I threw the adjoining door open, going rigid as the explosion cannoned through the room. I barely remembered spinning back to face her. The barrel was pointed at the wooden floor and her eyes were wider than I ever saw them. She was horror-struck and frozen at the gun going off … but it didn’t last. Quickly, her long lashes fluttered in confusion while she looked down at the unaffected floor. Deep breaths were leaving her and fear drained the color from her face as her stare returned me.
“Blanks? You tricked me? Of course you did,” she yelled. “I shouldn’t be surprised, but this goes to an all new low for you.”
“I had to know.”
“Know what? Whether I’d pull the trigger? Well, I did, but not on purpose.”
“Doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have. You were going to do it, weren’t you?”
The gun slid across the floor toward my feet. “Put a real bullet in there and let’s find out. I can’t believe you’d be so cruel. Do you have no heart? Do you know what that would have done to me to be denied death once again if that was my choice? Do you even care?!”
The growl barely left her mouth before she was racing toward me. I didn’t bother to deflect the blows she began swinging against my chest. Not at first. My heart ached for her. I just wanted to make things better, but the closer I felt pulled to my slave, the harder it was becoming to decipher what was right and what was wrong.
Chapter 19
Lydia
“Shh. It’s okay. Get it out.”
Jaime pulled me closer, stroking my hair back as I tried to beat against the outsides of his chest. I couldn’t stop. The tears were coming harder with each swing of my fists and I felt betrayed and hurt by his certainty. All I had truly wanted to do was think over this huge decision, alone. To clear my head and try to decide if I should break down and face taking medication. Would I have gone as far as putting the gun to my head? I didn’t think so given that something was shifting inside of me. Something I didn’t even want to admit to myself because I’ve hoped before … Each day I was having even more reasons to live, but he didn’t know that, and I couldn’t blame him for thinking the worst when I was the one leading him to believe I was a whisper away from killing myself. But if I pulled back now, I couldn’t completely switch again when the need came back. And I knew it would. That’s what I was waiting for. Death would return for me, it was only a matter of time. So what did I do about it?
“I just want everything to stop.”
“I know you do.”
“No, you don’t! You have no idea what’s inside of my mind. How damned I feel, as if I don’t have a choice concerning my life.”
The kiss on the top of my head only made me cry harder. He was holding me so tightly. So securely. I could almost believe there was hope for me. That Jaime’s firm grasp could somehow hold my pieces together long enough for me to begin to heal.
“Is that what it is? You feel you don’t have a choice? You do.”
“That’s not true. If I did, do you think I’d want this? How many times do I have to say it? You don’t understand.”
“Then tell me.”
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can. Let’s go over everything you feel again. We have nothing but time.”
“And you want to waste it conversing about what a disaster I am? We’ve already had this conversation. My subconscious is the epitome of opposites. I’m good, I’m bad. I’m happy, I’m sad. I think I’m fixed, and then I’m more fucking broken than ever.”
My Master led me to the bed and I wanted to continue to fight but I was past the point. I just wanted to be alone and try to work through what just happened. As he spun me to the bed to sit while he kneeled before me, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“Just start talking. We’ll cover everything, again. And again. However many times it takes.”
“As many times as it takes for what?”
I knew what he meant. As many times it took until I was better. Until I chose anything but suicide. He wasn’t going to give up on me, ever. The man wouldn’t have risked his life to begin with for a few weeks to make a decision he didn’t agree with. There was no out concerning suicide, and I incredibly didn’t think it was my only option anymore. It was facing what I had to do that scared me the most. That I was even considering it told me how far I’d come.
Jaime’s mouth opened, but he stayed silent as my fingers pressed against his lips. The tears were coming again, blinding me as I pleaded to him with my eyes.
“Don’t answer that. I can’t keep doing this—keep saying I don’t have a choice when we both know I do. To long for death when you don’t want to die. I hear that, you know. Those words constantly repeat in my head. I don’t want to leave here,” I whispered. “Not really. I just want peace. I want happiness without it being stolen from me the moment I let my guard down. This pain. The internal suffocation of agony I feel. My mind tells me there’s no way to stop it. Be truthful with me. Can you make it go away? Can you help me? Like … really help me? Not just say you can.”
Jaime pulled me into him, hugging around me as he rested his head against my chest.
“Yes. I will do everything in my power to fix you, but you have to let me. You have to follow my lead. If you can do that.” He paused, reaching up to cup my face. “If you can do that, I will take your pain away. I can make sure you’re happy. Trust me, no matter what. That’s all I ask.”
“I’m scared.”
“Not as scared as I am. Lydia …” His eyebrows drew in and once again I glimpsed the pain he harbored. It pulled at the emotions swirling within, drawing me in closer until I was pressing my lips gently into his. The hunger that met me was all it took to wrap my arms around his neck and follow in his lead by holding on. He wanted my submission in so many ways and there was a relief there. A peace, like I yearned for. But that alone made the fear worse. If trusting Jaime backfired, or he couldn’t make this stop, what then? My feelings were growing for him faster than I could get a handle on. Could I take heartbreak on top of everything else?
“I’m going to make you better. I promise.” Jaime’s mouth crushed into mine and everything faded but the way his tongue was massaging into mine. He tasted so good, and the way he was holding to me, I could almost believe him. I wanted to more than anything.
Weight pushed my back into the mattress and I immediately wrapped my legs around Jaime’s hips while I drew him deeper into our kiss.
“You’re serious about this? You want to get better? This isn’t a scheme to fool me or escape?”
My head shook as I stared up into his brown depths. “I want to live, I just can’t fathom how it’s possible. This weight inside of me, it’s been there so long.”
“That can be taken care of. If that’s gone, you’ll want to live?”
“Yes.”
My whisper was cut off by Jaime’s lips pressing back into mine. His urgency was my own. Perhaps we were desperate at the idea of what we both wanted—me, fixed.
I dropped one of my arms from his neck, pulling at his shirt as I tried to bring him closer. My Master didn’t fight me or pull back like I feared. He ripped at his clothes, throwing the shirt behind him and pressing harder into me while his fingers dug into my hip. The thick length of his cock pushed against my pussy and I broke from his mouth, gasping in need.
“Don’t stop, Master.”
Jaime lifted enough to gaze down at me. What passed between us left me shaking. I’d always been sensitive to emotions and this was no different. The intensity was extreme. To me Jaime was every bit the Master, the leader, the savior, he portrayed.
“I don’t think I could stop if I wanted to. And I should. Fuck, I know I should, but I want you so much. Do you know how long I’ve waited for this? Weeks before you ever saw me on that cliff. When I was in the hospital, when I was recovering and searching for you, all I could think about was never seeing you again. Of being too late to help you. I thought you were dead. Do you know what that did to
me?” His head shook through the pained expression he held. “But you’re not, and I can help you. I won’t give up until your better. You understand that, don’t you? I’m not going to stop.”
“What if—”
Jaime gave a hard shake, cutting me off.
“There are no what-if’s. None. You will get better because I will do everything I can to make it so. You’ve had such a hard life. You’ve never had anyone be there for you like I’m going to be. I’m dedicating myself to you, Lydia, and if you knew exactly what that meant, you wouldn’t have any room for doubt. Think of the darkness that tears you down and replace that weight with me. What it does to you will be nothing compared to what I do to it. I’m going to make you better, and in the process we may have to take alternative steps to fight the chemical imbalance, but that’s where it ends. Between me and the medication, you’re going to be a completely different person. The one you always dreamed about. You’re going to be mine.”
“Yours?”
Jaime’s head lowered back to my chest and I hated not being able to read him. His head shook while he cursed under his breath. “I’ll help you every way I can. I’m honorable. You have my word.”
A smile edged onto my lips and I couldn’t stop it. Despite his unorthodox methods of the previous days, and the times I was angry with him, I knew he was speaking the truth. “I’ve always known that. Not anyone would take a dive off of a cliff for a stranger. You’ve always put me first. Don’t think I’ve overlooked that.”
His head lifted and I let my teeth graze over his thumb that kept sliding over my lip. The action had Jaime’s lids closing. The deep inhale brought me up higher and I took more of him into my mouth, sucking against the digit as I let my tongue caress over the tip.
“God, what you do to me. You have no idea. I can’t think straight when I’m around you. Obviously,” he breathed out, opening his eyes. “Everything I’ve learned screams I’m doing this wrong, but I can’t deny what I want—you.”
Jaime removed his thumb, coming up to kiss me again. The grip he placed on the side of my neck was a claiming like nothing I had ever felt. It put my mind at ease and all thoughts vanished until I was locking my legs back around his hips and urging him on.
Slowly, the shift on my thigh eased up, raising toward my hip with his advance. The caress was soft, causing me to moan for more contact. I couldn’t stop myself from arching and trying to rock against him.
“This time you’re going to come. I want to taste you, slave. I want you crying for more.”
Jaime lifted and before I could do more than make desperate sounds, the shift was pushed up to my stomach. His stare shot to mine and I froze as he began to lower.
“Don’t take your eyes off of me. Not for one second.”
“Alright.”
My legs were widened and Jaime pushed them higher as he leveled his mouth even with my pussy. For seconds he didn’t move—only gave me that look. I was so wet, waiting. So in need of what I’d longed for.
“Say it right.”
“Alright … Master.”
“Don’t forget again. You know better.”
My body melted as his tongue flattened over my entrance. I gripped to the comforter, trying my best not to let my head drop and my back arch like I wanted. With the way Jaime was beginning to circle around and tease my clit, it made it hard to practice control. Even my rocking was stopped. Fingers gripped to one side of my hip, tightening with every movement I tried to make. For minutes he took his time, building me up. My lids grew heavy as I watched his every move.
“Please … just ...” I bit my lip, trying to move down instead of arch. One of his eyebrows rose, but the order was clear with his steady hold. And it only increased as he lowered and rounded back up again. The leisurely figure eight motion was going to be my undoing. He was dipping down to push into my opening, only to rise and brush against the sensitive nerves. The act was so slow and drawn out that heat was starting to pour from my skin. My clit drew up, pulsing while he licked and sucked against my folds just shy of that location. “Can I? I’d like to—” I spread my legs impossibly wider as he neared my opening and pushed his tongue inside. Pleasure exploded, leaving just as fast as it appeared. “Master?”
My head felt so weighted down as I held it up, watching him move closer to the top of my slit.
“You want me here?” His tongue flicked over my clit impossibly fast and I cried out, nodding eagerly.
“Yes. Please. Please, I’m begging you.”
When his head rose and he began to lift, my mind stalled out. I was flipped over to my stomach so fast that a yelp broke free.
Whack! Whack! Whack!
“Master! I’m sorry!”
“Are you so caught up in how good it feels that you can’t remember the simplest of all rules?”
Jaime gripped my hips, pulling me to my knees. I kept the side of my face against the comforter, instinct telling me not to rise. If he wanted me on all-fours, he would have put me that way.
“It does feel good. I didn’t mean to forget.”
“You won’t forget again.”
Metal clinked behind me and I could see my Master in my peripheral. I knew he was taking off his belt. I moaned, staying still as he began removing his pants. I lay there, getting wetter, fantasizing about feeling the leather against my skin.
“What’s that look, slave?” The bed dipped and he settled in behind me. My eyes couldn’t help but close as Jaime’s finger slid into my pussy and stayed there. “You want my belt, don’t you?” Whack! “You want that sting against your ass.”
“God, I do.”
Whack! “How bad?”
I clenched around my Master’s finger, moving him deeper inside of me as I lifted my head and met his stare. “I need it.”
“Then it’s yours. Head down.”
Chapter 20
Jaime
Wetness met another one of my fingers as I eased the second inside of Lydia’s pussy. She was so tight and hot that it left my cock throbbing. I knew I had to take my time and make it good, but fuck if I didn’t want to ravage her. After all these months, I was half surprised I hadn’t yet. The basement had been a close call. Too damn close, if I wanted to be honest, but so far I had kept decent control. If she kept rocking like she was starting to, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold off.
Whack!
“Be still. If I wanted to fuck you faster with my fingers, I would. You’re going to get used to edging. Just because you want to come right now, doesn’t mean you’re allowed to.”
“But it feels so good. Can’t … can’t we do the edging the second time?”
My lips pressed together in hopes that I wouldn’t smile in amusement. I loved how much she wanted this. Wanted me. Even in the basement she couldn’t get enough.
“No. You only come when I allow you to.”
I withdrew my fingers to the tip and plunged in deeper. Lydia’s body rocked with the motion, but she didn’t continue to move. It was only when I thrust forward that she began to give a little resistance. She wanted me deeper. To fuck her faster. But I didn’t increase the pace or depth. I stopped just past halfway and withdrew again.
“Do you remember the last time you had an orgasm?”
I paused, brushing over her clit, repeatedly, with my thumb. Lydia’s breaths quickened, but she remained still.
“My room, a few days before I came here. It was …”
She stiffened and I couldn’t help but lean more to the side so I could see her face. “It was what?”
“It was after I saw you leaving the restaurant down the street from your apartment. You were wearing a black suit with a dark blue tie. You were wearing sunglass. They looked good on you. You’re always dress so nicely. So … perfect. I wanted the tie. I wanted it—”
Lydia grew quiet while she stared off toward the dresser. She was deep in thought. Whatever was on her mind, she didn’t feel comfortable saying it.
“Continue. Y
ou wanted it …”
Her head shook. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Embarrassing? You’re not allowed to hide anything from me. You know that. Tell me.” I eased my fingers out of her pussy, rubbing over her slit in circles. It didn’t take long before she was moaning and clawing at the comforter.
“I was wearing the tie, but you were tightening it.”
“I was choking you with it.”
“Yes. God, please. You’re going to make me—”
I dipped both fingers back into of her pussy, basking in the way she gripped around me as I held still. She was so close. So fucking wet that I was dying to slam my cock into her. I wanted to take her hard and fast. She’d scream so sweetly.
“I have a feeling you and I have a lot more in common than you think.” I reached forward, fisting Lydia’s hair and making her rise to her hands and knees. Slowly, I pulled back, arching her while I buried my fingers as far as they would go. The wet sounds from my thrusts drew me closer until my hard cock pressed into the side of her ass. “This is only the beginning and I’m already discovering kinks straight out of my dreams. If the next few days are anything like this, heaven help me. Or us, because baby, you might not be able to move by the time that I get through with you.”
“Do it. I don’t want this to stop,” she begged.
I let go of her hair, spanking her ass so hard she cried out. The immediate contact over the top of her slit sent my slave forward and then back again while she tried not to rotate her hips to my fast thrusts. It was a battle she wouldn’t win. Lydia was already close to coming. I knew she wouldn’t be able to take more, and I wasn’t sure if I could either. Pre-cum was dripping from my cock and all I could think about was my need to be inside of her. To have her spasming around me.
“Do not move.” I reached for the belt and grabbed my tie from the floor. In a slow path I eased the length down her back while she let out shaky breaths. The gray and blue silk left her eyes glowing as I turned her head to face me and slid the looped end around her neck. At my slow tightening, she didn’t break her gaze from mine. “Fucking beautiful.”
Insufferable: A Dark Erotic Romance Page 13
