by Debra Dunbar
He touched her cheek. “I know I can. I just wanted to tell you so you knew how important you are to me that I let you know my secrets. As for the angel…well, it was a reckless, foolish impulse on his part that only brought sorrow and tragedy. He’d been a messenger, delivering information to Micha and the Grigori. Sometimes when he had delivered his messages, he’d stay and watch the humans. This woman caught his eye, and before long he found himself entranced with her purity of spirit, her beautiful heart. He revealed himself to her at first to praise her, but eventually he returned again and again, and found himself in love with her.
“She wanted a baby and he finally relented and gave her one. But he couldn’t marry her or be as a human husband to her. He couldn’t be with her all the time due to his duties in Aaru. She refused to leave her town and family to live in isolation, and rightly so. Living alone without any contact, waiting months or years for her angel lover to return, raising a Nephilim child alone — it would have been a horrible life. Her family and the townspeople thought she was a loose woman as an unwed mother, and begged her to marry one of her many suitors to save her reputation and give the baby a good life.”
Nyalla watched his face, seeing nothing but calm resignation there. “Why didn’t he assume human form and marry her? It would have been sixty or seventy years at the maximum. That’s not so long for an angel to be away from Aaru.”
He shook his head. “Travel to and from Aaru is tracked, and that long an absence would have been noticed. We were on watch for that sort of thing given what happened with the tenth choir. The best he could do was sneak away now and then, or see her when he was sent to deliver a message. If he’d been discovered, then his child would have been killed. He tried to be with her as often as he could, but it wasn’t enough. One time he came and she told him that she’d married a good man, one who would raise their baby as his own. She told him it would be best if she never saw him again.”
Nyalla blinked back tears. It hurt to be rejected, but how it must have hurt an angel to be given his walking papers. “Did he? See her, I mean? Or his baby?”
Gabriel shook his head. “No. He came to me and confessed, hoping death would release him from the pain. He never saw her again. He never knew anything about the child and the child’s life. But I couldn’t allow a woman and her human husband to raise a Nephilim without at least checking to make sure the baby didn’t kill their entire village or destabilize the positive evolution we’d planned for the humans.
“I have more leeway in my comings and goings from Aaru, so I visited often to make sure the boy was thriving and happy. And what I saw gave me hope. The woman seemed satisfied with her human husband, even though they were not rich and lived in violent times. The Nephilim had several human half-brothers. He was a wonderful child, perfectly balanced and centered with admirable vibration levels. He was kind and generous of spirit, gentle of heart. After twenty years of visits I realized that they didn’t need me watching over them with such frequency. They were a happy family. The best I could do was go back to Aaru and ensure that the hunter Grigori never found the Nephilim child.”
“So it sounds like the pain in this relationship was mostly on the angel’s part,” Nyalla commented. “Things are different now. Being an unwed mother no longer carries such a stigma in most cultures. A woman might not want to go months or years without seeing her beloved, but there are cases when careers or immigration issues cause that sort of separation even in human couples.”
“She was hurt. She never loved her human husband in quite the same way as she loved the angel who’d fathered her child. The angel was devastated, but she was strong enough to know that love and devotion sometimes are not enough. She needed more, and her angel couldn’t give that to her.”
“But Gabe, that happens even in relationships between two humans,” Nyalla protested. “You can’t blame this kind of pain on the fact that he was an angel. Nothing that you’ve said so far would be exclusive to an angel-human pairing.”
“It gets worse,” Gabriel told her with a wry twist of his mouth. “It became obvious that this Nephilim wasn’t like the other children, or like his brothers. His mother eventually told him about his father, warned him to keep his abilities hidden lest he be found and killed. He couldn’t do that,” there was a note of pride in Gabriel’s voice. “This Nephilim worked tirelessly to lift up the humans who were suffering and neglected. He was a shining light to all. And then they killed him.”
Nyalla caught her breath. “The hunter angels? They found him?”
Gabriel shook his head. “No, the humans killed him. Because sometimes they can be like demons. They can be filled with greed and jealousy and pride. These particular humans could not stand to have such a light amongst them, making them realize their own shadows, so they killed him. His mother watched it. His mother had to bury her child. And he didn’t die because of a human war or disease, or an accident. He was killed because he was a Nephilim. She made herself turn away from the being she loved most, and even that did not save her child from being killed. No good came from that love. No good at all. The only thing that love brought was pain and suffering.”
Nyalla reached out for his hand, not sure what to do. Should she hug him? She was still tucked in against him, but right now he seemed particularly unapproachable.
“I wasn’t there for him,” he insisted. “I thought they’d be okay, that the only threat to them would be from a hunter angel. I wasn’t there for his mother or for him when they were being murdered. If I had kept better watch, I could have saved him. That’s why I’ve spent thousands of years protecting Nephilim, and strictly punishing angels who lie with human women. We’re derailing any progress we’ve made in human evolution with our selfish actions. We’re only hurting them. We are the ones who have turned humans into demons. It’s all our fault. It can’t keep happening. Humans and angels don’t belong together.”
She wrapped her arms around him, putting her cheek against his chest. His muscles jumped under her touch, but he didn’t pull away. “It was not your fault that a Nephilim died. And our evolution, positive otherwise, isn’t the responsibility of the angels. You can’t carry the world on your shoulders, Gabe. You can’t keep accepting responsibility for everything that happens here or in Aaru. You cannot take on the sins of everyone. It’s not your burden to bear.”
He pulled her tight against him. “Someone needs to bear that burden. We’ve made so many mistakes with the humans, that it’s our responsibility to put it all right again.”
She suddenly understood. All of this was about him, not the humans, not this Nephilim, and not the other angels. It was about his need for one shining achievement, one thing to prove that he could best his two eldest siblings at something. He need to prove to them, to Aaru, and to himself that he was worthy.
“Did you ever think that in trying to make things right with the humans, you’re making it worse? Gabe, that woman could have experienced heartache with a human mate. Thousands and thousands of men and women have throughout history. And millions of people suffer the excruciating loss of a child, sometimes due to murder. Do you think that woman’s pain would have been any less if she’d fallen in love with a human from a different culture where their marriage would have been forbidden? Or that her grief would have been any less had her human child been murdered in the same way by envious humans? I can assure you it wouldn’t.” Nyalla lifted her head to look at him. “I’m so sorry the Nephilim died, but he risked his life to make a difference in human lives. Isn’t that a noble cause? Isn’t that something worth dying for?”
She looked into his eyes, a silver light swirling within the blue-gray. “I don’t need my angel omnipotence to know the path we’re on will bring heartache, Nyalla. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t ever want to be the one who causes you pain.”
“You can pull away from me as that human woman did from her angel lover, you can refuse to make love to me, but you’ll eventually fall in love. If not with me, the
n with someone else. You can’t stop these things from happening. The fates, the will of your creator, isn’t something that you can hold against, no matter how strong you are, no matter how high your vibration levels. Eventually the right angel will come along for you, no matter how hard you resist it. And you’ll have to let that angel in.”
She couldn’t quite read the odd smile he gave her, the blue in his eyes lightening to azure. “When I feel things are hopeless, you are here to drag me out of the muck, Nyalla. I doubt I’ll ever fall in love with an angel. Instead I’ll find love unexpectedly, when a human woman collars me, hits me on the head with a sauce pan, ties me to the bed and stuffs some underwear in my mouth.”
Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Nyalla felt her skin warm, her heart race out of control. “Silly. It wasn’t a sauce pan, it was a fry pan. And the underwear in your mouth was a pair I’d worn the day before.”
He grinned, bringing her hand up to kiss the palm. “I know. Come sleep in the bed with me tonight as you did last night. I like touching you while I slumber. I like having you near.”
She smiled and tugged his hand as she led him toward the bedroom. “Me too, Gabe. Me too.”
Chapter 16
Gabriel woke up, his arm wrapped around something warm. Silky hair tickled his nose, and that lower part of his anatomy that always sprang to life unbidden, particularly in the early morning was pressed in between two mounds of firm, soft flesh.
He should get up and put his clothes on, get into a cold shower — not necessarily in that order. Before he could escape, Nyalla snuggled closer, the friction of her rear end nearly undoing him.
So much for his legendary control. Although his control had vanished pretty much the moment he’d met her. Evidently a fry pan to the head knocks some sense into an angel, because for once in his long life, it seemed the pieces were starting to snap into place. And the human he was right now was so much more vibrant than the frightened, lonely angel hiding behind rigid rules of self-restraint and abstinence. His vibration pattern might be horribly degraded, but he didn’t feel like a lesser being. He didn’t feel like he’d fallen from grace. He felt free. He felt as if he were holding something beautiful in his arms and watching it bloom.
But blooms must die. She’ll not live long, and then what will you do? He remembered the agony of that angel from Micha’s choir, and wondered if in sixty years he’d be begging for one of his siblings to kill him.
In the meantime, his best friend was snuggled up against him. This was the woman he wanted to spend every moment of every day with, the woman he wanted to share of himself, to protect and hold tight. The woman he wanted to make love to. If she was an angel, he would have joined with her, but she was a human and that type of bond was beyond them as beings of the flesh.
She was human. And right now, so was he.
It would be easy to have sex with her and blame his actions on his, hopefully temporary, humanity, but Gabriel was nothing if not honest. He wanted her. More than this protuberance between his legs wanted her, he wanted her. He wanted to join with her in the only way they could, to have a physical act affirm his love for her.
Nyalla’s hair smelled like sun, sand, and sea. Her body was warm and soft. The covers were bunched up at the end of the bed, showing him that she had a tiny scrap of fabric around her hips that did nothing to hide that gorgeous, tanned skin of her rear. Her tank top had ridden up past her waist, exposing the underside of one of her small, round breasts. Gabriel buried his face in her hair. She sighed, shifting and moving his hand from her waist to her breast.
Everything between his legs tightened. It actually hurt, but instead of pulling away, he absently stroked her nipple with his thumb. Torture. Didn’t this sort of thing strengthen an angel? Wasn’t it noble to face extreme temptation and walk away?
Although he had no intention of walking away.
Nyalla made a soft sound and turned in his arms, her dark blue eyes staring right into his. That sensitive, throbbing part of his body was now wedged between her thighs, his hand, still on her breast.
“Sorry. It’s that boner happening again,” he said, not sorry at all and not making any effort to move.
The blue in her eyes darkened, like the sea at midnight. “Don’t be sorry.” One of her legs curled up around his thigh, sliding him along rough lace and soft folds that were hot and wet. Then she leaned forward and kissed him.
His hips jerked forward, and once again he nearly lost himself at the feel of her. Her lips were soft, her mouth warm and sweet. Her tongue darted out, touching his briefly then withdrawing. He chased it, deepening the kiss and rolling onto his back. She followed him, straddling him. Then she raised her hips, bringing him right to her entrance and pulled her lips from his.
“Are you sure about this? You’re a virgin.” she breathed, her eyes dark, her lips full and pink.
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure, and yes I’m a virgin. So I don’t know what to do. I mean, I know what to do. I get the mechanics of it. I just don’t know how to make it not be like Snip spraying spooge all over the inside of a bathroom.”
She laughed, then pushed herself upright, scooting down his boxer shorts, then doing the same with her underwear. Then she pulled the tank top over her head, tossed it to the floor and crawled on top of him. “Oh, trust me, you could never be like Snip spraying spooge on the bathroom walls. Although I’m sure it will be quicker than either of us would like. Which is why we need to do it again, after a reasonable rest time. And then maybe again after that.”
“We might not get anything else done today. Should we clear our schedules?”
She bent down to nuzzle his neck. “Absolutely. Just go with it, Gabe. Do whatever feels good. And if you change your mind, just let me know and we’ll stop.”
He caught his breath, closing his eyes as her teeth nipped the side of his neck. “I won’t change my mind. I’ve made my decision. I want this. I truly do.”
Nyalla bit down harder, this time on his shoulder and lowered herself around him. Gabriel ground his teeth, desperate to hold off.
“Good,” she murmured against him. “I’m not having sex with someone only to have him be a complete douche and blame me for seducing him. No way. Never again.”
For a brief second he wondered at her words. What could she mean? Was she referring to some horrible human male she’d once been with or could she possibly mean she’d had sex with an angel before? Gabriel felt a stab of white-hot anger, thinking of his brother Raphael. Had he? He’d certainly had opportunity hanging around the Iblis’ house with that stupid dating service they were offering.
Then as quickly as the thought came, it vanished, washed away by the feel of her, tight, warm, and wet around him. He reached down to cup her rear, guiding her up and down for a few quick strokes, struggling to keep control as he felt her stretch around him.
“Is this okay?” he whispered. “I could be bigger. Would you prefer wider or longer?” Wait, no he couldn’t. He was human now, and lacked the ability to change the size and shape of his body.
Nyalla pulled back her head to look at him, her gorgeous lips twitching up into a smile. “You’re joking. Any bigger and you’d need to find a spot to bury my body.”
That wasn’t exactly true, although the size he’d manifested as the wand broke did seem to fill her to capacity. She rose and sank again, shifting her pelvis against his. Gabriel groaned, closing his eyes. The feel of her around this particular body part was causing his thoughts to sputter and short-circuit in his brain.
“Stop it,” she commanded breathlessly. “Stop thinking. Stop talking — unless it’s dirty talk. You can totally dirty talk to me. That’s actually very sexy. I’d like that.”
Dirty talk? Chastise her on the bacteria growing on those dishes in the sink? Scold her for leaving the toothpaste uncapped? Okay, if that’s what turned her on, that’s what he’d do. “Your clothing drawer is sadly disorganized. Crumpled underwear amid unmatched socks is a sign of a jumble
d lifestyle and a mental state that is far from center, you filthy woman, you.”
She laughed. It rang from her with more purity than a church bell. “I’m a filthy, disordered girl, Gabe. Holy Goddess on high, show me the way. Teach me the path to righteousness.” Her head fell back, eyes closed. “Yes, that. That. That.”
He lost himself in the feel of her, his one hand at her hip and the other reaching between her legs to touch her, to feel where they joined, to press and stroke every wet, warm inch. She increased the speed of her rhythm and he did likewise, feeling himself swell inside her. It was torture. He was hanging on by a thread, but there was no way in Aaru he was going to let go until she did.
Then she gasped, her back arching upward as she sucked in a long breath. Her whole body shuddered, a keening sound coming from deep within her throat. The muscles that surrounded him clenched and released in a rhythm primal as the staccato beat of a drum. And he followed. White blinded him, every thought blasting into gibberish. Each muscle tensed, the body-part in action tightened and swelled further to the level of erotic pain. A groan burst from him with a breath of air, and he released. Tension fell from him, words and worry escaped him, the lofty vibration he’d been struggling his whole life to maintain took another nose-dive, and everything clicked into place.
Peace. Heaven. Everything combining into a perfect balance. Her arms gave way and she fell onto him, her breasts pressed to his chest, her hair tickling his sides. He slid free from her warmth and the sensation shot through him. Breathe. Breathe. By all of creation, how did humans perform this activity on a regular basis and survive? It was the most exhilarating thing he’d ever experienced in all of his four billion years.
And it did exactly what joining did, only on a physical basis. Two paths, one destination. One glorious destination.
“You okay?”
It was a little embarrassing to have a human female sexual partner ask a powerful angel if he was okay after coitus. “More than okay.” He tried to make that sound manly and firm. He must have succeeded, because the light in those deep blue eyes flared once again. Nyalla squirmed against him, a slow smile communicating her intent.
