broke out on his arms, causing him to shiver. What was that?
Changes coming, the wind whispered against his skin. Some of them sure to bring heartache. Be ready, Rainey . . .
Great. He was losing his mind. Then again, taking a swan dive into the shallow end might not be such a raw deal. Funny little pills to keep you mellow, pleasant doctors in white coats, three squares a day.
But no Laura. A grim prospect that had become impossible to fathom. Suddenly, he needed to be with her more than his next breath. Ached to sit with her at his kitchen table, enjoying her company while she sipped coffee, wrapped in his ridiculous robe.
Danny’s advice echoing in his brain, he hurried inside.
• • •
“Any big news in there this morning?”
Laura glanced up as Austin strode in and resumed his place at the table. Damn, how could the man look good enough to eat after all he’d been through the last few days, especially last night? There ought to be a law . . .
“Yep. Plenty of headlines, most of them negative.” She flipped the newspaper closed. “Good news doesn’t sell, and we know that better than most.”
He propped his elbows on the table, pinning her with his green eyes. “How do you stand being immersed in other people’s tragedies day in and day out without drowning?”
“And you aren’t? What we do isn’t so different, you know. You try to help people, and so do I.”
He continued to gaze at her, as though working out the solution to a puzzle. “Your situations are always tragic, though. Yet you really believe you make a positive difference.” An observation, not a question.
“I know I do.” She lifted her chin. “And I have a three-ring notebook full of letters and e-mails to prove it.”
“For example?” He cocked his head, appearing genuinely interested. Even encouraging.
She blinked. “Well, I received a letter from the parents of a little girl kidnapped right out of her backyard last year. The case was heartbreaking, yes, but the evidence I found on her body led to a career pedophile and rapist. The police were finally able to put him in prison before he harmed anyone else.”
Austin smiled, clasping her hand. “That’s wonderful, sweetheart. Not about the little girl, of course, but what you do to bring closure to families.”
“Thank you.”
Wow. She sucked in a steadying breath. The guy had no idea how badly she longed to jump his bones when he blinded her with those big pearly whites. Shaking herself, she went on.
“Successful closure on a case requires the whole team to be on their toes: my office, the community, the media, and the police. That’s what I love most about my job, Rainey. As weird as it sounds coming from a medical examiner, I love being part of a happy ending. When it works, it’s magic.”
“Happy endings are rare. You’re an amazing woman, Laura Eden.”
“I hope you still think so when I tell you my idea.” She paused, biting her lip. His exaggerated groan and comical annoyed expression might’ve made her laugh if she hadn’t been so worried about his reaction.
“Oh no. Come on. You got something against us being happy for more than five minutes?”
“Promise you won’t get uptight and we’ll be dandy.”
“No deal. The alarm bells you’re setting off are jacking with my headache.”
Laura took a deep breath. “Okay, I’ve been thinking—”
“Strike one.”
“Hear me out.” She threw him a scowl. He crossed his arms over his chest, a faint smile hitching the corners of his mouth, but remained silent.
“Your stalker has been quiet since his failed attempt to get you. Much too quiet, I think. He’ll make a move soon, and when he does, there needs to be another trap in place. One guaranteed to shake him up, make him sloppy.”
“Royally piss him off, you mean?” A spark of interest lit his face. “How?”
“We’ll lure him out of hiding. Then you’ll get him. I’m no expert on the criminal mind, especially not the psychotic personality. But I’m willing to bet he’s on the verge of his rage spiraling out of control. It shouldn’t take much of a shove to send him over. I can think of one scenario almost guaranteed to do the trick.”
“I shudder to imagine,” he said dryly.
“Aren’t you tired of waiting for him to make an attempt on your life? What if he does see us out together after all? We really flaunt our relationship in his face. I’ll arrange the publicity with Joan, make certain he sees us together. Maybe I’ll do better as bait to draw him out, and when he comes after me, you’ll get him.”
Austin’s humor vanished. His eyes turned glacial, and the sudden thunderous anger on his face damn near stalled her pulse.
“Absolutely not. Do you have any firsthand knowledge of what this crazy bastard is capable of? Really?” He slammed his fist down on the table, causing her to jump and sloshing coffee from both mugs. “I do, goddammit! He’s stolen my life!”
Austin broke off, breathing as if he’d been running for miles. Laura laid a hand over his fist and said gently, “I know. Let’s get it back. Austin, I love you.”
His face turned the color of chalk.
Jerking his hand from hers, he shoved from the table and left the room without a word. She sat unmoving, heard the sliding glass door to the patio open. Riddled with uncert
ainty, she waited a few minutes before going after him. Had she done the right thing by confessing? She knew only that witnessing his terrible struggle, she hadn’t been able to keep it to herself.
She found him sitting on the steps of the deck, elbows on his spread knees, gazing across the small yard. He looked so lost, just as he had on the drive home from the hospital, and again last night. A shiver went through her soul.
He’s stolen my life.
She sat on the steps beside him. Waited for the bomb to explode. But his quiet voice drifted over her, a silky caress.
“What do you know about Ashley?”
“Not much,” she admitted. “Just that you two were miserable together.”
“That’s an understatement.” He didn’t look at her. “Though I did love her at one time.”
“I’m sure you did. Is this about what I said? Do you want me to take it back?” She touched his sleeve. “I would never intentionally hurt you, Austin. Not for the world.”
He did turn to her then, and the sheen of tears in his eyes stole her breath. Somehow they didn’t spill over, probably from sheer force of will on his part.
“Oh, honey!” Laura cupped his face in her hands. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you more pain. I know you must still be grieving for Ashley—”
“It’s not Ashley.” He paused, searching for a way to explain. “For weeks after she said it was over between us, I thought I’d die. God knows part of me wanted to quit. I saw a counselor for a few months. I got through losing her, eventually. Then we got pregnant, and things went sideways between me and her again, and you know the rest. But that’s not even what’s getting to me right now.”
She combed a lock of auburn hair from his eyes. “If it’s not the past dredging up your grief, what’s upsetting you so badly? Talk to me.”
“Your plan, in the kitchen . . .”
“I’m not following.”
“I’m afraid, Laura.”
“Of what, sweetie?”
“Of losing you,” he whispered. “Because I love you, too.”
