"Do you need some help packing?" she asked Mari.
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"No, thanks, dear, I can do it. And I'd bet er get busy!" She blew Aunt Lil ian a kis . "You'l be al right until I get back?" she added, hesitating.
"Of course," Lil ian huffed. "I just have a broken leg. I'm taking those stupid pil s."
"Good." Mari went upstairs and quickly threw things into her bag. She cal ed the bus station to ask about an outgoing bus and was delighted to find that she had an hour to get to the station. She grabbed her bag and rushed back down the staircase just in time to watch a wet, angry, coldly polite Ward Jes up come in the front door.
"I told Aunt Lil ian about the job, Mr. Jes up," she said, loud enough for Lil ian to hear. "My goodnes , what happened to you? You're al wet!" Ward glared at her. "So I am, Mis Raymond," he returned. His gaze went to the bag in her hand. Wel , he'd expected it, hadn't he? What did she think he'd do, propose marriage?
Mari went the rest of the way down the staircase, keeping her features calm when she felt like throwing herself at his wet boots and begging him to let her stay. She did have a lit le pride left. Anyway, he was the one who should be ashamed of himself, going around propositioning good girls.
"Bos , you'd bet er get into some dry clothes," Lil ian fussed.
"I wil in a minute." He glared at Mari. "When do you leave?"
"In an hour. Can you get somebody to run me to the bus station? After al , the research trip," she raised her voice, "was your idea."
"Tel Bil y I said to drive you," he said curtly, and his eyes cut into hers.
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"I'l do that," she replied, struggling to maintain her tat ered pride. Her hands clutched the bag. "See you." He didn't reply. Lil ian was get ing suspicious.
"Aren't you going to drive her?" Lil ian asked him.
"He's soaking wet, poor thing," Mari reminded her. "You wouldn't want him to get worse."
"No, of course not!" Lil ian said quickly. "But should you go alone, Mari, with your bad experience."
"She's tough," Ward told his housekeeper, and his eyes were making furious statements in the privacy of the hal way. "She'l get by."
"You bet I wil , big man," she as ured him. "Bet er luck next time," she added under her breath. "Sorry I wasn't more. . cooperative."
"Don't mis your bus, honey," he said in a tone as cold as snow.
She smiled pret ily and went past him to kis Lil ian goodbye.
Lil ian frowned as she returned the hug. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
"Not a thing," Mari said and smiled convincingly. "He's just trying not to show how hurt he is that I'm leaving," she added in a whisper.
"Oh," Lil ian said, although she was feeling undercurrents.
"See you soon," Mari promised. She walked straight past Ward, who was quietly dripping on the hal carpet, his fists clenched by his side. "So long, boss," she drawled. "Don't catch cold, now."
"If I die of pneumonia, I hope your conscience hurts you," he muttered.
She turned at the doorway. "It's more likely that pneumonia would catch you and die. You're dripping on the carpet." 131
"It's my damned carpet. I'l drip on it if I please."
She searched his hard eyes, seeing nothing welcoming or tender there now. The lover of an hour ago might j never have been. "I'l give Georgia your regards."
"Have you got enough money for a bus ticket?" he asked.
She glared at him. "If I didn't have it," she said under her breath, "I'd wait tables to get it! I don't want your money!" He was learning that the hard way. As he tried to find the right words to smooth over the hurt, to stop her until he could sort out his puzzling, disturbing new feelings, she whirled and went out the door.
"She sure is in a temper." Lil ian sighed as she hobbled out of the living room and down the hal . "Sure is going to be lonesome around here without her." She stopped and turned, her eyes full of regret and resig-1 nation. "I gues you know what I told her."
"I know," he said curtly. "Everything."
She shrugged. "I was get ing older. She was alone. I just wanted her to have somebody to care about her. I'm sorry. I hope both of you can forgive me. I'l write Mari and try to explain. No sense trying to talk to her right now." She knew something had gone badly wrong between them, and the boss didn't look any more eager to discuss it than Mari had.
"I hope you'l forgive me."
"I already have."
She looked up with a wan smile. "She's not a bad girl. You.. wil let her come back if I straighten things out and stop trying to play cupid?" He studied her quietly. "You heard what was said out here, didn't you?" <•*
She stared at the floor. "I got ears that hear pins fal ing. I was al excited about it, I thought you two were. . Wel , it's not my busines to arrange people's lives, and I've only just realized it. I'l mind my own busines from now on." She looked up. "She'l be al right, won't she? Thanks to us, she doesn't even have a job now." He was dying inside, and that thought didn't help one bit. He didn't want her to go, but he was going to have to let her.
"She'l be al right," he said, for his own benefit as wel as Lil ian's. Of course she'd be al right. She was tough. And it was for the best. He didn't want to get married. What if she went back and married someone else? His heart skipped a beat and he scowled.
"Can she come back, at least to visit?" Lil ian asked sadly.
"Of course she can!" he grumbled. "She's your niece."
Lil ian managed a smile. "Thanks for let ing her come. You could have fired me."
"Not on your life—I'd starve to death." He smiled halfheartedly. "I'd bet er change."
A truck started up, and they both looked toward the window as Mari went past sit ing beside Bil y in the ranch truck. Ward's face hardened. He turned on his heel without a word and went up the staircase. Lil ian sighed, watching him. Wel , the jig was up and no harm done. Or was there? He did look frustrated. She turned and went toward the kitchen. Maybe things might work out bet er than she had expected. She hummed a lit le, remembering the explosive force of that argument she'd overheard. And then she smiled. Where there was smoke, there was fire, her daddy used to say. 132
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* * *
A week later, back in Atlanta, Mari was just get ing over bouts of crying. Her smal savings account was enough to pay the rent for the next month, thank goodnes . She had bought groceries and cleaned her apartment and done her best not to think about what had happened in Texas.
Get ing a job was the big problem, and she haunted the unemployment office for secretarial positions. There just weren't any available, but when there was an opening for a beginning bank clerk, she jumped at it. She hated figures and adding numbers, but it wasn't a good time to be choosy. She reported for work at a big bank in downtown Atlanta, and began the tedious proces of learning to use computers and balance accounts.
After Mari was set led in Aunt Lil ian cal ed to make sure she'd made it home al right.
"I'm sorry, girl," the older woman said gruffly. "I never meant to cause you any hurt. I just wanted someone to look after you when I was gone. Now that I know I'm going to live, of course, I can do it by myself."
Mari was touched by her aunt's concern, even though she felt as if part of her had died. "I'l be okay," Mari promised brightly. "I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly. I gues you figured out that we'd had a big argument."
"Hard to mis , the way you were going at each other before you left," Lil ian said. "I knew the jig was up when he asked if you had the bus fare. He said you both knew I'd been spinning tales."
"We knew almost from the beginning," Mari said with a sigh. "We played along because we both think so much of you. But no more cupid, al right? You'remuch too tal to pas for the lit le guy, and you'd look pret y funny in a diaper carrying a bow and arrow."
Lil ian actual y laughed. "Gues I would, at that." She paused. "The boss left an hour ago for Hawai . He
said it was busines , but he wasn't carrying any briefcase. He looked pret y torn up."
That would have been encouraging if Mari hadn't known him so wel , but she didn't al ow herself to feel hopeful. She wanted to tel Lil ian just what the scalawag had offered to do, but she didn't want to crush al her aunt's il usions. He had been pret y good to Lil ian, after al . He could afford to be. It was only eligible women he seemed to have it in for.
"He'l be back in form in no time," Mari told her aunt. "He'l probably find some new woman to make pas es at in Hawai ."
"He made a pas ?" Lil ian sounded almost girlish with glee.
Mari groaned, realizing what she'd given away. "Wel , that was what you wanted, wasn't it?" she asked miserably. "You got your wish, but it wasn't commitment he had in mind."
"No man in his right mind ever wants to make a commitment," the other woman as ured her. "They have to be led into it."
"I don't want to lead your bos anywhere except maybe into quicksand," Mari said darkly.
"You wil come and see me again, won't you?" Lil ian probed gently. "When you get over being mad at him?"
"Someday maybe."
"How about a job? Do you have any prospects yet?" "Final y," Mari sighed. "I started working in the accounts department of a bank this morning." 134
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"Good girl. I knew you'd bounce back quickly. I love you, Marianne."
Mari smiled in spite of herself. "I love you, too, Aunt Lil ian. Take care of yourself. Please take your pil s."
"I wil , I promise. Good night."
Mari hung up and stared at the receiver. So the boss had gone to Hawai . How nice for him. Balmy breezes, blooming flowers, beautiful women doing the hula. Wel , he wouldn't be depres ed for long or even mis ing the one that got away. Thank goodnes she'd had sense enough to refuse his proposition. At least she stil had her pride and her self-respect.
"And they'l keep you very warm on winter nights, too," Mari muttered to herself before she went to bed. The bank job was interesting, at least, and she met some nice people. She liked Lindy and Marge, with whom she worked, and there was even a nice young assistant vice president named Larry, who was single and redheaded and just plain nice. She began to have coffee and sweet rolls with him in the mornings the second week she was at the bank. Lit le by lit le she was learning to live without the shadow of Ward Jes up.
Or she told herself she was. But the memory of him haunted her. She could close her eyes and feel the warm, hard crush of his mouth, the tantalizing seduction of his big hands. It had been so beautiful between them, so special. At no time in her life had she felt more secure or safe than she had with him. Despite his faults he was more man than she'd ever known. She found that love forgave a lot. She mis ed him terribly. Sometimes just seeing the back of a dark-headed tal man would be enough to make her heart jump. Or if she heard a deep masculine voice. Or if she saw Texas license plates on a car. She began to wonder if she was going to survive being away from him. She cal ed Lil ian the third week, just to see how her aunt was get ing along, she told herself. But it wasn't Lil ian who answered the phone. When she heard Ward's deep voice, her heart ran away. She hadn't realized how shat ering it was going to be to talk to him. She'd as umed Lil ian would answer.
"Hel o?" he repeated impatiently.
Mari took a calming breath. "Is Aunt Lil ian there, please?" she asked formal y.
There was a long pause. She couldn't know that hearing her voice had made a similar impact on him.
"Hel o, Mari," he said quietly. "Are you al right?"
"I'm very wel , thank you. How is Aunt Lil ian?"
"She's fine. It's her church social night. Bil y ran her over there in the pickup. She'l be home around nine, I gues . Have you got a job?" That was no busines of his, especial y seeing as how he'd caused her to lose the one she had in the first place. But hearing his voice had done something to her pride.
"Yes, I'm working at a bank," she told him, mentioning its name. "It's big and convenient to where I live. I work with nice people, and I'm making a bet er salary there than at the garage. You needn't worry about me." .
"But I do," he said quietly. "I worry about you a lot. And I mis you," he added curtly, the words so harsh that they sounded quite involuntary. She closed her eyes, gripping the receiver. "Do you?" she asked unsteadily, trying to laugh. "I can't imagine that."
"Someday soon I may work on making you imagine it," he said, his voice deep and slow and sensuous. 136
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"I thought I'd told you already that I am not in the market for a big bank account and my own luxury apartment in Victoria, Texas," she returned, hating the unsteadines that would tel him how much that hateful proposition had hurt her.
He said something rough under his breath. "Yes, I know that," he said gruffly. "I wish you were here. I wish we could talk. I made the biggest mistake of my life with you, Marianne. But I think it might help if you understood why."
Mistake. So now that was al he felt about those magical times they'd had. It had al been just a mistake. And he was sorry. Tears burned her eyes, but she kept her voice steady. "There's no need to explain," she said gently. "I understand already. You told me how much you loved your freedom."
"It wasn't altogether just that," he returned. "You said Lil ian had told you about what happened to me, about the woman I planned to marry."
"Yes."
He sighed heavily. "I suppose she and my mother colored my opinion of women more than I'd realized. I've seen women as nothing more than gold-digging opportunists for most of my adult life. I've used them that way. Anything physical came under the heading of permis ible pleasure with me, and I paid for it like I paid for busines deals. But until you came along, I never had a conscience. You got under my skin, honey. You're stil there."
She imagined that he hadn't told anyone what he was tel ing her. And while it was flat ering, it was disturbing, too. He was explaining why he'd made that "mistake" and was trying to get them back on a friendly footing. She remembered him saying the night he'd come to her room that he'd had that intention even then. It was like lighting a match to the paper of her hopes. An ending.
"Don't let me wear on your conscience, Ward," she said quietly. "You can't help the way you are. I'm a puritan. An old-fashioned prude. I won't change, either, even if the whole world does. So I gues I'l be like Aunt Lil ian when I'm her age. Going to church Socials and playing cupid for other women.. " Her voice broke. "Listen, I have to go."
"No," he ground out. "Marianne, listen to me!"
"Goodbye, Ward."
She hung up before he could hear the tears that were fal ing hotly down her cheeks, before the break in her voice got worse. She went to bed without cal ing back. He'd tel Lil ian she'd cal ed, she knew, but she couldn't bear the risk that he might answer the phone again. Her heart was in tat ers. She went to work the next morning with her face stil pale and her eyes bloodshot from the night before. She «at at her desk mechanical y, answering the phone, going over new accounts, smiling at customers. Doing al the right things. But her mind was stil on Ward and the sound of his voice and the memory of him that was eating her alive. It would get bet er, wouldn't it? It had to! She couldn't go on like this, being haunted by a living ghost, so much in love that she could barely function as a human being. She'd never understood the idea of a couple being halves of the same whole until she met Ward. Now it made perfect sense because she felt as if part of her was mis ing. 138
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When a long shadow fel across her desk just before lunchtime, she didn't even look up.
"I'l be with you in just a minute," she said with a forced smile as she finished listing a new account. And then she looked up and her body froze. Ward stared down at her like a blind artist who could suddenly see again. His green eyes found every shadow,* every line, every curve of her face in the stark, helples silence that followed. Around them was the buzz of distant voices, the tap of fingers on keyboards, the
ringing of telephones. And closer there was the rasp of Mari's hurried breathing, the thump of her heart shaking the silky pink blouse she was wearing with her gray' skirt.
Ward was wearing a suit—a very elegant three-piece" beige one that made him look even tal er than he act ual y was. He had a creamy dres Stetson in one big hand, and his face looked thinner and drawn. His green eyes were as bloodshot as hers, as if he hadn't slept wel .! She thought as she studied him that he was the handsomest man she'd ever seen. If only he wasn't such a cold-blooded snake.
She stiffened defensively, remembering their last! meeting. "Yes, sir?" she said with cold politenes ., "May I help you?"
"Cut that out," he muttered, "I've had a long flight and no breakfast, and I feel like hel ."
"I would like to point out that I work here," she informed him. "I have no time to socialize with old acquaintances. If you want to open an account, I'l be delighted to as ist you. That's what I do here. I open accounts."
"I don't want to open an account," he said through ? his teeth.
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"Then what do you want?" she asked.
"I came to take you home—where you belong." He searched her puzzled eyes. "Your bos wil be sorry you have to leave, but he'l understand. You can come with me right now."
She blinked. Somewhere along the line she was sure that she'd mis ed something.
"I can what?" she asked.
"Come with me right now," he repeated. He turned the Stetson in his hands. "Don't you remember my Condition? I'm dying, remember. I have something vaguely terminal, although medical science wil triumph In plenty of time to save me."
"Huh?" she said blankly. None of this was get ing through to her. She just stared at him.
"You're going to help me write my memoirs, remember?" he persisted.
"You aren't dying!" she burst out, coming to her (tenses at last.
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