As for servants, I shall add the following: formerly, in my youth, I used to be very impatient with my servants: ‘The cook has served up the meal too hot, the batman hasn’t cleaned my coat.’ But I was suddenly enlightened by the observation that I had heard my brother make in my youth: ‘Is it fitting that another man should wait upon me, and that I should abuse him because of his poverty and ignorance?’ It amazed me that the simplest, the most obvious thoughts should be so slow in coming to us. One cannot survive without servants in this world, but you should arrange things in such a way that your servant is freer in spirit than if he were not a servant. For why should I not be a servant to my servant, and why, for that matter, should he not be aware of it, and without any self-righteousness on my part or mistrust on his? Why should I not treat my servant as a relative and accept him finally into my family, and do so with joy? Even now, this could still come about and serve as the basis for the future, glorious union of people, when man will not, as now, be looking for servants and will not, as now, be making servants of his own kind, but on the contrary will himself wish, from the bottom of his heart to become a servant to everyone, as is laid down in the Gospels.* And can it really be just a dream that man will ultimately seek his joy only in acts of enlightenment and compassion, and not, as now, in brutal satisfactions—in gluttony, fornication, pride, in boasting and in envious rivalry between one man and another? I firmly believe that it is not a dream, and that the time is nigh. People laugh and ask when this time will come, and is it likely even that it ever will come. I believe, however, that with Christ we shall accomplish this. And how many ideas have there been on this earth, in the history of mankind, which, seemingly unthinkable even ten years previously, nevertheless when their mysterious time was ripe suddenly emerged and swept over the whole earth? Thus will it be with us too, and our people will shine forth in the world, and all will say: ‘The stone which the builders refused is become the head of the corner.’* One could well ask our very detractors: ‘If our idea is only a dream, when are you going to erect your edifice and establish a just way of life by reason alone, without Christ?’ And even if they maintain that, on the contrary, it is they who strive for unity, then surely it is only the most naïve amongst them who believe this, and one can only marvel at their naïvety. Truly, they are more given to dreamlike fantasies than we are. They hope to establish a just way of life, but, having rejected Christ, they will end by engulfing the world in blood because blood calls for blood, and he who lives by the sword, shall perish by the sword.* And if it had not been for Christ’s promise, they would have annihilated one another, even down to the last two persons on earth. And even those last two, in their pride, would not have been able to restrain themselves, so the one would have destroyed the other and then himself too. And had it not been for Christ’s covenant, which He made for the sake of the humble and the meek, that is indeed what would have come to pass.* I was still in my officer’s uniform, after the duel, when I began to talk about servants in public, and, I remember, everyone was surprised. ‘Do you’, they said, ‘want to seat your servant on the sofa and serve him tea?’ And I replied: ‘Why ever not, even if only once in a while.’ Everybody laughed then. Their question was frivolous, and my answer vague, but I think it did contain a certain amount of truth.
(g) Concerning prayer, love, and contact with other worlds
Young man, do not neglect prayer. Each time you say your prayers, provided you are sincere, there will be a new spark of emotion and, along with it, a new idea, previously unknown to you, which will raise your spirits anew, and you will understand that prayer is education. Remember, too, every day and, whenever you can, keep repeating in your mind: ‘Lord, have mercy on all who have now come before Thee.’ For, each hour, each instant, thousands of people leave this earthly life, and their souls stand before God—and many of them will have departed this earth unbeknown to anyone, utterly alone, sad and anguished, with no one to pity them or know that they even existed. And behold, even though you may not know them nor they you, perhaps your prayer for the repose of their souls will rise up from the far side of the world and reach the Lord. How comforting it will be for their souls to feel, at that instant, standing in fear before the Lord, that there is someone who prays even for them, that there is still a human being on earth who loves them. God too will look upon you all with more kindness, for if you have shown such mercy to them, how much more mercy will He show to you, He who is infinitely more merciful than you. And He will forgive them for your sake.
Brothers, be not afraid of human sin, love man even in his state of sin, for this is already a likeness of divine love and is the highest love on this earth. Love all of God’s creation, love the whole, and love each grain of sand. Love every leaf, every ray of God’s light. Love animals, love plants, love every kind of thing. If you love every kind of thing, then everywhere God’s mystery will reveal itself to you. Once this has been revealed to you, you will begin to understand it ever more deeply with each passing day. And finally you will be able to love the whole world with an all-encompassing universal love. Love animals. God gave them the beginnings of thought and a sense of untroubled joy. Do not disturb this, do not torment them, do not take away their joy, do not oppose God’s intent. Man, set not thyself up above the animals. They are without sin, it is you in your grandeur who is fouling the earth by your presence on it and leaving your foul mark behind you—alas, this goes for nearly every one of us! Love children in particular,* for they too are without sin, like angels, and they live to be a balm upon our lives and to cleanse our hearts and show us the way ahead. Woe unto him who abuses the infant. It was Father Anfim who taught me to love children. Always so kind and silent, as we journeyed around, he used to spend the few kopecks collected along the way on cakes and sweets and distribute them. He could never pass children without being deeply affected by them spiritually; such was the man’s nature.
Some thoughts are bewildering, especially when one is confronted by the sins of people, and one asks oneself: ‘Is it better to resort to force or to rely on humility and love?’ Always say to yourself: ‘I shall conquer by humility and love.’ Having made such a decision once and for all, you’ll be able to conquer the whole world. Humility in love is an overpowering force, the strongest there is, and there is no other like it. Every day and every hour, every minute even, watch over yourself to ensure that you have not sullied this precept. You have walked past a small child, you have walked past in anger, foul-mouthed, ill-tempered; perhaps you may not even have noticed the child, but he has seen you, and the vision of your unsightly and profane aspect has maybe lodged in his defenceless little heart. You did not know him, but you may have sown a bad seed in him which will probably grow, and all because you have behaved badly in front of the small child, because you have not nurtured a watchful, active love within yourself. Brothers, love is a teacher, but you must know how to go about acquiring love, for it does not come easily, one achieves it through relentless and protracted effort, because one must love not casually, just for an instant, but to the very end. Anyone at all is capable of casual love, even a felon. My brother, young though he was, asked the little birds for pardon: that might seem senseless, but he was right, because everything is like an ocean, everything flows and intermingles, you have only to touch it in one place and it will reverberate in another part of the world. Granted, it may seem mad to ask birds for pardon, but how much better it would be for the birds and the child and every other creature around you now, if you yourself preserved your human dignity, even a little. Everything is like the ocean, I tell you. Then, in a kind of ecstasy, driven by an all-encompassing love, you would start to pray to the birds, and you would pray that they too should forgive your sins. Cherish that ecstasy, however absurd it may seem to people.
My friends, ask God for joy. Be as joyful as children, as the little birds in the sky. Do not let human sin confuse you in your mission, do not be afraid that it will stifle your endeavour and prevent it coming
to fruition, do not say: ‘Sin is powerful, sacrilege is powerful, the foul world is powerful, and we are lonely and helpless, we will be overwhelmed by this foul world, and it will not allow us to accomplish our virtuous endeavour.’ My children, shun such despondency! There is but one salvation for you. Take yourself in hand, and be answerable for the sins of all men. My friend, this is actually true: you need only make yourself sincerely answerable for everything and everyone, and you will see immediately that it really is so, and that it is you who are actually guilty of the sins committed by each and every man. Whereas, if you blame one another for your own sloth and weakness, you will end up by becoming imbued with satanic pride and will turn against God. This is what I think of satanic pride: it is difficult for us on earth even to comprehend it, and therefore it is easy to fall into error and to accept it, thinking at the same time that we are doing something grand and wonderful. In fact, while we are still here on earth many of the strongest feelings and emotions of our nature are beyond our comprehension, but do not be misled by this and do not think that it may serve as justification for your actions, for the eternal judge will hold you to account only for that which you could comprehend, and not for that which you could not. You only need to make sure of this yourself to see things as they really are and from then on stop raising objections. Indeed, on earth we wander as if lost, and had we not the precious image of Christ before us, we would lose our way completely and perish, as mankind did before the flood. There is much on earth that is hidden from us, but in exchange we have been blessed with a secret sense of a vital, mysterious bond linking us to another world, a celestial, exalted world, and in any case the roots of our thoughts and feelings are to be found not here, but in other worlds. This is why philosophers say that the essence of things cannot be understood on earth. God took seeds from other worlds and sowed them on this earth, where He cultivated His garden and all that could grow sprouted, yet all that grows owes its life only to its sense of the mysterious intermingling with other worlds; should this sense within you either wither or be destroyed, that which grows within you will also die. Then you will become indifferent to life, and even come to detest it. Such are my thoughts.
(h) Can one sit in judgement over one’s fellow men? On keeping the faith to the end
Remember especially that you may not sit in judgement over anyone.* No man on this earth can sit in judgement over other men until he realizes that he too is just such a criminal as the man standing before him, and that it is precisely he, more than anyone, who is guilty of that man’s crime. When he does become aware of this, then he may be a judge. However mad this may appear, it is the truth. For if I had been righteous myself, there might not be a criminal in the dock before me. If you are able to take upon yourself the crimes of the criminal standing before you, whom you are condemning in your heart, then do so immediately and endure the suffering for him, allowing the man himself to go free and unrebuked. And even if the law itself has appointed you to be his judge, act as much as possible in this spirit, for he will go away and pass a judgement upon himself that is far more severe than yours. However, if after you have shown him your good will he remains unmoved and even laughs at you, don’t be deterred by this either; it means that his time has not yet come, but it will come by and by, and if it doesn’t, never mind; if it is not to be him, someone else will come along who will show greater understanding than him, and will give himself up to suffering and pass judgement upon himself, and truth will have been served. Believe this, believe this implicitly, because therein is contained all the hope and all the faith of the saints.
Be forever active. If you remember at night, as you fall asleep: ‘I have not finished that which I should have done,’ arise immediately and finish it. If you are surrounded by bad-tempered and insensitive people who do not want to listen to you, fall down before them and ask their forgiveness, for, verily, you too are to blame that they do not want to listen to you. And if you can no longer talk to the embittered, carry on serving them in silence and in humility, never losing hope. And if everyone abandons you, and even if they cast you out by force, then, alone as you are, fall down upon the ground, kiss it and soak it with your tears, and the earth will bear fruit from your tears, even though nobody has seen or heard of you in your solitude. Believe to the end, even if it should come to pass that everyone on earth falls into error and that you alone remain true, make your sacrifice even then and praise the Lord, you who are the lone survivor. And if you come together with one other person like yourself, there you have a whole world, a world of vibrant love; embrace each other in tenderness and praise the Lord, for His truth will have been accomplished, if only in just the two of you.
If you yourself sin and repent of your sins even unto death, even of just one accidental sin, rejoice for another, rejoice for the righteous man, rejoice that even though you have sinned, he has remained righteous and has not sinned.
If men’s evil should arouse your indignation and cause you unbearable distress, even to the point of making you feel vindictive towards the malefactors, fear this feeling more than anything; go at once and seek torments for yourself such as you ought to suffer were you yourself guilty of the crime. Take these torments upon yourself and endure them, and your heart will be appeased and you will understand that you too are guilty, for you could have been the one without sin and the guiding light unto the malefactors, and you were not. If your light had shone forth it would have illumined the path for others, too, and the one who committed the crime might not perhaps have transgressed by your light. And even if your light shines forth and you observe that people are not seeking salvation by the light which you are casting, you should remain steadfast and not doubt the power of heavenly light; know ye that though they have not yet sought salvation, they will be saved later. And if they are not saved, their sons will be, for your light will not die, even though you yourself may then be dead. The just man will pass away, but his light will live on. Salvation is always found through the death of the saviour. The human race is loath to accept its prophets, and chastizes them, but people love their martyrs and will venerate those whom they have tortured to death. You, however, are working for all mankind; what you do is for the future. Be sure never to seek reward, for even as it is, your reward upon this earth is great enough—the spiritual happiness which only the righteous can attain. Fear neither the rich nor the powerful, but be wise and always preserve your dignity. Know the limits, know the times, learn to observe them. When you are left on your own, pray. Be ready to throw yourself on the ground and smother it with kisses. Kiss the ground, love insatiably, ceaselessly, love everyone, love everything, seek this exaltation, this ecstasy. Flood the earth with tears of joy, and love those tears. Do not, however, be ashamed of this ecstasy, cherish it, because it is a gift from God, a great one, vouchsafed to the few, the chosen ones.
(i) On hell and the fire of hell: a mystical discourse
Fathers and teachers, I ask myself: ‘What is hell?’* I argue thus: ‘It is the suffering caused by not being able to love any more.’ Once, in the infinity of existence which cannot be measured either by time or space, a certain spiritual entity, appearing on earth, was granted the possibility of saying: ‘I am and I love.’ Once, and once only, was it vouchsafed an instant of actual, living love, and for that purpose it was granted earthly life and, with it, its times and its seasons—and what happened: this fortunate creation rejected this priceless gift as something of no value; it did not love, it cast a contemptuous look and remained unmoved. Such a one, having departed from this world, sees the bosom of Abraham and converses with Abraham, as revealed to us in the parable of the rich man and Lazarus,* and he contemplates paradise and is able to ascend to the Lord, but that is precisely the reason for his suffering, for if he ascends to the Lord as one who has not loved, he will encounter those who have loved and whose love he has scorned. For he sees things clearly now, and says unto himself: ‘Now at last I have knowledge, and though I have been yearning to lov
e, there will be no merit in my love, nor will there be sacrifice, for my earthly life is at an end and Abraham will not come with even a drop of the water of life (that is, bringing the gift of earthly life again, real life as before) to quench the flames of thirst for spiritual love, that love which I spurned once upon earth and for which I now long; there is no more life, and time is at an end! Though I might be glad to give up my life for others, this is no longer possible, for the life which could have been sacrificed for the sake of love is no more, and now a great gulf has appeared between it and this existence.’ People speak of the physical flames of hell: I am not going to delve into this mystery, and I fear it, but I think that even if there were physical flames people would be truly glad of them, for I think that in physical torment they might, if only for an instant, forget the far worse spiritual torment. Nor can they be delivered from this spiritual torment, for they are tormented not from outside but from within. And even if they could be delivered from it, then, I think, they would become even more unhappy. For though the righteous in paradise, seeing their agony, might pardon them and in their infinite love even call to them to come and join them, this would cause them even more suffering, for it would only exacerbate the intense yearning to reciprocate with an active and grateful love, which is now no longer possible. In the humility of my heart I think that the very realization of this impossibility would serve them finally as an assuagement, for, by recognizing the love of the righteous and the impossibility of responding to it, they would by this very submission and act of humility at last gain some idea of that practical love which they spurned on earth, and, as it were, by a kindred effect… My friends and brothers, I regret that I cannot express this clearly. But woe to those who destroy themselves on this earth, woe to those who commit suicide! I think there can be no one more miserable than they. We are told that it is a sin to pray to God for them, and outwardly the Church appears to reject them, but in the depth of my soul I think that one could say a prayer for them too. After all, Christ will not be offended by love. I have prayed inwardly for such ones all my life, I confess this to you, fathers and teachers, and I pray for them still each day.
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