“Got you,” I say.
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to ignore the primal call of your own male pride.”
I look into her eyes as we bob in the water, the dim light of the retreat refracting over her wet skin, outlining the femininity of her face, the wetness of her lips. It might be the most beautiful I’ve ever seen a woman. Something tightens in me like a screw, pulls at my lust like a magnet. Her chest rises with every hard breath, her gaze softening innocently.
It seems to happen in slow-motion, as inevitable and as powerful as things falling to the ground when you let them go. Every voice inside of me telling me that this is wrong, that this is a bad idea, that I shouldn’t let my instincts take over, it all becomes a distant echo in the presence of those lips. They’re too perfect. Too close.
Our lips touch, soft and wet. I close my eyes and the moment becomes nothing but sensations. The slow wrap of her arms around me, her hands in my hair. The tremble of her torso as my hands tighten around her waist. The slow exploration of our tongues touching, then the increasing pressure of my hardening bulge against the invitation between her legs.
“Excuse me?”
The voice feels like an alarm clock in a dream. Something that doesn’t belong. As if we were the last people on earth. We break apart recklessly. Jessie lets out an awkward laugh, hurriedly moving as far away from me as possible.
“Sorry,” the porter says, looking sheepish. “We’re turning the lights off outside, so maybe…”
“Sure, sure,” I say quickly. “We’re coming.”
The porter leaves, and as Jessie and I leave the pool in chilly silence, the nighttime air feels a lot colder.
9
Jessie
There’s a weird vibe as we make our way back to the room, dripping on the hallway carpeting all the way. At first it feels like if we stay silent then what just happened might be forgotten, but after a while, the fact that we’re not talking about it becomes even more awkward.
“It must be pretty late,” I say, as casually as possible.
“Yeah,” Nate replies, doing just as poor a job of being nonchalant. “Yeah, it is.”
We get into our room and suddenly I wince, realizing once again that there’s only the king-size bed.
“Do you want to use the shower?” Nate asks.
“Um, you go first.”
“I’ll be quick.”
While he disappears I start looking for a few sheets and pillows to make a bed on the floor. After a few minutes, Nate comes out wearing a pair of boxers and a white tee that clings to his perfectly sculpted chest. I can feel my face heating, so I nod politely, grab my nightclothes, and step past him as if we’re two strangers in an office hallway.
It’s only when I’m standing in the shower, hot water making my body come alive, that I stop to think about what just happened. A weird mixture of guilt and lust swirl inside me, each one making the other stronger. I cringe a little when I think about putting my hand on the back of his head, biting his lower lip, letting him put his hands on my bare skin…but at the same time I feel a warmth between my thighs that isn’t coming from the water.
Suddenly becoming incredibly self-conscious about spending so much time in the shower, I get out and dry myself off in a hurry. After I get dressed in the bathroom, I take a deep breath and step back into the room.
Nate’s already lying on the makeshift bed I made on the floor, playing with his phone.
“I don’t mind taking the floor,” I say to him.
“It’s cool,” Nate says, putting his phone to the side. “It’s good for my back, anyway.”
Ordinarily I’d force the issue. Ordinarily the preconception that the ‘guy’ should always take the floor would bug me. Shit, ordinarily I’d just invite Nate to share the bed with me.
Maybe I should invite Nate to share the bed with me.
Fuck. Isn’t there supposed to be an angel to go along with the devil on your shoulder?
I step past him towards the bed, pretending to pick something from my baggy t-shirt so I don’t have to look at him. Bringing only an old band tee and some underwear to wear at night suddenly seems like a bad idea, but the thought flickers across my mind that he might be checking out my bare legs, and it’s not entirely unwanted…
“Night, Nate,” I say, pulling up the covers and reaching for the wall-mounted room light.
“Night,” he says, and I spend the next ten minutes thinking about the way he said it, wondering if it can reveal anything about his mood.
Rather than bury the room in black, turning off the light leaves faint-blue traces of moonlight around the room, making everything look dreamlike and not-quite-real. The fabric of the curtains seems to shimmer as they move in the quiet breeze. Every sound is amplified now, every rustling of the bedsheets, every turn of the head; even my breathing sounds like it’s way too loud.
More than that, my body starts feeling like nuclear material; hot and active. I’m tired, still a little drunk, and glad to be out of my wet clothes – but at the same time I don’t think I’ve ever felt more awake. As I shift in the bed, trying to get comfortable, every limb suddenly feels prickly. I rub my thighs together but stop myself when I realize I’m just making myself hornier.
All I can think about is Nate. The fact that he’s so close, that he’s already kissed me, that my body’s still shaking all over from the way his torso pressed me against the side of the pool. Lying at the foot of the bed, his hard muscles and gorgeous face so close to me, and yet there’s nothing I can do about it. My body’s throbbing with unresolved energy, tension and stress that needs to be released, and the one thing that can offer me that relief is lying on his back in the same room, completely untouchable.
It feels like hours pass. Hours in which I go from trying to deny the deep yearning for him, to wondering what I’d do if he stood up and got in bed alongside me. After a while I’m visualizing it, fantasizing about it, willing it like a prayer. A little later and I’m already making my excuses – I’ll say I was drunk, I’ll tell him not to mention it again, we’ll agree to forget it just like last time.
I wait a few more seconds, as if giving my body one last chance to calm down, to stop burning for him, then slide the covers aside, and get up. I step slowly around the bed until I’m standing at his feet.
He’s awake. I can see the sparkle of his eyes in the moonlight. He’s awake, and he’s watching me. He pushes away his sheets and I see he’s just wearing his boxers, the hard hump in them admitting everything. He sits up a little and gazes as I take my shirt off and stand there for a second, allowing him to see me before I kneel down and straddle him.
“Jessie…”
I grab his head with my hands and pull his face towards me, our foreheads together.
“Shh…”
“This is wrong.”
I nip at his lips, taking them between my teeth and pulling at them, edgy and hot from the lust that’s built up inside of me.
“So fucking wrong,” I reply, as he nuzzles roughly into my neck.
“We shouldn’t…”
“I know.”
His hands grip my sides roughly. We lash at each other’s tongues as he takes my breast and kneads it, pinching my nipple and sending sweet tickles of pain reverberating throughout my body. I roll my hips over his bulge, every swing making him harder, turning his breath hard and quick.
I put my hands on his chest and press him down onto the floor, until he’s lying flat on his back, the perfection of his torso obvious even in the dim light. A sea of ridges and muscles unfurled in front of me like a beautiful landscape, an adventure I take with my tongue, rolling up from his navel, kissing at his chest. His hand grips my head, but I’m the one in control. I feel the quakes of his body under my searching tongue, feel the tensing of his muscles under my hands as he loses control, feel his cock struggle against his boxers.
“Jessie…fuck… We should stop. We should stop…”
I answer him with a moan
, my fingers teasing his waistband, tugging impatiently at it.
“There’s a condom in my jeans,” he pants.
I sit up and reach over to his jeans, scratching around until I find it in his back pocket. He stares at me with hunger in his eyes, his hands going to my breasts again to pull and pinch as I tear open the packet.
Grabbing the sides of his boxers, I pull them down slowly, his hard dick springing out of them, already rock-hard, as big as the desire he’s feeling. I pull his boxers completely off, grab him, and give the shaft a long, slow lick, sucking softly at the tip, his gasps and moans rising and fading like smoke in the moonlight. Once I get the condom on him, I slide my panties down and move up his body, rolling my breasts along his torso. Big muscly arms grab at me, pulling me closer, until our lips finally meet, and our hot tongues connect like two points of fire. Merging and thrashing until we can’t tell where one of us ends and the other begins.
“Jessie…” he whispers in between our hungry kisses, deliciously messy in the dark. His hands grab and smack at my ass cheeks, reminding me of his strength. I roll myself over his groin and I can feel I’m already wet, my body aching, struggling with itself. The itch inside of me almost unbearable now. We struggle and move together, no longer separate, but a single animal trying to pull itself together. I can’t wait any longer. I reach down, grab his cock, and guide it into me with a gasp, the sensation of being filled arousing my desires and satisfying them at the same time.
“Give it to me, Nate. Give it to me,” I pant, feeling my body fall out of my control.
Nate pushes me up until I’m sitting on his cock, where he can play with my breasts, pull on my ass. He’s stiff and long inside of me, stroking at places I never knew existed. Deep enough to relieve the guilt, deep enough to make me forget any reason we shouldn’t be doing this.
“Take it, Jessie. Ride my cock. I wanna watch you move.”
I glance down at him and see his blue eyes studying me like I’m a goddess, worshipping my curves, adoring my movements, hypnotized and ravenous. The feeling spurs me on, and I roll over him, pussy squeezing and pulling at his cock. One hand against the solidness of his chest, the other in my hair, as if to stop me from getting too high.
“That’s good, Jessie,” Nate says, dropping his head back onto the pillow. “Real fucking good.”
My animal instincts take over, until I can’t think anymore, can’t even feel his hands on my breasts. My entire being collapses inwards, to where his big, burning cock is pounding into me with sensations that roll through my entire body in a series of tremors. I arch backwards, hands grasping at his muscled thighs for support, and something clicks, a button pushed, and I’m over the edge.
“Fuck, Nate! Oh my God, yes!”
Everything leaves my body at once, heat, lust, weight, the aching need that I’ve felt since we kissed in the pool. It torrents out of me, relieving me of everything that makes me who I am, turning me into nothing but a soft ball of bliss. I don’t realize I’m screaming until Nate’s hand closes softly over my mouth to muffle it, and I jerk forward onto his chest in a cold sweat as if from a dream, out-of-breath and empty. I rest my head on Nate’s shoulder, still moaning and trying to catch my breath as he hushes me, shh-ing softly into my ear. Then he wraps his arms around me, clinging to me, pulling me tight against him as he comes with a desperate groan. I feel the shudders of his body, the stutters of his breath, the coolness that follows it.
He sighs deeply, our chests rising and falling against each other, an understanding expressed more meaningfully than words. No need to move, no need to spoil this. The only thing left is to melt into each other.
10
Nate
“Are you awake?”
The voice breaks through the groggy mist of the morning and pulls me to reality with a thump.
“Um…yeah,” I say, rubbing at my eyes before opening them.
Jessie and I are wrapped together, our legs entwined, the satisfying weight of her on my chest. I look down and feel the softness of her hair under my chin, see the beautiful smoothness of her breast pressed up against my front. She looks up at me, her face perfect in the morning light, and I suddenly realize I’ve got a huge hard-on pressing against her thigh.
“Is it possible that we could, I don’t know, forget that last night happened?” she says in a soft morning voice.
“Uh…sure. I mean, we did it before, right?”
“Right. And the alcohol.”
“Yeah. Definitely the alcohol,” I say, swiping hair from her forehead and continuing down to stroke the back of her neck.
“And the whole situation, being here at the retreat.” She practically purrs as my hand moves lower, to squeeze at a knot in the taut muscle of her upper back.
“That played a big part. For sure. It’s definitely a weird situation.”
“And unpredictable things happen in weird situations,” she says, drawing her fingernails softly down my chest.
“Absolutely,” I agree. “And you’ve been so stressed at work lately.”
“I am. I’m really stressed. And you’re trying to impress your boss and stuff.”
“Yeah, that definitely plays a part...”
We look at each other innocently, begging for confirmation from the other.
“It’s perfectly understandable we’d do something like that,” she says, shrugging a little.
“Of course!” I say loudly, as if the alternative would be stupid. “Who wouldn’t understand, given the circumstances?”
“And…I mean…it would even be understandable if it happened again…” Jessie trails off. “I mean, one would think.”
I gulp deeply, my cock feeling like it’s grown a full inch.
“One would,” I say, moving my hand further down her back to the line of her ass. “I think…while we’re at the retreat…anything would be forgivable…”
I feel her fingers wrap themselves tightly around my cock.
“Just while we’re here…in these circumstances…” she says, sliding down my body, tilting her head and quirking a brow at me for confirmation.
“Right,” I say, combing my hand through her hair as her breasts move down either side of my cock. “Anywhere else and this would be—” I stop to groan a little as her lips close tightly over the head of my dick. “Bad.”
She moans, her mouth filled with the end of my dick, and the vibrations send a burst of pleasure through me that makes me pull her hair. She sucks and pulls her head back, hard and slow, until my cock pops out of her mouth. “So bad,” she pants, eyeing my dick like it’s gonna save her life.
With her hand gently jerking me off, she bends down and takes my balls in her mouth. I watch her arched back, ass up in the air like some magnificent landscape, as she starts to suck.
“Shit. That’s good,” I growl, as she works me. “Very fucking good.” Incredible sensations pass over me as she works from a gentle rhythm up to a pounding thump. She rolls her tongue a few more times around my shaft and then pulls away, and for a few seconds I’m in agony, teetering on the edge of rapture, at the gates of paradise.
“Are you close?” she says, her sultry voice filling my ears like a command from God.
I look up and see the glint in her eyes, relishing the power she has over me right now, enjoying the fact that she’s created a storm inside of me that only she can calm now. Her hot, wet lips so close.
“Yes. Fuck…”
She presses her closed lips to the end of my cock, making them real tight, and sucking it through her lips like an ice pop. I throw my head back uncontrollably, giving every essence of my being up to her. Suddenly she’s working my cock so brilliantly it’s difficult to believe she’s doing it with just her mouth. It feels like there are multiple mouths there, numerous lashing tongues, each one connected to all my nerve centers, sending me through loops of sweet anticipation and hard-hitting satisfaction. I hold on like a man falling to earth as I begin to thrust into her mouth, groaning uncontrollabl
y and struggling to savor each beautiful, passing moment of ecstasy as it whips past me.
Soon it becomes harder to hold back than to let go. When I come, I come hard. Like a punch in the gut that knocks me out, so drained that I feel like my body might float away. Jessie urges it out of me, sucking my juice ravenously, wrapping her tongue around my cock and swallowing it with lidded eyes and soft moans.
I lie back for a few moments, completely spent, remembering what it feels like to be human, somehow out of breath. Jessie rolls off to the side, and when I sit up I immediately notice the relaxed look on her face, the satisfied rise and fall of her breasts.
The urge to kiss her tenderly, to take her in my arms, passes as quickly as it comes. All the feelings of guilt, of Kyle, of what this might do to all of our relationships, start creeping back into my mind like dark clouds.
“Just while we’re here, at the retreat, right?” I say.
She opens her eyes and looks at me, a note of seriousness suddenly in the repose of her face.
“Right. Just while we’re here.”
After a big breakfast with some of the other couples, though I note that Dominique is conspicuously absent, I leave Jessie behind and agree to play a round of golf with a few of the ‘old boys.’ Normally I find golf about as boring as hitting tiny balls with a giant stick, but after spending so much time with Jessie, I’ll take any opportunity for both of us to get a break from each other. Maybe it’ll do us some good, because sticking together seems to be turning into a very bad idea.
The only problem is that as soon I get away from Jessie, I think about her even more.
Five of us drive out to the course, enough to keep the inside-jokes, backroom dealings, and masculine atmosphere going the whole time, but I’m on automatic throughout. My mouth makes sounds, my body plays the game, but inside I’m wrestling with questions and problems like a hormonal teenager with nosy parents.
The biggest problem, besides that it’s fundamentally wrong to fuck someone you grew up making mudpies with, is that Kyle would tear me apart like a chicken wing if he found out. He already hates Jessie’s boyfriends enough to the point that if he had any actual say, he’d sign her up for a nunnery until she was forty-five. But me? I’m supposed to be the guy he can trust, pretty much part of the family. I’m supposed to be the guy he comes to when Jessie stops listening to him.
Confessions of a Bad Boy Page 10
