Make-Believe Wife

by Anne Herries

  Reaching the earl’s room, she knocked softly and then entered. His manservant was in the small sitting room, but there was no sign of the earl.

  ‘How is he?’ she asked, her throat catching with emotion. ‘I was told he wished to see me?’

  ‘His lordship had a bit of a do first thing, miss,’ Marshall said. ‘I’ve persuaded him he should stay in bed and called the doctor just in case. His lordship wanted to see you, miss. He’s very fond of you—if you don’t mind my saying it.’

  ‘Not at all.’ Roxanne smiled at him. ‘The feeling is mutual. I was most concerned to hear he was unwell. May I see him, please?’

  ‘Go right in, miss. He might be dozing, but if you sit in the chair I’ve put ready he’ll see you when he wakes.’

  ‘Yes, of course. Thank you, that was so thoughtful, Marshall.’

  ‘We’re all pleased to have you here, miss. The family and servants both. We’ve taken you to our hearts, Miss Roxanne.’

  She thanked him, her cheeks a little warm. Marshall would never show by gesture or innuendo that he knew she’d spent the night with Luke, but she doubted it was a secret. If her first child was not long in coming, the servants would count the months after the wedding back to the previous night.

  The earl was resting as she walked softly into his bedchamber. He was lying back against a pile of pillows, his eyes closed, but as she bent over him to kiss his cheek he opened them and looked up at her.

  ‘Ah,’ he said in a satisfied tone. ‘There you are, girl. You did me proud last night, Roxanne. I was complimented on Luke’s happy choice many times. Most of them seem to think I must’ve arranged the whole business. I didn’t contradict ’em. You’re either a truly great actress or you were born to be a lady.’

  ‘Does it matter now, sir?’ Roxanne asked. She sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand. ‘It was a tiring evening for you. I hope you mean to be sensible and keep to your bed for a few days?’

  ‘You’re right, it don’t matter where you came from,’ he said and sighed. ‘You’ll make a good mother for my boy’s children and that’s what counts. I’m not sure he’ll make you a good husband, but you took him on and I think you’ll see it through. You won’t let me down?’

  ‘Do I look like a bolter?’

  He gave a harsh laugh. ‘It’s a while since I heard that expression. Luke’s godmother used it when she was younger. She didn’t come to the ball. I was disappointed that she stayed away. Her influence on Luke was always for the good—but I suppose I scared her off with my harsh tongue. I must make it up to her before the wedding. I’ve mellowed a bit. In the old days I was sharper than a razor.’

  ‘I’m glad you’ve mellowed, sir.’

  There was a hint of laughter in her voice and his brow lowered. ‘Are you mocking me, miss?’

  ‘Just a very little, sir. Do you not think it is time that someone did? Perhaps you have taken yourself a little too seriously at times—would you not say so?’

  He glared at her, then made a sound between a snort and a guffaw. ‘You’re a minx, Roxanne. Think you’ve got me eating out of your hand, do you? I’m not to be fooled by a few smiles, miss.’

  ‘Why would I wish to fool you, sir? All I wish for is that we should live together happily as a family. I want to make you happy.’

  ‘Want to make Luke happy too?’ He raised his bushy brows at her. ‘Planning on getting him to settle down to married life—is that it?’

  ‘I am not sure that would be possible,’ Roxanne replied honestly. ‘However, it seems to me that you are very alike, sir. If what you both want is an heir for the family, I shall do my best to oblige.’

  ‘And what do you get out of it?’ The earl’s eyes were very bright. He was intent as he waited for her answer.

  ‘A home and perhaps affection,’ Roxanne said. ‘I shall make no demands on you or your grandson, sir—but if things go well I shall have children and perhaps they will give the unconditional love both you and Luke seem incapable of giving.’

  ‘Will that satisfy you, girl?’

  ‘I think it may have to,’ Roxanne replied. She saw his eyelids flicker and moved to the chair beside the bed. ‘You should try to rest for a little before the doctor comes, sir.’

  ‘You’re a fine girl, a decent girl,’ the earl said. ‘I’m not sure we’ve been fair to you. This is a selfish family, Roxanne. I think you deserve better.’

  He closed his eyes and she saw that he was drifting into sleep. It had been a huge effort for him to attend the ball and he was very tired. She hoped that he was not actually any worse than before. Perhaps all he needed was a little rest.

  Luke was greeted by the news that the doctor had been called when he returned from riding. He threw his crop and gloves on the sideboard in the hall and took the stairs two at a time. When he entered his grandfather’s sitting room, Marshall was just tidying the grate with a small brush. He put a finger to his lips.

  ‘He’s sleeping at the moment, sir. Miss Roxanne has been with him for the past two hours. The doctor came and said he was exhausted. He’s not to be upset and he must rest for at least a couple of weeks. Miss Roxanne was reading to him just now, but I think he may have gone off again for a while, because she stopped. Now she’s started again. She has a fine reading voice, sir. Your grandfather was chuckling away for a while there. Reading Shakespeare she was, but in a way I’ve not heard before.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Luke said. ‘Perhaps you have something you need to do elsewhere? I shall sit with my grandfather for a little now.’

  ‘Yes, sir. I’ll fetch up some brandy and warm water. It helps his lodship to sleep sometimes and the doctor said anything that made him rest was good.’

  ‘Yes, you do that,’ Luke said. He walked to the door of his grandfather’s bedchamber and then listened. Roxanne was reading The Taming of the Shrew and acting out the parts. He heard his grandfather chuckle and hesitated, hardly liking to intrude on what was clearly an enjoyable companionship.

  ‘You are a wicked minx, as I said before,’ the earl said and laughed. ‘I think you have missed your calling, Roxanne. You are wasted here. You should be on the London stage.’

  ‘I would much prefer to be here with you and Luke.’

  ‘I think you mean that,’ the earl said. ‘It isn’t just an act with you, is it, Roxanne?’

  ‘No, sir. I am very fond of you and…’

  Luke walked in before she could finish. Roxanne was standing at the foot of the bed, a book of Shakespeare’s plays in her hand. She was smiling, but when she saw him, her cheeks turned pink and she glanced away from his searching gaze.

  ‘How are you, sir?’ Luke asked and went to his grandfather’s side. ‘I hear the doctor has been to visit you. I think you found the ball too much, sir. Perhaps we should postpone the wedding for a month or two?’

  ‘You will do no such thing on my account,’ the earl said. ‘It will take place as planned in three weeks from now or I’ll want to know the reason why.’

  ‘Please do not distress yourself, sir,’ Luke said quickly. ‘I was merely concerned for your health.’

  ‘My health is neither here nor there. I did not summon the family here for you to change your mind the next day, Clarendon.’

  ‘Please do not get upset, sir,’ Roxanne said and bent to touch his cheek. ‘I shall leave you with your grandson—Luke, you should not tire him. The doctor told me it is important that your grandfather rests as much as possible.’

  ‘Of course.’ Luke inclined his head stiffly. ‘I shall speak to you later, Roxanne.’

  ‘Of course, Luke. Whenever you wish.’

  ‘You’ll come to visit me again later, girl?’

  Roxanne looked at the earl and smiled. ‘Of course. You must have a sleep when Luke leaves you, but I shall come back before dinner.’

  Roxanne was sitting in the back parlour she favoured when Luke entered later that day. He frowned to find her alone and asked why she was not in the drawing room with their g
uests.

  ‘I wanted a period of quiet reflection,’ she said and stood up. ‘I shall join your Aunt Jane and Uncle Frederick for tea. Most of the others left an hour or so ago. Your Cousin Horatio asked for you, but I was forced to say that I did not know where you were, since I was told you were not with Grandfather.’

  ‘The earl asked to be left alone. He seems weaker than before. I fear that he may not live much longer. The doctor told me that if he takes a turn for the worse it could be his last illness.’

  ‘I know he seems very tired, but the ball took a great deal of his energy. I pray that he will recover. He so longs for an heir. It would be wonderful if he could at least know that a child was on the way.’

  ‘After last night that may already be the case.’ Luke frowned, turning to gaze out of the window. ‘I should apologise for what happened, Roxanne. I did not behave, as a gentleman ought. If I could change things, I would, but unfortunately we cannot turn back the clock.’

  His words stung like the lash of a whip. If the previous night had been as wonderful for Luke as it had for her, he would not need to apologise.

  ‘I think no harm was done since we intended to marry as soon as the banns are called,’ she said. ‘It need only be a small affair. I see no reason why Grandfather should be forced to attend. He will be satisfied if all is done as it should be.’

  ‘You seem to be on excellent terms. I must bow to your superior judgement in this matter.’

  She glanced at him. His lips were white and set in a thin line.

  ‘Are you angry with me for caring about his welfare?’ Roxanne asked in a carefully flat tone. His manner was so rigid, his anger barely under control. ‘The earl requested that I call him Grandfather. If it annoys you, I can be more formal.’

  ‘Why should you? He clearly likes it and you.’ Luke frowned as he turned to look at her. ‘Forgive me. I was anxious and when I’m anxious I become angry. I had no right to interfere.’

  ‘You have every right. I have not forgotten the reason you brought me here, Luke—but I find that my affections are engaged. Grandfather has been generous to me with his own affection and I genuinely wish to make him happy. I hope he will rally again, but I know that he could take a turn for the worse.’

  ‘If he should die, you would not need to keep your bargain.’

  ‘Should I not? That would be your decision, naturally.’ Roxanne got to her feet. ‘Excuse me, I should go and take tea with your family. If you wish to disappoint everyone, you must take the necessary steps, Luke. I gave my word to the earl and I shall not break it. However, I shall not hold you to a bargain you dislike so much. Please inform me of your wishes when you are ready. Now, if you will excuse me.’

  She walked out of the room with her head high. Luke cursed himself for a fool. She had been on the verge of tears, but hiding it as best she could. He had hurt her and it was the last thing he wanted to do and yet he was hurting too, so badly that he was striking out blindly. He was so confused at this moment that he did not know what he wanted.

  Waking to find Roxanne sleeping so sweetly in his bed had thrown his senses into disorder. She was beautiful, generous and passionate—what more could any man want in a wife? He knew that he had discovered a treasure beyond price and it frightened him. How could he ever deserve such a woman?

  One day he would break her heart and she would leave him—she might be killed in an accident because he’d broken her heart. To know that he was guilty of bringing her to such misery would destroy him. If he loved her, he would lose her. Far better not to love than to love too much.

  Chapter Nine

  Roxanne saw the last of the guests leave and then went upstairs. She knocked at the earl’s door and was invited to enter by his manservant.

  ‘How is he now, Marshall?’

  ‘Not so clever, miss. I was just about to send for you to ask what you thought. He doesn’t want a fuss, but I wondered if we should have the doctor again?’

  ‘I think he would prefer just to rest. There is very little the doctor can do for his condition, you know. I’ll sit with him for a while now. He seems easier when I’m with him, I think.’

  ‘Yes, he does, Miss Roxanne. I’ve not seen him take to anyone as he has to you, miss, not for years. He’s laughed more these past few weeks than he has since his wife died. He became almost a recluse after his daughter died young. If it had not been for Master Luke he might have given up altogether. Yet he found it hard to show his feelings—just as Master Luke does. I know the earl better than most and I can tell you that his heart has been broken more than once.’

  ‘I dare say he missed both his wife and his daughter a great deal.’

  ‘Not that he let on. He just became more buttoned up, if you’ll excuse the phrase—but I think you’re right, miss. Shut himself off, he did, but he’s come back to us since you arrived. I don’t know what he’d do without you now, miss.’

  ‘Yes, I think he is happier than when I first came,’ Roxanne said and went into the bedchamber. The earl was lying with his eyes shut, but when she sat down close to his side, he opened them and looked at her.

  ‘You’ve come, then,’ he said. ‘I hoped you might when they’d all gone. Has that grandson of mine gone too?’

  ‘No, I do not think he plans to leave us just yet,’ Roxanne said. ‘He cares for you more than you might think, sir.’

  ‘He never showed it before you came. Mind you, I haven’t exactly been loving towards him. I was grieving and so was he. We lost touch and when a breach opens up it’s hard to cross it. We’re both too damned proud for our own good and that’s the truth. We can’t say sorry—and neither of us knows how to love.’

  ‘I would not say that, sir. Perhaps you find it hard to show your love. I imagine it must be difficult, particularly for two very prickly and stubborn gentlemen.’

  ‘You’ve worked us out, haven’t you?’ The earl nodded as she merely smiled. ‘I underestimated you when you first came. I wonder if Luke has too. He doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, girl. I was just the same as a young man. It took my Emily to make me realise what love should be and when she died she took my heart with her.’

  ‘Yet you do love Luke and he loves you. Do you not think you should tell him before it is too late?’

  ‘Perhaps you’re right,’ he agreed. ‘I’ve held back all my life—afraid of making a fool of myself or being hurt again, I suppose.’

  ‘It is hard for everyone to trust once they’ve been hurt. Now, would you like me to read to you for a while or would you prefer to sleep?’

  ‘I’ve all night for sleeping. Tell me about yourself, Roxanne. Tell me about Sofia—and the life you led with her and the travelling players. I knew a young woman by that name once. She was very beautiful, but she never looked at me. Who knows, had she given me encouragement everything might have been different.’

  ‘While Sofia lived I was happy with her,’ Roxanne said. ‘She was like a mother to me and she took away the dark emptiness inside me. I wish I might tell you who I am, sir, but apart from a vague feeling about India, which may be merely a game we once played, I remember nothing.’

  ‘I can tell you that you’re a lady born,’ Hartingdon said. ‘I’ve watched to see if you would let the act slip and you never have. If it were an act, Roxanne, you would make a mistake. No, you’re a lady—and you love my grandson, whether he deserves it or not.’

  ‘Yes,’ Roxanne said softly. ‘I do, but please do not tell him that for he may not wish to hear it. Sofia was a lady, too, though she did not care for society. She found the social drawing rooms shallow and too insipid. For her drama and life lived to the full was more exciting than a life of domestic cares. She led an exciting life, but in the end I think she regretted that she had not known a true and lasting love.’

  ‘And you—are you like her, Roxanne?’

  ‘No, I do not think so. I believe I should enjoy a life in the country, devoted to family and friends and the service of others. I do not
wish to be a courtesan and have princes fight over me, as she did.’

  ‘You’re like my Emily,’ he said and closed his eyes. ‘Tell me some more…about your acting and…’ His voice trailed away and she knew he was sleeping.

  Roxanne sat quietly by his side. He woke after a little while and smiled at her, then drifted off to sleep again, reassured that she was there. She held his hand for a while and gave him a drink when he asked.

  It was almost midnight when the door of his bedchamber opened and Luke entered, wearing a long silk striped robe, his feet bare.

  ‘Are you still here?’ he said softly. ‘You should go to bed now, Roxanne. I shall sit with Grandfather for a while.’

  ‘I will return in a few hours,’ Roxanne said. ‘I do not want him to be left alone, Luke. It is important that he feels loved and wanted, because then he will have the strength to go on.’

  ‘You really do care for him, don’t you?’

  Roxanne inclined her head. She wanted to tell him that the earl was not the only one she cared for, but the words remained unspoken. She’d said too much the previous night and Luke’s anger had shown that he did not wish for her love. He had offered her a business arrangement, not a loving relationship. Unless she wished to end it, she must let him think that her emotions were not truly involved. Luke had been deeply scarred; he was afraid of loving, afraid of commitment.

  ‘Yes, I have become very fond of him,’ she said. ‘I shall sleep because I must, but call me if you need me.’

  ‘Yes, of course. If he wakes and asks, I shall send for you, Roxanne. Goodnight, sleep well.’

  Roxanne made no reply as she walked from the room. Her thoughts were with the earl, but as she opened the door of her bedchamber, for a moment she was apprehensive as she recalled the events of the previous night. However, her room was just as it ought to be.

  She refrained from summoning a maid and managed to unfasten her gown without help. In bed she lay for a moment, her eyes stinging with tears she would not allow herself to shed. It was her fault for allowing herself to fall in love. Luke had never promised her love, only comfort and a home. She told herself it was enough and then at last she slept.