‘It’s not him, it’s someone else, these two are all right.’
‘I wonder what’s going on here?’ mumbled Rakitin, as he led Alyosha by the elbow into the drawing-room. Grushenka was standing by the sofa, still seemingly frightened. A thick lock of flaxen hair had slipped out from beneath her head-dress and fallen over her right shoulder, but she paid no attention and did not adjust it until she had surveyed her visitors and established who they were.
‘Ah, it’s you, Rakitka? You gave me such a fright. Who’s that with you? Who is it? Lord, look who he’s brought!’ she exclaimed, recognizing Alyosha.
‘Fine, we could do with some candles here!’ Rakitin said in the offhand manner of a close friend and acquaintance who was even entitled to issue orders in the house.
‘Candles… of course, candles… Fenya, get him a candle… Well, you really have picked a time to bring him here!’ she exclaimed again, motioning with her head towards Alyosha, and, turning towards the mirror, she quickly began to tuck back her plait with both hands. She seemed annoyed.
‘So I’ve picked the wrong time, have I?’ asked Rakitin, briefly appearing offended.
‘You gave me a fright, Rakitin, if you must know,’ Grushenka turned towards Alyosha with a smile. ‘Don’t be frightened of me, my darling Alyosha, I’m so frightfully glad to see you, you’re an unexpected visitor. But you really gave me quite a turn, Rakitka; I thought it was Mitya trying to break in. You see, I deceived him a while ago and he swore he believed me, but I was lying. I told him I was going to spend the evening doing the accounts with Kuzma Kuzmich, he’s an old crony of mine, and that I wouldn’t be back until late. You see, I go to his place once a week for the whole evening to balance the accounts. We lock the door, and he gets the abacus and I sit down and enter the figures in the books—I’m the only one he trusts. Mitya believed me, so he thinks I’m there, but instead I’m at home with the door locked, waiting for this message. How come Fenya let you in? Fenya, Fenya! Go and open the gate and see if you can see the Captain anywhere! Maybe he’s hiding and watching us, I’m frightened to death!’
‘There’s no one there, Agrafena Aleksandrovna, I’ve just had a good scout around and I’ve been checking through the crack in the door every minute, I’m scared out of my wits myself.’
‘Are the shutters closed, Fenya? We ought to draw the curtains—there we are!’ She herself drew the heavy curtains. ‘Otherwise he’ll notice the light. Today, Alyosha, I’m frightened of your brother Mitya.’ Grushenka spoke loudly, with alarm in her voice, but also with a kind of elation.
‘Why should you be so scared of Mitenka today?’ Rakitin enquired. ‘You’re not normally afraid of him, he dances to your tune.’
‘I told you, I’m waiting for some news, a sweet little message, Mitenka’s the last person I need at this moment. Frankly, I have a feeling he didn’t believe me when I said I was going to stay at Kuzma Kuzmich’s. I suppose he’s still lying in wait for me at the bottom of Fyodor Pavlovich’s garden. And if he’s hiding there it means he won’t come here, thank goodness! But actually I did pop down to Kuzma Kuzmich’s, Mitya came with me; I said I’d stay till midnight and that he should come at midnight without fail to take me home. He left, and after ten minutes at the old man’s I came back home again, God, I was so scared—I ran all the way in case I met him.’
‘Where are you off to in all that finery? That’s a curious little bonnet you’ve got there!’
‘It’s you that’s curious, Rakitin! I told you, I’m waiting for a message. As soon as it comes I’ll be off like a shot and you’ll not see me for dust. That’s why I’m all dressed up, ready to go.’
‘So where are you off to?’
‘Curiosity killed the cat.’
‘Just look at you. Beaming with joy… I’ve never seen you like that—dressed up as if for a ball.’ Rakitin was looking her up and down.
‘A lot you know about such things.’
‘More than can be said for you.’
‘At least I’ve been to a ball. Kuzma Kuzmich was marrying off one of his sons three years ago, and I watched from the gallery. But why am I talking to you, Rakitka, when there’s such a prince standing near by. Now there’s a welcome sight! Alyosha, darling, I can hardly believe my eyes; Good Lord, that you should have come to me! To tell you the truth, I never expected, never dreamt, never even believed you’d come. It may not be the most convenient time, but you’ve made me so terribly happy! Sit on the sofa, over here, that’s right, let me have a look at you, you’re a fine looking lad! Really, I’m still in a daze… As for you, Rakitka, if only you’d brought him yesterday or three days ago!… Never mind, though, I’m delighted all the same. Maybe it’s even better that it’s now, at a time like this, than three days ago…’
She sat down coquettishly next to Alyosha on the sofa, and looked at him boldly, full of admiration. And she really was glad, she was telling the truth. Her eyes were shining and her lips were laughing, but with a happy, good-natured laughter. Alyosha had hardly expected to see such a kind expression on her face… Until the day before he had hardly seen her, and had then formed a formidable impression of her; moreover, he had been shocked by her mean and vicious treatment of Katerina Ivanovna yesterday, and was now very surprised to see her suddenly in an altogether different light. And, however much he was burdened with his own grief, his gaze was involuntarily drawn to her. All her gestures appeared to have undergone a transformation since yesterday; gone was yesterday’s affectation in her voice, as well as those effete and mannered movements… now everything about her was simple and artless; she moved briskly, boldly, and uninhibitedly, altogether she was very excited.
‘Good Lord, the things that have happened today, really,’ she prattled on. ‘And why I’m so happy to see you, Alyosha, I honestly don’t know. If you asked me, I really couldn’t tell you.’
‘You don’t know why you’re so happy, that’s a good one!’ sniggered Rakitin. ‘Why did you nag at me then: “Bring him, bring him along.” You must have had a reason.’
‘I did have a reason earlier on, but it’s gone now, things have changed. Well now, can I offer you anything? I’m a nicer person now, Rakitka. Go on, sit down, Rakitka, what are you standing for? Oh, so you’ve already decided to sit down, have you? Trust my little Rakitushka to make himself at home. Look at him, Alyosha, sitting over there sulking, wondering why I didn’t invite him to sit down first. He’s so sensitive is my Rakitka, ever so sensitive!’ laughed Grushenka. ‘Stop sulking, Rakitka, today I’m in a generous mood. Why are you sitting there, looking so sad my dear Alyoshechka, you’re not frightened of me, are you?’ she peered into his eyes with a coquettish smile.
‘He’s very upset. The starets didn’t get his promotion,’ Rakitin said lugubriously.
‘What promotion?’
‘His starets has started to stink.’
‘What do you mean, “stink”? You’re talking some kind of rubbish, you’ve got something filthy on your mind again. Shut up, you silly fool. Will you let me sit on your knees, Alyosha—like this!’ And in a flash she suddenly leapt up and, laughing, plumped herself down on his lap, cuddly as a kitten, her right arm coiled tenderly around his neck. ‘Let me cheer you up, my darling little altar boy! No, seriously, please let me sit on your lap for a bit, you won’t be angry, will you? I’ll get off if you want me to.’
Alyosha said nothing. He sat still, afraid to move; he heard the words ‘I’ll get off if you want me to,’ but he did not reply, he seemed stunned. But the reason for this was not what Rakitin, who was eyeing them rapaciously from his seat, might have imagined or expected. The profound grief afflicting his soul had smothered all the other sensations that might have welled up in his heart, and if he had only been able to reason rationally at that moment he would have realized that he was thoroughly shielded against all possible temptation and seduction. Nevertheless, in spite of his clouded and confused spiritual state and notwithstanding all the grief which oppressed him, he
could not help marvelling at the new and strange sensation which was stirring in his heart. This woman, this ‘frightful’ woman, not only no longer failed to generate any of his former fear of her, the fear which used to paralyse him at the very thought of a woman, but, on the contrary, though he had feared her above all other women, the woman who was now sitting on his knees and was cuddling up to him evoked in him a completely different, unexpected, and peculiar sensation, a sensation of some huge, unprecedented, and open-hearted curiosity, and all without a trace of fear, without any of his former terror—this was the most significant and astonishing thing of all.
‘You’ve talked enough nonsense,’ exclaimed Rakitin, ‘let’s have the champagne, you owe it to me, you know you do!’
‘Yes, I do. You know, Alyosha, on top of everything else, I promised him a bottle of champagne if he brought you along. Let’s have the champagne, I’ll have some too! Fenya, Fenya, fetch the champagne, the bottle that Mitya left, hurry up. Even though I’m mean I’ll stand you a bottle, but not for you, Rakitin, you’re a wet blanket, but he’s a prince! I’m not really in the mood, but never mind, I’ll drink with you, let’s be reckless!’
‘What’s come over you, and what’s this “message”, may I ask, if it’s not a secret?’ probed Rakitin again, full of curiosity, but deliberately pretending that he did not notice the gibes that were continually being directed at him.
‘Oh, it’s no secret, as you well know yourself,’ Grushenka said suddenly with a preoccupied air, turning her head towards Rakitin and leaning slightly away from Alyosha, although continuing to sit on his lap with her arm around his neck. ‘My officer friend’s coming, Rakitin, my officer’s on his way!’
‘I heard he was coming, but is he really in the neighbourhood already?’
‘He’s in Mokroye now, he’s going to send a dispatch-rider from there, that’s what he wrote, I had a letter from him not long ago. Now I’m waiting for the messenger to arrive.’
‘Really! Why in Mokroye?’
‘It’s a long story, but I’ve told you enough.’
‘Well, where does that leave Mitenka now? My goodness! Does he know?’
‘Know what? He knows nothing! If he found out, he’d kill me. But I’m not afraid of that at all now, I’m not scared he’ll knife me. Be quiet, Rakitka, don’t mention Dmitry Fyodorovich to me: I’ve had more than my fill of him. But I don’t even want to think about that at the moment. Now I can think about Alyoshechka instead, that’s different, let me look at you Alyoshechka… Give me a smile, my darling, cheer up, laugh at my joy and my silliness… There, he’s smiling, he’s smiling! Look at his sweet expression! You know, Alyosha, I really thought you were angry with me about what happened the day before yesterday, about that young lady. I was a bitch, I really was… Only perhaps it’s just as well it turned out the way it did. There was a good and a bad side to it,’ Grushenka suddenly smiled thoughtfully, and a streak of malice glinted through her smile. ‘Mitya told me she shouted: “She ought to be whipped!” Oh, I insulted her all right. But it was she who invited me, just to make me feel small, to bribe me with her chocolate… No, it’s as well it turned out the way it did,’ she smiled again. ‘Only it worries me that you’re angry…’
‘Now I see,’ Rakitin suddenly interjected in genuine astonishment. ‘You know, she really is scared of you, Alyosha, you little mouse you.’
‘He’s only a mouse to you… because you don’t know what you’re saying! You see, I love him with all my soul! Do you believe me, Alyosha, that I love you with all my soul?’
‘You shameless hussy! Just listen to her, she’s declaring her love for you, Aleksei!’
‘So what if I do love him?’
‘And what about the officer? What about the precious message from Mokroye?’
‘That’s one thing, this is another.’
‘There’s female logic for you!’
‘Don’t annoy me, Rakitka,’ Grushenka snapped back, ‘that’s one thing, this is another. My love for Alyosha is different. True, Alyosha, I did harbour some wicked thoughts about you. Let’s face it, I’m mean, I’m violent, but there are times, Alyosha, when I look upon you as my own conscience. I keep thinking: “Someone like him must surely despise anyone as bad as me.” I was thinking about it the other day too, when I was hurrying back from the young lady’s. You know, I’ve had my eye on you a long time now, Alyosha; Mitya knows too, I told him. Mitya understands everything. You know, Alyosha, really, I keep looking at you, and there are times I feel ashamed, so thoroughly ashamed of myself… I wonder, how did I start thinking about you? And when did it all start? I don’t know and I can’t remember…’
Fenya came in and placed a tray on the table with an open bottle of champagne and three glasses already poured.
‘Champagne’s here!’ exclaimed Rakitin. ‘You’re excited, Agrafena Aleksandrovna, you’re a different person. After one glass you’ll be dancing. Ugh! You can’t trust them to do anything,’ he added, eyeing the champagne. ‘The old woman poured it out in the kitchen and has brought the bottle without the cork… and it’s warm. Well, never mind.’
He went up to the table, raised a glass, drained it in one gulp, and poured himself another one.
‘One doesn’t get champagne that often,’ he said, licking his lips. ‘Well, Alyosha, take a glass, show us what you’re made of. What shall we drink to? The gates of paradise? Raise your glass, Grusha, you must drink to the gates of paradise too.’
The Karamazov Brothers Page 54
