Jace stormed off.
Ignoring my dress and the fact that the ground was dirty and dusty, I sat on the floor in the shadows with my back against the wall.
“Did you follow me?”
“Yeah, of course.” He looked at me like I was dense as he shrugged his tux jacket off, draped it around my shoulders and sat down next to me.
“I’m a big girl, Dean.”
“And he’s a fucking man whore. He doesn’t deserve you.”
I couldn’t believe he was calling Jace out on his sexual habits. “Takes one to know one.”
He looked at me with mock affront. “Did you just call me a man whore?”
“Are you going to deny it?”
“I would give that all up for the right girl.” Even though I couldn’t see him looking directly at me, I knew he was. I could feel his intensity boring into the side of my face.
Our shoulders touched and I felt nervous. I’d always thought Dean was joking about how he felt about me. Had I got it the wrong way around? Was I completely off the mark and confused, and it wasn’t Reef who wanted me but Dean?
“Have you… have you found the right girl?” I whispered, that hope that I wasn’t unlovable taking root again.
“I think I have, but I’m worried I could fuck everything up.”
He plied his sentence with tense emotion, and I felt it strike deep inside me. He wasn’t Reef, but I knew Dean would treat me well. I knew he cared about me. He was the one who stopped me from staying in a lonely house alone, not Reef. He was the one who warned me about Jace, and he was right.
“I want to kiss you so bad, Mal.”
I wanted to say I felt bad about the words he said, but I didn’t. I was attention hungry and starved of affection. I wanted to be loved more than anything. Before I could tell myself it was a really fucking stupid idea, the words, “I’m not stopping you,” breathed out of me as I turned my face towards his.
Dean leaned in, and when we were seconds from touching lips, he pulled back. “Fuck!” I didn’t move my head. I didn’t want to believe that someone else I cared about didn’t want me. Just as I was about to give up on him, I heard him mutter, “Fuck it, I want this.”
His warm lips didn’t just touch mine, they went full pelt for a kiss. When our mouths parted, our tongues lapped and licked in unison. I felt the early stirrings of desire in my own body. Knowing that someone I cared for deeply wanted me in this way was such a high. It was the emotional connection I craved.
Dean turned fully and pulled me onto his lap. I could feel his hard dick as I sat astride him, and every time he rubbed his hands up and down my back I shivered. The feel of his erection beneath me spurred me on.
“Dean? Mal?” Reef’s voice interrupted us.
“No,” Dean groaned, and I found myself put back on the floor next to him.
“Mal? You out here?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Listen,” Dean said quickly. “Not a word to Reef until we figure this out.”
“What? Why?”
I heard Reef’s footsteps; he was virtually on top of us.
“Trust me, babe,” he said, and I nodded just as Reef came around the corner. He had Callie with him, and they were walking hand in hand.
“Alright?” His face registered the same question his words voiced.
“Yeah, Jace got a bit handsy. So, it was stay here and calm down with Malia or chase after him and feed him his own nut sack.”
He looked between the two of us and I waited for him to ask the question.
“Prom is thinning out. The Limo is out front and Charmayne is waiting for us to head to the after party.”
“Charmayne,” I heard Dean mumble. Reminding us both that he’d come with a date and he’d left her to find me and intervene with Jace.
Dean stood, his eyes imploring me to understand that he needed to check she was okay.
Back at the limo stand, Charmayne stood impatiently and looked irritated when she saw I was still wearing Dean’s tux jacket. “Where’d you go?”
“Malia needed rescuing from Jace.”
She looked at me. “She’s big enough to fend off Jace. The rest of us managed it. Can we get a move on?”
We piled into the back of the limo and everything felt awkward.
I wanted to be with him, to be kissed by him again. I wanted to be desired, but I felt guilty about the lie to Charmayne and withholding the truth from Reef.
“I think I’m gonna head back home.” Dean and Reef looked at me shocked, and Charmayne’s face said she thought I was insane. This was prom night. We were close to graduating, and partying after prom was a rite of passage that no one ever willingly missed. “Hey, Limo driver,” I shouted. “Can you drop me off first?”
I saw his head bob and heard him grunt as he switched lanes.
“Now we’re really gonna be late,” Charmayne bitched.
“Quit fuckin’ moaning. You’ll get there, get off your tits and won’t remember that you were ten minutes later than you wanted,” Dean snapped.
When the Limo pulled up in our cul-de-sac, I was thankful I was closest to the door. “Enjoy the party,” I called.
“Give me two minutes. Just gonna see if her mom is home,” Dean told the driver and Reef went to move with him, but then remembered his date and fell back into the seat with an unimpressed look on his face.
I heard Dean behind me and when I turned towards my path, he redirected me towards his house.
“I think I should stay at my place tonight.”
“But your mom is away.” He reached for my hand and I felt that excitement rush through me.
“I’ll be fine. You go and enjoy your night. I’ll see you tomorrow if you make it back in time for a surf.”
When we were out of sight of the Limo, he pushed me against the wall. “Mal, I need some time to do things right. I need to end it with Charmayne, and I promised Reef we’d protect our friendship.”
“So…” I felt disappointed. “So, you’re saying this is what… over before it began?”
“No, I’m saying I want you, but we need to be under the radar. Can you do under the radar?”
Under the radar felt wrong. It felt deceitful, but then I was about to go and stay in a cold, empty house and this was the closest thing I’d felt to affection since I’d come here. Jace didn’t count. Being with him was like being mauled by an octopus for the crowds.
“I can do under the radar.”
Dean exhaled in relief. “That’s my girl,” he whispered before stepping into me and kissing me again.
The Limo driver beeped.
“I better go.”
He kissed me again.
“I don’t want to go, though.”
I didn’t want him to go either.
He stepped away from me and walked backwards down the path, never taking his eyes off me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, baby.”
And then he was gone.
I didn’t feel bad for Reef. He had Callie and everything was like he wanted; we were still friends.
Malia
A couple of days later, I was out on the surf with Reef. I didn’t know where Dean was, but I felt nervous around Reef with the big lie hanging between the three of us.
“Where’s Dean?”
“Don’t know. You virtually live with him. Shouldn’t you know?” The tone of his words and the look on his face told me that this wasn’t a throwaway comment, and he realized it almost immediately. “Look, you ever need a break from the Morrisons, mi casa…su casa.”
“Thanks.”
“Can I ask how things are with your mom?”
I snorted. “I never thought anyone could be more part time at parenting than my dad, but she’s knocking it outta the park.”
“Shit, good job you came here then. We’ve got your back.”
Reef set off on his board.
It was a blessing that I was here. He and Dean had turned out to be the best of friends but with the secret stolen kis
ses with Dean, that blessing could quickly become a curse.
I heard splashing approaching me from the rear. “Hey, babe,” Dean whispered, and I looked out to Reef, worried he might have heard. “Settle down. We’re careful.”
“But what if this fucks everything up?”
“That’s where the slow part comes in.”
“Hey!” Reef shouted as he came to the end of the wave he’d bested. “You riding today or what?”
“Maybe later,” Dean replied and snuck a look at me. The gleam in his eye was impossible to ignore.
I knew he wasn’t just on about the water, and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered with excitement, but also a little bit of fear. I wasn’t sure how I could want something and be so scared at the same time, but I was.
“Dean! Malia! Dinner is on the table,” Mrs. Morrison shouted.
“You staying for dinner, Reef?”
“If it’s no trouble.” He smiled.
“When are you boys going to learn? We’ve been cooking enough for extra mouths since you were three years old.”
That right there was what was at stake.
Dean and Reef’s long friendship—they were so close they were almost family.
“What’s your plan for later then?” she asked. “Movie? School work? You’re all so close to finishing. You must be getting busy with those college applications.” I watched as she looked at Dean and gave him the stink eye.
“Mom, really now?” he grumbled around a mouthful of lasagna.
“Really now. Maybe your friends can help you decide where to go. Reef, where are you heading?”
“Wherever these pair go?” he answered calmly with an assured nod in our direction.
“Malia?” Dean’s mom turned the spotlight on me.
“Uh, probably back to Hawaii, but failing that, one near a beach.”
“There you go, Mom. We’ll apply to Hawaii and then trawl the country for others with excellent surf potential.”
“Damn surf bums, that’s what you’re going to be!” she raved. “What happened to wanting to be a doctor or professor of something, huh?”
“I can be that and be on the water, Mom.”
“Birthed a damn fish,” she started muttering, and then left us to our meal.
After a few minutes, Dean disturbed the sounds of our forks as they scraped on and off plates. “You’re really heading back to Hawaii?”
“Uh… yeah.” I shrugged.
Dean looked at Reef. “Guess we’re applying to UH, dude.”
“Guess so,” he replied, and I smiled back at them. These guys had my back and were prepared to follow me back to Hawaii. Everything would work out just fine because I was part of this family, too.
“What are we doing tonight?” I asked.
Dean looked at Reef, whose smile fell a little. “I’m supposed to be meeting Callie at the diner.”
“Have fun.” Dean laughed at his discomfort.
“Aren’t you coming to meet Charmayne?”
My fork froze mid air and I stopped breathing as I waited for Dean’s answer. “Uh, definitely not.”
“You’re right. You’ve been there and done that once this week already.”
My lasagna swirled inside me and I felt the urgent need to get out of the house before I dumped the contents of my stomach on the Morrison’s dining room table. “I… uh… forgot Mom said she’d call. Should be there for it.”
“What? Now?” Dean was irritated.
“Yeah. Now. Catch you later.”
I left the table and returned home.
The house was cold and lifeless. If it hadn’t been for me dropping by—that’s how it felt—on a daily basis, then it would be just a dusty shell. It already felt like somewhere I just stored my possessions. I’d gotten into the routine of only sleeping here when Mom was home. I hated to be here on my own. I needed people, I needed noise and I needed normality.
A while later, I felt the hair being swept off my cheek. I’d gone upstairs to lie down and escape the quiet downstairs. In reality, I’d moved from one deathly silent location to another. All the quiet did was give my mind time to think things.
I thought about whether my mom would ever regret the way we were living.
I thought about how lonely I was.
And I thought about Dean and Charmayne, and Reef and Callie, and what the hell I was doing.
“Babe,” came the whisper, as I felt his fingertip on my cheek. “Wake up.”
I roused and stretched and turned away from him. “Is he right?”
“Who?” He lay down and spooned me. We’d done this for a few nights already. After his parents had gone to bed, he’d come to me and we’d cuddle.
“Reef. About you and Charmayne?”
What he did was inhale with frustration; what he didn’t do was deny it.
His hand forced my hip down to the bed, so I had no choice but to face him. “Keeping us quiet isn’t just for Reef’s sanity. Charmayne…” He shook his head. “Trying to end things didn’t go well.”
“So, you’re still together?” I felt ill all over again.
“We’re slowly becoming untogether.” Dean kissed me softly. “It won’t take long to become someone she hates.”
“Are you kissing me after you’ve already kissed her?”
“No!” He looked horrified at my suggestion and I felt like a bitch for suggesting it and doubting him.
I still pushed him away. I wanted him to prove it was me he wanted. I was that shallow when it came to all things emotional.
I was fucked in the head and I levelled the blame at my mother’s feet.
“I don’t believe you. All this secrecy is tainting this, making it something dirty.”
When Dean’s eyes flashed at the word dirty, my insides trembled. “I’m not lying. I want you. Only you. We just have to be smart. Being smart doesn’t make what I feel wrong. It makes it… smart. You don’t wanna hurt Reef, do you?”
“Reef’s hooked on Callie. He doesn’t like me.” It no longer hurt to think about Reef. He’d made his choice and I had to live it with it. This was how I was choosing to move on.
“I’m not talking about him liking you. I’m talking about him feeling left out. We’re best friends. He cares about you and he wouldn’t be happy. He’d make a big deal of the what ifs and right now I don’t give a fuck about Reef’s what ifs.” Dean flopped back onto my pillow and rubbed his hand down his face. “Can we stop talking and do… stuff? I missed you and I’ve had to listen to fucking Charmayne for longer than is healthy.”
Dean seemed exhausted and I had to remember he was juggling Reef, Charmayne and me to get the best possible outcome for us all. It had to be tiring; he looked tired. I put my lips on his and the minute I did, Dean took over. He kissed me like I was going to disappear at any moment.
I felt his hands snake down the front of my body and cup my breasts, so I pushed them deeper into his hands, urging him on. I was desperate for this human contact. The emotion of feeling wanted and loved was so sparse these days that I wasn’t going to put the brakes on this. “Need to see your tits, baby.”
I pulled my top up and over my head, and watched his pupils dilate. The power in this moment was so great it was addictive. His mouth was on my breasts the minute they were free and as I held his head to my chest, I closed my eyes. With my eyes shut, I could pretend it was real. It wasn’t a secret or a dream, and we weren’t lying to everyone around us.
Dean’s hand pushed past the waistband of my shorts and while we’d been intimate before, we’d never gone this far. “Empty house, Mal,” he muttered when he felt my body tense for just a second. He was right. We’d spent so much time under his roof with his parents that we’d never got this far before, and I relaxed as his fingers slide inside my panties. “Fuck! You’re so wet.”
His hands left my body as he removed his own top and shorts in record time. He retrieved a condom from the wallet in his pocket and stuck it between his teeth to rip it open. W
hen he lay back on my bed, he was naked and hard. This wasn’t the first time I’d had sex, but he was the first guy I’d been with since I’d left my boyfriend in Hawaii.
I watched as he slid the condom over his shaft, and for the briefest moment thought everything might be moving just a bit too quick.
Then he told me he loved me.
He said the words with such emotion, like not having me caused him pain, that I forgot everything else.
Dean loved me and he was working on us going public.
He was right to protect Reef’s feelings, and Charmayne would move on to the next guy soon enough. I had to trust that he understood his best friend’s feelings. After all, they’d had a relationship for far longer than I’d known either of them.
Dean hovered above me and eased my thighs apart, his eyes on mine as he rested the crown of his dick at my entrance. “Oh, Mal…” It stung a little as he grunted and slid inside me. “Perfect. Fucking perfect.” I lay back and let him kiss me as he encouraged me to wrap my legs around his waist. It wasn’t too long before he started to pump inside me, and I wanted to clamp my eyes shut to keep the visions of Reef and Charmayne, the secret and betrayal we’d just magnified by having sex from playing heavy on my mind.
“Ah! Fuck yeah,” he moaned. Dean had finished. He’d reached his peak and emptied himself as his body twitched and bucked through it.
He leaned down and kissed me, as he looked into my eyes and I glanced away. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why the shame?”
“We need to go public.”
Dean pulled out of my body and headed for the bathroom. “We will. All in good time.”
Malia
I tried to act like there was nothing different between Dean and me when we were together, but it wasn’t easy. It was as if he were two different people, and if I was honest with myself, I didn’t find the public version of Dean as attractive as the man who caressed me at night. Sometimes he was horrible, and I had to pinch myself to remind me that this wasn’t the real him.
The real Dean was kind and showered me with affection. He held me when I was alone and made me forget all the sadness of my mom’s absence.
Malia: A Black Sentinels MC Novel Page 5
