by Lucy Gordon
She sensed his tension equalling her own. Also his confusion. He’d dealt with this situation earlier in the evening, but it had refused to stay dealt with. Now it was taunting him again, and he was struggling with himself, with her, but most of all with his own desire.
Good, she thought with a surge of pleasure. It would be an enjoyable battle, the herald of many. And she would always be the victor. It was time he understood that.
She leaned forward, turning her head slightly so that her cheek rested against his chest. She felt the shock go through him and the thunder of his heart, a sensation so intense that she drew back to look at his face. It was haggard, tormented, the face of a man driven by demons, far beyond his own control.
She understood that feeling. It possessed her too, giving her a powerful urge to drive the demons on, cry out to them exultantly to do their worst, because their worst was what she desperately wanted.
His caresses intensified, the fingers slipping behind her head to draw her to him so that his mouth could touch hers softly, tentatively, then urgently. Her warm breath against his face drove him on to put his arms about her, exploring, rejoicing in the feel of her flesh through the thin nightdress. He kissed her repeatedly while his hands roved over her as though this was their first time together.
And perhaps that was true. Their night in Rome had been so different, so impossible to repeat, that now they were like two strangers knowing nothing of each other except that they were flooded with desire.
He took a step towards the bed, moving slowly as though giving her time to refuse. But she was far from refusing, clinging to him frantically. He was breathing heavily, his flesh rising and falling beneath her fingers.
Then they were lying down, he was stripping away her nightdress and tossing aside the rest of his own clothes. His eyes, looking down on her, were full of fervour and his lips were touched by a smile that she had never seen before.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he whispered. ‘More beautiful than ever.’
‘I don’t know what you mean by that,’ she said provocatively.
His fingers drifted over her, causing a storm to go through her.
‘I mean this,’ he said softly. ‘And this.’ He laid his lips against her, moving them so skilfully that she trembled, holding him closer, whispering ‘Yes, yes...’
Her hands seemed to act of their own accord, seeking, begging, demanding. Their only previous lovemaking had burned itself into her consciousness so deeply that she knew what he most enjoyed.
She closed her eyes, holding him tightly against her, desperate to relish every possible moment.
Now she could face the thought that she had never before dared to admit; that if she’d had to live the rest of her life without this man ever making love to her again, she would not have known how to endure it.
Inwardly she pleaded for this to last forever, pleasure unending, happiness without boundaries. Then, it was over, and yet not over. It would never be entirely over, she thought. Now she had everything to look forward to. Not just the sedate companionship of two people who were to have a child, but the blissful closeness of physical harmony, with its promise of a sweeter, more emotional union.
She searched his face, trying to meet his eyes for an exchange of feelings. But he turned away from her and she almost thought he shook his head. Then she saw that his eyes were closed, as though he’d retreated inside himself. With a convulsive movement he wrenched himself away from her, left the bed and strode to the window. Aghast, she followed him.
‘Lucio, whatever’s the matter.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he groaned. ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’
She pulled him around to face her. ‘Why not?’
‘Because you’re carrying our child. Just the sight of you was too much for me.... Forgive me—it’ll never happen again, I promise.’
She regarded him tenderly, astonished by his miserable self-blame which roused her protective instincts as nothing else in her life had ever done.
‘Lucio, dear, it’s all right,’ she said. ‘There’s nothing wrong in what we’ve just done. I’ve got friends who go on enjoying each other practically until the birth. One of them has four children, all perfectly healthy. The doctor says I’m in fine shape, and as long as that’s true nothing else has to change.’
‘It’s not just the baby,’ he said sombrely. ‘We’ve got to be careful about you. We never know what might be going to happen.’
She was about to say that he was being overly dramatic when she remembered that Maria had died suddenly, leaving him devastated. Now he went through life alert for danger and heartbreak.
She forced her own feelings to abate. It was sad that he couldn’t share her delight at their union, but they had a road to travel. It was too soon to say what awaited them at the end of that road, but to her hopeful eyes it looked increasingly bright and happy.
‘Don’t worry about me,’ she said, touching his face softly. ‘I’m strong, and I’m going to give you a healthy baby.’
‘Thank you. And in future I’ll take better care of you. I promise.’
He spoke fervently and she loved him for his concern. Now they would fall asleep tenderly in each other’s arms, the perfect way for passion to end. And there would be other moments. He might mean to keep his distance, but she knew how to change his mind.
‘Everything’s going to be all right,’ she assured him. ‘Now, let’s get some sleep.’
She took his hand and tried to lead him back to the bed. But he resisted her.
‘No,’ he said. ‘I told you I’m going to care for you, and I meant it.’
‘But—’
‘I can’t trust myself. I’ve just discovered that. But you must sleep. I’ve tired you, and I blame myself.’
He took up her nightdress, holding it out to her at a distance and waiting while she slipped into it. Then he pulled back the covers on her side of the bed and helped her in, pushing her gently back against the pillows.
As though I was a weakling, she thought desperately, when I’ve never felt so strong as I have tonight.
But this wasn’t the moment to protest, so she lay down and let him draw the covers over her.
She waited for him to go around to his side of the bed. Once he was in he would fall asleep, and she would be able to move quietly across the space between, slide her arms about him, rest her head on his shoulder. When he awoke to find her there he would understand that this was the truth between them. She smiled to herself.
But her smile faded as he turned away from the bed, heading for a sofa on the far side of the room.
‘Lucio—’ she protested.
He lay down on the sofa, his head on a cushion.
‘Goodnight, Charlotte. Sleep well. I won’t disturb you.’
And he wouldn’t, she thought bitterly.
As she’d feared, he kept to his resolve, breathing steadily until she reckoned he must be asleep. So that was how easily he could shrug off their glorious union, she thought bitterly. That was how little it meant to him. Damn him!
From the sofa, Lucio kept his eyes on the bed where he could just make out her shape in the darkness. She lay very still, he noticed. Was she stunned by what had overtaken them? As stunned as he was himself? Or did she feel triumphant at having exposed his weakness?
When he remembered how easily he’d yielded he groaned inwardly.
He waited a long time before leaving the sofa, crossing the floor slowly and carefully to stand by the bed, watching her as she slept. At last she moved, turning over, throwing out her arms, then letting them fall back. She was murmuring something, but although he leaned closer he couldn’t understand.
He reached out as if to touch her, but stayed his hand at the last minute, holding it still for several seconds before drawing it back.
He stood there for a while before returning to the sofa and lying down in the darkness.
* * *
Charlotte awoke to find herself alone. From the bath
room came the sound of Lucio singing cheerfully. After a moment he entered, fully dressed.
‘Good, you’re awake,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you at breakfast.’
He departed, apparently not having noticed that the nightdress was slipping from her shoulders, revealing the beautiful swell of her breasts.
After a shower she donned a brown linen dress that was one of Fiorella’s choices. It suited her perfectly, while projecting the air of sedate respectability that she guessed Fiorella had been aiming for.
She found Lucio deep in talk with Enrico, who immediately broke away to take her hand and speak warmly.
‘Thank you so much, my dear Charlotte, for your help last night. I shall not forget your kind friendship.’
‘I was glad to be of help. Did you and Susanna sort things out?’
‘We’ve a way to travel yet, but we’ll get there. Thanks to you. Excuse me a moment.’
Susanna had appeared, causing Enrico to hurry across to her. She was dressed in high fashion and clearly ready to flaunt herself as the hostess. She reached out to Enrico, accepting his hug as no more than her due.
‘There’s no fool like an old fool,’ said a voice behind Charlotte.
Turning, they saw Piero, a young man-about-town they’d met the night before. He was handsome with the air of a man who would indulge himself at all costs.
‘You’d think he’d have seen through her by now,’ he added.
‘Perhaps he doesn’t want to,’ Charlotte said.
‘That’s pretty certain. Like I say, he’s a fool. Everyone knows she slept with him the night they met. That should have warned him. If a woman jumps into bed with a man she’s only just met, well—we know what kind of woman she is, don’t we?’
‘Not necessarily,’ Lucio said, clenching his hands.
‘I suppose she might take you by surprise,’ Charlotte mused.
‘No way,’ Piero declared. ‘Sex on the first evening means she’s after whatever she can get. Ah, I see someone I need to talk to. Bye!’
He vanished.
‘Stop looking like that,’ Charlotte muttered. ‘Smile.’
‘How can I?’ Lucio ground out. ‘Why aren’t you insulted?’
‘Why should I be? He wasn’t talking about me. Unless of course you’d told him—’
‘No!’ He stared at her, incredulous and aghast. ‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? How can you?’
‘What I’m enjoying is the sight of your face. When he said it you didn’t know where to look.’
‘I was concerned for you. Evidently I didn’t need to be.’
‘That’s right. My shoulders are broad. Come on, Lucio, enjoy the joke. Life’s too short to get uptight about everything.’
‘The sooner I get the serious business sorted out, the better,’ Lucio growled. ‘Then we can leave.’
‘How close are you and Enrico to concluding your deal?’
‘I’m not sure. He thinks the price is too high and he’s holding out for a reduction.’
‘Any chance that he’s right?’
‘None. It’s a bargain because the seller wants to get rid of it quickly, and if we don’t settle it now I’m afraid it’ll be too late. So if Enrico delays again I’m calling it off.’
He had no need to. An hour later Enrico increased his offer, the seller accepted and the deal was concluded.
‘Between you and me,’ Enrico said, drawing Charlotte aside, ‘I yielded out of gratitude. How could I obstruct Lucio when his wonderful lady has been such a good friend?’ He added to Lucio, ‘You’re a lucky man. You’ve acquired a real asset. She’ll bring you a big increase in profits.’
‘That’s what I’m there for.’ Charlotte chuckled, and both men laughed with her.
‘Now I think we’ll leave,’ Lucio said. ‘I don’t want Charlotte to get tired.’
‘Of course you must look after her,’ Enrico agreed.
They packed in record time and were soon on the road. Halfway home they stopped at a little village restaurant and relaxed over coffee and cakes.
‘You didn’t mind dashing away, did you?’ Lucio asked.
‘No, I think we needed to get out of there before there were any more dramas. Poor Enrico.’
‘Yes, she’s got him under her thumb again, and I bet she’ll get her diamonds next. I don’t understand how it can happen to a man like that, so powerful, so confident. He doesn’t need anybody.’
‘That’s not true,’ Charlotte mused. ‘In a strange way he needs her.’
‘How can any man need what she puts him through? You know why she came back, don’t you? She was hoping to catch him with another woman, then she could divorce him and get a handsome settlement.’
‘Or maybe just threaten divorce and keep him under her thumb. I think he’d pay up rather than lose her.’
‘We need to rescue him from her.’
‘You won’t do that,’ Charlotte predicted. ‘She matters to him too much. And even if you could do it, it wouldn’t be kind.’
‘Not kind, to rescue him from a gold-digger?’
‘From the only person he has to love. I heard a lot about him from other guests while we were there. He has no close family since his wife died. They had no children. He’s alone in a—in a desert. And if you’re stranded in a desert you often feel that you’d do anything to escape, even marry someone totally unsuitable and put up with the way they behave.’
‘A desert,’ he mused. ‘You spoke to me of a desert on the night we met. You said you were living in one.’
‘And you said it could be a good place to be,’ she reminded him. ‘A place to recruit your strength, and there was nobody to hurt you.’
‘That’s right,’ he said wryly. ‘It’s a kind of safety.’
‘Fine, if you want to be safe. But Enrico doesn’t. He’d rather put up with Susanna than be safe and isolated.’
‘Safe and isolated,’ he murmured. ‘Enrico’s a brave man.’
‘Yes, sometimes you have to take risks. Like we did, that night. Not that we thought of the consequences. If we had—’
‘If we had you’d have run a mile from me,’ he said, regarding her intently.
She gave him a faint smile. ‘I’ll let you know that another time.’
He had certainly never thought of the consequences, he recalled. The Charlotte he’d met in Rome had seemed so sophisticated, so adventurous and confident, that he’d simply assumed she was ready for anything.
Now he knew that what had happened that night had taken her by surprise. He, too, had been surprised, although not by the way the evening ended. That had happened to him before. What was new was the intensity of his enjoyment, not merely pleasure but a feeling of happiness as he lay in her arms.
She was wonderful. He wasn’t sure if he’d told her so, although he hoped he hadn’t. Safer that way.
But safe was one thing he couldn’t feel in her company. She threatened his precious isolation, which he’d valued since everyone he loved had either died or betrayed him—the isolation that gave him strength and which he would cling to forever. In this mood he had fled her next morning.
But from some things there was no escape.
When they were on the road again he told her some more about his business with Enrico.
‘It’s just the one shop for the moment, but we’ll eventually have a whole chain of wine shops in different cities. Now we’ve taken the first step, thanks to you.’
‘Hey, I didn’t do much.’
‘You pulled a trigger, and it helped. And the fact that he likes you so much will also be useful in the future.’
‘I’m going to be good for business, huh?’ She chuckled.
‘You’d better believe it. Enrico’s right. Meeting you was a stroke of luck in more than one way.’
He didn’t elaborate and it wasn’t the time to press him, but one day soon Charlotte promised herself that she would make him enlarge on that topic.
‘Did you notice that he was delighted
to see us leave?’ she mused. ‘He wants the room back for himself and Susanna.’
‘That’s very cynical.’
‘Sometimes cynical is the right thing to be. Aren’t you ever cynical?’
‘There are times when you have to be.’ After a moment he added, ‘And there are times when you can’t afford to be.’
‘I wonder which we—’
‘Hey, look at that idiot!’
He braked sharply to avoid a pedestrian, then continued on the way.
Nothing was said about the night before, and soon they were on the last stretch home.
Once there he told Fiorella about the successful deal, emphasising that Charlotte had helped by winning Enrico’s goodwill.
When they were alone Fiorella said triumphantly, ‘You see how well you fit in here? I knew it. I’m going to cook you a special meal to celebrate.’
Charlotte couldn’t help but think that Fiorella was simply trying to secure her and the child for the family, but even thinking that, it was pleasant to be treated in such a way. When she looked back on the trip she felt she had much to make her glad. If only Lucio hadn’t spoiled the memory of their lovemaking by regretting it. But they were still strangers in many ways. Things would get better.
Late that night he looked into her room to say goodnight.
‘The deal is set up and I’ll be signing papers at the lawyer’s office in a couple of days. Care to come with me?’
‘I’d love to.’
‘Fine. Goodnight. Sleep well.’
He departed without having come anywhere near her.
He was as good as his word, taking her to the lawyer, where they found Franco Dillani, full of good cheer at having sold the shop. With all the papers safely signed he invited them to lunch. Enrico couldn’t stay but Lucio and Charlotte accepted with pleasure. Over the meal Franco was open in his admiration of Charlotte, talking Venetian with her while making the occasional apology to Lucio, who waved him aside good-humouredly.
Charlotte leaned back and just enjoyed herself. It was good to feel that she’d established a position for herself in her new life, and actually been of some real use to Lucio.
