The muscles in his jaw bunched and flexed. “No,” he said.
Serenity knew she could have told him to leave right then. She could pretend she didn’t know what he was and make some other excuse to send him away.
And Avalon would suffer because of it.
The fact was that she needed him, and not only for the branding. In her heart, she knew why he had taken Leroy’s life before she could. He had wanted to spare her the responsibility. He hadn’t wanted her to become a killer. Like him.
“I know,” she said. She pressed her hands flat against the wall at her back, praying her legs would hold her up. “I know you’re one of them.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
SERENITY DIDN’T HAVE to explain herself. She wasn’t speaking only of his being a werewolf, though he was sure that was what she meant. She was also reliving her most terrible memories. The fact that she was so calm astonished Jacob.
He wasn’t calm, not inside. He had known it wouldn’t be easy when she was finally ready to talk to him. Hell, it hadn’t been easy when she’d avoided his eyes and tried to ignore him.
But this was worse than he’d imagined, seeing the world of anguish in her beautiful eyes. It made him want to find those men and slit their throats, hang them up by the balls and watch the life drain out of them. Just as he’d once planned on doing to the men who’d murdered Ruth.
“I’m sorry,” he said, hoping she believed him. “I figured something bad had happened to you the first time we met. If I’d known it was because of my kind—”
“Your kind,” she said, clenching her fists. “Savages.”
No, she wasn’t calm at all. She was fighting for control with every breath she took.
Once he hadn’t much cared if she hated him. Now he couldn’t stand the thought of it. He couldn’t stand the thought of her being afraid of him because he wasn’t human.
“Is that what you think of Zora?” he asked.
She turned away from him, her arms locked across her chest. “I know Zora,” she said. “She would never do the things that—”
“Because she’s a woman?”
“Yes!” Serenity twisted around to face him again. “Maybe that’s what makes her decent, instead of a monster.”
Jacob knew then that he had to explain a lot of things to Serenity, things she wasn’t going to want to hear. She would be glad to see the back of him, and he knew he had to go. But he couldn’t leave knowing she would go on believing that all werewolves were ruthless killers. That he was a monster.
He got up, unhooked the lantern hanging by the door and lit it with a match from a box on the shelf next to it. He crushed the match head between his fingers and let it fall.
“Do you think all men are like Leroy?” he asked softly. “Even your pa?”
She stared at him as if he’d spoken some rare foreign language. “How dare you—”
“Do you?”
“No,” she whispered.
“But you judge all men the same anyway.”
Serenity released a long, shuddering breath. “Zora told you what happened,” she said.
Jacob sat back down on the bench. “I guess you heard just about everything we said.”
Serenity bit down hard on her lower lip. “I wish I hadn’t,” she said. “I wish I hadn’t found out.”
He ached to go to her, hold her in his arms the way he had when they’d brought Bonnie home. “I’m no different now than I was before,” he said.
“What I thought you were before,” she said. “Now I know that you can become an animal. Maybe you’ve already done it, right here. You’ve turned into a beast that has no law, no conscience.”
“Maybe you don’t know animals as well as you think you do,” he said. “Folks think wolves are killers that slaughter livestock for fun. But even regular wolves don’t do half the things people like to think.” He shifted on the bench, moving slowly so Serenity wouldn’t think he was going to get up. “There is a wolf part of us, but the human part isn’t lost when we Change. We’re good and bad, just like normal folk.”
She gave her head a sharp jerk of denial. “I saw my parents’ murderers turn into vicious animals. I saw them dance naked around the house before they set it on fire.”
It was happening for her all over again, and there was nothing Jacob could to do help her. She wouldn’t let him.
“How did you get away?” he asked carefully.
“I had gone out with one of the horses. I came back in time to see…” She hunched her shoulders. “They never saw me.”
“Did you know those men?”
Her whole body flinched away from his question. “I’d never seen any of them before.”
“Do you have any idea why they did it?”
“Why should they need a reason?” She squeezed her eyes shut. “We never did anything to them. We didn’t even know such creatures existed.”
And her first knowledge of them had come with death and ruin.
“I wish I could tell you that the men who killed your family were the only werewolves who do evil things,” he said. “But there are more of us who don’t. My folks were good people. They lived quietly beside their human neighbors. No one ever had cause to be afraid of them.”
Serenity looked at him again, blood beading on her lower lip where she’d unconsciously bitten it. “Your family?” she said.
Maybe if he told her about Ruth, Serenity would find it easier to believe. But he couldn’t. Not now. Maybe not ever, even if he was still here in the morning.
What he wanted to do was stroke the blood from her mouth and soothe her lips with his own.
Loco. Here she was thinking he was the enemy, and he was thinking about kissing her. Nothing would make her hate him more.
As if she’d heard his thoughts, Serenity touched her lip and stared without comprehension at the red stain on her fingertip.
“Werewolves are just like anyone else,” Jacob continued, trying to distract himself from his very inappropriate thoughts. “We have mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and all the rest. Fact is, for most of us family is pretty important. Some clans stretch all the way across the country.”
“How many of you are there?” she whispered.
Just like that, he was on solid ground again. “I never tried to find out,” he said. “I reckon most of us in America live in the West, where it’s open and there are less people to notice that we’re different.”
“The animals who killed my family didn’t care if anyone knew what they were,” she said.
“Because they knew…” That they would leave no survivors. But Jacob couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud. “My people wouldn’t survive if we didn’t live by most human rules. A lot of folks hate what they don’t understand.”
Her expression cleared. “You mean…you think you’re in danger from humans?”
“There are a lot more of you than there are of us. We heal fast, and we’re strong, but we can be killed. I would have died if you hadn’t saved me.”
“Is Zora…afraid of me? Is that why she never told me?”
“She cares about you. She didn’t want you to hate her.”
Slowly Serenity sank to the ground. “She was the only one who knew what happened to my family. I told her about the beast-men, and how much I—” She pressed her hands to her face.
Jacob started to rise, then sat down again.
“Serenity?”
It was only the second time he’d called her by her first name. Somehow it didn’t make her feel any better.
“I’m all right,” she said. She drew her knees up to her chest. “I never thought…it could be the other way,” she said.
Jacob braced his hands on the bench and dropped his head between his shoulders. “Killing doesn’t know any boundaries of race or blood. Werewolves even kill each other, just like men do.”
“Have you?”
If she knew about the feud between the Reniers and Constantines, would she understand? Or wou
ld she see it only as another justification for her suspicion and hatred?
“No,” he said, raising his head. “I told you when I kill, and why. Leroy was…” He shook his head. “I’m not like those men, Serenity.”
Her eyes glazed with tears. “How do I know you’re telling the truth?” she asked. “How can I know what you did before you came to Avalon?”
Jacob found it very hard to keep his voice steady. “I’ve never killed a child, a woman or an innocent man,” he said. “Human or werewolf.”
“I want to believe you.”
“I want you to believe me.”
She finally met his gaze. “Zora said you were one of the few of your kind who fight for the laws that protect the weak. When we brought you here, you seemed concerned about the ranch. Do you usually try to help people like us?”
“I live by a code, Serenity. I don’t leave women defenseless when there’s trouble.”
“But we were never defenseless.” Her voice was calm again, and Jacob began to hope he was getting through to her. “We could have handled Leroy’s gang if Bonnie hadn’t gone out with Zora. We needed her to work, but she wasn’t a fighter.”
“I brought this down on you. I would have let Leroy go if I’d thought someone else would suffer because I took him through this country.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
The acceptance in her voice was real, as real as her anger and fear and doubt had been before. She lowered her chin to her knees, lost in thought, and Jacob left her alone. He’d given her more to consider in one hour than anybody should have to deal with in a year.
And she was dealing with it better than he could have hoped. She was one of the bravest women he’d ever known, but she would never believe him if he told her that.
When she spoke again, there was a new light in her eyes. “In all the time you’ve been a bounty hunter,” she said, “have you ever hunted another werewolf?”
Jacob shook off the deceptive mantle of peace that had lulled him into believing the worst was over. Serenity had overheard Zora’s offer to hire him to track her enemies. He’d just been too worried about easing Serenity’s fears to think she would seriously consider what her friend had suggested.
Now he had to face the fact that he’d done too good a job giving her reasons to trust him again. She had an idea in her mind, and she wasn’t going to let it go. Zora had said Serenity would have killed her parents’ murderers if she could. She hated them enough to do it. She would have kicked the stool out from under Leroy if Jacob hadn’t moved first.
He’d done that for one reason only. Serenity hadn’t understood what she was about to do. She’d killed before to save her friends, to save him. But Leroy’s hanging had been different, and Serenity was no murderer. Sooner or later the guilt would have come, and it would have begun to destroy everything good inside her. He’d almost let that happen to him, and he wouldn’t let it happen to her. Even if he had to make himself look like a coward in her eyes.
“No,” he said curtly. “I told you, we’re careful to hide what we are. No werewolf is going to be taken easily, and there’s a good chance Changing would be involved in the taking. The last thing I need is that kind of fight. It would be too risky.”
“So you wouldn’t go after them even if you knew exactly who they were and what they’d done?”
It sickened him to lie again, even though the lie was partly true. “No,” he said. “I wouldn’t.”
She unfolded her legs and got up, refusing to look at him. “My parents’ murderers were never caught,” she said. “But you don’t care about that, do you?”
Jacob swallowed the bile in the back of his throat. “I’m sorry about what happened to your folks, Serenity. But if it’s a choice between protecting my people from exposure and stopping a handful of outlaws…”
“I don’t believe you.” She was trembling as if her whole body might shake apart. “I want the beast-men who slaughtered my family, and you’re the only one who can find them for me.”
Rising from the bench, Jacob took a few uneven steps toward the door and stopped. “It’s the same as with Leroy,” he said. “You don’t want justice. You want revenge.”
“I want both.”
He extended his hands toward her. “It won’t bring you peace, Serenity. I know.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve seen what it does to people, whether they get what they want or not.”
“You underestimated all of us at Avalon,” she said, moving near enough to dizzy him with her scent. “Don’t underestimate me now.”
He couldn’t help being affected by the passion in her face and the blaze in her eyes. Even as angry as she was, as wrongheaded, she was beautiful. And she was standing too close. Much too close.
“A few minutes ago you hated me,” he said, hardening his voice. “Now I’m of some use to you, and everything has changed.”
She flinched. “No,” she said. “It isn’t like that at all.”
“As I told Zora, I’m not in the business of revenge. I can’t help you.”
“I’ll pay you any amount. I have a large sum in the bank. All you have to do is locate these men for me. I won’t expect you to fight them.”
“But you will?” He laughed, deliberately mocking her. “Will you shoot them down as they come running at you, ready to rip your throat out?”
“I’ve been waiting six years for a chance to find those killers, and I’m not going to wait any longer. If you won’t help me, I’ll convince Zora to do it. And if she won’t, I’ll find them some other way.”
There was no laughter in Jacob then. Zora had warned him. Serenity would try to do exactly what she’d said. Whatever had held her back for the past six years, his coming to Avalon and everything that had happened since had broken something loose inside her. She was willing to give up everything she cared about to pursue a hopeless cause.
“You’re talking about abandoning the ranch,” he said. “Abandoning your friends, people who depend on you. You’re their boss, and a boss doesn’t just walk away from her responsibilities.”
A shadow of doubt flickered across her face. “Caridad could run the ranch while I’m gone,” she said. “Zora could do it, too, or Michaela. They don’t need me.”
“You sure as hell act as if they can’t live without you,” he said.
“Maybe I’ve only made things worse for everyone.”
“Dammit, Bonnie’s death wasn’t your fault!”
She stared at him, dry-eyed and unbending. “I have even more reason now to find those murderers. I’m sure they’ve already killed someone like Bonnie. Maybe many like her.”
Jacob remembered all the times he’d convinced himself that keeping the feud alive would result in far more deaths than leaving the Reniers free. But Ruth had died eight years ago. He hadn’t heard about the feud since. Maybe it was over.
Maybe his only excuse now was his fear of turning into the very kind of monster Serenity had described.
“You know I’m sorry about Bonnie,” he said. “I would have given my life for hers if I could. But you can’t bring her back. You can’t bring your folks back.”
“Is there nothing I can do to convince you?” she asked.
He swallowed hard. “No. I’m sorry, Serenity.”
She backed away slowly. “If I didn’t know you,” she said, “I’d think you only wanted to protect your own skin. But you’re not a coward. It’s just that you only care about your own kind. You don’t give a damn about—”
“I do give a damn.”
“Then show it!”
Only half-aware of what he was doing, Jacob grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. He wasn’t rough, but it wasn’t a peck on the cheek, either. He tasted her lips, gentling her when she resisted him, stroking her arms as she melted into his chest. The fight went out of her body. All the intensity of her anger transformed into a passion that fired his blood and made him forget she despised him.
But it didn’t last. She broke free, breathing fast, her flushed face losing all its color in an instant.
“Is that what you want, Mr. Constantine?” she asked hoarsely. “Is that your price for helping me?”
Jacob recoiled. She couldn’t have hit him harder if she’d struck him with a blacksmith’s hammer.
“No, ma’am,” he said, his own voice gone flat. “My behavior was inexcusable. I beg your pardon.”
“You want me, don’t you?” she asked with a terrible calm.
God help him. “Miss Campbell—” he began.
“Why the formality now, Jacob?” she asked with a twisted smile. “People who have kissed ought to be on a first-name basis, don’t you think?”
If she was trying to be seductive, she wasn’t succeeding. That kind of game wasn’t in her. But she kept on gazing into his eyes, making it difficult for him to think with anything but his cock.
“I’m not blind or without feelings,” she murmured. “You don’t have to apologize to me. I wanted it, too.”
He couldn’t believe it. She was offering what she thought would buy his cooperation because he was a man and a “savage,” and claiming to want it, too. Except when he’d embraced her that morning, nothing in her behavior toward him had ever suggested that she wanted anything of a physical nature to happen between them. Far from it. And now that she knew what he was, she should be doubly repulsed.
Yet her response to his kiss hadn’t been feigned. He’d smelled her arousal, felt it in the heat of her skin. Her body did want him. It was the rest of her that didn’t.
Hell, he’d been pretending almost ever since he first saw her that he wasn’t interested in her that way, either. He’d been aware of her as a woman, but he’d seen nothing in her to attract him, even if he’d been so inclined.
Now he knew how badly he’d been deceiving himself.
“What I did was wrong,” he said. “Let’s leave it at that.”
She reached for him. “Why?” she murmured. “We can both get what we want.”
If she made herself into his whore.
“There can’t be any more between us, Miss Campbell,” he said.
Code of the Wolf Page 10
