‘So. You want us all to be stoolies?’ Gary asked with scorn dripping from every word.
‘No, Gary,’ Gregg said. ‘Being a stoolie means turning that person into the authorities. I don’t plan to do that. I just want the chance to convince the guilty party to stop on his own and save himself – and all of us – from a lot of trouble.’
When the meeting broke up, Teddy remained seated next to me and Dennis approached me from the other side. ‘See you Saturday night,’ Dennis said before leaving the room.
I nodded, hoping that Teddy had not heard what he said. I was not so lucky.
‘Saturday night? What was that about?’
I shrugged my shoulders. ‘Nothing much. Dennis and I are going to dinner and a movie together, that’s all.’
‘That’s all? That’s a date. What are you doing? Are you breaking up with me?’
‘How could I possibly do that, Teddy? We don’t have any kind of commitment.’
‘Maybe you don’t but I sure do. I thought I made that clear. I want to marry you when the war is over.’
‘And I can stay shut at home dusting and making babies.’
‘We’ve been over that. You know it. I’ve told you more than once that I’m okay with being married to a woman with a career. I am comfortable with your ambitions and I told you I would follow you wherever your work took you. What more do you want from me? What are you afraid of, Libby?’
I audibly sucked in my breath, then slowly exhaled. ‘You are the second person to ask me that this week.’
‘What was your answer the first time?’
‘I didn’t have a chance to answer. The MP’s arrived and took her away.’
Teddy wrapped both his hands around mine and his eyes filled with warmth. ‘I’m so sorry, Libby.’ He looked down at the table then raised his head and grinned. ‘Is that what happens to everyone who asks a question you don’t want to answer? Am I next?’
I couldn’t help but smile back. ‘Stop it, Teddy.’
‘Will you visit me behind bars?’
I swatted the side of his arm. ‘I can’t deny the fact that you and Ruth are right. I am afraid of something, but honestly, I can’t put my finger on what it is that has me frightened.’
‘I think maybe I understand it better than you. All around you are women who dropped everything to follow their scientist husbands to this outpost – women who accept broad generalities and don’t question the specifics, women who know nothing about what their husbands do. You see their public faces and think they have sublimated their personalities to their husbands. But, seriously, Libby, you have no idea of how many of the male scientists have shared all their secrets with their wives. They will never tell you because they would never betray the confidences they received and jeopardize their husband’s careers. The world is not a black and white place, Libby. There is gray everywhere.’
I sighed. ‘I should have known that, shouldn’t I? Now that you said it, it seems like an obvious possibility. It never crossed my mind.’
‘I know I’m not alone. I know there are other men out there who value a woman’s intelligence and perspective – men who would not make an important decision without first debating it with their spouses.’
‘Don’t forget that there are a lot of backward, domineering men out there.’
‘I can never forget that – it is what drives me to be the best man I can be. But, listen, Libby, I understand your fear. And I am willing to give you time. I don’t want to pressure you. However, it would make me feel a lot more secure in our relationship if you would commit to making it an exclusive one for as long as it lasts.’
The fear inside me struggled like a tempered child screaming and beating its foot against a barrier. I ignored those wails of outrage and said, ‘Yes, Teddy. I would like that. But it’s got to be after Saturday night. I’ve already accepted Dennis’ invitation.’
‘You’ve got to be honest with him, Libby, before you go to dinner. You don’t want him spending his money on you and feeling as if you led him on.’
‘You’re right. I’ll tell him we’re going Dutch, then I’ll explain why and let him change his mind about spending the evening with me if that’s what he wants.’
‘I can live with that. I will be feeling little tweaks of jealousy all night but I won’t act on them. So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?’
The waitress stepped into the room and startled when she saw it wasn’t empty. ‘I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.’
‘No problem,’ Teddy said. ‘Do you need the room?’
‘No, not at all. Do you want anything?’
Teddy looked at me and I shook my head. ‘We’re fine,’ he said and then we were alone again.
‘It’s about my mother,’ I said.
‘Oh jeez. What now?’
I explained her fatal illness and my Aunt Dorothy’s request. ‘I feel torn in two different directions – so torn I haven’t wanted to think about it at all.’
‘I understand your ambivalence about your mother. I believe I would feel the same way in a similar situation. But remember what Dennis said about guilt and grief at the meeting tonight.’
I nodded, knowing exactly where he was going. I needed to hear it verbalized anyway.
‘I don’t want to see you facing that. I don’t want you reflecting on your loss and being shredded by feelings of guilt. Just because guilt isn’t warranted doesn’t mean it will stay away. In fact, I think sometimes people feel guiltier over things they shouldn’t than over what they should. I don’t want you carrying that burden.’
‘I guess the question is: will I feel guilty?’
‘You said you have been struggling to forgive your mother for a long time?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you said that you felt you were close to doing so?’
‘Yes.’
‘What if the day she dies you realize that you have found the ability to forgive her?’
I closed my eyes and nodded my head. ‘Thank you, Teddy. You’ve given me a lot to think about.’
‘Let me know what you decide. No matter what it is, I’m here to support you – even if you don’t take my advice.’
‘You’re saying you are free of the human impulse to say “I told you so.”’
‘When it comes to you, absolutely. Now, how about if I walk you home. Between your mother and the prankster, you might be so deep in thought you’ll walk right past your house.’
A nasty thought tickled the back of my mind: he’s saying you’re incompetent. I decided to ignore it and took Teddy’s hand.
FIFTEEN
When we reached my house, Teddy asked if he could listen to the news broadcast that was about to start on the radio. I agreed and while he tuned in the station, I went into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. He turned the volume up enough that I had no problem hearing from the other room.
‘Reds circle Berlin. Two thousand tanks smash Bavaria. Dateline Paris. The Associated Press reports that more than 2000 American and French tanks crashed through the outer defenses of Bavaria, nearing Berchtesgaden, Hitler’s inviolate retreat. The Red Army encircled the ruins of a tottering Berlin. Fanatical Nazi defenders have fallen back to take a death stand in one corner of the city.
‘In other news, American legislators and editors departed Paris today to visit German horror camps at General Dwight Eisenhower’s request. In Manhattan, the War Emergency Court sentenced meat dealer Maurice Muller of Elmhurst to five days in jail and fined him $25 for violation of wholesale meat ceiling prices.’
Teddy clicked the radio off. ‘Sounds like the end is very near in Germany but still scoundrels are trying to take advantage of the public.’
‘The scoundrels will always be with us. I wonder what we will hear about those camps. I’m not sure I want to know the details of the evil. Some of the photographs I’ve seen are sickening.’
‘Soon, life will be normal again,’ Teddy said.
‘What a nice t
hought,’ I said with a sigh. ‘We’ve been at war so long, I don’t think I’ll know how to act during a time of peace.’
‘We can figure it out together,’ Teddy said as he planted a quick kiss on my lips. He made his exit before I could react.
The next day, I skipped lunch and went to the telegraph office and sent a message to my aunt. I made it short and to the point – no need to pay for any more words than necessary. ‘Send date STOP I want to be there STOP.’ In one way, I felt better after making that decision but in another I felt more anxious. There was nothing clear-cut when it came to my mother.
The morning had been prank-free and I hoped the status quo would hold up through the afternoon, too. I could use a boring but productive day without any drama.
The hours flew by and my pile of reports grew while the stack in my inbox shrunk. I raised my head to look around the room and saw that everyone but Gregg had already left for the day. ‘Ready to call it a day?’ I asked.
Gregg lifted one finger in the air, jotted down one note and said, ‘Finished. Hey, you look a bit more relaxed today.’
‘No pranks. No worries.’
‘At least none here. If something happened elsewhere, I wouldn’t be happy but it might take some of the pressure off you.’
‘Maybe. But I have a feeling Crenshaw will find a way to blame me regardless or at least claim with undying certainty that I know who did it.’
We walked out of the building together and chatted about co-workers and wondered about Tom and where he might be now. ‘Maybe he didn’t want to face family and didn’t want to face work and just ran away,’ Gregg suggested.
‘You think he went AWOL?’
‘We’re not military. I know sometimes it feels like we are but still, it’s not technically possible for him to be AWOL.’
‘But you know that’s how it will be seen if he just took off.’
‘Yeah, right. The militarization of the civilian population. Even after the war, it’s going to change who we all were before it started. I hope we have an easier time overcoming the possible negative consequences than we’ve had defeating the enemy.’
‘Nothing but good news out of Europe these days,’ I said.
‘True, I think you’re right. I believe that the Nazis can measure their future in days now. So much for the Third Reich. The Japs, however, seem even more willing to die for the cause. They got this all started with suicide pilots bringing bombs to Pearl Harbor. Will they know when it’s time to surrender?’
‘That is definitely beyond our ability to predict. I do hope, though, that they give up on their cause before we deploy the gadget. I sense it will change our world and our place in it more than anything we’ve experienced so far.’
Over Gregg’s objections, we said goodbye at the men’s dormitory and I walked the rest of the way home on my own. I had to be honest with myself, although I was not offended when Gregg offered to accompany me back, I would have had a more negative reaction to Teddy and that wasn’t fair. I really needed to work on that.
I’d barely gotten my dinner dishes cleaned when there was a knock on my door. A square-shouldered woman of about forty, wearing a hat, gloves and heels, stood on my doorstep. She appeared dressed for a church service or a formal tea. I could not imagine what a pretentious matron of our little society here behind the fence would want with me. She had to have come to the wrong house.
‘May I help you?’ I asked.
‘Are you Miss Clark?’
‘Yes,’ I said as my brow furrowed by its own volition.
‘Miss Libby Clark?’
‘Yes, ma’am. And you are?’
‘Libby Clark, the scientist?’
‘Yes. I—’
‘I’m sorry. I was expecting someone much older and more scholarly in appearance.’
‘Like a spinster teacher?’ I teased.
She had the sensitivity to blush. ‘Please, can we start again? I’m Eleanor – Eleanor Stanley.’ She stretched out her hand.
I shook it and asked, ‘Would you like to come in?’
‘Thank you, I would like to talk to you. I appreciate you overlooking the first impression I made.’
‘No problem. Coffee? Tea?’
‘I would love a cup of tea if it’s not too much trouble.’
‘No trouble at all.’
I put the kettle on to boil, added tea to the teapot and placed it, cups and saucers, spoons, a pitcher of milk and the sugar bowl on a tray. The kettle was whistling as I finished. I carried it and set it down on top of the table.
Sitting down, I said, ‘While the tea steeps, why don’t you tell me why you came to visit me.’
‘Miss Clark, have you ever been to the hutments?’
‘No, ma’am.’
‘Do you realize how deplorable the conditions are there?’
‘I have heard some unpleasant descriptions but never knew what was true or what was simply unfounded rumor.’
‘The word “deplorable” is not hyperbole, I assure you. Some of our maids have told us about how they are treated simply because of the color of their skin. We were outraged and decided to take an excursion there.’
‘Who are “we,” Mrs Stanley?’
‘Sorry, I should have started with that. Most of us are the wives of scientists. A few are the wives of engineers. We started getting together over coffee and coffee cake but when someone told us what her maid said about the hutments, we all started questioning the help and we were appalled.
‘There are more than a thousand individuals living there. The men are segregated from the women – even married couples are separated. They live in flimsy, packing-box structures set flat on the muddy dirt and their windows are just holes in the wall – no glass, not even screens. Y-12 and K-25 are like concrete palaces for all your gadgets while these human beings are living in squalor right under our noses.’
‘You’ve seen this?’ I asked. I’d hoped everything I’d heard was an exaggeration, but she was dashing my denial of reality. I poured our tea and carried the cups over.
‘Yes, I have. And do you know what happens to a woman who gets pregnant?’
‘No.’
‘They are removed from the reservation and left on the side of the road to wait for a bus. Doesn’t matter if the woman is single or married – all that matters is that she’s a colored person. It is awful.’
‘I can’t deny that but why did you come to see me?’
‘We thought that a woman like you – one who has defied the odds to become a professional in a man’s world – would be the type of woman who would support our cause to improve conditions in the colored community.’
‘What do you think I could do?’
‘You are in a unique position to gauge the attitude of the men here. Some of those in our group have husbands who do not approve of what we want to do. They say, “We’re in the south, what do you expect?” and then trot out that old canard, “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” That does not sit well with us. This is federal property. Our husbands are doing work for the United States Government. Some of the other scientists are black or brown men. This ground we walk on does not belong to a backward southern state. To allow this to stand is an assault on the democracy our boys are fighting and dying for. We want change.’
‘I just don’t see how I could make a difference.’
‘That is only because you haven’t had time to think about it. We think you can, Miss Clark. We’ve heard stories about you. We are confident when you have time to absorb the information, you will know what you can do and you will do it.’
I was speechless. Just what had they heard?
‘I won’t take up any more of your time this evening. Just think about it. I’ll check in with you again soon. Have a pleasant evening, Miss Clark,’ she said as she rose and walked to the door.
I certainly had misjudged her. Before today, I couldn’t have suspected that any woman of her position would dare visit the hutments and, even if one did, I
would not have thought she would be bothered enough to be determined to change the living conditions. Maybe more women were like Eleanor Roosevelt than I ever imagined. I knew she was right: the situation did need to be fixed but I felt overwhelmed. One more problem up in the air. Another ball to juggle. One moment of clumsiness and they would all crash down on my head.
SIXTEEN
I received the response from Aunt Dorothy at work on Thursday. I would be joined by Ernie in Bedford. We’d meet our aunt at the train station in Richmond on Tuesday evening. We’d stay at a hotel that night and go to the women’s penitentiary in Goochland on Wednesday. Anxiety tightened my chest. I breathed deep and pushed those thoughts away. There would be plenty of time to worry about the meeting on the train to Richmond.
I was already overwrought about the true confessions moment I’d planned with Dennis. Teddy promised to let him know that I wanted to talk to him after work today. As the end of the shift approached, I ran alternative opening lines through my head until I couldn’t tell them apart.
Dennis stood outside talking to someone I didn’t know when I emerged. They wrapped up their conversation and the other man left with a wave.
‘Hi, Dennis,’ I said and then my mind went blank. What was I going to say?
‘Hi, Libby. You wanted to see me?’
‘Yes. About Saturday night …’
‘You’re not canceling, are you?’
Oh heavens! His face looked so sad. ‘No. I mean not but …’
‘Libby, if you don’t want to spend time with me …’
Sabotage in the Secret City Page 8
