Tia looked at him in astonishment. “What did I do? Not a damn thing except trust him, Eryk, when I should have known better. I know it wouldn’t matter to you if another Age of Shadows came round tomorrow, because you think the sun shines out of Dirk’s arse anyway, but your precious Lord Dirk betrayed everyone in Mil. Including you.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“That’s not my problem, Eryk,” Tia shrugged unsympathetically. “What’s done is done. Trying to pretend it isn’t real won’t make it go away.”
“You did something,” Eryk insisted. “You did something bad to him and made him run away.”
Tia sighed and climbed to her feet. She looked down at him with a shake of her head. “You believe whatever you want, Eryk. I’m done talking about it. To you or anyone else.”
Later that night, as he lay on his bunk in the narrow bungalow where most of the single men slept when they were in port, Eryk thought over everything he had heard since Tia had returned. It had all been bad news, but Eryk still refused to believe that Dirk was in any way responsible for any of it.
He felt so alone and friendless in Mil with Dirk gone. Any access to Mellie was denied him now, and the other sailors on the Orlando treated him with disdain. They never actually said anything, but they all knew what had happened at the Troitsa Festival. And then Tia started saying all that stuff about Dirk being a traitor, and things got even worse because everyone knew that Dirk was his friend, too, and they now looked at Eryk as if he was tarred with the same brush.
His cheeks wet, Eryk turned his face to the wall, in case somebody came by and saw him sniveling like a baby. He fervently wished that he knew what to do. Dirk was not here to advise him. He wasn’t allowed to see Mellie, and Eleska Arrowsmith had walked past him in the longhouse, deliberately turning away from him as he tried to greet her. He had no friends among the crew of either the Makuan or the Orlando. As for Tia, she had become Dirk’s enemy and, in Eryk’s simple mind, that made her his enemy as well.
Desperately unhappy, Eryk tried to think what Dirk would do. He was smart. He was brave, too. He always knew the right thing to say, the best thing to do. If he had gone back to Avacas, then he must have had a really good reason, and Tia was just too pig-headed to admit it.
Marqel was in Avacas, too, he remembered. She had been so nice to him in Nova, and had shown him things he had never dreamed of. Not that her instruction would be of any use if he could not even get to talk to Mellie...
As he lay awake thinking about it, Eryk slowly came to a decision. He had only one true friend in the world and that was Dirk Provin. Whatever Dirk was doing now, whatever he had done in the past, it was all because he was smarter than everyone else and nobody understood him. Tia was wrong. They were all wrong. And Eryk intended to prove it.
He sniffed back his tears. The Orlando would sail again soon, and when it did, he decided, he would take all his meager possessions with him. At some point they were bound to call in to a Senetian port.
And when they did, Eryk would walk off the ship and not look back.
After that, Eryk drifted off to sleep and dreamed of Mellie. In his dream, Mellie loved him and nobody tried to keep them apart. Then the dream changed suddenly, and they took her away from him again. He searched for her, wandering through barren streets and deserted buildings he did not recognize, calling her name, but try as he might, he could not find her. He caught a movement over his shoulder, a shadow that passed just out of sight. He called out to it, but it flittered away like a wisp of insubstantial mist. He headed back through the deserted buildings again, through the abandoned streets, which began to close in on him, and then he realized he was running through the bunkhouse in Mil and the shadow was just ahead, tantalizingly out of reach...
He woke with a start and glanced around the bunkhouse, but there was nobody there, except the other sailors from the Orlando and the Makuan who did not have homes to go to. Their soft snores filled the air with a gentle buzz, as if the room was full of midges. He missed the silence of the goat hut; missed the solitude. It was only since he had been surrounded by all these sailors that he had truly begun to feel alone.
Eryk lay back again with a sigh, his heart pounding from his nightmare. He had been having a lot of them lately—ever since Dirk had gone away. But they would be over soon, he promised himself. Soon he would have no more nightmares, and everything would be back the way it was supposed to be, because he was going to find Dirk Provin.
Eryk was going to Avacas to join his only friend.
Chapter 85
Although Dorra seemed intent on keeping her bedridden until the next Age of Shadows, Alenor finally convinced Yuri Daranski that she would regain her strength much faster if she was allowed to get out of bed.
The physician relented unhappily, and Alenor began to take short walks along the wide halls of the Avacas palace, always with a Shadowdancer—either Olena or one of the acolytes—to keep an eye on her. Alenor resented the escort at first; or at least until the first time she ventured out of her room. She was horrified to discover that even after a short distance, she was feeling light-headed and nauseous, and had to be helped back to her bed. But slowly the walks grew longer, and she began to hold out some hope that she might eventually recover from this ordeal.
She tried not to think of the child she had lost. It did no good to wonder if it had been a boy or a girl. Nothing was gained by trying to imagine who the child might have favored. Would it have been dark-haired and brown-eyed, a true Thorn in both looks and nature? Or would it have inherited Alexin’s blond hair and fair coloring?
Alenor forced herself to stop dwelling on it, concentrating instead on placing one foot in front of the other, as she walked back along the hall, her footfalls silent on the thick carpet runner. She was returning from her latest excursion, a walk that had made it all the way to the top of the stairs and back again. She could see the door to her room ahead of her.
Just a few more steps, she told herself proudly.
Then she glanced up the hall and spied Marqel, dressed in her nightdress and wrapped in a shawl, slipping into Dirk’s room. She stopped for a moment, wondering why Marqel would be visiting him so late.
For that matter, why was Marqel visiting Dirk at all?
“Are you feeling ill, your majesty?” the acolyte, Ilga, asked with concern. She was a Landfall bastard and a Shadowdancer, like Marqel, but much more likable. Like all Belagren’s people, she was a beautiful girl, with glossy dark hair and a waist that seemed too small to contain the organs in her body that should have been located there. She came from Talenburg, she had told Alenor on one of their walks. Her mother was a candle maker there, with a thriving business in the city, if Ilga was to be believed.
“No, I’m quite well,” Alenor assured her.
“I’ll fetch you some tea once you’re settled,” Ilga promised, opening the door.
Alenor stepped inside, rather startled to find Kirsh waiting for her. Did he know where his lover had just gone?
“Kirsh!”
“I see you’re up and about.”
“Barely,” she agreed. “Is something wrong?”
Kirsh glanced over her shoulder at Ilga. “Leave us!”
The acolyte bowed hastily and removed herself from the queen’s chambers.
“That was a bit harsh,” Alenor accused.
“I’ve neither the time nor the inclination to be polite,” he informed her. “Misha has been kidnapped from Tolace by the Baenlanders.”
Alenor walked unsteadily to the settee and sat down before she responded. “When did you learn of this?”
“Barely an hour ago.”
“Oh, Kirsh! That’s dreadful news!”
“Palinov was suggesting that we just leave him there and let him die, thereby robbing the Baenlanders of their prize.”
“Your father didn’t agree to that, surely?”
“No. But we’re going to Mil. That’s what I came to tell you. I’m leaving for Tolac
e in the morning, to see if I can pick up their trail. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
She nodded slowly, understanding the necessity for such a thing, and not in the least surprised that Antonov was sending Kirsh to do it. Perhaps he had volunteered. Kirsh would do something like that, especially if Misha was involved.
But what had possessed the Baenlanders to do such a thing? Alexin had never even hinted at such a plan. How could they do something like this without consulting her, or at least warning her of their plans? So much for their alliance. Why do I keep doing these stupid, stupid things?
“Then I wish you luck,” she said to Kirsh, praying no hint of her inner turmoil was visible.
“I’m taking your guard with me.”
This time, Alenor was genuinely shocked, and she had no hope of hiding it. Did he suspect something?
“Why?”
“For one thing, I’m the Regent of Dhevyn, and it will look better if the world believes that Dhevyn supports Senet in their determination to rescue Misha and wipe out the Baenlanders. The other reason is more personal...”
Oh, Goddess! He knows!
“...although I’d never admit it to my father,” he continued, oblivious to her distress. “Your guard is much better trained than his. I want men I can count on. I’d far rather have Alexin watching my back than some Senetian mercenary I don’t know.”
“I’m sure they’ll be a great help to you,” she agreed, almost choking on the words.
“Are you all right, Alenor? You’ve suddenly gone pale.”
“I overextended myself with my walk, I fear,” she explained, trembling with the strain of keeping her secrets hidden.
“Then I won’t keep you any longer,” he said, turning for the door.
“If you could send Dorra to me, I would be grateful,” she said, certain she did not have the strength to get across the room to her bed. Not that Dorra would be any great comfort, but Alenor knew she needed help.
“I will,” he promised. “I hope you’ve not become too attached to her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Father has decided she’s no longer required. I believe he’s going to allow you to send for someone from Dhevyn to attend you. Perhaps the Lady Jacinta will come. That should please you.”
It was almost as shocking as hearing about Misha. Or that Kirsh was planning to rescue him using her guard.
“Why would he suddenly decide to do that?”
“I think Dirk suggested it. Father told me to tell you tonight, in the hope that the prospect of seeing a few familiar faces would alleviate your distress about me going away again. I thought it prudent not to point out that you’d probably welcome it.”
“I don’t welcome the news that Misha might be in danger, Kirsh. Or that you might place yourself in the same danger trying to rescue him.”
“I thought you’d be glad to hear that I’d been killed in battle,” he said, a little bitterly. “Or even just that I’d been killed.”
“I don’t hate you, Kirsh...” she tried to explain.
“But you don’t love me anymore, do you?”
“Do you love me?”
When Kirsh did not reply, she looked away. “Then I suppose that makes us even.”
The door closing behind Kirsh was his only answer.
Chapter 86
The view from the veranda of Johan’s house had always been spectacular, but Tia hardly noticed it as the second sunrise began to wash the red light from the eastern horizon. The delta was quiet, the village below still sleeping; the people garnering their strength for the trying days ahead.
“You’re up early.”
Tia glanced over her shoulder to find Lexie walking barefoot along the veranda, still in her nightdress.
“So are you.”
“Mellie had a restless night,” Lexie explained. “She’s taking the news about Dirk rather badly.”
“So is Eryk,” Tia said. “He cornered me down in the longhouse last night. He seems to think it’s all my fault. I suppose he doesn’t understand what’s happening.”
“Neither does Mellie, really.”
“I wish there was some way we could have kept it from her.”
Lexie shrugged as she took the chair beside Tia. “Much as I’d like to, there’s no way to protect your children from learning some of the harsher lessons in life. And it’s probably not a good idea to try. Have you been to bed at all?”
Tia shook her head. “I couldn’t sleep.”
Lexie said nothing, waiting for Tia to elaborate. When she showed no inclination to speak further, she placed a comforting hand on Tia’s shoulder. “Would you like to talk about it, dear?”
“Not particularly.”
“What happened, Tia?” she asked gently.
“I told you what happened yesterday,” Tia shrugged. “I told everybody.”
“And what about the parts you left out?”
Tia glanced at her foster-mother suspiciously. “How do you know I left anything out?”
“It’s a gift that comes with motherhood, I think,” she said with a smile. “This ability to see when someone you love is hurting. Even when they’re trying very hard not to let it show.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Not to anybody else,” Lexie assured her. “But I’ve known you since you were two years old, Tia. I’ve kissed away the pain from your skinned knees and your wounded pride on more than one occasion.”
“I wish you could kiss this one away.” She dropped her head into her hands for a moment, wishing she could shut out the world for a while. “I feel like such a fraud.”
“When have you ever been a fraud?”
“Yesterday, when Dal and Porl and Reithan were all patting me on the back, applauding me for my good sense because I was the only one who didn’t trust Dirk Provin.”
“Perhaps you should tell me the whole story, Tia. Even the painful bits.”
Tia shrugged. “There’s not that much more to tell. Dirk and I went to Omaxin, he opened the gate, and then he betrayed us.”
“And?” Lexie prompted.
“Do you remember what Johan used to say about happiness?” she asked instead. “He said if you ever experienced a moment of total bliss you should die, right at that moment, because the rest of your life would be downhill from there.”
Lexie smiled. “I remember. He nearly frightened Mellie to death with it when she was small. For a while there, every time she laughed at something she’d get very concerned that she might die immediately afterward.”
Tia smiled briefly at the memory, and then her smile faded. “That’s what it was like, Lexie. Bliss. Sixteen days . . . count them...sixteen glorious, blissful days, before he turned on me.”
Lexie absorbed that for a time before answering. She seemed neither shocked nor surprised by the revelation.
“Do you love Dirk, Tia?”
“I thought I did.” She laughed bitterly. “Reithan told me once that I needed to fall in love a few times before I could really understand what it was like.”
“And what’s your verdict?”
“It’s wonderful,” she said. “While it lasts. But the part where he betrays you by handing you over to your worst enemy to be tortured and killed takes the shine off it a bit.”
“I imagine it would,” Lexie agreed with a faint smile. “Would it help if I tell you that you’ll learn to live with it?”
“It would help more if you told me it goes away.”
“I don’t know that the pain of a first love ever does,” Lexie mused. “Not completely.”
“Did you know that I’m afraid of the dark?” she asked suddenly, not sure why it was important.
“I didn’t think you were afraid of anything, Tia.”
“Neither did I, until I stepped into the Labyrinth. But you know what really hurts?” she said, her self-pity slowly being replaced by anger. “I never saw it coming. Goddess, Lexie, I went with him to Omaxin to make sure something like this di
dn’t happen. I let everyone down.”
“Now you’re punishing yourself for no good reason,” Lexie scolded. “If Reithan or Porl had been worried Dirk would betray them, they should have said something or done something to prevent it happening. You can’t blame yourself for everyone else’s mistakes.”
“I don’t need to,” she said. “Mine was spectacular enough.”
Lexie smiled. “I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic, darling, but you’re not the first woman to fall for the wrong man.”
“I want to kill him, Lexie, so badly I can taste it.”
“Because he betrayed you—or because he lied to you?”
“Dirk didn’t lie to me. I lied to myself. He told me what he was doing, every step of the way. He never once said he loved me, either, but I was too stupid to notice. He even warned me that I shouldn’t trust him.”
Lexie was silent for a time, and then she looked at Tia thoughtfully. “Tia, are you absolutely certain Dirk has betrayed us?”
She glanced at Lexie with a scowl. “No, Lexie, I think he handed me over to the High Priestess out of genuine concern for my welfare, and then he joined the Shadowdancers and decided to tell the Lion of Senet everything he knows about us because he’s such a sweetheart.”
“I know you’re hurting,” Lexie said with reproach. “But I don’t deserve to be spoken to in that manner.”
“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I just can’t believe you won’t accept the truth about him.”
“I can accept the truth, dear. I’m just not entirely convinced I’ve heard it yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dirk was here for more than two years, Tia. I don’t care how clever he is, nobody can fake sincerity for that long. What I’m hearing just doesn’t sit right. If Dirk is really as devious as you claim, why warn you not to trust him? He’d be doing his utmost to assure you of the complete opposite. And why send that message to Reithan? For that matter, why would Kirshov Latanya suddenly decide to let you go?”
“Because at least he has a grain of honor left,” she suggested sourly.
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