“But her doctors say this is the first time her words are in the right context. Luc, the new medication regimen they are trying with her is doing something. She’s starting to come back, I can feel it.” Fuck, the only thing I feel at his words is nauseous. I love Aidan like a brother, but his dreams are my nightmares. I don’t want a world that involves Cassie, and I wonder if he even knows what he’s hoping for. She’s killing him little by little without ever laying a hand on him.
I give him the usual song and dance about not getting his hopes up, but I’m only going through the motions. I’m too rattled to put much into it. Finally, I change the subject, and we go through the list he’s made of items that need my attention. When Cindy buzzes my phone to tell me I have a call, I’m grateful. I’m afraid he’ll start talking about Cassie again, and I know that regardless of how much I want to support my friend, this is one subject we’ll never agree on again.
Lia
I’m in the kitchen finishing a simple meal of tacos and Spanish rice. I still haven’t had much of an appetite, so when I was actually craving Mexican food, I decided to seize the opportunity. Luckily, Lucian’s cabinets are fully stocked with most of my favorites from the grocery service we use. I hear the front door open and tense before Lucian’s voice rings through the apartment. “Lia, where are you?”
“I’m in the kitchen,” I call back as I sit a glass of sweet tea in front of my plate and a Corona with a lime wedge in front of his.
“What’s all of this?” he asks, looking surprised as he takes in the plates of food I have on the bar. He closes his arms around me, pulling my back into his front. He runs his nose down my neck, smelling my scent as he does so often before dropping a soft kiss there.
I relax into his big body, loving how safe I feel. “I thought I would make dinner for us tonight. I’m getting kind of tired of restaurant food, and I figured you were, as well.”
When I feel him tug on my ponytail, I smile as I wait for him to explore my new ponytail holder. “Is this…? I see him look over to the trashcan in the corner, which I had pulled out to empty after dinner. The yellow tie hanging from one side is a perfect match for the one I have tied into a bow in my hair. He gives a dramatic sigh. “Thank God, it’s not my underwear this time.” He spins me around until I’m facing him and takes my mouth immediately. I keep my mouth shut to tease him, and then yelp in surprise when he bites my lower lip before licking the sting with his tongue. Lucian’s kiss as usual takes no prisoners. He is a master, knowing exactly how to stroke, suck, and explore. I move against his kiss restlessly, immediately wanting those heavy lips to move lower…much lower, but he cuts me off just as I’m on the verge of begging.
“I’m starving, how about you?” He gives me a devilish grin as I stand pouting up at him. The ass knows exactly what kind of fire he’s started within me. I know that it would only take a few well-placed strokes to change his mind, and I’m seriously debating my next course of action when it hits me. We can’t have sex again until we talk about birth control, or rather the lack of it recently. I had managed to put it out of my mind for the last hour while cooking, but now the fear has reared its head once again. He seems disappointed when I pull away and take my seat at the bar. I feel certain that guilt is written all over my face even though I haven’t put us in this position on purpose. I feel as though there is very little likelihood that we’ve conceived, since I’ve been on birth control for quite a while, but we can’t take any more chances.
“So, how was your day?” I ask when he sits next to me and takes a long sip of his beer. We sound so domesticated in that moment that I find myself trying to swallow a smile. Has there ever been another woman in Lucian’s life who had this with him? I feel a pang as I think of Cassie. Lucian said that no other woman has been in this apartment, but Cassie was obviously a big part of his past. He has promised to tell me about her soon, and I feel as if this will be the last key to understanding who he really is and what he’s been through because I know it’s something horrible from his nightmares.
“It was good…busy. Aidan’s done a great job of keeping things running, so there weren’t many problems to deal with. How about you?”
“It was fine,” I say brightly…going just a tad overboard on the enthusiasm. Between obsessing over my birth control oversight and jumping at every single sound, it has been an exhausting day. I’m wiped out, even though I did nothing physically taxing…well, other than in the shower this morning.
Lucian puts his hand over mine, squeezing it. “I’m proud of you,” he says quietly. I feel my eyes well up, and I’m so grateful when he starts eating without adding anything further. Kindness has been so rare in my life that I still have a hard time processing it when it happens.
When we finish dinner, Lucian insists on cleaning up and orders me to the couch to rest for a while. I fidget nervously, waiting for him to join me. I know the time has arrived for me to talk to him about my doctor’s appointment this morning, but I’d rather have a tooth pulled than have this conversation.
I’ve worked myself into a jittery mess by the time he sits down next to me. When he picks up the television remote, I put my hand over his, stopping him from turning it on. “I…need to talk to you about something,” I begin. He immediately sets the remote back down and turns to give me his full attention. Shit, it’s even worse now. Maybe I should have emailed or texted him instead.
When I don’t say anything else, he finally prompts, “Lia? What is it, baby?”
I normally love his tendency to call me ‘baby,’ but at this moment, I find myself wincing at his choice of endearment. He is beginning to look worried as I sit here floundering, so I close my eyes briefly and fight for composure before speaking. “I…when I saw Dr. Kay this morning, she asked me some questions, and one of them was concerning birth control.” I feel his hand twitch beneath mine and his expression looks frozen.
“Are you pregnant, Lia?” he asks, sounding panicked. His eyes are locked on mine, as if searching for the answer.
“No!” He relaxes minutely before I add, “I mean, I don’t think so.”
He drops my hand, jumping to his feet. “What the hell do you mean, ‘you don’t think so’?’ You either are or you aren’t,” he says in a voice just under a shout. Suddenly, it feels as if he and I have switched places and I’m the calm one and he’s off the deep end. It’s crazy, but the shift has helped to center me. I can’t focus on my own emotions when I’m worried about him.
“Luc,” I say soothingly. “Calm down and just listen for a moment. There is no need to freak out.” He snorts at my statement, and I feel the urge to do something Rose-like and flip him off, but that wouldn’t go over well in his present mood. “When Dr. Kay was reviewing my medical records this morning she noticed that I’m on birth control pills. It hit me when she mentioned it that I hadn’t taken the pills while I was in the hospital.”
“We weren’t exactly having sex in the hospital, Lia,” he says condescendingly. My foot twitches as I hold myself back from throwing something at him. He is always so gentle and considerate with me that I find it hard to believe the person vibrating with tension mere steps away is my Lucian. Quite obviously, pregnancy is a trigger for him…a big one.
“I know that,” I snap back, unable to hold my temper. I bluntly finish what I had been trying to say when he rudely interrupted me. “We have had sex for four days, and I haven’t taken my birth control pills since the day of my attack.” I watch him in alarm as he turns completely white, weaving on his feet unsteadily. I rush to add, “Dr. Kay said she can give me a prescription for a morning-after pill which is actually effective for up to five days. It would keep a pregnancy from happening.”
If I thought my words would comfort him, then I’m dead wrong. “What!” he roars. “You want to terminate the pregnancy?”
I jump to my feet, placing my hands on his heaving chest. “Luc, there is no pregnancy yet, and it’s quite possible there wouldn’t be even without the pil
l. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize I’d missed my pills, and I promise you that it was an accident.” I don’t know why I feel the need to assure him of that, but he’s so upset that I’m just trying to calm him down.
He steps back, causing my hands to drop to my sides. “I’ve got to get out of here for a while,” he says over his shoulder as he walks toward the door at a fast clip. My jaw drops in shock as he leaves the apartment as if the hounds of Hell are nipping at his heels. I sag weakly to the couch, trying to figure out what just happened. I knew he would probably be upset, but this was more than that; he went all to pieces. Oh, God, what if he has an accident? I get back to my feet and start pacing the floor. I run to the entryway table and grab my cellphone from my purse. I call his number, but it goes to voicemail after a few rings. My texts to him go unanswered, as well. Another few minutes pass before I look through my contacts and click on Sam’s name. He’s the only person I know other than Aidan who might be able to help me.
Chapter Eleven
Lucian
“Fuck!” I growl, as I realize I slammed out of the apartment without the keys to any of my vehicles. I can’t go back in and see Lia yet, though; I just can’t. With no other choice, I set off on foot and walk a couple of blocks until I come to the sports bar at the end of the block. Apparently, it’s ladies’ night, so there is a crowd of hopeful women and horny men hanging all over them. I find a quiet spot in the corner of the bar.
The bartender, an attractive woman about Lia’s age wearing a T-shirt pulled tight across her big tits, puts a napkin down in front of me and gives an appreciative smack of her red lips. She’s not hiding the fact that she likes what she sees, but I couldn’t give a good fuck. “Hey, sugar, what can I do for you tonight?” I don’t miss the double entendre in her voice, but I ignore it.
“Bourbon, neat and make it a double. Actually, just bring me the bottle and a glass.” Fuck trying to wait on her to come back once she gets busy.
She smirks, shaking her head. “Sugar, that’s expensive. How about we just go glass by glass for now?” I wordlessly pull out my wallet and throw my black American Express Card on the bar. Her eyes widen as she picks it up. She’s obviously been around enough to know that a black credit card usually means money and a lot of it. “You got it, sugar,” she says, turning away with an extra sway in her hips to get the bottle. Her tiny shorts display an award-winning ass, but I’m not interested. She sets the bottle and the glass down before pouring a generous measure. “What else can I get you?” she asks, leaning against the bar. I can plainly see her skimpy bra as the V-neck of her T-shirt gapes open. I’m sure she’s an expert at that move and I look away, not even vaguely tempted to take her up on her silent offer. Finally, she gets the message and moves away, thank fuck.
I’m three glasses in when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I jerk around in surprise to see Sam standing there. He doesn’t seem surprised to see me at all, so I know this isn’t an accidental meeting. He points to the bottle in front of me, asking, “Think you can get me another glass?” Instead of shouting for the eager bartender, I stretch across the bar and manage to hook a glass from under the cabinet. “Impressive,” Sam smirks as he pours a small amount into his glass.
“Why are you here?” I ask bluntly. I’m in no mood for company and just wish he’d leave.
“Lia called me. She was worried about you. She had already checked to see if you took your car keys so I knew you were on foot.” Pointing toward the front of the bar, he adds, “Since there are nothing but restaurants and stores here, I took a wild guess you’d be in the first bar you happened along.”
I’m surprised Lia called him but as I think back, I realize she and I have never really had a fight. We’ve had disagreements, like most people, but I can’t recall either of us slamming out of the apartment. Even as upset as I am, I feel guilty. She’s been through so much, and I know she doesn’t need this added stress on top of everything else. While there are plenty of men who might panic at the thought of an unplanned pregnancy, she has no idea that it’s my biggest trigger. I take another drink of my bourbon before saying, “I’m fine, Sam. You can go on home. I won’t be here much longer.”
I can literally see him settling onto his barstool. “I don’t have anywhere else to be, so I’ll just keep you company.” At least ten minutes pass as I continue to drink and brood while he pretends to watch the football game on the bar television.
I surprise myself when I blurt out, “Lia might be pregnant.” I see him freeze in the act of lifting his glass just for a split second before he resumes the movement.
“I see.” He doesn’t say anything else as if waiting for me to continue.
“She hasn’t been taking her pills since her attack. She didn’t realize it until Dr. Kay mentioned it this morning.”
Sam nods, looking far calmer than I feel. “That’s perfectly understandable, Luc. She has been dealing with a lot.”
I nervously shred a napkin with my fingers as I stare into my drink. “I know that, and I’m not blaming her. It just…threw me. I shouldn’t have been so damn careless. I mean, how many times do I need to learn that lesson?”
“Lia isn’t Cassie, and you don’t even know that she is pregnant, do you?”
I find myself glaring at one of the few people in my life who I love. I’m not in the mood to be soothed; I want to drink and forget. “Don’t you think that I, of all people, know the difference between Lia and Cassie?”
“Do you?” he throws back immediately, causing me to surge to my feet unsteadily. “Sit down!” he snaps, and I’m so surprised by the command in his tone that I obey instantly. He turns sideways on his bench to face me fully. “Luc, you’re like a son to me and I love you. You’re a rich, successful man with more drive and ambition than anyone I’ve ever known. You’ve bottled up every ounce of rage inside you and used it to succeed beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. You keep women in a neat corner of your life and never allow yourself to feel anything for them.”
“There’s a woman living with me right now, Sam, and she doesn’t fit into any ‘neat corner of my life,’ trust me on that.” I say, hoping he’ll stop talking. He’s forcing me to think, and that’s the last thing I want to do tonight.
“She may not fit in a neat corner, but she fits with you perfectly. She loves you, Luc, and not just for what you can give her. That girl has been to Hell and back just as you have. Unlike Cassie, it has only made her stronger. She is your match in every way, and I think you know that.”
My gut clenches as I say the truth, which haunts me. “I can’t lose anyone else I love. I won’t survive it.”
“Something can happen to any of us at any time. There are no guarantees in life, son. I wish there were. What I do know is that Lia loves you and you love her, as well. You can deny it to yourself all you want, but it’s been plain to everyone else almost from the beginning. You’ve never let another woman this close to you, even Cassie, if we’re being honest.”
“After all that has happened to Lia, the thought of her being pregnant fucking terrifies me,” I tell him. “It caused something inside of Cassie to snap. What if the same thing happens to Lia? You know they come from similar pasts.”
“Maybe they do,” Sam admits, “but that’s all they have in common. Cassie was always different. I’ve never seen someone’s mood alter as fast as hers could, and she thrived on causing conflict between you and Aidan. Cassie wasn’t happy unless someone around her was unhappy, which was usually Aidan.”
I’m completely surprised by his words. I mean, I knew Aidan was pissed off a lot of the time because he loved Cassie and wanted her to return his feelings. We were all friends, though, and I never noticed her trying to start trouble between us. On the contrary, most of her attention seemed to be centered on controlling me through a mixture of threats, blackmail, and whatever mind game she could dream up that day. “I think you’re mistaken about that,” I try to tell Sam. “Cassie loved the attention we both gave her too much to
want to push Aidan away.”
Sam gives me a sad smile before saying, “She didn’t want Aidan to leave her, and she wanted him to turn against you. She wanted to be the sole focus of you both, and that happened more when you were at odds with your friend. That way you both turned to her, and she was number one within your group.” When I start to protest, he adds, “It’s always easier for someone on the outside to see things that people close to the situation miss. I spent even more time around you back then than I do now. I knew that something would happen between you all eventually. I just…couldn’t have guessed what she would do. I’m sorry, Luc; maybe we should have talked about this years ago.”
I mull over his words, knowing he’s right. Cassie was constantly saying negative things about Aidan to me back then, and if what Sam says is true, then she was probably doing the same to him. Our friendship was severely strained in high school and college, and our worst arguments usually occurred when one of us had spent time alone with Cassie. I always put it down to competitive jealousy, but maybe that was not the case. It was so long ago that I’m not sure it even matters anymore other than to add a new element to what is already a tragic story between friends. I put my hand on Sam’s arm. “There is nothing you could have said back then that would have mattered.” Giving him a tired grin, I add, “We knew it all, remember?” If I’d have seen Cassie for who she really was that first day we met, I’d have fucking run and never looked back.
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