by Terry Fowler
Ben hugged her one last time. “Let me know if I can help.”
On the way to her condo, Leah picked up a sub sandwich and a newspaper. She let herself in and grabbed a bottle of green tea from the fridge. While she ate, Leah glanced through the classified ads, not surprised when nothing appealed to her.
She went to her desk and pulled out her ideas for her thesis. It had been a while since she last looked at them. All she lacked in obtaining her master’s was the thesis. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed herself to get sidetracked that year. She’d gotten pneumonia and it lingered on. The doctor had suggested she take a break and that break had extended for years instead of months.
After a few pages, the feeling it was trash overcame Leah and she pushed it aside in favor of perusing employment sites on the computer. She read ad after ad, none of which would have appealed to her even if she were qualified.
Maybe now wasn’t the time to do this, Leah thought. But then there had never been a good time to pursue her future and what she hoped to accomplish with her life.
Her thoughts drifted in a natural progression from the conversation with her father to Josiah and what he was doing. In a short time, she’d come to hope he might be part of her future. It hurt that he hadn’t trusted her when it came to protecting Cecily. She would never intentionally hurt anyone and especially not someone she liked as much as Cecily.
He’d been so unrealistic. Once his mother knew the letter existed, it couldn’t be ignored. The truth had kept Cecily from reading the letter. Leah didn’t regret what she’d done nor would she be made to feel guilty by Josiah.
His father may have spent his life trying to escape. Maybe he was unhappy because of what happened. Whatever the case, he had accepted his responsibility and provided well for his family. That had to mean something.
Chapter 14
Josiah tossed down his pen in disgust. Ever since Marty Wright suggested he write down his feelings, he’d toyed with the idea, scribbling a thought and then running it through the shredder behind his desk.
He stood and walked to the window, staring blindly at the wooded area behind the building. His dad had made an effort to improve the view by making the small area for the employees. The smokers used it more than anyone else.
This was his father’s world. Josiah still wondered why he’d made the move. No reason except his staff had said he should relocate into the big office. The furniture was the best money could buy, the carpet a plush pile that cushioned his footsteps. The walls and the hutch had been filled with tributes to his dad before he’d had them packed away. The only photo in the room was of his mother. The one his father kept there. No photos of father and son in this room.
Would writing down his angry thoughts help him? Would the angry commentary to his dead father serve any purpose? Could he write the things he’d never shared in real life? Things his dad wouldn’t have heard even if he had said them?
The office door swung open and Cecily Byrd marched into the room. “What’s going on, Josiah?”
His assistant trailed after her. Josiah waved her off. He ripped the page off the legal pad and balled it up, tossing it into the trash can.
Cecily rarely came to the office but evidently had something on her mind today. He stood and stepped around the desk to kiss her cheek. Josiah lifted one dark brow and looked at her. “You want to give me a clue as to what you’re talking about?”
She kissed him back. “Peter said you and Leah aren’t dating any longer. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He towered over his petite mother. “I haven’t seen you. And since when have you kept track of my relationships?”
Offended, she said, “I am not keeping track. I consider Leah to be my friend.”
He shrugged. “We had a difference of opinion.”
“Trust issues?”
Leah must have told her parents the whole story. “Yeah. Something like that.”
Cecily went on a rant. “Does it have anything to do with that stupid letter? I should have known she’d tell you. Leah isn’t capable of deception, Josiah.”
His mother’s rambling made him feel even worse about the way he’d treated Leah. “This is not your concern, Mom.”
“It is if you’re trying to protect my feelings. Leah didn’t know what was in the letter, but you do. Tell me what has you so upset.”
He had to get her off the subject. “It’s nothing, Mom. Tell me about you and Peter.”
“Other than the fact that I haven’t dated since high school and it’s really strange to be seeing someone at my age, I like Peter. He’s a great guy. He lost a loved one to cancer so we share that.”
“And you really like him?”
She nodded. “He called the day after the party and asked me out. We’ve seen each other often. My friends at the beach love him.”
“You’re a beautiful woman. I’m sure he’s proud to have you on his arm. But how do you feel?”
“Both flattered and unsure. I loved Joseph but I didn’t die with him. I was lonely but Peter and my new friends make me feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time.”
“So your changes have been good ones?”
“I believe they have. I know I owed it to Joseph not to rush out and get involved with another man but I feel I waited a suitable time.”
“Definitely. No one’s going to criticize you for your decisions and if they do it’s not their concern. You’re entitled to your happiness. I’m behind you all the way.”
“Thanks, sweetie. I feel better knowing you’re okay with my choices.”
“You don’t need my permission to live your life, Mom.”
“I care what you think and feel, Josiah. Now tell me why.”
He knew he couldn’t waylay her for very long. She had come to Wilmington with a mission in mind and wouldn’t leave until she understood what was going on with him.
Josiah sighed heavily. What was it with these women? Marty Wright had questioned his intentions and now his mother was doing the same thing? Didn’t they understand men didn’t wear their hearts on their sleeves? “It wouldn’t work.”
“What do you mean?”
“It just wouldn’t, Mom. I’m not about to saddle Leah with a jerk like me. Now let it go.”
She clutched his lower arms and stared up at him. “You aren’t a jerk. You were a sensitive little boy who has turned into a sensitive man. Your father and I were kids. Too immature to be parents.”
Josiah couldn’t make her feel bad. She’d been an excellent mother. “You did a good job.”
She flashed him a loving smile. “Thank you. I need to know what the letter said. I have to understand why you felt the contents would devastate me.”
“I can’t.” Silently, he begged her to understand.
Cecily sat down on the sofa in the office and dropped her large purse onto the floor next to her. “You have to. It’s eating you alive and I’m not leaving until you tell me. Either that or I’ll ask Marty Wright to share the letter with me.”
And she would, Josiah thought. Out of love for him she’d march over to the Wright home and speak to Marty mother-to-mother. “It was an angry missive. After he didn’t return to college, Marty learned Dad had dated other women. She thought he loved her.”
“I see.”
“You see that good old Dad was a player?”
She shook her head. “He was a free agent, Josiah. There was no engagement, no promises for the future. My only hope was that we would rekindle our high school relationship when we met up again in college.”
The next question was so hard to ask. “Did you get pregnant to hold on to him?”
“I understand why you might feel that way, but no. You were created out of a young girl’s love for her boyfriend and her hope for a future with him. He didn
’t take anything I didn’t give out of that same love.”
He nodded. He’d never understand his mother’s feelings for his father, the reason she’d given so much of her life for him. But he couldn’t keep rehashing this. He had to let it go.
Josiah knew one thing in that moment. He would not be like Joseph Byrd. He would not allow the man who had controlled people like puppets to have the upper hand.
“You owe Leah an apology. She was devastated when she saw what I held. I thought she would cry. When I started to pull it from the envelope, she almost jumped me right there. She told me I didn’t want to read the letter. She didn’t worry that I might be upset with her mom. She worried about you. I encouraged her to let this be our secret. But she couldn’t. She knew she’d lose your trust if you found out.”
“And she did. All I could think about was what you would do when you learned your husband had played the field in college. You gave so much and I wanted you to be happy.”
“Sweetie, your father made me happy. You made me happy. I got exactly what I wanted out of life. He once told me both of you benefited from my abundance of love. I think that’s the nicest thing he ever said to me.”
He knew he’d treated Leah badly. She’d repeatedly told him Cecily hadn’t read the letter but the red haze in his mind couldn’t take in anything except the fact that his mother knew.
“Josiah, how do you really feel about Leah? If you put the letter and all that confusion about your dad behind you, what do you feel?”
He sat down on the sofa next to her. “She’s one of the most standout women I’ve ever known. Leah inspires and challenges me at the same time. When I’m mired down in my self-pity she tells me to get over it. She says I’m blessed just to have parents and grandparents who took care of me.
“She’s not into possessions, and money seems to be important for survival only. Our dates were always simple and fun. Whenever I did something special to impress her, she took it in stride. Never insisted I spend more and more.”
Cecily nodded agreement. “Leah showed a lot of heart when helping me. Some organizers would have demanded I throw everything away, but not Leah. She’s good at that job.”
He smiled slightly. “I think Leah changed because of you. She said we threw our memories away with both hands while you treasured them. Thought you probably had the right idea.
“Marty Wright suggested that I write a letter to Dad. Express my thoughts and emotions and seal them away like she did.”
His mother’s gaze didn’t leave his face. “I’d rather you forgive your dad. It’s time to stop dwelling on what could have been. Accept it for what it was and make your future what you want it to be. You spent so much time with women. There wasn’t a male around to teach you to be a man.”
“Well, Mr. B. certainly gave me what for when I tried to shoplift from his store. I thought he was going to have me arrested but he took me into his office and said you would be sad that I had done that. He didn’t say anything about Dad or Grandpa, just you.
“That was when I accepted how good my life had been because you had been there for me. You made my life better.”
She wrapped her arm about his and hugged it to her. “There’s so much I wanted, still want, for you. And you can have it all.”
“I know, Mom.”
They hugged and Cecily leaned back, using her fingers to wipe away her tears. “The only advice I have for you is to do what you need to do. The decisions are yours to make. The future is yours to take. Now I’m going to the house to change. Peter is picking me up later and we’re going to see a play at Thalian Hall.”
The beautiful old theater downtown was one of the best things in Wilmington.
“Enjoy yourselves. Tell Peter hello for me.”
She chuckled. “I think he was sorry he said anything about you and Leah. He didn’t think this was a good idea. Maybe he was right and I shouldn’t have come.”
“I’m always happy to see you, Mom. I love you.”
She caressed his cheek. “I love you, too, my sweet boy.”
Cecily’s words lingered long after she left. Josiah knew there was no need to write a letter to his father. He wouldn’t spend the rest of his life trying to understand his father or wishing for something he would never have. As Leah had once said, there are no do-overs in life.
He could change his life. Become a man his mother would be proud to have as a son. And become a loving husband to a wife and a great father to the grandchildren she insisted on.
With God’s help, he could do all those things. He only had to ask to receive.
Chapter 15
Leah stuffed the final pieces of clothing in the suitcase and pressed down in an effort to close the zipper. When it didn’t work, she pulled the bag onto the floor and sat on it, smiling victoriously when the zipper slid closed.
She stood the case up and pulled other items from about the room. She even took the little Eiffel Tower her mom had given her. For some reason she’d begun to see the souvenir as a goal for her future. One day she would see it for herself. Leah bubble-wrapped and packed her treasures in the boxes she used for organizing the homes of others. These were the things she planned to take with her.
When Leah thought about finding a job, she’d never imagined she would be successful so soon. Actually, she hadn’t done anything but visit Susan. Her friend had missed church for the past week and she stopped by to see what was going on.
“Come on in. I’m fine.” Susan grinned and said, “It’s morning sickness. But it’s lasting all day.”
Puzzled, Leah repeated, “Morn... You’re pregnant?”
Her friends had wanted a child for years. Susan nodded, a big smile on her face. “We couldn’t believe it. I thought I had a stomach bug.”
Leah hugged her. “I’m so happy for you both.”
Susan settled on the sofa, propping up her swollen feet. Leah sat in the armchair.
“And you’re really okay?”
“I saw the doctor today and he’s warned me to take things slow and easy. Have you heard from Josiah?”
Leah shook her head. “Not one word.”
“I can’t believe he’d act like this. He seemed like a really decent guy.”
She couldn’t help herself. Leah had to defend Josiah. “I couldn’t believe he’d act that way either until Daddy pointed out that this is significant to Josiah. He’s right. I can’t discount the importance of the situation. If I hadn’t mailed that stupid letter, none of this would have happened.”
Susan eyed her. “What will you do?”
“I enjoyed my time with Josiah. He holds a special place in my heart and I wish things could be different but it’s doubtful things will change for us. Meanwhile, I have to find work.”
“Organizational?”
Leah shrugged. “I’d love nothing more but the jobs aren’t there. I’ve been reading the classifieds and looking online but there’s not much out there. I’m trying to formulate a plan but it’s slow going. I need a full-time job.”
The phone rang and Susan gestured for her to hang on.
“Kimmie. I’m so glad you called. I know. Can you believe it?”
Kim was Susan’s older sister who lived in Atlanta. Leah knew her on that level but they had also shared a few college classes and connected. Kim had gotten her master’s and now worked in the human resources office of a large business.
“Leah’s here. I just told her our news. She’s fine. Looking for work.”
Susan listened to her sister. “No. She says she can’t find anything. Hang on. I’ll tell her.”
“Kim says there’s a job posted on their website that would be perfect for you. Take a look and give her a call.”
“Tell her I will. Thanks.”
She had returned home, checked th
e website and called Kim early the following morning.
“It’s time management training with an emphasis on organization. You can use your expertise and experience to do what they need. I had told my boss about you and he said it was a shame that you didn’t live in Atlanta. I didn’t call because I figured you and Susan were permanent fixtures there in Wilmington.”
Leah’s preference would be to remain in Wilmington. “You really think I could do what they want? I’ve worked mainly in clients’ homes. Not businesses.”
“I know you can. It’s a temporary position. Only two months, but it would look good on your résumé. You can stay in my spare room as long as you want. You’ll have time to sort things out and decide if this is something you want to pursue.”
Leah couldn’t believe this had happened. She knew God had answered her many prayers. “Oh, thank you, Kim. I knew I would probably have to leave the area but being there with you will make it easier.”
“It’s hard stepping out on your own. I felt the same way when I first came to Atlanta. But I’ve never regretted my decision.”
Leah prayed she wouldn’t regret hers. “I really need to do this. I’ve been playing at supporting myself when in reality my parents have been helping me all along. I doubt Daddy needed help at the office as often as he called me. So where do I send my résumé?”
“Hold on a sec.”
She listened to the jazzy tune that played as she waited for Kim to return.
“Sorry. I wanted to check with my boss. He said if you fly in on Thursday afternoon, he can meet with you on Friday morning? You can bring your résumé and learn what they expect. Then you can make the decision.”
“Kim, you are a lifesaver.”
“So you’ll come?”
“Yes. Definitely.”
“Great. Can you stay over the weekend? I’d love to show you around.”
* * *
Leah had barely arrived home on Monday when they called and offered her the job. They wanted her to start work the Tuesday after Labor Day. She’d begun making arrangements almost immediately after telling her parents. She was scared. Leah couldn’t lie about that. Leaving them behind would be the worst part but they agreed she was doing the right thing.
