by Emma Hamm
“Yes.” Ruric finally replied.
He raised an arm to point over her shoulder. There in the stone she could see the smallest bit of silver. This time she was allowed to leave. It wasn’t the slow stroke of silver light against her skin, but the chance to be wrapped in familiar arms.
As though in a trance, she floated across the stones and to the small opening. It was a small crack, hardly big enough for the goblins to get through.
Jane disappeared through the crevice.
When the goblins squeezed through to follow her, they were stunned at the sight.
She stood alone in the center of miles of sand. The moons were painfully bright to their delicate eyes, yet they could see only the pale woman who struck a solitary figure in such desolation.
The wind shifted and they watched as her arms wrapped around her waist. Her long blonde hair had turned silver as it whipped across her face and into the wind. Fabric billowed around her and yet she remained immovable in the weather that was as alien to them as she was.
The woman they knew was gone. Before them was a creature of sand and dust. A woman made of sunlight and wind.
Ruric knelt to one knee and picked up a handful of sand. It slid through his fingers in a waterfall of silent movement. He could not help but feel as though the same was happening with Jane.
5
The City seemed to gleam at night. There were sparkles from every window for what seemed like miles around her. Each one was a gemstone, a bright light in the darkness.
Once Willow wouldn’t have known what a gemstone had even looked like. Now she had seen dozens.
The time she and her brother had spent here, though brief, had left a lasting impression on the youngest Penderghast sibling. She was at an impressionable age. That was what her new teachers had insisted time and time again. Her brain was a sponge that was just waiting to soak up the correct information.
Correct information.
She was certain all they wanted her to soak up with their information.
Since they were so insistent upon reworking her brain, Willow responded with more rebellion. She didn’t want to change and didn’t think that she should forget her life away from here. The lessons she learned on the sands were just as important as the menial things they wanted to teach her.
Willow had always been the one to rebel. She preferred to be the wild child. The sand dunes had been her haven and the place where her imagination had bloomed. She was a sand raider, a warrior, the woman people feared when they fell asleep.
And sometimes she was the benevolent ruler who allowed them to live. But only because she said so.
There was no playtime here. There were only teachers that rolled their eyes at her antics and would punish her for not following the rules. And there were so many rules.
She couldn’t understand why there were rules for clothes. For eating. For talking. There were even rules for walking! The people here didn’t know how to simply live and enjoy living.
Even at nine years old she understood that.
They kept forcing their thoughts into her head. They pushed and shoved information and words until she felt as though she was going to break. When she didn’t listen, they smacked her hands with rulers or twisted her ears.
Instead of bending to their will, she had withdrawn. She knew when she had been bested. After all, she was only nine.
Willow found herself slipping away from others so that she could have a few moments to herself. Only alone could she allow the few moments of pretend that took her out of this world and into one of her own making. That was where she was happiest. She could breathe in those worlds.
Frequently, she found her sister in those imaginary places. Jane would walk out of the dunes with her arms opened wide. Her death had hit Willow the hardest. Luther had been devastated of course. Jane had been his sister too. But he had used those emotions as an excuse to work harder than ever before.
Willow rarely saw him now. He was either in school or at work trying to prove to the world he deserved to be here. He barely slept as far as she could tell, but at least his coworkers made sure he ate. He was set on being the best sands person they had brought here.
She had no doubt he would be. Of course Luther would be the best. But that didn’t mean that Willow was going to allow them to change her into a different being.
She had expected the City to gleam in the sun and give them all the things that they would ever want. That was what everyone said of this place. Everyone had shouted how lucky they were to be leaving when they had finally left the mining town.
They weren’t lucky. How could they be lucky when her made up world was so much better than this place?
Willow didn’t like to be selfish. She supposed, in a way, they were lucky. They had a beautiful home with food and water. They were getting an education. There was a roof over their head.
But there was something so wrong about the way they were forced to become different people. Even she was feeling the fire that burned within her chest starting to dampen. Willow had put her foot down many times, but there was only so much she could do in the face of men and women.
Children had no place here.
Her head dropped onto her knees as she stared up at the sky. There weren’t any stars here. The people at school said it was only because the light made it so they couldn’t see the stars anymore. But Willow had a feeling that they were simply gone now.
Her shoulders lifted with a sigh, but she remained on her perch. She had been told many times that she wasn’t allowed to be on the roof. Ladies didn’t climb up onto metal grates and put themselves in such danger. If she was being a good girl, then she would remain inside.
Willow wasn’t a good girl. She had tried to explain that to them so many times. She didn’t want to be a good girl. She wanted to be a warrior.
They didn’t care.
Up here she could almost see the desert. The wall was lit up so brightly that she couldn’t see past it, but she knew that bright line meant the sands were just beyond her reach. That was where her home was. That was where she belonged.
Her eyes would watch that line for the entire night if she was allowed. It was where her family was. Where Jane was.
Willow still hadn’t given up on the chance that her sister might still be alive.
“Willow?”
Her brother’s voice was the last thing she wanted to hear. She rubbed at her eyes and ignored him.
“Willow.” A movement at her left made her hunch as he poked his head through the skylight. “You aren’t supposed to be up here.”
“What’s it to you?” She replied angrily. “You ain’t here anyways. It’s dark. No one can see me.”
Luther sighed but pulled himself through the small skylight. His shoulders barely fit now.
“It’s not safe for you to be up here, Willow.” The chiding tone was the one that she always hated. She wasn’t a baby. Or at least, she wasn’t a child as much as the other kids that lived here. They were all so doll-like that sometimes they frightened her.
She felt as though she had to point that out to him. “I ain’t City born, Luther. I can sit up ‘ere and not fall.”
“You know we don’t speak like that anymore.” He always pointed out the accent that she only seemed to have when they were alone together. “You’re holding onto the past, Will. You have to let that go.”
“I ain’t letting go of where we came from.” One of her thin arms raised and she jabbed a finger towards the wall. “That’s where our past is. That’s where our future is supposed to be. I don’t like it here, Luther. This place ain’t... “ She shrugged. “It ain’t right.”
He gingerly settled beside her on the tin roof and slid an arm around her. “There wasn’t a life there for us. Mines and sand sickness and an early death. At least here we’re managing.”
When she didn’t reply, he leaned down to hook a finger under her chin. “We’re managing, right Will?”
Willow knew bet
ter than to disappoint him. Luther was so happy here. He had finally found a place where he could talk to people and they would listen. They knew what he was saying and would correct him when he was wrong. This place was perfect for everything that he wanted to do.
It just wasn’t perfect for her.
“Yeah we’re managing.” She said quietly, though she pulled her chin from his grasp. “I’m just missing Janie is all.”
“Me too.” His words were just as soft as hers and his eyes followed the thin line of light that marked the wall. “I think about her every day you know. And how we got here.”
Willow hated when she cried, but those words made her eyes well up near to dripping. Jane was never far from her thoughts. Her sister had been more like a mother to her, and Willow was finding herself lost without the steady support of Jane. Her family wasn’t whole anymore.
“I don’t think she’s dead Luther.”
“Willow…” He drew the word out as though she had said something that cut him to the core. “There were no survivors. I know you don’t want to believe it but it’s been months now. She’s dead and we have to accept that.”
As she started to struggle to get away from him, Luther grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him again.
“I’m not saying you have to forget her Willow. I’m not saying you have to be okay that she’s gone. But we have to admit that she is gone. She’s never coming back and we’re all that each other has now.” His hand stroked her blonde hair away from her face. “It’s okay to be sad. I’m sad. I miss her too. But she’s not coming back.”
Both siblings mirrored each other’s expression as his words seemed to echo around them. She wasn’t coming back. She wasn’t okay. They weren’t okay.
And weren’t those the words that she had said to them once before? They weren’t okay. So Jane had picked up the pieces of their family and made them the money they needed. She had gotten them to this City so that they were able to be safe.
“She would have wanted us to be happy.” Willow whispered.
“We are happy.” Luther’s words were perhaps too forceful. It was the first time since arriving that Willow wondered if Luther wasn’t being honest with himself about that fact. “And we’ll keep being happy for her. That’s what she would have wanted.”
He pulled away from her and smoothed the lapel of his button down shirt. “I’m going inside. Are you staying up here for a little while longer?”
“Do you mind?”
“No, sandcat.” His hand affectionately ruffled her hair. The blonde strands had started to curl since she was having regular baths. “Just don’t let anyone see you.”
“Okay.” Willow watched as he disappeared through the skylight once more before her eyes turned back towards the black sky that was empty of stars.
“We miss you Janie.” She whispered so that Luther wouldn’t overhear her. “I don’t know if we’re really happy though. Luther said he is, and I pretend to be. But this place just don’t feel right. I miss our old life. I miss you.”
She sniffed hard once, then smeared the snot on the sleeve of her shirt. Willow would remain on the roof until Luther poked his head up once more.
He gathered his sleeping sister into his arms and tucked her into bed.
“Jane!”
The word was hissed in her direction. Jane did not pause, nor did she acknowledge the sound. Her feet wanted to keep moving. She was in the sands, she was home, and she knew what direction she had to go.
“Jane!”
“I know, slow down, we don’t know where we’re going.” She mimed talking with both her hands. “I know where we are going Ruric. I grew up in this place, I know how to follow the moons.”
The goblins were trailing behind her like long shadows. They were each covered from head to toe in cloaks. Every time their skin was revealed by a gust of wind, she could see the sweat streaking their skin.
Their eyes were constantly searching around them for signs of trouble. She had tried to explain that sound travelled easily here, but they refused to let their guards down.
“We should stop and check to make certain we are in the right place. Micah gave us-”
“A map?” She interrupted him. “And what landmarks are we looking for? Sand? There’s plenty of it around, Ruric!”
Jane doubted that a map would do them any good. They had to travel towards the moons. She was hoping that they had arrived outside in the early stages of night, otherwise they were going in the wrong direction.
No matter what, she was simply happy to be here. A few hours of walking in the wrong direction wouldn’t hurt any of them.
She might be losing sight of the reason why they were here, but it was easy to do in her euphoria.
Home. She was home. Jane had told herself so many times that she didn’t miss this place but she had. She had removed her shoes the instant they had hit the sands. Now the warm sands slid between her toes with every step. She had then removed her cloak even though the winds could turn biting at any moment. She wanted to feel it against her face.
Already her cheeks had turned red. Ruric watched the change almost immediately. Out here she was paler than Below. Her skin had turned waxy and there were deep blue hollows underneath her eyes. But somehow being here had given her life he had yet to see.
In comparison, the goblins were not as green as she had thought. Their skin had instead taken on a sickly yellow hue now that white light was shining upon them. The blue lights had mixed with their skin tone to turn them green. With a different color light shining on them, she realized how very wrong her perception had been.
“The map was given to us for a reason.” Ruric appeared frustrated. “We cannot afford to lose time.”
Finally she whirled around, stopping the train of goblins that followed her like lost ducklings. “Ruric! I am not wandering in circles nor am I leading you elsewhere. I promised you to stop Simon and I intend to do it!”
Her voice held less power here than in the caves. There were no echoes to amplify her shouts. Yet somehow the dampened words seemed all the more important to him.
“We need to go the quickest way.”
“We need to stay alive.” She responded firmly. “Yes, it is going to take us a long time to get to the City. But I can get us back to the camp where I lived. That’s a start. We can get clothing for all of us, perhaps even rations for the journey. If we’re lucky we can tag along on a caravan that is going to the City already. It will save us more time than going directly to the City.”
She needed them to trust her. Jane had been traversing these sands her entire life and she had never felt more confident in her abilities. Her confidence was perhaps making her foolhardy. Yet her entire body felt as though it was singing to be outside once more.
“You cannot be out in the sun. We have to find a place that is safe to stay once the sun is up. Only then can we plan what to do for tomorrow.” She wished they could find some kind of vehicle. They were hard to come by and even harder to keep fueled. But certainly there was some kind of deal that could be struck.
These sands were host to all manner of people. Some lost souls wandered out to die in them, others lived here entirely by raiding mining camps. Raiders sometimes ventured to the City if they were brave enough. The plan was to avoid these men and women as much as possible.
She could see that the goblins didn’t trust her. They had their own plans and they wanted to stick to them. Shusar was already pulling the map out of Ruric’s pack.
They gathered in a circle around each other, chattering in the goblin language that they knew she could not understand.
Normally Jane would be insulted. She was the one that was supposed to be guiding them. She was the one that knew these lands. There was a childish part of her that wanted to prove that to them.
Instead, she allowed the goblins a moment to themselves and tilted her head back to gaze up at the stars.
The twinkling lights were in the same place she had last
left them. She knew each constellation that gazed down upon her. They were her guides, her markers, and she had not realized how much she had missed them.
“Hello old friends.” She whispered. They gazed down at her with the same bright light as they had months ago. Somehow it felt as though it had been longer.
This was how she remembered her home. The blowing sands, the bright white glow from the twin moons above her. The warmth between her toes from a ground that never truly cooled.
She knew the sun would burn and blister her skin tomorrow. There was no doubt about that. Too much time had passed for her to be able to withstand the rays as long as she had before.
This place was familiar to her and yet now foreign. She had been raised amid golden colors and dangers ignored. Yet the entire time she had been here, Jane had wished it away. She had dreamed of the City and stone floors. Why had she never appreciated the life she had been given?
Her toes wiggled in the sand and she took in a deep breath of sand filled air. The bite from the swirling sands was a welcome one. She was immediately reminded of so many memories. Of dust storms, of laughter in tents, of people with shadows in their eyes.
The thought was sobering. Of course she missed her life here. But she could not forget the bad as well. There were too many facts that could taint the memories of the good. There was a reason why she had so few memories of people who still drew breath.
“Jane.”
Her head snapped towards the words. Ruric and the others were slowly folding the map and staring at her.
Of course they would stare. They had never seen her like this before. She was practically giddy with freedom. She could hardly recognize herself.
The fabric that covered Ruric lifted and she saw a fleeting image of his hand pointing the way that she had been leading them. Her eyebrow arched.
“I take it I was going the correct direction?”
None of the goblins commented, but she would savor the knowledge that she had been right.
Once more she started forward and the train of goblins followed. They created a striking picture against the sands. Their long shadows stretched into the vast nothing that surrounded them. Slowly their spines started to bend as they fought against the wind. Only when the sky started to streak with hues of pink and purple did she stop them.
