Make-Believe Wife

by Anne Herries

  He was a fool to let down his guard. Until he was certain this was not all an elaborate plot to ensnare him he refused to feel more than liking for her. He had met many beautiful women, but none had touched his heart—why should it be different now?

  Roxanne glanced at herself in the mirror as she prepared for dinner that evening. Why had Luke kissed her that way earlier? She could not convince herself that he cared for her, so why had he suddenly kissed her with such intensity? Was it merely a passing impulse—or lust?

  He’d told her that he did not believe in romantic love, yet he knew how to please a woman in bed. Her mouth felt dry and her stomach cramped with nerves. Luke felt physical desire for her and he would be a passionate lover.

  She supposed men often felt desire for a beautiful woman. Roxanne had seen lust in the eyes of men many times, but she had never been kissed like that because she’d always avoided any involvement. Sofia had warned her to be careful, telling her that men were not to be trusted—especially the aristocracy.

  Was she a fool to let herself be used both by the earl and his grandson? They both wanted something from her, but were either of them prepared to give her anything of value in return? Luke had offered an income, but money was not important to Roxanne. She wanted to be respected, liked, even loved for what she was—especially by Luke.

  How foolish she was to have let down her guard even for an instant. Luke had made it plain from the start that he did not wish for a true marriage. It was a business arrangement and she must accept it—or walk away.

  To walk away would cause too much pain. She had become fond of the earl and must do nothing that would bring on his illness. Luke might come to admire her qualities in time and it should be possible to have mutual respect.

  Was that enough in a marriage? It had to be, because Roxanne knew that she could not expect more from a man who refused to give his heart.

  ‘Would you like to wear your hair up this evening, miss?’

  Roxanne’s thoughts were recalled to the present. She looked at the face of her young maid and smiled.

  ‘Yes, thank you, Tilly. I shall have it dressed with a ringlet for the ball, but tonight I would prefer it to be quite plain.’

  ‘Yes, miss.’ The girl took up the brush and began to stroke it through her hair, leaving Roxanne free to continue her thoughts.

  That evening they dined with friends of the earl and Roxanne began to understand what her life would be like here. Although curious, the earl’s neighbours were friendly and prepared to accept her, because Hartingdon had made his wishes clear.

  ‘This young woman has done wonders for the house already,’ he remarked to a gentleman of similar years. ‘I never expected to see such a day and I am truly grateful to her. Clarendon is fortunate to have found her.’

  ‘I’m sure he knows it,’ General Forster said and nodded approvingly. ‘Luke, you must bring Miss Roxanne to dinner soon—and I should be delighted to take you fishing in our lake one day, should you care for it.’

  ‘Very kind of you, sir,’ Luke said and sent a brooding glance at Roxanne. She thought that he was learning to play his part very well. ‘It is a while since I went fishing.’

  ‘Do you enjoy music, Miss Roxanne?’

  She turned to the young man sitting beside her. ‘Yes, Sir James, very much. I fear I am an indifferent pianist, though I am attempting to improve.’

  ‘Do you sing at all?’

  ‘Yes, I do,’ Roxanne said, recalling some of the performances she’d given when with the players. ‘I enjoy listening to others play and sing. I also enjoy the performance of a play.’

  ‘Ah yes, I’m fond of the theatre myself.’ He beamed at her. ‘You put me in mind of something, Miss Roxanne. I mean no insult when I say that you remind me of an actress I once saw. She was very talented, but just a provincial actress, not famous at all—however, the likeness is superficial.’

  ‘I am glad to hear it,’ Roxanne said and laughed, hiding the fact that his remark had made her heart beat fast. ‘Tell me, where was she performing?’

  ‘I hardly remember—an open-air performance, as I recall, at an inn or somewhere like. Do not be offended by the comparison, for I meant none.’

  ‘I am not offended.’ Roxanne smiled as the moment of panic receded. He did not remember her. ‘If the lady was talented there is no reason.’

  She had been apprehensive for a moment but she saw there was no need. Even though the young man had undoubtedly seen her performing, he did not dream that Roxanne was the actress he’d watched. He thought the likeness superficial, which indeed it was for she had changed considerably since those days. That girl had been left far behind as she became more confident and sure of her place here.

  ‘Oh, very talented. I thought she belonged on the London stage. I would have spoken to her about it, but I could not stay until the end of the play.’

  ‘Roxanne, may I speak with you?’

  She stood up as Luke came up to her, nodding her head to her companion and moving aside to the window.

  ‘You looked slightly disturbed. James was not annoying you?’

  ‘He wished me not to be offended, but saw a vague likeness in me to an actress he’d once watched performing somewhere.’

  ‘Ah, I see…’ Luke nodded, his gaze intent on her face. ‘You are not distressed?’

  ‘No, certainly not.’ Roxanne lifted her head proudly, every inch the great lady. ‘You wished to speak with me?’

  ‘I forgot to mention it earlier, but a seamstress is coming down in a couple of days. She has made a gown for the ball for you and will fit it and make any adjustments needed while she is here. I thought you might like her to make a wedding dress for you? We shall buy most of your trousseau in Paris after the wedding—if that suits you?’

  ‘Of course, if you think it necessary.’ Roxanne’s heart thudded in her breast, her throat tight suddenly and for no good reason. ‘Your grandfather looks a little tired. If there is nothing more, I shall see if he wishes to retire.’

  ‘No, nothing more,’ Luke replied with a little frown.

  ‘Then please excuse me for the moment.’

  Luke watched as she walked to the earl. The old man listened to what she said to him and then inclined his head. Roxanne gave him her arm and they left the room together. For a moment the earl’s face was unguarded and his grandson saw real affection in his eyes as he responded to her caring.

  It was evident that a bond had formed between them while he was absent. Luke wasn’t sure how he felt about the situation. Roxanne seemed fond of the earl and sure of her place here. For a moment he was irked by the affection between them. Roxanne had found a way past the prickly outer skin the earl had used to shut out everyone else, including his grandson. Why was he prepared to accept her when he had shown little but indifference towards his own flesh and blood?

  Luke ought to be delighted that his plan to make his grandfather’s last days happy was working so well and yet once again he had a sense of unease—almost fear. It was ridiculous to feel trapped. He could walk away, go back to London whenever he chose, and yet something was holding him here. It was as if invisible chains bound his limbs and he did not understand his own feelings.

  It was not as if the marriage was to be a true one. He felt passion for Roxanne and knew that he would find great pleasure in teaching her the delights of the bedroom—but he was not sure that she felt anything for him.

  She was always welcoming, pleasant and amenable to his wishes, but was that what he wanted from her? Was this show of affection and content merely a consummate actress at work? He had made a bargain with her and Roxanne was playing her part all too well.

  Luke wasn’t sure what he wanted or expected of her—or what he hoped the future might bring. His uncertainty had not improved his mood and he was on edge, moody, anger simmering beneath the surface—but he did not know why he was angry.

  Roxanne was surprised at how many people had come to wish them well. She had written t
he invitations to whole families and it seemed that uncles, aunts and cousins had turned out in force. They had been arriving for the past two days and the house was already overflowing. The arrival of neighbours and friends later that night would ensure that the ball was a success.

  ‘That’s a beautiful gown, Miss Roxanne,’ the housekeeper observed when she brought up a posy of fragrant lilies the gardener had sent. ‘I think you will be the centre of attention this evening—as you deserve to be, miss.’

  ‘Thank you, Mrs Arlet,’ Roxanne said. ‘Lord Clarendon ordered the gown in London, as you know. He has excellent taste. Those flowers are lovely—did they come from his lordship?’

  ‘I think it was Minty’s idea, miss—though I dare say his lordship asked for flowers suitable for the occasion.’

  ‘Well, they are delightful,’ Roxanne said and the housekeeper left. She glanced at her reflection, thinking that the gown called for an ornament of some kind. Her request to the earl for the loan of some pearls had not been met and she regretted her lack. She was just considering whether she could pin a single flower to her gown when someone knocked. Opening the door, she was surprised to see Luke. ‘Oh…I am nearly ready.’

  ‘You look beautiful, Roxanne,’ he said, staring at her in such a way that her heart fluttered and her mouth was suddenly dry. ‘I brought you a little gift to wear this evening—if it pleases you.’

  Luke offered her a black velvet box, which Roxanne took and opened. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the single string of beautiful creamy pearls fastened with a clasp of emeralds and diamonds.

  ‘Oh, these are beautiful. My maid has gone—would you fasten them for me, please?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ Luke followed her into the bedchamber. Roxanne lifted her hair and he placed the pearls around her throat, his fingers lingering against the sensitive skin at her nape. ‘The clasp is meant to be at the front.’ He turned the necklet, his hand just brushing against her dipping décolletage for an instance.

  The dizzying sensation that shot through her at that moment almost took her breath. Roxanne’s lips parted on a sigh and she felt a spasm of desire and need so strong that it required all her willpower not to melt into his arms. Just for a moment she wished there was no ball, nothing but Luke and a soft bed where they could lie together.

  The sensation was sweet and overpowering, but Roxanne forced herself to remain aloof. To beg for kisses and more would shame her and she had no intention of allowing her feelings to become plain. Luke wanted a business arrangement and that was what she must accept because anything else would end in pain. The last thing Luke wanted or needed was a clinging wife who would love him and make him feel guilty for neglecting her when he returned to the life he enjoyed.

  She would be a poor actress if she could not hide her feelings for him, but she must remain outwardly in control. He would hate her to fall in love with him. He had no wish for a clinging wife.

  Glancing in the mirror, Roxanne was satisfied that apart from a faint flush in her cheeks she had given no sign of the intensity of her feelings. She touched the emerald clasp and smiled.

  ‘How did you know that I longed for such a necklace?’ she asked, for all the world without a care as she met his brooding look. ‘The pearls are wonderful, Luke, and the clasp goes so well with my ring.’

  ‘That was my intention,’ he said, a faint smile in his eyes. ‘Grandfather asked me to find something for you in the strong room, but I told him I had my own gift for you.’

  ‘I see.’ Roxanne nodded, because that explained why the earl had not kept his promise. ‘I must thank you so much for my gifts, Luke.’ She looked up at him, seeing a blaze of passion that made her tremble. ‘Luke—what are you thinking?’

  ‘I think we should go down before I am tempted to lock the door and stay here with you instead of entertaining our guests.’

  Roxanne’s heart pounded. Her stomach clenched with something she instinctively recognised as desire. The look in his eyes was so hot that she could not doubt he felt desire for her, but she was certain that his feelings were no more than that; he wanted her, but love was not something Luke was prepared to give. His touch would make her flesh sing, but love was the forbidden fruit she must not taste.

  ‘Yes, we must not keep our guests waiting or the earl,’ Roxanne said, painting a smile in place as she lifted her head. ‘Our audience awaits, Luke.’

  ‘A performance? Is that all this is to you, Roxanne?’

  ‘Of course. What else?’ she said. ‘That is what you required of me, as I recall.’

  She moved past him into the hall, then turned and waited expectantly. Her composure was perfect, she was ready for the stage.

  ‘You’re a clever actress, Roxanne. I dare say you will have our friends eating out of your hand, just as you have Grandfather. He prides himself on his judgement, but you have him purring like a kitten.’

  She felt as if he had pricked at her with long thorns, but kept her smile in place. ‘If I have the ability to make people like me, that is a good thing, is it not?’

  ‘I think they will love you. Grandfather certainly does.’

  Loved by all, but not by you. The words were in her head, but not spoken aloud.

  Lifting her head, she looked into his eyes. ‘His happiness is your main concern, is it not? That is the reason you brought me here?’

  ‘Yes…’ Luke’s gaze narrowed. ‘I would not wish to see him hurt, Roxanne.’

  ‘Then we are of one mind,’ she said and took his arm. ‘Come, Luke, need you look so sober? This is meant to be an evening of pleasure for us as well as our guests. You must try to look as if you are enjoying yourself or your friends will wonder.’

  ‘You are right.’ He smiled suddenly and her heart skipped a beat. ‘I have no right to expect more than you wish to give. We shall dance and enjoy ourselves this evening. More serious matters can wait for another day.’

  Now what did he mean by that? Roxanne wondered, but she put the little puzzle from her mind. Tonight she was playing the part of a girl very much in love who was announcing her engagement to the man she loved. It was not a difficult part to play, as long as she did not remember that Luke did not love her.

  Chapter Eight

  As Roxanne had imagined, the evening was a huge success. The ballroom was decorated with banks of fragrant flowers from the hothouses and reels of white-silk tulle hung in drapes above the dais where the musicians were seated. Sparkling chandeliers threw out showers of light, which were picked up by the glittering jewels worn by both ladies and gentlemen. They had come dressed in their best finery, prepared to enjoy the celebrations, and laughter reverberated through the rooms, the sound of chattering voices almost deafening.

  Roxanne soon discovered that she was the centre of attention.

  ‘To tell the truth I never expected to see this day,’ Luke’s Uncle Frederick on his father’s side told her as he claimed one of the first dances of the evening. ‘I believe Hartingdon had given up all hope of Clarendon ever doing his duty.’

  ‘Surely not?’ Roxanne gave him an amused smile. ‘Luke is not in his dotage, I think?’

  ‘Good lord, no, he’s a young man, but he seemed set in his ways. I always knew it would take an exceptional young woman to catch my nephew and it seems I was right.’

  ‘Thank you for the compliment,’ Roxanne replied mischievously. ‘I shall do my best to live up to what is expected of me.’

  ‘You’ll do very well,’ the talkative gentleman said. ‘Beauty and brains, to say nothing of charm. Now that is a combination not often found, Miss Roxanne. Luke is a lucky fellow.’

  Since that seemed the consensus of the guests, Roxanne did not find herself left without an admirer at her side all evening. She danced every dance, sipped at, but did not finish, several glasses of champagne brought to her by a string of helpful gentlemen and ate sparingly of the delicious supper that had been provided for them.

  ‘Where did you meet Clarendon?’
/>   The question had been asked again and again by curious aunts and cousins throughout the evening. Roxanne gave the same reply to all of them.

  ‘I was staying with a friend and we met by chance when Luke was out riding,’ she told them, embroidering the truth only as necessary. ‘We were mutually attracted and liked each other immediately.’

  Surely that much was true. Roxanne had felt an instant liking for the man she’d helped in the woods, despite his hostility. He’d been angry and in pain at first, but later he’d been grateful for her help. That meeting seemed so far away now, her life revolving round the earl and his grandson these days. Sometimes she almost forgot that she had ever known another life.

  The Roxanne who had lived with a band of travelling players was someone different. She was Miss Peters and her father lived and worked in India… The story she’d invented for herself was now so real that she believed it must be the truth.

  As far as she understood, Luke’s lawyer had heard nothing from the advertisement. Roxanne might never discover whether the ruby was truly hers or the property of another person. Perhaps it was not important. She had become a part of Luke’s family, welcomed and accepted amongst them. It did not matter that she could not remember her own family—at least she must try not to let it matter.

  She had danced three times with Luke during the evening. Each time it had been a waltz and Roxanne felt as if she had been floating on air, his nearness giving her such pleasure that she felt she could melt into his body. The feeling was so perfect that she knew she could become his lover easily. There would be no hesitation on her part, because already she felt as if she belonged to him, in his bed, in his arms. He had called her a clever actress, but he gave such a convincing display of affection towards his fiancée that Roxanne might have been deceived herself had she not caught a hint of mockery in his smile once or twice. It was as if he were showing her that he, too, could play his part.