by Erin Hayes
“And here you are now,” he says. “Alive.”
That makes two of us.
Right. Yes. Only two of us. I wag a finger at him. “You and I are the only members of the original Halos here. Is that because the rest of them died?” I remember Sasha. Onsen. And so many more. My friends. The color drains from Nakir’s face. A very human reaction, which makes me hate him even more.
Because he’s feeling remorse for those deaths, but he’s about to risk it one more goddamned time. And this time he’s bringing Jennet into it.
She’ll die.
Suddenly, I don’t want my childhood friend to follow everyone else into death. Not if I can help it. And I know very well how I can drive that home.
“Do these new recruits know?” I ask, leaning forward. “Do they know that they gave you permission to witness their deaths?” My eyes settled on Jennet. “Do you know?”
She nods. “I do.”
And that’s all she says. It’s maddening. She must have lost her mind. Somehow even more than I’ve lost mine. Finally, I settle back in my chair and huff. “Well, you obviously don’t believe that you’ll die then.”
“I’m not naïve, but I’ve got to try,” she shoots back.
“That’s why we need you, Rahym,” Nakir says. “You used to work at the Darvaza mines. You know the Door to Hell better than anyone else alive.”
“You keep throwing the word ‘alive’ around like it’s going to make me believe that this isn’t dangerous,” I tell him. “But there’s a reason I know it better than anyone else ‘alive.’ It’s because everyone else who knew the Door to Hell is dead now.”
Well, at least he remembers your first career. Bet you don’t know his.
He was an angel, I firmly tell myself. That was his first career.
Still, it’s nice.
It’s because he needs something from me, that’s all.
I didn’t always manage a Lodge. That was, after all, Maysa’s dream. Before that, I was a poor, stupid young man trying to make some money off the natural gas riches of the Darvaza mine. And before that, as a child, I had my eyes set on one person that I wanted to impress and make a home with.
Spoiler alert, she’s sitting right in front of me. Right now.
And she disappeared without warning. But that ended up being a blessing in disguise. Because that’s when Maysa and I got close. That’s when I fell in love with my future wife and put all of my energy into a dowry so her father would give his blessing.
And I wouldn’t have traded that for all of the natural gas in all the world.
My mind has blocked a lot of those memories, of the time when I put my life at risk every day. The mine was the most dangerous job imaginable, mainly because you went into the Door to Hell to do your damn job. I personally have stepped through that threshold more times than I care to count. Braving uncontrollable fires, demonlings, and even worse.
All in the name of money and dreams.
Miners died all the time. That’s a big reason I no longer work there; they shut down the mine because of too many deaths.
Yeah. Seriously crazy stuff. And now Nakir wants me to go back there.
And this time, with no money and in the name of one crazy, insane dream of breaking the curse.
“Yeah,” I mutter in agreement.
“Pardon?” Jennet asks.
I shake my head. “Nothing. So you want me to help lead you into the Door to Hell—again—because you suddenly think it will work this time?”
Nakir leans forward. “Yes. Because at the other side of the Door is the Watchtower. And that’s where we’ll kill Abaddon.”
I blink and throw my head back and laugh. “Oh my God, you must have that memorized!” I say, clutching at my belly. “I think that’s the same bullshit you spewed to me all those years ago when we created the Halos. I think it was word for word.”
Abaddon is the Demon Lord who oversees the Door to Hell. It’s because of him that we’re cursed. And if we kill him, we can live normal lives.
Nakir spouted that nonsense to anyone who would listen.
His face doesn’t betray any expression. “The dream has remained the same.”
“Let me tell you how it will go, ‘old friend,’” I say, leaning forward. “I know you have this big beef with Abbadon. That the curse will just magically disappear as soon as Abbadon does. And we won’t have to worry about ever running out of energy again.”
Well, except to sleep.
“Honestly, if I didn’t have to worry about Hibernation, I don’t think I’d ever sleep again,” I continue. I think Nakir and Jennet are not following me, but I continue anyway. “So we know how you kill Abbadon. You still have your stabby thingy?”
Nakir doesn’t move a muscle. “The Sword of Jan? Yes.”
The Sword of Jan, the symbol of souls and vitality, bestowed to Nakir by God Himself before Nakir fell. It was meant to be a beacon of hope for mankind. In some ways, it still is, as it’s theoretically the only way to kill Abaddon.
So Nakir says.
“Good,” I say with a curt nod. “Now you just have to fly to the Watchtower to do the deed. Because,” and I point at him to emphasize my point, “you’re saying that I know the Door to Hell better than anyone. Well, let me tell you that there’s at least forty miles of uncontrollable Hell between here and the Watchtower. It’s all desert. No water. No food. Nothing more than maybe some bugs you can eat, I guess, if you get hungry enough. I can recommend a few beetles to you.”
Nakir seems prepared for this. “We have plenty of supplies for the journey.”
“Bravo,” I say sarcastically, clapping slowly. Expending energy, but I’m on a roll. “But that doesn’t say anything about the demonlings that reside there. That will kill you as soon as the Hibernation takes over. And it will take you over. There’s no getting across the desert without expending everything. And,” I say, leaning back, smacking my forehead, “I forgot the fires! They killed everyone in my mining unit! Everyone I worked with, because yes, we know they work in a pattern. But they don’t like to follow convention, oh no. Because just when you think you know how they work, the wind changes and the wildfires spread, and you die.”
“You know where the Door Stops are,” Jennet adds defensively.
I chuckle bitterly. “Yes, how could I forget about those! Have you ever seen a Door Stop, Jennet? They make them sound like a place where you can call ‘Sanctuary!’ and you can sleep to your heart’s content. Maybe even make a pot of Zelenyi Chai tea.”
Jennet’s cheeks flush, but I can’t stop myself from running my mouth.
For a guy who tries to conserve energy, you sure do ramble a lot.
“You know what they are?” I ask. “Rocky outcroppings. Basically, just parts in the desert that have a little bit of shade and block the wind. Sometimes they’re caves, and sometimes, they’re just rocks, but you don’t know until that’s your only choice. And, yes, when I worked in the mines, they were where we stopped to catch our breath. And most of those people died. And the farther into the Door you go, the more sand and death you find and the fewer Door Stops there are. Get the picture?”
“I do,” Jennet says.
But she doesn’t budge. I don’t know why she isn’t budging. Because I’ve basically just painted a sign with the word “DANGER” on it, and she’s just ignoring it.
But Nakir knows better. Hell, he should know better. Maybe he’s lost his mind as much as me these days.
“What’s the farthest you’ve ever gone into the Door?” Nakir asks.
What the hell is he thinking?
“Ten, eleven miles, I suppose. Why?” When he doesn’t answer, I press the question harder. “That took careful planning and two days to do it and live to come back home. Because this whole four-hour curse means it’s too dangerous to go any farther than that. So again—why do you ask?”
“I mentioned that we had a secret weapon,” Nakir says.
“Yeah, you did,” I say. “Your stab
by thingy doesn’t count, mainly because you had that last time.”
He rolls his eyes. “That is not what I mean.”
I bristle. “So tell me.”
“Again, her.”
I see Jennet’s cheeks are colored slightly. “What does she have to do with it?”
“She has a very special ability,” Jennet cuts in, obviously annoyed that we’re talking about her as if she’s not there.
I watch Jennet as she straightens up. “You didn’t know this about me…” she says. “When we were kids, Rahym…” Her voice trails off, embarrassed.
I stare at her. “What?”
“That I could do things. Like this.” She holds out her hand, and I see the purple glow of power in her palm, pulsating in an unnatural ethereal light.
My immediate reaction is a yelp, followed by a curse word as I scoot as far away from her as my chair allows me to.
Not far enough. Nowhere near far enough.
“Y—y—you can do magic?” I ask in both awe and terror. “Th—th—then that makes you—”
“A witch?” she says with a nod. “That was why I suddenly disappeared after my father died. I went to go train with my kind.” She gestures with her thumb to a trio behind her. They look nothing like the witches from my imagination.
“And now you’re back,” I say. “Why? What brought you back?”
“Because,” Jennet says quietly, “I’m the only one who can do this.”
And before I can stop her, she reaches out to me, and her hand falls on my leg. I nearly leap out of my skin at the touch, but then a warm, calming sensation thrills through me. And the place where she is touching me suddenly feels very much alive. Like, refreshed and ready to take the world on. It’s as if the energy I’ve been conserving within myself is replenished.
And…
She takes her hand off and inhales, her breath shuddering slightly. “I’ve just extended your energy by about thirty minutes,” she says. Meanwhile, though, her voice is strained.
Nakir’s expression is soft as he watches her.
Concern?
Nah, the only person Nakir ever feels concern for is himself.
“It takes away the same amount of energy from me, though,” Jennet adds quietly. She sighs and sits back in her chair, the headrest and armrests supporting her.
Nakir takes over the conversation then. “So you see how she’s our secret weapon.”
I shake my head. “No. No, I really don’t.”
“No?” The angel leans forward. “She can help us prolong our energy. We’re no longer limited by what the curse gives us. We now have more time.”
“It looks like it limits her,” I say, nodding in Jennet’s direction. She doesn’t answer, doesn’t move. And that affirms my thoughts more than anything else. “You can’t expect to make it all the way to the Watchtower simply because Jennet can make you feel powerful for eight hours a day.”
“No,” Nakir says. “But that’s why we have three other witches with us. No other one can do Jennet’s trick, but they each have their own special power that can help us. Plus, there are four other humans like yourself who can make a difference.”
“So you’ve got your whole team of Halos again,” I say.
Nakir nods. “We just need our guide. You.”
“You can’t think that this will actually work.”
“I’m an angel of God, Rahym. I’ve been to Heaven. I love Earth and all you crazy humans. I know that what we’re going through is worse than Hell right now. And I will do everything within my power to fix it.”
“Well, good luck,” I tell him. “You’ve been wrong about everything you said.”
He leans back, eyebrows raising. “How do you mean?”
“You said that if I heard you out, it would change my mind and I would join you on this crazy adventure.” I smile sadly and shake my head. “I’m sorry, but that ain’t happening.”
Nakir’s expression changes from disbelief to outright disappointment. He crosses his arms. “So that’s how it’s going to be?”
I get up from my seat. “Yes. That’s how it’s going to be. I’ll give you and your group another night here because I can tell you’ve spent way too much energy trying to persuade me. Especially her.” I wave distractedly at Jennet. She glowers at me.
“Where are you going now?” Nakir asks as I pass him.
“I’m going to complete number nineteen on my to-do list,” I say, bristling. “I need to purge everything from my life that reminds me too much of the past.” Including him.
“What was it all for, then?” he yells as I stride out the Door. “You tried it once!”
I look back at him, feeling something akin to fury rise in me.
He has no idea what it’s like being a human, does he?
He may not have his wings right now. He may even look slightly more human without them. But he definitely doesn’t understand.
So I tell him. “That was when I had something to die for. And that something died before me.”
Nakir’s face softens. “I’ve spent the last three years regretting that day. I’m sorry.”
“Nowhere near as much as I am.”
Chapter 5
Another whack to make a noticeable difference.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
So I swing the hatchet once more, and while bits of charred bark and charcoal break off in brittle slivers, I can’t tell that I’m doing much to the charred tree. It’s been about a half-hour since I stepped outside, and the sun is beating down on me as I try to take down this forsaken tree.
Nothing. Big surprise there.
“Shut up,” I mutter.
Really, what are you doing with your time? You tried and you’re going to kill yourself trying to remove this tree.
“No, I won’t.”
Yes, you will.
“I said shut up!” I yell, slamming the hatchet into the trunk of the tree. It wedges itself in there with a hollow thud, and I feel the tears prick my eyes.
Goddammit, I’m a grown man crying. Over a goddamn tree.
“Who are you talking to?” a voice rings out.
I turn at the sound, immediately recognizing it, although I don’t want to talk to her. It’s easy to be mad at Nakir, because he should know better. But it’s Jennet who’s talking to me right now. And I know that she is following the angel to her death.
“No one,” I tell her. “I’m not talking to anyone.”
Jennet watches me for a few moments more as I try to ignore her again. Unfortunately, that seems impossible, because she’s there in the back of my mind. I can’t stop thinking about what Nakir said. I can’t stop thinking about what she is.
“Is that the tree?” she asks softly.
It’s a question that makes me grunt as I try to remove the hatchet, unsure what to do next. The fight has left me, and I grip the handle tightly. It doesn’t budge, and I close my eyes and sigh.
“Yes.”
This is Maysa’s tree. The one that she planted when we were just children. All three of us. We grew up in Derweze, before Maysa’s father took over the Lodge from his father. So Maysa moved away, leaving Jennet and me together to grow up in a lonely harsh world. We’d visit her when our families would deliver supplies.
But things always seemed strained after that.
And she planted this giant fig tree that grew in a place where nothing else would.
“See this, Rahym? This is a sign of hope. That despite everything, there is still hope for us to grow here.”
That was her voice in my head. Not my own voice. I could never confuse her voice with mine.
She was proud of the tree. Hell, I was proud of her for being proud of it.
And now it’s burned to a crisp. Something else I couldn’t protect.
“She always was a kind soul,” Jennet says quietly.
I don’t answer her, but the muscles in my jaw keep clenching and unclenching. I’ve been fighting off the despair for s
o long, and now Jennet is inviting it back into our lives.
You have a fallen angel in your Lodge, but she is being the Devil.
Oh, my brain is so clever when it wants to be. I huff angrily and put my hands on my hips. Jennet has a small, sad smile on her face as she looks the tree up and down. Her mouth is slightly parted as she does so, taking her time as she looks at it. Finally, those blue, blue eyes focus back on me. And they’re sad.
So sad.
“What happened to it?” she asks.
My throat tightens. “Wildfire. Nearly burned the Lodge down. And it…” My chest constricts against the words, because it seems like every time I say it out loud, it just drives that nail further into my soul.
No wonder I talk to myself so much.
You’re so aware of that, too.
“…did that fire kill Maysa?” Jennet asks, her voice tiny.
“And Beste,” I add. “Our daughter.”
There is no answer. Jennet knows without asking what Beste meant to me, even though I try to bury her as far as possible.
“I’m so sorry,” she finally whispers.
I nod vigorously. Too vigorously, but at least it gives my head something to do. “Yeah,” I say. “And that’s exactly why I don’t want you doing this with Nakir. He’s going to get you killed.”
“Most likely.”
I stare at her, open-mouthed. “And that doesn’t bother you?”
She shrugs. “I’m a witch, Rahym. I’ve always been shunned by humans and…other beings alike. I know it’s a long shot for me to actually help on this crazy thing.” She laughs and places a strand of hair behind her ear. “But if there’s even one slim chance, then I’m going to do it.”
“Why?”
“Because we all deserve a chance to be happy.”
“I can’t,” I tell her helplessly. “I can’t do that.”
She nods. “Nakir thought that talking with you would change your mind.” She smirks. “I knew better. I didn’t expect you to come with us.”
I blink.
Well, she sure has you pegged.
It feels like my soul is bared for the entire world to see. “So why did you come here, then?”
Jennet considers her answer. “Well, to tell you the truth, I really just wanted to see you. It’s been a long time, Rahym.”
