by R. A. Spratt
‘But Jacinta wasn’t glum or dour,’ said Tom. ‘She was a bit quiet, but always nice to me.’
‘She didn’t look that way,’ said Loretta.
Tom shrugged. ‘I can’t see how people look.’
‘Do you know where she lives?’ asked Loretta.
‘No,’ said Tom. ‘I never ask stuff like that. It doesn’t mean much to me. I don’t have a lot of spatial awareness of geography.’
Tom turned back to the sink and picked up his next dish. ‘I’d better get back to work. I’ve got this lot to get through.’
Loretta looked at the bench. There were only three dirty plates there. Tom obviously had no idea how little he had left, but she decided it would not be polite to point that out.
‘That’s okay, we can chat while you wash.’ Loretta silently picked up a couple of plates from the draining board and put them on the bench, to give Tom more to do. He was more likely to say something if he was distracted by work. ‘Did you know anything else about her?’
‘Why do you want to know?’ asked Tom.
‘I’m worried,’ said Loretta. ‘She disappeared so suddenly. I just want to make sure she’s safe.’
Tom shook his head. ‘I don’t really know anything. She was quiet. We just talked about work. “Here’s some more dishes. Don’t eat the meatloaf, it gave a customer food poisoning” that sort of thing.’
‘Really? I always thought you were more observant,’ said Loretta. She knew the power of a good complisult – a compliment that is really an insult. ‘So you don’t know anything about her at all? Did she have another job? Did she have a boyfriend? Did she have any hobbies?’
‘Birds,’ said Tom.
‘What?’ asked Loretta.
‘She liked birds,’ said Tom.
Loretta was still dumbfounded by this revelation. ‘Birds?’
‘She was a twitter,’ said Tom. ‘You know, a bird watcher. She liked watching birds in the wild. That’s why she lives in a treehouse in the forest.’
‘She lives in a treehouse in the forest!’ exclaimed Loretta.
‘Yeah,’ said Tom. ‘She built it herself, so she could wake up in the morning and watch the birds.’
‘But you told me you didn’t know where she lives!’ said Loretta.
‘That’s right, I know she lives in a treehouse, but I don’t know where the treehouse is,’ said Tom.
‘Okay,’ said Loretta. ‘I had expected Joy to have hidden depths, but I hadn’t expected a treehouse. And you definitely don’t know the location of this tree?’
‘No, no spatial awareness, remember?’ said Tom.
‘No other bombshell insights into her personal life or habits?’ asked Loretta.
‘I don’t think so,’ said Tom.
‘Aside from knowing that she used a fake name and lives in a tree, you don’t know anything,’ said Loretta.
‘Pretty much,’ said Tom, re-cleaning a dish he had done before, which wasn’t a bad thing as he hadn’t done it well the first time.
‘I can see why April finds you so infuriating and yet irresistible at the same time,’ said Loretta.
‘What?!’ said Tom, dropping another plate.
‘Oh, nothing,’ said Loretta. She smiled her most dazzling smile, which was, of course, wasted on Tom and left.
‘April Peski will be easy to beat,’ said Matilda. ‘So there’s no point wasting energy worrying about it.’
April was crouched down in the bushes outside the science window, tying up Pumpkin before class. She hadn’t meant to hide from anyone. That wasn’t her style. But here she was, hidden from view as Matilda and her friends walked in to class, talking about the Potato Pageant.
‘Who is going to vote for her?’ said Matilda. ‘No one in town. She’s yelled at everybody. And her dog has bitten everybody.’
‘And she’s ugly,’ said Daphne.
The girls sniggered.
‘Plus, she has to have a float built by Saturday,’ said Matilda. ‘She can’t even iron her school uniform. So there is no way she’ll be able to transform a vehicle into a beautiful work of art in such a short time. I bet she hasn’t even started.’
‘I bet she doesn’t even know how to make a toilet paper rosette,’ agreed Daphne.
‘There’s a lot of things April Peski doesn’t know,’ said Matilda. ‘Like how to brush her hair.’
All the girls in the class laughed out loud.
April had heard enough. She stood up, her head appearing in the window.
‘How dare you!’ she denounced.
Several girls screamed at her sudden appearance. Pumpkin barked. He loved it when April started using her angry voice.
‘How dare you hide and listen in,’ accused Matilda. Although she had gone red in the face so she obviously felt some level of guilt.
‘I was crouched in the bushes first! I’m under no obligation to be visible at all times,’ declared April. ‘You should apologise to me for invading my space with your spiteful gossip.’
‘It wasn’t spiteful gossip,’ said Daphne. ‘It was just true facts.’
‘Facts are always how spiteful people try to pass off malicious gossip,’ accused April.
At this moment, Fin entered the classroom and saw his sister standing outside the window yelling at Matilda and her friends.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked. He didn’t want to know, but he probably should find out so he could decide whether to make a run for it or not.
The girls all ignored him. Matilda and her friends kept facing off with April.
‘Fine, so tell us, how is your float coming along?’ asked Matilda, smiling but still managing to look nasty at the same time. ‘Is it Potato Princess worthy?’
April glowered.
‘I’ve been working on mine all year,’ said Daphne. ‘Daddy paid to get special toilet paper shipped up from the city. It’s pink.’
‘How does pink toilet paper represent potatoes?’ asked April. ‘Last time I checked potatoes were brown. You’d be better off decorating with used toilet paper.’
Everyone gasped.
‘You’re disgusting!’ accused Matilda.
‘I bet she hasn’t given a float a moment’s thought,’ said Daphne.
Matilda eyed April shrewdly. ‘I bet she didn’t even realise she had to make one.’
April was silent. Which was an admission in itself.
Matilda turned smug, ‘That’s the problem with being an outsider – you never understand what’s really going on.’
‘Yes, she does,’ said Fin. ‘She put me in charge.’
The girls turned. They usually ignored Fin because he was short and weird looking.
‘A princess should make her own float,’ said Matilda.
‘No,’ said Fin. ‘A princess is a leader. She should know how to delegate. April delegated to me.’
‘Yeah,’ said April as she clambered in through the window. She had no idea what Fin was up to, but she was happy to play along if it upset Matilda.
‘But she hates you,’ said Daphne.
‘No, she doesn’t,’ said Fin.
‘Yeah, I don’t,’ said April, which was actually truthful.
‘But you abuse him all the time,’ said Matilda.
‘I saw you put him in a headlock yesterday,’ said Daphne.
‘We’re a close-knit family,’ said April. ‘We believe in constant open communication.’
‘Even if it hurts,’ agreed Fin.
‘And studies have shown that roughhousing is an important part of a child’s emotional development,’ added April. ‘So when I’m wrestling with Fin, it’s for his own good. It’s to build his confidence and self-esteem.’
Fin glanced at April, ‘Is that true?’
‘Yes,’ said April. ‘You’re welcome.’
‘Whatever,’ said Matilda, using the most cowardly, general-purpose conclusion to any argument. She and her friends turned away.
April and Fin made their way to seats at the back of the class
.
‘What’s this about you building me a float?’ whispered April. ‘What even is a float?’
‘It’s a decorated vehicle that you ride on in a parade,’ explained Fin.
‘And you’ve been building me one?’ asked April.
‘Well, no,’ admitted Fin. ‘I just heard them slagging you off and it gave me an idea.’
‘Is it a good idea?’ asked April.
‘It is going to be totally awesome,’ said Fin. He had a crazy gleam in his eye as he said this. April had seen that gleam before when Fin was constructing his amazing siege warfare replicas for the mud race. If Fin thought it was awesome, then it probably would be, in a terrifying way. That suited April just fine.
‘Okay, you’ve got the job,’ said April.
Fin wasn’t even listening any more, he was daydreaming about his design.
When Loretta had gone to the council to find out if Joy/Jacinta owned any property, she had not expected to wind up anywhere so spooky. It was unnerving turning off the main road and heading up the long dirt track into the bush, but Loretta had Vlad for company and it’s hard to feel intimidated when you’re riding a sixteen-hand high horse.
Vlad walked carefully over the rocky ground. Loretta was cautious too. She didn’t want Vlad to put his foot down a wombat hole and break his leg. She kept him moving forward at a slow, steady pace as they went further and further into the depth of the forest. Up ahead she could hear water – the trickle of a creek moving over stones. Vlad heard it too and started towards the sound. He was thirsty. As they broke through the tree line, Vlad made for the creek, but Loretta’s eye was caught by something high above them on the opposite bank.
It was a treehouse. But not something ramshackle, put together by kids using shipping palettes and baling twine. This was a proper house, smartly painted with gables and drainpipes and window boxes. It was pretty and neat as a pin. It just happened to be ten metres up among the branches of a huge tree.
‘Wow!’ said Loretta.
She slid off Vlad, leaving him to his drink, as she approached the treehouse. There was no visible sign of how you were meant to get up. Loretta looked about. There must be some sort of ladder or pulley system. Unless it wasn’t a treehouse. It was just a house that had been caught up in a hurricane and landed in a tree top. But they didn’t get hurricanes in Currawong so that option was unlikely.
Then Loretta spotted a string, the end had been looped around a lower branch, from there it stretched up into the canopy. Loretta reached up and pulled it. A bell clanged somewhere above her.
‘Oh, it’s a doorbell,’ said Loretta to herself. She looked up to see if there was any response, but she should have looked down. Suddenly, the ground disappeared from under her feet and Loretta found herself falling. She landed with a thud. Luckily she’d hit feet first, crumpling into the ground.
Loretta knew crumpling was an important part of surviving an impact. All studies into motor vehicle accidents always showed this. But even so, it had been a drop of a couple of metres and she felt like she’d jarred every joint in her body. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself while checking that her arms, legs and bottom were still all right. It would be hard to ride Vlad home if she’d damaged her bottom. She seemed to be in one piece. So Loretta turned her thoughts to getting out.
Lorretta looked up. Getting out would not be easy. The top of the hole was three metres above her and the walls were sheer. She supposed she should be grateful that it wasn’t an elephant trap like in the movies and there weren’t spikes at the bottom to land on. Loretta shielded her eyes against the direct glare of the sunlight, searching for something she could use to escape. A person appeared above her, they were silhouetted against the sunlight. Loretta had to shield her eyes to make out who it was.
‘Joy?’ asked Loretta. ‘How wonderful to see you. I was so worried about you. I’m glad you’re all right.’
But then another face appeared alongside Joy. This face was even more surprising.
‘Ingrid!’ exclaimed Loretta. ‘What are you doing here in the middle of the forest? And why are you with Joy?’
Joy and Ingrid glanced at each other. Neither of them was a chatty person, but they seemed to say a lot in that silent glance.
‘Oh!’ said Loretta. Dominos were starting to fall in her brain. ‘That’s the reason you couldn’t marry Mr Peski! You said you loved another. It’s Joy, isn’t it? Oh how wonderful! Currawong needs more diversity. Obviously we already do have a lot of diversity. We’ve got ethnic diversity and an abundance of mental health diversity. But orientation diversity, that’s so exciting. Oh, now we can have a mardi gras!’
‘We could just leave her in the hole,’ said Joy.
‘I know,’ said Ingrid. ‘But we can’t. It would be wrong.’
Ingrid fetched a rope ladder and lowered it into the hole. Half an hour later they were all sitting up in the treehouse, sharing a cup of tea.
It was day five of the potato celebrations. A polling booth had been set up in the CWA rooms. From 4 to 7 pm the residents of Currawong could come in and place their vote for the Potato Princess. Voting wasn’t compulsory, but there was still an incredibly high voter turnout because they were essentially bribed. Everyone who voted got tea and scones. And who can resist free jam-covered, cream-laden scones? Not the residents of Currawong, that’s for sure!
A huge queue snaked out of the building and down to the end of the block. Fin and Joe were waiting in line and Neil had come along with them.
‘Why are we even here?’ asked Fin. ‘April and Loretta are the ones actually in the pageant and neither of them has bothered coming.’
‘April said it’s stupid,’ said Joe. ‘Don’t know where she is.’
‘The pound,’ said Neil.
‘What?’ asked Fin.
‘It’s Friday,’ said Neil. ‘She goes to the pound every Friday to talk to the dogs.’
‘She does?!’ said Fin.
‘How do you know that?’ asked Joe.
Neil blushed.
‘Have you been following her?’ asked Fin.
Neil shrugged, which was equivalent to a weeping confession for a boy like him.
‘Stalking is illegal,’ said Tom. He was standing behind them in the line and had been listening in.
‘Eavesdropping is rude,’ Fin countered.
‘I can’t help who I listen in on,’ said Tom. ‘I’m vision impaired. I’ve got to listen to everything. And trust me, there are plenty of conversations I’d like to turn off.’
Neil looked like he was about to die of embarrassment so Fin took pity on his friend and changed the subject. ‘Where’s Loretta then? She usually loves stuff like this.’
Joe shrugged. He and Neil were really equals in the terrible-conversationalist department. ‘Said she had a l-l-lead.’
‘What sort of lead?’ asked Fin. ‘A dog lead? A lead for her horse?’
‘In police investigations a “lead” is a piece of information that may help solve a crime,’ said Tom.
‘No one has committed a c-c-crime,’ said Joe.
‘Loretta does sail pretty close to the wind,’ said Fin. ‘If she didn’t have her lawyer on speed dial to check the technicalities for her, I wouldn’t be so sure of that.’
‘Let me go! Take your hands off me!’
A ruckus had broken out at the start of the line.
The boys peered around the crowd to see what was going on.
‘Is that April?’ asked Joe. Starting a fight at the CWA is the type of thing she would do.
‘No,’ said Tom. He wasn’t craning his head to look, he was tilting his head to listen. ‘That’s Daisy Odinsdottir’s voice.’
Sure enough, two seconds later Constable Pike was dragging Daisy away from the polling station.
‘This is police brutality!’ yelled Daisy. ‘I’m telling my mum all about this.’
‘You can’t intimidate the elderly,’ said Constable Pike, calmly. He had a firm grasp of Daisy’
s elbow, but he was trying very hard to behave with utmost propriety because there were so many witnesses.
‘I didn’t intimidate the old duck,’ said Daisy. ‘I was just holding her scone for her.’
‘You snatched her scone and said you wouldn’t give it back unless she changed her vote to one for you,’ accused Constable Pike.
‘Well, she’s blind and deaf!’ yelled Daisy. ‘I don’t believe for a second she didn’t mean to vote for me. She lives next door. She thinks I’m lovely!’
Constable Pike kept Daisy walking at a brisk pace before she could intimidate anyone else. She certainly intimidated him. He was glad he had cast his vote already. He wouldn’t put it past her to wrestle the taser out of his holster and blast him with it.
‘What are you looking at?’ demanded Daisy, as she was frogmarched past Joe.
‘Nothing,’ said Joe, as he quickly stared at the footpath.
‘You’re going down tomorrow,’ said Daisy. She really could be incredibly menacing for a fifteen-year-old.
‘You can’t threaten people while you’re being arrested for intimidating people,’ said Constable Pike.
‘I’m competing against him in tomorrow’s Capture the Potato Game,’ said Daisy. ‘It’s not threatening when it’s in sport, it’s gamesmanship.’
‘Well, you can explain all that in your official statement,’ said Constable Pike, as he led her off to the station.
Once Daisy was out of earshot, Fin turned to Joe and asked, ‘So who are you voting for?’
‘Huh?’ said Joe.
‘April or Loretta?’ asked Fin.
Joe hadn’t thought that far ahead. He was only there because of the free scones. It hadn’t occurred to him he’d have to choose between his sister and Loretta, who claimed to be both his sister and his girlfriend, which was very disconcerting and troubling. Democracy could be so complicated.
It was the night before the Potato Pageant. The Peski kids were nervous. Well, Joe and April were nervous. Fin was manically excited. Mum was in her constant state of hypervigilance. And Dad was in a panic, but he had been in a constant state of panic for eleven years so that was nothing new. Whether through nervous exhaustion or because of the gruelling training they’d endured, they were all fast asleep by midnight.
