Me, Cammy and Cara were already in Cammy’s room by the time Edward arrived. He looked even more gorgeous out of school than he did in it.
Just then, Margaret came sauntering into the room.
“Wow. This must be the lady herself!” said Edward, crouching down to look at her.
“Pleased to meet you, miss,” he said, and held out his hand. Margaret sniffed it for AGES and then began licking it. Margaret is a VERY good judge of character!
Edward looked at me and smiled. “Can I show you something?”
And then he went to his bag and pulled out what I thought was the tiniest guitar I’d ever seen, until I realised it was a ukulele.
“I thought Margaret might like the sound of it,” he said, and began playing a little tune. Margaret did. She started to ad-lib like MAD.
Edward laughed until he had tears streaming down his face.
“She’s AMAZING!” he beamed as he stroked her. And then she began licking his hand again.
The rest of the practice was perfect. We all went WILD. Cammy and I managed to get back into our crazy jam-sesh mood and showed Cara and Edward our “unique” creation. Both Cara and Edward seemed to have no problem coming up with something that fitted in, and Margaret yowled, chattered and wailed in perfect harmony with us. That’s when I realised we’d actually done it. We had made a band. A good band. An awesome band!
We were The Spoons!
The next day at school I heard someone running up behind me and Cammy on the way to registration. I completely panicked and pulled Cammy to one side, assuming it was Jessica, or one of her poopular army, about to attack us with hairspray or something.
I was relieved (and mega-excited!) to see that it was Edward. He looked so cute. My face went red instantly.
“You’ve had your hair cut,” said Cammy.
And he had. It sat neatly over to the side now instead of flopping into his eyes.
“I had to,” he said, beaming with excitement. “I want to be able to see the crowd clearly when they’re shouting our name tomorrow night.”
I was confused. So was Cammy.
“What crowd?” we both said at the same time.
“OUR crowd,” he said. “I got us a GIG!”
Shock number one: Edward’s gorgeous new hair.
Shock number two: What he’d actually said!
Cammy was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. Mr Burton actually had to tell her to keep her voice down and to sit still while he took the register.
The reality of the fact that Edward had actually managed to get us a real, live gig, and the even MORE real fact that it was in less than forty-eight hours was beginning to freak me out.
“Cammy, I don’t think we’re ready,” I said.
“Of course we are!” she squealed, and instantly got told off by Mr Burton.
“Peri,” Cammy said in a more normal tone when Mr Burton had gone back to droning on about something else. “The Spoons are ready. We sounded like the best band I have ever heard in my life last night.”
And she was right. It had been awesome.
Cammy then said that she believed it was a very good thing that our first gig was so soon, and explained to me about the dangers of over-rehearsing.
We were over the moon that Edward had managed not only to secure us our first ever live gig, but that he’d managed to get us into a completely “unique” venue. I mean, how many bands do their first gig in a bowling alley? Probably none. Until now!
Edward had said that he’d managed to book a venue with a stage at the back that was usually used for fundraisers. It sounded awesome!
Earlier, we’d managed to meet as a band (minus Margaret) in the music cupboard at lunch, and agreed on a short set list of three songs (since Edward said we only had a twenty-minute slot before the bingo started).
SET LIST
Track 1: Everyone does a 1-min solo each and then we all do our solos at the same time for 1 min (5 mins)
Track 2: Edward and Cara do an awesome fast track together, just the two of them (4 mins)
Track 3: Cammy brings Margaret on to the stage and introduces her as the fifth band member. We then do our bonkers tune as a whole band, with Margaret ad-libbing like MAD (6 mins)
Once Cammy’s mum had agreed that we could take Margaret to the gig (as long as she drove us there and back and Margaret was kept on her long kitty-lead) we were massively relieved.
Everything was coming together. Our hard work was paying off. The world was our oyster!
As for band merchandise, we had eight T-shirts with Margaret’s face on them, five mugs and a LOT of socks.
So we made the following executive band decisions:
Executive Band Decisions
1 We would each wear one of the T-shirts and sell the remaining four after the gig to our fans.
2 We didn’t have time (or resources) to get flyers made up to promote our gig so we’d have to settle for a few posters, which we could put up around the school.
3 We would NOT be organising a sock raffle at the end of our gig. (I was forced to use my one and only “NO WAY” band veto to stop this after-band horrific-ness from happening.)
That evening I went to Cammy’s house. She announced that all that was now left to do was for us to practise our autographs in case we were asked for them. This made me laugh. I didn’t really think we’d be asked for them but it gave me a funny excited feeling in my tummy that we just MIGHT be, and also because this was REALLY happening (and that EDWARD was part of it).
And then I had one of the best ideas we’d had since we’d been coming up with best band ideas:
I knew that people would obviously fall in LOVE with Margaret the minute they saw her in the band, so I suggested that we take lots of Margaret “pawtographs” with us and hand them out at the end of the gig.
Cammy thought it was a BRILLIANT idea too, and we started cutting out little squares of card and wrote “Margaret from The Spoons” at the top, in preparation for Margaret’s paw prints.
However, getting Margaret’s paw print was a little more difficult than we’d thought it would be. We tried to use Nutella and jam, and managed to get as far as pressing her paw gently into the jam, but then she’d pull away and furiously lick her paw before we could press it down on the card. Then she would walk back over to us and happily let us dip her paw again only to fool us again by pulling it away at the speed of lightning and licking it clean.
After a couple of paws of each spread, Margaret decided she was going outside, and that was the end of the pawtographs. UNTIL … it started raining.
It scares me sometimes how our minds work. The SECOND Cammy and I heard rain hit the window we grabbed all the little pawtograph squares and ran downstairs to the kitchen and spread them out underneath the cat flap, making a sort of path out of the kitchen and into the hall (where we also put Margaret’s food bowl).
Within a minute of doing so, Margaret came rushing through her cat flap and quickly made her way along our “pawtograph path” all the way to her food bowl. RESULT!
We managed to get twenty-three really good pawtograph squares, which we were VERY pleased with. Go, MARGARET!
Convincing Mum and Dad to give me a lift to the gig with Dad’s old keyboard WITHOUT actually telling them what I was doing, or inviting them to stay, was tricky.
Mum, on usual “mum” form, asked 137 questions, each one more annoying than the last, and Dad wouldn’t stop trying to talk to me about “keyboard stuff”.
Sometimes people say that teenagers can be hard work. I feel I’ve heard that a lot. However, all I wanted on this occasion was to be driven to a semi-disclosed location, in silence, without fuss or questions, and to be picked up an hour and a half later. It might just be me, but I didn’t think that sounded like hard work at all.
When we arrived at the venue, I was a bit surprised to see that it wasn’t really a flashy new bowling alley (as I’d assumed it would be) but more of an old man’s bowling clubhou
se.
“Is this the right place, Peri?” said Mum.
“Yep,” I replied, almost leaping out of the car.
Cammy was already there, waiting for me. I’d made her SWEAR she’d be there so that she could help me carry the keyboard inside (so no parental help was required!).
After asking Cammy twice if her mum was definitely inside waiting for us, my parents EVENTUALLY admitted defeat and reluctantly pulled away. Mum (of course) drove at a snail’s pace, watching us the entire time until we went into the building and the door closed behind us. She is a NIGHTMARE!
It didn’t really look like the type of place you’d expect to see a cool new band play. It looked much more like the type of place you’d expect to see old men drinking beer but I reminded myself that even the greatest bands had to start somewhere.
Cammy’s mum was sitting at the bar with Margaret, talking to an old (quite irritated-looking) man. She pointed at us when we walked in, and the man began making his way towards us.
“I’m Alf. You Edward’s lot?” he asked.
“Erm, yes,” I said.
“Through there,” he said, pointing to a door at the back of the room. “Which one of you is the singer?”
That’s when me and Cammy realised at the same time that we didn’t actually HAVE a set lead singer. We all sang the words (when there WERE words – our music was often wordless).
The guy just rolled his eyes at us a bit and said, “Well, there’s only one mic in the middle of the stage. Try not to move it, or anything else for that matter. Everything’s set up and ready for the bingo at 8pm. What about that?” he added, pointing to my keyboard. “You need power for that?”
It took me a second to realise what he was asking me. “Oh. No,” I said. “It’s got batteries.”
“Good,” he said, and then he turned and walked off.
I suppose I’d have to get used to having all these band-support people around, asking us questions all the time, if we were going to keep doing gigs. But it was making me feel a bit nervous, especially since Cara and Edward weren’t even here yet.
Me and Cammy made our way to the back of the room and opened the door to our venue. The first thing I noticed was the smell. It smelled of old-man aftershave and chips. There were no windows.
The next thing I noticed was the “stage”. It was a smallish wooden box with a curtain hanging over it to separate the front stage from backstage.
“How EXCLUSIVE!” said Cammy. She clearly loved it. I wasn’t so sure.
My nerves were really starting to get the better of me. I looked at my watch. We only had half an hour before the gig started, and Edward and Cara weren’t even here yet!
Cammy could sense I was panicking so she forced me to meditate “backstage” with her. It REALLY didn’t help. Every time I took a deep breath I almost choked on stale aftershave and chip-pan grease.
After what felt like an eternity of non-relaxing meditation, the door swung open and Cara came rushing in.
“I’m so sorry!” she said, sounding MEGA-flustered. “My debate ran over. I got here as fast as I could.”
“No worries,” said Cammy chirpily. “We’re almost ready.”
Almost ready? ALMOST READY? We hadn’t even set up. And Edward wasn’t even here yet!
“I think we should phone Edward,” I said. “Does anyone have his number?”
Cammy shook her head and so did Cara. Great.
“Wait,” said Cara, sounding optimistic. “I’ll text my brother. He might have it. They’re in Rubik’s Cube Club together.”
I was a bit surprised to find out that there WAS a Rubik’s Cube Club, and also that Edward was part of it.
Cara’s brother texted back immediately with Edward’s number, which was awesome (and also a little sad. It made me imagine him just sitting in his room most nights with a phone in one hand and a Rubik’s Cube in the other).
Cara called Edward. No answer. I had a bad feeling.
Just then Alf popped his head round the door. “You’re on in fifteen.”
Oh God.
“Right,” said Cammy. “We need to forget about Edward not being here for now and just focus on getting set up and getting Margaret prepared.”
It didn’t take long to get set up. Cara had the backing tracks ready on her laptop and we managed to find an extension cord for the speakers. We positioned the keyboard, bongos and Margaret’s seat as close to the microphone as we could and then we went out to the bar to get Margaret.
“Are your mum and dad not coming?” Cammy’s mum asked me.
“Erm. No. They can’t make it,” I lied.
Cammy got a weird look on her face. She didn’t like me lying to her mum.
“Can we take Margaret backstage now?” Cammy asked.
“Of course,” said Cammy’s mum. “But please don’t let her out of her carrier until she’s wearing her kitty-lead.”
It wasn’t until we took Margaret out of her cat carrier backstage that we all realised how much she seemed to HATE her kitty-lead.
“Maybe we should just sit her on a table in her carrier,” I suggested.
But Cammy said that would make her feel (and look) like a prisoner, and that our fans needed to see that she was there of her “own free will”, otherwise someone might phone the RSPCA.
So we did everything we could to coax Margaret into letting us put the little lead on her and she EVENTUALLY agreed when Cara opened a bag of cheesy puffs and sprinkled some of the cheese-dust on the ground for her.
So we tied Margaret, very securely, to a table behind the curtain, and Cara said she’d leave plenty of cheesy-puff dust to keep her “entertained” while Cammy went to get a bowl of water and I went to the toilet for the fortieth time.
When I came out, I saw that people had begun to arrive and take seats near the stage.
I couldn’t believe people had actually come! I mean, we’d put up LOADS of posters and everything, and Miss Carrigan had said that she would spread the word too, but I was still a bit shocked that people had come to hear us play.
There were a few people I didn’t recognise sitting next to Cammy’s mum, and then I saw a boy who looked about the same age as us with puffy red hair like Cara’s. I realised that it must be her brother, and that he was sat with people who were probably her mum and dad too, and also that she must be a twin! I hadn’t even known she had a brother, never mind a twin.
I looked over at the door to see if Edward was one of the people arriving, only to see that Cammy was standing at the entrance handing out PAIRS OF SOCKS to all the (very confused) people as they came in – I had CLEARLY used my band veto too soon!!!
I ducked behind the stage curtain to see if Edward was there yet. He wasn’t.
Cammy appeared with Alf. “You’re on in two,” he said.
I couldn’t believe it. We were about to go on and Edward still hadn’t arrived!
“Text him again!” I almost screamed at Cara. The tension was getting to me BIG TIME.
Cara put down her spoons and called Edward.
“It’s going straight to voicemail,” she said, sounding a bit like she was going to cry.
“We’re just going to have to go on without him,” said Cammy. “There’s nothing else we can do!” She grabbed both of my hands and squeezed them. “We can DO this, Peri. Do you hear me? We can DO this!”
And then she grabbed Cara’s hand too and pulled us both out on to the stage.
I can barely bring myself to tell you what happened next. It was that bad. No, it was that HORRENDOUS!
There we were on stage (without Edward) with a “crowd” of twenty to twenty-five people looking at us.
“HELLO!” boomed Cammy into the mic.
Several people screwed up their faces and some even covered their ears.
Oh no. The mic was on too loud. I searched around the room for Alf. Surely he’d hear it and turn it down?
“We are THE SPOONS!” Cammy continued to boom.
A few people s
tarted laughing and looking at each other.
I looked around to see who was in the crowd. To be honest with you, I’d really hoped that there would be a big spotlight shining on to the stage, preventing me from being able to see the faces in the crowd properly and allowing me to focus on my music.
But there was no spotlight. I could see all of the puzzled faces VERY clearly.
I spotted Miss Carrigan and a couple of people from our year, and then to my absolute HORROR I saw Jessica Clark (and quite a few other poopulars). They must’ve come to see Edward. Buckets! I should’ve realised she’d be here! Now I was a MILLION times more nervous than I’d been before. Jessica would be WILLING us to fail. And then all of sudden Cammy shouted, “FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!”
It had begun.
The horror had begun.
TRACK ONE
Cara went to do her solo first as planned but then realised she’d left her spoons backstage and rushed off to get them. So I went first instead and gave the WORST keyboard solo that could possibly be done on earth by a human. Then Cara did a totally terrible spoon solo, since she’d come back on stage with just ONE spoon. And then there was a HUGE pause after Cara had finished beating her single spoon against the side of a chair, because Edward was supposed to be next, but he wasn’t here and Cammy hadn’t YET realised that meant it was HER turn.
EVENTUALLY Cammy began her bongo solo, but it sounded weird, and she stopped abruptly after only a few seconds. So we were forced to go into track two after a short (applause-less) pause.
TRACK TWO
Cara looked stunned when she realised that she was going to have to do the whole song herself (with just ONE spoon). So I ran backstage to see if I could find the second spoon, only to find that Margaret was GONE!
Petunia Perry and the Curse of the Ugly Pigeon Page 10
