“I thought you said she was sick. Is she going to be able to help?”
I swallowed passed the tightening in my throat. “She’ll be better now. She has spells like that. They’re a side effect of her medication.” I frowned, not able to shake the ball of anxiety within me. She was supposed to be doing better—free of cancer. “And if she’s not up for it, I’ll do them. I don’t mind. Sometimes she just needs to rest.”
“Do you want me to come?”
I forced a grin as we headed toward the far end of campus where the parking lot was. “It’ll be okay. Maybe next time. I’ll let Ms Jo know you’re interested. I’m sure she’d love to have you over to help.”
Brooklyn threw her arm around my neck, pulling me close before stepping back. “I look forward to it. See you on Monday. Or before, if you need me. All you have to do is call.”
I nodded, waving back as she headed in the direction we had come. Thoughts bombarded me as I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot. And they didn’t stop as the miles passed. Ms Jo had been the one person I let myself trust completely. She knew everything about me. And I loved her. Was she going to be back to normal when I arrived? She hadn’t looked well when I left last Sunday night. Or even sounded well when I called yesterday afternoon.
Time seemed to drag on forever as I pushed the thoughts away and focused on my test. She was fine. She always bounced back. This time would be no different.
When the town finally came into view, I couldn’t have been more relieved. I turned onto her street, trying not to let the negativity make me think things I shouldn’t. Two blocks passed before I pulled into her driveway. I grabbed my purse and shut off the car, throwing my keys in. The quick knock I gave on the door was routine, but I didn’t wait for her to answer.
“Hello? Ms Jo?”
I turned, shutting the door behind me.
“Ms Jo?”
The brightly lit house was as it always was. The curtains were never closed and it even smelled of freshly baked cookies. I headed toward the kitchen, peeking in the living room as I passed. It was empty, showing no signs of anything out of place or different.
Clanking from the kitchen left me smiling and I felt the tension ease in my shoulders as I rounded the hall and entered. I immediately jerked to a stop. There were dirty pans and bowls everywhere and Jaime had flour covering his face as he studied the recipe book in front of him. The white button up shirt he wore was opened at the top and wrinkled from what looked liked hours of stressful cooking.
“Jaime?”
I scanned the space, turning to glance back at the hallway I entered from. My pulse was beginning to race and I couldn’t shake the weird weight pulling me down. He didn’t look good. His brow was creased while he shook his head at the book he was still staring at.
“Jaime?”
“I’ve made six batches of macaroons. Six. Two I messed up concerning the egg whites. One I overcooked. The rest, they just don’t taste like the ones she made. I think I’m doing something wrong. She must have left out an ingredient or …” He picked up a cookie, smelling it before he put it back on the plate. “Something’s missing.”
I let my dangling purse drop to the ground as I inched forward. “Where’s Ms Jo?” Silence. “Where’s your mother?”
Bloodshot eyes rose to mine, the expression rooting my feet into place. The grief, the pain he carried… It took everything I had not to break down at the heartbreak that was beginning to cripple me.
“I flew in a few days ago. Sevastian said you called and were worried. She lied to me.”
Glass exploded and I jumped as he threw the plate of cookies across the kitchen.
“All that time. Not complete remission, partial. It came back worse and she did nothing to stop it. I knew sometimes she didn’t sound right, but she kept saying she was better. That she was fine. I should have come back. I should have called her doctor myself to make sure. I can’t believe she kept this from me.”
Both of his hands pressed against the countertop as he hung his head. Slowly, I neared, trying to keep my composure. I was devastated at the loss, so empty and hurt, but I wouldn’t fall apart now. I couldn’t. Jaime needed me.
“When?”
My voice cracked causing him to look back up. “Late last night. I left her room at midnight. When I went to check on her at four she was gone. I had no idea how bad she was. Even here, seeing her, I didn’t think it would be so soon. We were talking. She just appeared tired. I should have called you. I’m sorry. I—” His head shook while his fingers pressed harder into the counter.
“Don’t. I’m the one that’s sorry. I should have known. One minute she’d be fine, and the next, tired. It’s been like that since I’ve known her. I just wasn’t sure. I should have informed Sevastian earlier.”
Jaime stalked around the counter, pulling me toward him and crushing me in his arms. I reveled in the closeness even as grief consumed me. “Don’t you for one second blame yourself. You didn’t know any more than I did. She didn’t want us to. That’s just how my mother was. She would have never wanted us to worry for her.” He hesitated, clearing his throat. “God, the both of you are so similar. She loved you, Lydia. She told me that last night.”
Tears slipped free and I quickly wiped them away. “I loved her, too. I’m so sorry for your loss, Jaime.”
My words only had him holding to me tighter. The strength of his arms, the safety I felt in them, came rushing back with such comfort that I melted into his hard body as if we hadn’t been parted at all. The familiarity was exactly the same. From the scent of his cologne, to his shaving cream, I knew him. Being in Ms Jo’s house, it was more than being at home. It was a moment I didn’t want to give up.
“God, I’ve missed you. I promised mother I would tell you that, too. That I would tell you the truth.”
He trailed off, going silent while he clutched to me. He held on as if I’d disappear and it was the reason I kept still and silent against him. One wrong move and I was afraid his hold would break, or worse, I would. Minutes passed and the gentle stroking down my hair slowed, but didn’t stop. The calming all but disappeared as he spoke.
“Are you okay, slave?”
“Slave?” The pull against my very soul had me looking up at him like a deer in the headlights. It was as if the real me had awoken from a deep sleep, summoned by its owner—the Master she knew.
“I’m okay. Please don’t worry about me. What can I do for you, Master?”
“Forgive me. Forgive me and try to understand why I’ve hurt you. You have to know it wasn’t done because I’m some sick sadist enjoying your pain. I don’t enjoy that kind, concerning you. It killed me staying away. I’ve wanted nothing but to be together since I had you at the mansion. But I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because it wasn’t what was best for you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I needed you to find yourself without me, before …” His cheek lowered to rest on the top of my head and the silence was so thick that I knew there was no way my sniffling was going to go unheard. The truth was too much. Too close to what I suspected and prayed for, that it hurt even more.
Ms Jo had been right.
“Before what? Before there was a future for us?”
“I can only hope you’ll give me a chance. I know I messed up by leading you on and then pulling away. You have no idea what hell I’ve gone through having to distance myself. I should have listened to my mother and Sevastian and came home weeks ago.”
“Weeks?” Anger sparked, making me pull back my head to stare up. “Sevastian said you could come weeks ago to end this and you didn’t?”
“It was still early on the timeline. I had to make sure, Lydia. You were considering switching paths. I didn’t want to alter your decision in any way.”
I broke free, trying to keep my temper at bay as I glared. “I’m not a puppet, Jaime. I know how to choose what I want to do in life now without other people’s opinions influencing me. I’m not some
little girl you have to cater to, dammit. I said I loved you, but that does not make me weak or incapable of making major life decisions. When are you going to see that I’m stronger than that?”
“I do see. I thought by giving you more time, it would make it easier on you to decide. Never once did I think about the influencing part. If you chose this path, it was because you wanted to. Because you found a calling. I was only trying to do the right thing.”
I wiped the fresh tears from my eyes, stepping back even more. “I won’t do this right now. Ms Jo wouldn’t have wanted us to fight. She wanted nothing but good things for you and I. You were making cookies. Let’s start there.”
Chapter 38
Jaime
“It’s probably the almond paste.”
“What?” I glanced up at Lydia from the floor where I was picking up the broken glass. She was organizing something on the counter, barely looking over at me. It made the emotions I kept trying to bury, stir even more.
“Your macaroons. That’s probably what was wrong with them. The book is a generic description of the recipe. Ms Jo.” She paused, looking over. “Your mom didn’t write down her secrets. She had everything memorized. She made me memorize it, too.”
“Oh.” I stood, grabbing the broom and cleaning up the mess. For the life of me, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Lydia. She was upset and trying so hard to keep it together. We both were. All I wanted was to hold her while we mourned, but I knew I’d be pushing it if I tried to touch her again. “Will you teach me?”
Lydia stole a glance at me, but went back to preparing the batter. “How to make macaroons, or all of it?”
“All.” I headed to the sink, washing my hands. When I stepped up to Lydia’s side, the need to grab hers was almost unbearable. She was stirring the batter at a tremendous speed. It took all I had not to force her back in my arms so she could fight and call me every name in the book.
“Slave?”
“Hmm? Oh, yes. If you want to learn, I’ll teach you. Or I can write it down, whatever you prefer.”
“Jaime?” Sevastian’s voice had me pausing. Prefer. I would prefer a lot of things over the way this all turned out.
“Fred called us this morning. I’m so sorry.” Diane broke from Sevastian’s arm and I didn’t wait for her to come to me. I went right from hugging her, to embracing my best friend. It all seemed so surreal. Never in my life had I gotten close to falling to pieces, but seeing Diane’s rounding stomach, and Sevastian in a new light as a soon-to-be father, here in my mother’s kitchen with Lydia making my mom’s famous cookies… I almost couldn’t control the rollercoaster I began spiraling down.
“We’re here for you, Jaime. You know that. Whatever you need.”
I nodded at Sevastian, keeping my composure. It was Lydia’s fingers sliding over my palm that grounded me.
“Thank you. Lydia and I were just going to make these cookies and deliver them. Mother would have wanted that.”
“Is there anything we can do to help?”
Diane wasn’t staring at me, but at my slave. When they headed back to the counter, I shook my head at Sevastian.
“I should have known. I should have followed my intuition instead of taking my mother’s word for it. I knew she wasn’t as well as she let on. I can’t fathom why I didn’t call her doctor myself.”
“You’ve had your hands full. Nothing you can do about it now, brother. Don’t let that eat at you. She wanted to live without having you worry over her. Respect that. It was her wish.”
“Yeah, I suppose. Still hurts like hell.”
“I know, and I wish I could make your pain go away, but I think only one person’s going to be able to help you grieve the way you need to. She needs you for that too, you know?”
My stare went to Lydia as she lined the baking sheet and talked Diane through ingredients. The occasional tear was coming and no matter how strong she tried to be, there was no stopping the storm that was building inside of her. Soon it would come, and I’d be there this time to help her through it. We could grieve together.
“She hasn’t forgiven me, yet. Meeting me like this, though, wasn’t the best circumstance for rekindling anything. Lydia …” I took a deep breath, fighting the closing sensation in my throat. “Lydia loved my mother. This is exactly what she needs right now, but I have a feeling afterward she’s going to crash. Her meds are working good, right? No cutting?”
“Not that I’m aware of. If she has, she hasn’t mentioned it to her therapist.”
“I don’t think she would tell anyone, even if she did.”
“Regardless, she has you now. This is your beginning with the woman you love, Jaime. It’s a rough, sad beginning, but I know the both of you. The mourning will bring you closer and make you stronger as a couple. She loves you. Anyone can see that by the way Lydia looks at you. She’s hurting right now, just as you are, and she needs you.”
Lydia glanced over and the aching only grew. This may have been our beginning, but fuck, it wasn’t how I saw things happening. I thought with my mother doing better, with the two of them growing close, we could share this bond. We could all three be a family. It was what my mother and Lydia both wanted.
My frown grew as I stepped closer. Before I knew it I was leaning against the counter. Minutes went by while I silently watched the women work on the different bowls of batter. When Lydia turned to me, holding out her hand, I almost couldn’t wrap my head around what she was doing. I knew my mind was reacting from the shock of my mother’s death, but it was such an unfamiliar feeling that all I was experiencing was confusion.
“Try this. Tell me if it’s close.”
I took the macaroon, raising my eyebrows in shock as the taste took over my palette. There was no response from me, no word as simple as yes to say. Just a relief that I wasn’t aware I needed. What I was eating could have been made by my mother. They were identical in flavor and texture. For seconds I just stared at her. It wasn’t until I blinked through the fog that I finally stood. Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned over the counter grabbing the back of Lydia’s neck and bringing her closer. Still no thoughts, only actions. The brush of our lips was barely existent. The initial stiffness almost made me pull back, but I couldn’t go far. I broke our connection, leaning my forehead against hers and closing my eyes. “Thank you.”
Somewhere in the background Diane’s voice registered, but I didn’t move from Lydia. My eyes closed and I let the darkness and my slave’s closeness be what I focused on.
“I think all that’s left is putting the cookies in the oven. We’ll give you both some time. Call us if you need anything. We’ll be at the mansion.”
Pressure squeezed against my shoulder for only a moment before footsteps faded into the background. At Lydia’s fingers gripping my forearm, I pulled back meeting her eyes.
“I’m sorry. The last thing you probably want right now is me touching you.” I went to put distance between us when the grip tightened.
“Don’t you dare pull away from me. If you don’t kiss me again, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for what you’ve done.”
I was leading Lydia down the length of the counter before she could even finish. The moment there was nothing separating us, I pulled her into my body, grabbing her ass to bring us closer. My tongue pushed passed her lips and I moaned at the sweetness that engulfed me. The impact of emotions that were spinning inside, hit me like a cannon. The force took my breath away, but I didn’t stop kissing her. The longing, the love, that existed within was too much to deny. Death had brought me to Lydia and in a complete circle it was drawing us together again, just in a completely different way. Life was precious and no matter what it took, I’d spend the rest of mine making sure she knew just how much she meant to me.
“Say you forgive me.” I kissed her again, pinning her back against the refrigerator as I thrust deeper into her mouth. The tight grip around my neck only grew from her arms and her lips pressed brutally into mine before
she broke away. The anger that followed as she jerked her head back left me searching her eyes.
“You’re not getting off that easy. Not even close. Try again and kiss me better than that.”
The command in her tone tore out the Master in me and I pressed into her even more, ravaging her mouth and biting her bottom lip as my fingers dug into her upper thigh.
“More. Don’t you dare hold back with me, Jaime.”
My growl echoed through the kitchen and my hand latched to her neck, holding firmly while I gave everything I had over to the kiss. Her pants led me on and I couldn’t stop the words that began tumbling out.
“Forgive me. Let me love you like I’ve always wanted to. Like I was meant to.” Steady, I held to her throat, moving my other hand up to wrap in her hair. The yank had her gasping. “Be my slave. Not for right now. Not while we try to work things out. Until death. Until we are no more. I can’t be without you for another minute. Say you’ll forgive me and then give yourself to me.”
At the hesitant look, I spun her around to the table, trapping the front of her hips against the thick wood. My arms wrapped around her chest and I forced my weight against her until she was trapped between me and the tabletop. When my nose trailed down the length of her cheek, she sniffled through the tears that began to fall. “I’m not ever letting you go. Ever. Be with me, slave. Make me yours. All you have to do is say the one word I want to hear. Tell me who I am to you and we’ll never be apart again.”
“You’re upset. You don’t mean this.”
I clenched my arms tighter, moving my lips to her ear. “I’ve never meant anything more. I love you, and that will never end. You and I were meant for one another. You know it, I know it. The only regret I have is not doing this weeks ago. Now say it. Mark our beginning with the one word that seals our future. The one that makes you mine forever.”
Lydia’s eyes closed and her face turned more into mine. “Master.”
Epilogue
Insufferable: A Dark Erotic Romance Page 24
