Alyosha was overjoyed that the money had brought so much happiness and that the poor devil had agreed to accept it.
‘Wait, Aleksei Fyodorovich, wait,’ the Staff Captain suddenly latched on to a new idea which had presented itself to him and again, in his enthusiasm, he rattled on nineteen to the dozen, ‘you know, Ilyusha and I shall really be able to make our dream come true now: we’ll buy ourselves a horse and cart, the horse’ll be black, he specially asked for it to be black, and off we’ll go, just as we planned the day before yesterday. In the province of K* there’s a lawyer I’ve been friends with since childhood, and I’m reliably informed that if I went there he’d probably give me a secretarial job in his office; who knows, perhaps he would… So then, my good lady will go in the cart, so will Ninochka, Ilyushechka will be the driver, and I’ll lead the way on foot… God, if only I could recover a small local debt, I might really just be able to afford all that!’
‘Of course you will!’ Alyosha exclaimed. ‘Katerina Ivanovna will send you some more, as much as you want, and do you know what, I too have some money, take all you need, as from a brother or a friend, you can repay me later… You’ll grow rich, I’m sure you will! What’s more, this move to another province is the best thing you’ve ever thought of! It’ll be your salvation, especially for your little boy—and you know, you ought to hurry before the winter sets in, before it gets too cold, you must write to us from there, and we’ll always stay brothers… No, this is not a dream!’
Alyosha was so pleased that he made as if to embrace him. But when he glanced at him, he stopped abruptly: the man stood there, with his neck outstretched, his countenance pale and agitated, his lips protruding and moving as though trying to articulate something; no sound emerged, yet his lips continued to twitch strangely.
‘What’s the matter?’ asked Alyosha with a sudden shudder.
‘Aleksei Fyodorovich… I… you…’, the Staff Captain mumbled haltingly, staring at him strangely and wildly, like someone who has resolved to jump off a cliff, yet at the same time retaining a semblance of a smile about his lips, ‘I… you… you wouldn’t like me to show you a trick, would you?’ he said suddenly, in a rapid, resolute whisper, without stumbling over his words this time.
‘What trick?’
‘A trick, a hocus-pocus,’ the Staff Captain went on in a whisper, his mouth twisted over to the left, his left eye half shut, and staring at Alyosha as if transfixed.
‘I don’t understand, what’s the matter, what on earth do you mean?’ Alyosha cried out, utterly bewildered by now.
‘Just this, look!’ the Staff Captain shrieked.
He held up the two banknotes, both of which he had been holding by their corners between the thumb and forefinger of his right hand all the while they had been talking, then brandished them in the air, and suddenly crumpled them furiously in his fist.
‘Did you see that!’ he shrieked at Alyosha, pale and distraught, and suddenly, raising his fist, he flung the crumpled notes to the ground. ‘Did you see that?’ he shrieked again, pointing at them. ‘There you are!…’
All of a sudden, wild with anger, he raised his right foot and began to trample the notes with his heel, exclaiming and gasping each time he brought his foot down.
‘There’s your money! There’s your money! There’s your money! There’s your money!’ Suddenly he jumped back and stood up straight, watching Alyosha. His whole appearance was one of indescribable pride.
‘Tell whoever sent you’, he exclaimed, raising his arm in the air, ‘that loofah’s honour is not for sale!’ Then he swung round and began to run, but he had barely covered five paces when, turning right round again, he waved his arm at Alyosha. He took five more paces and turned for the last time; no warped smile distorted his face this time, just the opposite, tears were streaming down his face. He fairly shouted, the words tumbling forth, his voice breaking and choking as he fought to contain his sobs.
‘What could I have said to my little boy if I had accepted money for the shame we suffered?’ Having said this, he continued running, but this time he did not look back. Alyosha gazed after him, his eyes full of indescribable sadness. He understood only too well that the Staff Captain himself had not known until the very last moment that he would crumple the banknotes and throw them to the ground. The fleeing man did not look back, and Alyosha knew that he would not. Nor did he want to go after him or call him back. However, after he had vanished from view, Alyosha picked up both the notes. They were badly creased and had been ground into the sandy earth, but otherwise they were quite undamaged; indeed, they even sounded crisp and new when Alyosha straightened them and smoothed them out. Having straightened them out, he folded them, put them in his pocket, and returned to Katerina Ivanovna to report on the completion of his mission.
BOOK FIVE
Pros and Cons
1
BETROTHAL
MRS KHOKHLAKOVA was again the first person whom Alyosha encountered. She was completely flustered. Something serious had happened; Katerina Ivanovna’s hysterics had turned into a fainting fit, followed by a terrible, frightening debilitation; she had become delirious and lay senseless. By now she was feverish, and both Herzenstube and her aunts had been sent for. Her aunts were there, but Herzenstube had still not arrived. While everyone sat in the room and waited to see what would happen, Katerina Ivanovna lay unconscious. If only her temperature did not rise too high!
Mrs Khokhlakova’s face as she relayed this news was troubled and anxious: ‘This is serious, serious!’ she added after every few words, as though everything that had happened to her before was less than serious. Alyosha heard her out with a troubled heart; he was about to start describing his own adventures, but no sooner had he uttered a few words than she interrupted him; she had no time, she begged him to keep Lise company and to wait with her.
‘Lise, my dear Aleksei Fyodorovich,’ she whispered, practically in his ear, ‘Lise has exasperated me recently, but she’s been so sweet that I couldn’t help but forgive her everything. Imagine, hardly had you left than she began to feel really sorry that she had, it appears, laughed at you yesterday and today. But it turns out she wasn’t really mocking you, she was only teasing. But she was so truly sorry, almost in tears, that I was amazed. Whenever she’s made fun of me she’s never been really sorry, always used to turn it into a joke. And you know, she’s always making fun of me. But now she’s taking it all seriously, everything has become important. She has an extremely high regard for your opinion, Aleksei Fyodorovich, so if you can, do try to be nice to her, don’t hold it against her. I’m trying to do the same myself, to treat her gently. She’s such an intelligent little thing. Would you believe it, you were her childhood friend—“the most steadfast friend of my childhood”—“the most steadfast”, imagine that! What does that make me? She has very deep feelings about this, and even memories, but most of all phrases and expressions like that, they’re so unexpected these expressions, one is quite unprepared, and she suddenly comes out with them. Recently, for example, there was one about a pine tree: when she was very little there was a pine tree in our garden, maybe it’s still there. Perhaps I shouldn’t use the past tense, Aleksei Fyodorovich; pine trees are not people, they remain unchanged for a long time. “Mama,” she said, “I dreamt I repined under a pine tree”—“repined under a pine tree”! just imagine, that’s what she said—well, perhaps not quite, perhaps she was just out to confuse me; “repined”, I ask you! But she just chatted on about it, which left me quite speechless, but it’s all gone right out of my head anyway, so I couldn’t possibly repeat any of it. Well, I must leave you now. I’m all upset and probably going slowly mad. Ah, Aleksei Fyodorovich, I’ve suffered two lots of mental illness in my life, and I had to have treatment. Go and see Lise. Cheer her up, as you always manage to do in your own inimitable way. Lise,’ she called, going to her door. ‘There’s Aleksei Fyodorovich to see you; you were so beastly to him, but he’s not in the least bit upset, I assure you;
on the contrary, he’s most surprised that you could have thought he would be!’
‘Merci maman. Come in, Aleksei Fyodorovich.’
Alyosha went in. Lise looked at him somewhat shyly, and suddenly blushed. She was obviously embarrassed about something and, as always when this was the case, she started to chatter non-stop about a quite different matter, as if that was all that interested her at that moment.
‘Mama’s just told me the whole story of the two hundred roubles and of your errand… to that poor officer… she told me the whole dreadful story about the offence perpetrated against him, and even though mama rambles on when she tells a story… you know the way she jumps from one thing to another… I listened and I wept. Well then, have you given him the money, and how are things with the poor man now?…’
‘That’s just the point, I haven’t, and thereby hangs a story,’ answered Alyosha, as if it were simply the fact of not having handed over the money that troubled him, while Lise saw perfectly well that he was avoiding her eyes and was also trying to avoid the real subject. Alyosha sat down at the table and began to tell his story, but as soon as he began to speak he lost his shyness and captured Lise’s attention. Although he was in such an emotional state and still very upset by his recent encounter, he managed to give her a clear and detailed account. Even before, in Moscow, when Lise was still a child, he had loved to visit her and tell her what had been happening in his life, what he had read or what he remembered of his childhood. Sometimes they would dream up whole stories together, mostly cheerful and amusing. Now it seemed as if they had both suddenly been transported back to those times in Moscow two or so years ago. Lise was profoundly moved by his story. Alyosha, seething with emotion, painted such a picture of ‘Ilyushechka’ that Lise could almost visualize him. When he had finished describing in detail how the poor man had stamped on the money, Lise clasped her hands and cried out with emotion:
‘So, you didn’t give him the money after all, you let him walk off! My God, surely you could at least have run after him yourself and caught up with him…’
‘No, Lise, it was better not to run after him,’ said Alyosha, getting up from his chair and walking distractedly about the room.
‘Better? How could it be better? Now they’ve no bread and they’ll starve!’
‘They won’t starve, because those two hundred roubles will get to them just the same. He’ll accept them tomorrow, you’ll see. He’s bound to take the money then,’ Alyosha said, pacing up and down deep in thought. ‘Do you see, Lise,’ he went on, suddenly coming to a stop in front of her, ‘I made a mistake there, but even that mistake has turned out to be for the best.’
‘What mistake, and why is it for the best?’
‘Because he’s a weak and timorous man. He’s at the end of his tether, and he’s very good-natured, you know. Now I keep thinking about the reason for the sudden outburst that caused him to stamp on the money, and I assure you that it was because until the very last moment he didn’t know that he would reject it. It seems to me that he was angry about a lot of things… in his situation he couldn’t help but be angry. Firstly, he resented appearing to be too pleased about the money and letting me see this. If he had been pleased but not too pleased, if he hadn’t made it so obvious but had dissimulated, as others do when accepting money, then he could still have accepted it, but he was too openly delighted, and he resented that. Oh, Lise, he’s a sincere man—a good man, that’s the root of the problem! All the time he was talking his voice was so weak, so feeble, and he talked so fast and with such a funny kind of tremor, or perhaps he was already crying… really, he was crying, he was so delighted… and he talked about his daughters… and about the job he was going to get in another town… And then, no sooner had he poured out his heart than he was suddenly stricken with shame for having bared his soul so completely to me. So he immediately began to hate me. He’s poor and terribly ashamed of his poverty. Most of all, he was angry that he had accepted me as his friend too quickly and had made himself vulnerable; one minute he was lunging at me, trying to frighten me, and then suddenly, as soon as he saw the money, he was all over me. He kept hugging me. He must have felt so humiliated in this situation, and then right at that moment I made an awful mistake: I said that if the money was not enough for him to move to the other town, he could have more; I would even give him whatever he needed out of my own money. The thought then suddenly struck him: why was I too rushing to his aid? You know, Lise, after a man has been wronged it’s very hard for him to accept that everyone’s regarding him with the eyes of a benefactor… I’ve heard that, my starets told me. I don’t know how to express it, but I myself have often seen it. Besides, I would feel exactly the same. But the important thing is that although he himself didn’t realize till the last moment that he’d stamp on the notes, nevertheless he had some inkling of what he’d do, I’m sure of it. It was just because he was so absolutely delighted that he anticipated it… And so, unpleasant as all this is, it’s still all for the best. For the very best even, I think, it couldn’t be better…’
‘Why, why couldn’t it be better?’ cried Lise, looking at Alyosha in astonishment.
‘Because, Lise, if he hadn’t stamped on the money but had picked it up, then, when he came home after an hour or so he’d have wept from humiliation—I’m sure that’s what would have happened. He’d have wept and, very probably, would have come to me first thing tomorrow and would perhaps have thrown down the notes and trampled on them then, as he did just now. But now he’s gone off proud and victorious, even though he knows that but for his pride he could have saved the situation. And so, nothing could be easier now than to make him accept these two hundred roubles tomorrow at the latest, because he has demonstrated his honour, rejected the money, trampled on it… He wasn’t to know when he was trampling on it that I’d return with it tomorrow. Besides, he needs this money desperately. Although he’s feeling proud of himself now, still, even today he’ll be thinking what a chance he’s thrown away. In the night he’ll think about it even more, he’ll dream about it, and, come the morning, he’ll be ready to run to me and beg forgiveness. And that’s just when I’ll turn up and say: “You’re a proud man, you’ve proved it. Now take the money and forgive us.” And he’ll take it, you’ll see!’
Alyosha pronounced these last words in a kind of ecstasy. Lise clapped her hands.
‘Oh, that’s true. Now I understand! Oh, Alyosha, how do you know all that? So young, and yet you know what goes on in the soul… I’d never have thought it possible…’
‘The important thing now is to convince him that even though he has accepted money from us, he has not demeaned himself,’ continued Alyosha, still ecstatic, ‘not only that he has not demeaned himself, but even that one could look up to him…’
‘Look up to him? Lovely, Aleksei Fyodorovich, but go on, do go on!’
‘I expressed myself badly… about looking up to him, that is… but it doesn’t matter, because…’
The Karamazov Brothers Page 34
