'Dear Creator,' Sister Verna whispered, her eyes wide, 'you have turned the sword's blade white?'
Richard closed his eyes and nodded. 'I had to take the love of her into my heart. Only then could I turn the blade white. Only then could I run it through her while she looked lovingly into my eyes. Only because I loved her, could I kill her, and escape.
As long as I live, I will never be able to forgive myself.'
Sister Verna embraced him protectively. 'Dear Creator,' she whispered, 'what have you done to your child?'
Richard pushed her away. 'Go, Sister, before you get into trouble.' He wiped his eyes. 'I'm being foolish.'
She gripped his shoulders. 'Why didn't you tell me this before?'
He wiped his sleeve across his nose. 'It's not something I'm proud of. And you are the enemy, Sister.' He looked to her wet eyes. 'I've told you the truth, I told the other Sisters the truth today; I will kill anyone I must. Sister, I'm capable of killing anyone. I'm the bringer of death. I'm a monster. That's why Kahlan wanted me sent away.'
She brushed his hair back from his face. 'She loves you, Richard. She was trying to save your life. Someday you will see that.' She sighed. 'I'm sorry. I must go. Will you be all right?'
His smile was empty. 'I don't think so, Sister. I think there is going to be war. I think I'm going to end up killing Sisters. I hope you aren't one of them.'
She wiped her fingers across his cheek. 'We never know what the Creator has in store for us.'
'If this Creator of yours has any power, I think you'll be restored to Sister a lot sooner than you think, Sister.'
'I must go. Good luck to you, Richard. Have faith.'
As soon as she was gone he threw his cloak around his shoulders and put on his pack. He had to act now, while they were still afraid of him, while they were still unsure. He checked that the sword was clear in its scabbard. He hooked the quiver on his pack and shouldered his bow as he moved out onto the balcony.
With a running knot, Richard attached the rope to the stone railing. He put his knife between his teeth, and then slipped over the edge, into the darkness, into his element.
CHAPTER 51
Night didn't seem to diminish the number of people on the streets of Tanimura. The little fires cooking meat on sticks still burned, and the hawkers still conducted a brisk business. Men called to him to come throw dice with them. Once they saw his collar, people tried to entice him into buying everything from food to shell necklaces for his lady. He told them that he had no coins. They laughed, saying that the palace would pay for anything he wanted. Richard hunched his shoulders and kept walking.
Women dressed in flimsy, revealing clothes pressed against him, giggling and smiling as they ran their hands over him, trying to get fingers into his pockets. They made him offers he could hardly believe. Pushing didn't get them away. His glare did.
Richard was relieved to leave the city behind, to leave the lights of torches, lamps, candles, and fires behind, to leave behind the smells and the noise. He breathed easier when he was into the moonlit country. He glanced over his shoulder at the twinkling lights while he climbed the hills.
He was constantly aware of the collar around his neck, and wondered what would happen if he went too far, though, from what Pasha had told him, that was many more miles than he intended to go. Still, he worried she might be wrong, and that the slack in his chain might suddenly snap tight.
Finally, he reached a satisfactory spot. He surveyed the grassy prominence overlooking the city in the distance. A little way off to the side, in the swale, he could see the dark shapes of old trees looming up in the moonlight. Shadows black as death lurked in the gaps.
Richard stared at the menacing gloom for a time, transfixed by a faint, lingering desire to go into the waiting folds of its night. Something in him hungered to go in there, and call forth the magic. Something in him lusted to bring forth the rage, to let it vent its wrath, vent his wrath.
It felt as if his frustration at being held against his will, his anger at being a helpless prisoner, his fear at not knowing what was going to happen to him, and his heartache for Kahlan, all needed to be let out, like pounding a fist against a wall when you were angry. Somehow, those woods promised him that release.
Richard finally turned from the Hagen Woods and set about collecting firewood. With his knife, he whittled a pile of shavings into a bare spot he had scooped out with his boot. Striking steel and flint, he started the shavings to smoldering, and once they had taken with a good flame, he piled on some wood. Once the fire was going nicely, he set out a pot, poured in water, and started cooking rice and beans. While he waited for it to cook, he finished a small piece of bannock he still had left.
He sat, his arms curled around his knees, and watched the dark woods, the Hagen Woods. He watched the city shimmering in the distance. The sky overhead was a sparkling canopy of stars. He watched the sky, too, waiting to see a familiar shape blacken a patch of stars.
After a time, he heard a soft thud behind him. He laughed when the furry arms grabbed him and tumbled him onto the ground. Gratch gurgled with his throaty laugh, his arms and legs and wings trying to enwrap his opponent. Richard tickled his ribs, and Gratch roared with a deep, growling laughter. The tussle ended with Gratch finally on top, hugging Richard with arms and wings. Richard embraced the little gar tightly.
'Grrratch luuug Raaaach aaarg.'
Richard squeezed him tighter. 'I love you, too, Gratch.'
Gratch put his wrinkly nose to Richard's. His glowing green eyes looked down, and he let out in a throaty giggle.
Richard wrinkled his nose. 'Gratch! Your breath smells!' He sat up, holding the gar in his lap. 'Did you catch some food on your own?' Gratch nodded enthusiastically. Richard hugged him again.
'I'm so proud of you! And you did it without blood flies. What did you get?' Gratch cocked his head to the side. His furry ears turned forward.
'Did you get a turtle?' Richard asked. Gratch giggled and shook his head. 'Did you get a deer?' Gratch sagged with a regretful growl. 'Did you get a rabbit?' Gratch bounced and shook his head, enjoying the game.
'I give up. What did you have to eat?'
Gratch covered his eyes with his claws, peeking out between them.
'A raccoon? You got a raccoon?'
Gratch nodded with a toothy grin, then threw his head back and roared as he pounded his chest.
Richard patted the beast's back. 'Good for you! Very good!'
Gratch gave a gurgling giggle and then tried to push Richard back for more wrestling. Richard was relieved that the gar was finally able to start catching his own food. He made Gratch sit still and settle down while he checked the rice and beans. He held the pot out.
'You want some of my dinner with me?'
Gratch leaned close and carefully smelled the pot. He knew it was hot. He had gotten a burn before and was careful now when Richard cooked things. He wrinkled his nose at the rice and beans. He made a croaking sound and rolled his shoulders. Richard knew that meant he wasn't enthusiastic, but if nothing better was forthcoming he would have some.
Richard poured him some in his own bowl. 'Blow on it. It's hot.'
Gratch held the tin bowl to his face and pursed his leathery lips. He blew air and spit between his fangs as he tried to cool his snack. Richard ate with a spoon as he watched the gar trying to lick the rice and beans from the bowl. Finally, Gratch rolled onto his back and, holding the bowl with his claws and feet, poured its contents in his mouth. In three swallows it was gone.
Gratch sat up and flapped his wings. He scooted close. With a plaintive babble, he held out his bowl to Richard. Richard showed him the empty pot.
'All gone.' Gratch's ears wilted. He put a hooked claw to Richard's bowl and gave it a little tug. Richard pulled his bowl away and turned his back. 'Mine. It's my dinner.'
Gratch resigned himself to waiting patiently while Richard finished eating. When Richard pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them as he
watched the city, Gratch squatted and tried to imitate the pose.
Richard pulled the lock of hair from his pocket. He twirled it in the moonlight, staring while he watched it turning. Gratch thrust out a claw. Richard elbowed it away.
'No,' he said in a low voice. 'You can touch, but only if you're gentle.'
Gratch reached out tentatively, slowly, carefully touching a claw to the lock of hair. His glowing green eyes looked up, studying. He stroked the claw down Richard's hair.
Gratch touched Richard's cheek. Touched a tear rolling down. Richard sniffed and swallowed. He put the lock of hair back in his pocket.
Gratch put a gangly arm around Richard's shoulder and laid his head against him. Richard put his arm around Gratch, and they watched the night for a time.
Finally deciding he had better get some sleep, Richard found a spot of thick grass on which to spread a blanket. He lay down with Gratch curled up close, and the two of them fell asleep together.
Richard woke when the moon was nearly down. He sat up and stretched. Gratch made fists and imitated Richard, adding wings to the yawning stretch. Richard rubbed his eyes. It would be dawn in an hour or two. It was time.
He stood, Gratch coming up beside him. 'I want you to listen to me, Gratch. I have some important things to tell you. Are you listening?'
Gratch nodded, his wrinkly face set in a serious cast. Richard pointed to the city.
'You see that place, with all the fire, all the light? I'm going to live there for a while.' Richard tapped his chest and then pointed to the city. 'I'm going to be down there. But I don't want you to visit me there. You must stay away. It's a dangerous place for you. You stay away.' Gratch watched Richard's face. 'I'll come up here to visit you. All right?' Gratch thought a moment, and then nodded.
'You stay away from the city. And you see the river down there? You know what a river is; I've shown you water. You stay on this side of the water. This side. Understand?'
Richard didn't want the gar hunting the livestock on the farms on the other side of the river. That would surely get him in trouble. Gratch looked from Richard's face to the city, and then back. He made a sound from deep in his throat to express his understanding.
And Gratch, if you see any people,' Richard tapped his chest and pointed to the city, 'people like me, don't you eat them.' He put a finger in front of Gratch's face. 'People are not food. Don't eat any people. Understand?'
Gratch growled in disappointment, and then nodded. Richard put an arm around the gar's shoulders and turned him toward the Hagen Woods.
'Now listen. This is important. You see that place down there? Those woods?'
A low, menacing growl rose from the gar's throat. His lips drew back from his fangs. The glow in his green eyes intensified.
'You stay out of there. I don't want you going into that place. I mean it, Gratch. You stay away.' Gratch watched the woods, the growl still in his throat. Richard gripped a fistful of fur and gave him a shake. 'You stay away from there. Understand?'
Gratch glanced over and finally nodded.
'I have to go in there, but you can't follow. It's dangerous in there for you. Stay out.'
With a plaintive pule, Gratch put an arm around Richard and pulled him back a step.
'I'll be safe; I have the sword. Remember the sword? I showed you my sword. It will protect me. But you can't come with me.'
Richard hoped he was right about the sword; Sister Verna had told him that the Hagen Woods were a place of vile magic. But he had no choice. It was the only plan he could think of.
Richard gave the gar a tight hug. 'You be a good boy. Go hunt yourself some more food. I'll be coming up here to see you, and we'll wrestle. All right?'
Gratch grinned at the mention of wrestling. He pulled hopefully on Richard's arm. 'Not now, Gratch. I have something I must do. But I'll come back on another night and wrestle with you.'
Gratch's ears wilted again. His long arms wrapped around Richard in a good-bye hug. Richard collected his things and, with a final wave, headed down into the swale. Gratch watched as the dark woods swallowed him up.
Richard walked for close to an hour. He needed to be deep enough into the Hagen Woods to make sure his plan would work. Limbs draped with moss and vines looked like arms reaching out to snatch him. Sounds drifted through the trees - guttural clicking and long, low whistles. Off in stagnant stretches of water things splashed at his approach.
Warm, and breathing hard with the effort of the walk, he came to a small clearing, high enough to be dry, and open enough to afford him the view of a small patch of stars. There was no rock or log in the clearing, so he flattened a thick clump of grass and sat down beside his pack, crossing his legs. He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath.
Richard thought about home and the Hartland Woods. He longed to be back in his woods. He thought about the friends he missed so much, Chase, and Zedd. All the time he had grown up with the old man, Richard had never known Zedd was his grandfather. But he had known he was his friend, and that they loved each other. He guessed that was what mattered. What difference would it have made, anyway? Richard could not have loved him more, and Zedd could not have been more of a friend.
It had been so long since he had seen Zedd. Although he had seen him at the People's Palace, in D'Hara, he hadn't really had much time to talk with him, to catch up on things. He shouldn't have left so soon. He wished he could talk to Zedd now, to seek his help and understanding.
Richard had no idea if Kahlan would go to Zedd. Why should she? She was rid of Richard, and that was what she wanted.
He wished with all his heart it weren't so.
He missed her smile, her green eyes, the soft sound of her voice, her intelligence and wit, her touch. She made the world alive for him. He would have given his life at that moment just to hold her for five minutes.
But she knew what he was, and had sent him away.
And he had set her free.
It was for the best. He wasn't good enough for her.
Before he realized what he was doing, he was seeking the peace within himself, seeking his Han, as Sister Verna had taught him. He had practiced almost every day when he had been with her, and although he never felt his Han, whatever it was, it had always felt pleasant to seek it. It was relaxing, and brought peace. It felt good to do that now. He let his mind find that place of peace, and let his worries drift away.
In his mind, as he always did, he pictured the Sword of Truth, floating in space before his mind's eye. He saw every detail of it, felt every detail of it.
In his peace, in his meditation, without opening his eyes, Richard drew his sword. He wasn't quite sure why, except it felt the right thing to do. The unique ring of steel hung in the night air, announcing the blade's arrival to the Hagen Woods.
He laid the sword across his knees. The magic danced with him in the place of peace. If anything came, he would be ready.
Now, he had to wait. It would be quite a while, he was sure, but she would come.
When she realized where he was, she would come.
As he sat still and quiet, the night returned to its normal activity around him. While he concentrated on the picture of the sword, Richard was vaguely aware of the chirps and clicks of bugs, the low, steady croaks of frogs, and the rustling of mice and voles among the dry debris of the forest floor. The air occasionally whirred with a bat. Once, he heard a squeak as an owl caught its dinner.
And then, while in the dreamlike haze as he sat and pictured the sword, the night became still.
In his mind, he saw the dark shape behind him.
In one fluid movement, Richard was up and spinning, the sword tip whistling through the air. The flowing shape pitched back, and lunged again when the sword was past. Richard felt a thrill that he had missed, that it would not be ended so soon, that he could dance with the spirits, that he could let the rage free.
It moved like a cape in the wind, dark as death, and just as quick.
Around the cleari
ng they darted, the sword glinting in the waning light of the moon, the blade slicing the air, the dark shape's bladelike claws flashing past. Richard immersed himself in the sword's magic, in its wrath, in his own. He freed his anger and frustration to join with the sword's own fury, reveling in the dance with death.
Across the clearing they spun, like leaves in a gale, one avoiding the blade, the other, the claws. Lunging and ducking, they used the trees for cover and attack. Richard let the spirits of the sword dance with him. He immersed himself in the magic's mastery, he let himself do as the spirits counseled, and he watched, almost in a detached state, as they spun him this way and that, had him skim across the ground, dodge right then left, leap and thrust.
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