He tipped my head back so he could kiss me. His kiss always had the power to distract me from every other thought flitting around in my head, and he routinely used that to his advantage, to remind me that when we were together, nothing else mattered.
“You are never going to lose me, so get that crazy thought out of your head. When I slide that ring on your finger tomorrow, you’re stuck with me for life.”
I loved the sound of that. Being stuck with him for life. “Promise?”
He guided me back toward the bed, giving me a soft place to land. “You know I do.” He stood above me, removing his jeans and black boxer briefs while he watched me watching him. “Have you given any more thought to what we talked about?”
We’d talked about doing away with birth control and trying to get pregnant right away. “I’ve thought about it,” I said, licking my lips as he came down on top of me, pushing my legs open with his.
“And?”
I drew his head against mine, whispering in his ear, “And… I want to have your baby, Nex.”
His big body shuddered, letting me know the impact those words had on him. “You’re sure you’re ready? It’s not too soon? If you want to wait, I understand.”
I responded by guiding his hard shaft inside me. Our very first time without protection. “I don’t want to wait.”
His eyes locked with mine, reminding me all over again that he was my future, the man I’d been waiting my whole life for.
“I love you,” he whispered, moving his body in a perfect rhythm that had me gasping within the first few strokes. “I love you more than anything, Jac.”
“Me too.” That’s all I could manage, just two words. But I knew those were the only words he needed to hear. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I brought his face, his body as close to mine as possible. I wanted him to be a part of me in every way, for us to be as close as two people could be.
“Jesus, this feels amazing,” he groaned, picking up the pace.
Nothing had ever felt more incredible than him filling me with no barrier between us, knowing that this single act could lead to the culmination of another dream come true for both of us.
“Oh God, Nex…”
“I love that…”
I knew it turned him on when I said his name while I was on the verge, ready to freefall. Clenching him hard, digging my nails into his shoulders, I gasped, my heart thudding against his strong chest as I pulsated around him.
“Baby, I…” His breathing was choppy, the words a mere whisper as he finally let go, erupting inside me. He inched back, looking into my eyes before a slow grin spread across his face. “You know, I wouldn’t mind if this took a while. I think trying for a baby just might be my new favorite pastime.”
I laughed, slapping his back. If my future husband could make me laugh at a time like this, I knew we were going to be just fine.
***
After the rehearsal, I planned an afternoon of shopping to celebrate Riley’s birthday. “I feel bad that you’re stuck here on your birthday,” I said, looping my arm through hers as Mac and Skylar trailed behind us.
“Don’t be silly,” she said, patting my hand. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
“Liar.” We shared a smile, and I saw the pain lurking in her eyes. She had to be imagining how wonderful this birthday could have been if she and Brody were still together.
“Has Brody wished you a happy birthday?” I asked, wondering if I should leave well enough alone.
“I doubt he even remembers,” she said, pretending to be mesmerized by a blue dress in a store window.
“You can’t spent that many years with someone and forget their birthday.” And if my future brother-in-law didn’t even acknowledge the occasion, I intended to let him have it.
“Today isn’t about me,” she said, obviously trying to change the subject. “It’s about you and Nex. Now let’s try to find you something fabulous for Maui.”
I allowed her to drag me into a bathing suit shop while Mac and Skylar let us know they’d be across the street checking out the shoes.
“I bet Nex would love to see you in this,” Riley said, holding up a low-cut one piece with sheer cut-outs at the side. “Go, try it on.” She thrust the garment into my hands before pointing at a dressing room in the back.
The lone woman working in the store was helping another customer, which meant we were free to browse. I held Riley’s selection while continuing to thumb through the racks. I didn’t need another bathing suit for my honeymoon, or anything, for that matter. But I couldn’t stand to see Riley waste her birthday at the resort, being ignored by the man she loved.
“Aren’t you going to buy anything?” I asked, pointing at a colorful cotton maxi skirt. “That would look great on you.”
She wrinkled her nose. “It’s cute, but I’m not really in the mood to shop for myself today.”
“I have a feeling you would have hung back in your room by yourself, if we’d let you.”
“You’re probably right.” She bit her lip, obviously struggling to contain her emotions. “Days like this just remind me… of things I’d rather forget.”
“Birthdays with Brody?”
“Believe it or not, he wasn’t always the self-centered jerk he is today. We had a lot of good times together. A lot of good memories.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” I said softly, curling my hand around her wrist. “I feel terrible for asking you to do this, Riley. At least if you’d stayed home, you’d be with Stephan today, creating new birthday memories.”
She shook her head, the sadness welling up in her eyes. “It wouldn’t have mattered where I was today, I would have been thinking about Brody. Ever major occasion that’s passed since we broke up, he’s been on my mind. I can’t seem to avoid thinking about him.”
“Every day or just days like this?” I knew she had to get this out, to be honest with herself about her feelings for Brody, or the sadness would eventually take over her life.
“In the beginning it was every day,” she said, picking up a pair of multi-colored flip-flops, pretending to admire them before she set them back on the shelf. “Then it was every other day. For a while there, maybe it was once a week or a couple of times a month.” She set a black floppy hat on her head before adjusting it in the mirror. “Lately, it’s been… a lot.”
“Because I forced this little reunion.” I was responsible for her setback, for her obvious misery. As much as I’d wanted her to be there to share this with us, I should have insisted she send her assistant, for her sake.
“Hey, it’s not your fault,” she said, rubbing my back as she leaned into me. “Honestly, I’m not sure that I’ll ever really get over him. I’m beginning to accept the fact that, as hard as it is, maybe he’ll always be a part of me.”
If she honestly believed that, it was no wonder she was so miserable. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand how you can be thinking about building a life with someone else if you’re still thinking about Brody all the time.”
“I’m not sure either.”
“Does that mean you’re thinking about breaking up with Stephan?” I asked, stunned. Based on everything she’d told me about him, I really believed he could be the man to help her forget Brody.
“I’m thinking about it,” she admitted, nodding slowly. “I’m just not sure it’s fair to him, you know, given the fact I’m not over Brody.”
I hung up the bathing suit I had no intention of buying and led her out of the store into the bustling street. There were Christmas scenes decorating every storefront, carols filtering through doors as they opened and closed, and garland wrapped around lampposts. A scene that would have warmed even the Grinch’s heart, but I could tell Riley was so lost in her thoughts, she barely noticed the festive atmosphere.
“Let’s go grab a hot chocolate,” I said, pointing at a little café on the corner. “I’m freezing.”
“Shouldn’t we check in with Mac and Skyla
r?” she asked, pointing at the shoe store where our friends had disappeared.
“I’ll text Mac and tell her where we are,” I said, pulling out my phone and sending the message before Riley could object.
We waited in line behind a few other shoppers before we were finally able to order a hot chocolate and pecan Danish. Since most people were too busy finishing up last minute Christmas shopping to rest, there were several free tables.
I led Riley to one of them and waited for her to remove her black pea coat and hang it on the back of the chair before I said, “Talk to me about Stephan. You were so sure he might be the one. What happened to make you change your mind?”
“I don’t want to burden you with my problems, hon. It’s not fair to you. You’re supposed to be thinking about your wedding tomorrow—”
“Enough about the wedding,” I said, cutting her off with a sharp nod. “If I didn’t want to hear about it, I wouldn’t have asked. So spill.” I sipped my hot chocolate through the whipped cream while she did the same.
“I thought coming here and spending time with him would help me put things to rest, once and for all.”
“But that hasn’t happened?” Clearly neither one of them were any closer to a peaceful resolution now than they’d been when they set foot on the plane.
“No, and I’m not sure it ever will.” She broke off a piece of her pastry before popping it in her mouth. “Maybe we just have too much history together to think we can make a clean break. Maybe he’ll always be a part of my life, through my memories.”
“Maybe.”
“But is it fair to expect another man to share me with my memories of Brody?” She looked at the twinkling Christmas tree in the corner, a slight smile on her face. “See even that reminds me of him.”
“The Christmas tree?”
She nodded, her smile turning into a frown. “I used to love Christmas. I’d start shopping and decorating early, so I could enjoy it as long as possible. I took my time finding the perfect gifts for everyone on my list, and wrapping everything so it looked so pretty no one wanted to open it on Christmas morning.”
I smiled as I listened to her, thinking how sad it was a holiday she’d once loved no longer seemed to bring her any pleasure.
“I’d always rope Brody into helping me decorate the artificial tree at my place before I’d insist on going out to get a real one for his.” She paused, using her spoon to scoop some cream off the top before stirring it. “Of course, that was back when he had a house of his own.”
Nex told me his brother had sold his house a while back and refused to buy another. He claimed he’d been looking, but wasn’t sure he was ready to put down roots. Nex said it was common knowledge Brody had sold the house after Riley broke up with him because the memories of her were haunting him.
“I loved spending the holidays with him,” she said quietly. “More than any other time of year, it felt like we were a real couple then.”
“What do you mean?”
“We had our own traditions.” She swallowed, her eyes landing on her plate. “We’d spend Christmas Eve at Ryker and Mac’s. Their other brothers would come too. Then we’d wake up early on Christmas morning to have our own private celebration, you know, gifts and a big breakfast. Then we’d go to my parents’ house for lunch with my brother and his family. My sister too, if she was in town.”
“You’re missing out on a lot this year,” I said, thinking about how we would have spent the holidays had we chosen another time of year to get married.
“To tell the truth, Christmas has been my least favorite time of the year since Brody and I broke up. I just go through the motions, trying to pretend I’m enjoying myself. But I feel like my friends and family can see right through me.” She pushed her plate aside after only one or two bites. “And this year would have been even worse, trying to spend time with Stephan’s family while my heart was with Brody’s. So when you asked me to be here with you, that’s why I was all for it.” She reached across the table, covering my hand with hers. “I wanted to be here with all of you guys, so thank you for including me.”
My heart broke for her. I couldn’t understand how a guy as smart as Brody could be so dense when it came to the incredible woman sitting in front of me. They belonged together. Why couldn’t he see that? What was holding him back?
“Oh, there’s Mac and Skylar,” Riley said, clearing her throat as she forced a smile. “I think I’m just going to slip into the restroom, then we can be on our way.”
Watching her walk away, I thought I would do anything and everything in my power to get through to Brody… before it was too late.
Chapter Nine
Brody
I’d been biding my time, waiting for everyone to turn in before I wandered across the hall to Riley’s room. It was her birthday, and I had something special to give her. I’d bought it before she cut me loose for the last time, and I hadn’t been sure I was going to give it to her. I’d stuck it in my suitcase as an afterthought, but when she returned from her shopping trip looking even more miserable than when she left, I knew I had to put a smile back on her face.
She answered her door after I knocked a few times, and I could hear the low buzz of the TV in the background.
“Can I come in?” I asked, my heart clenching at the sadness I saw in her eyes. I only hoped my gift would help rectify that.
Her eyes drifted to the small box in my hand as she pulled the short cotton robe tighter around her. “Um, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
From where I was standing, it was the best idea I’d had in a long time. “I just wanted to say happy birthday, Ri.”
She looked at the package I offered as though she expected a snake to jump out when she opened it. Not that I could blame her, given the way I’d acted. She didn’t take the gift, but she did step back to let me in, and she closed the door behind me.
“I can’t accept a gift from you, Brody. It wouldn’t be right.”
I set the package down at the foot of her rumpled bed, where she’d been watching TV. “I was in Las Vegas, just killing time between tournaments, making some money at the casino.”
I crossed my arms. I felt uncomfortable, uncertain. Normally we couldn’t have been alone together without touching each other, but now that I no longer had the right, it just reminded me how badly I’d messed up.
“That’s when I saw this.” They’d wrapped it in silver paper with an elegant black bow, perfect for any occasion, the saleslady had said. “It made me think of you, of our first date, actually.”
Her brows knit together. “Our first date?”
I smiled at the memory. “Our first official date. I stole Ryker’s truck, remember?”
She laughed. “You weren’t even old enough to drive. We were so lucky we didn’t get caught.”
“It was worth the risk just to be with you.” I took a step closer and immediately regretted it. Her favorite perfume drifted through the air, daring me to pull her close. “That night changed me, you know.”
“Me too,” she whispered, looking up at me.
I picked up the package again, hoping I could convince her to open it. “So I guess that’s why I bought this. I wanted you to remember the good times.”
“I haven’t been able to forget, Brody. That’s the problem.”
“Neither have I.” I pressed the small box into her hands. “I’ll never forget. I never want you to forget either.”
She sucked in a breath, closing her eyes. “How is that fair? How am I supposed to move on if I’m so lost in the past I can’t see the future?”
I hated torturing her this way. I knew it wasn’t fair, but knowing this may be the last few minutes we had alone together, I had to let her know she’d always have my heart. No matter who else might have claimed hers.
“Please, just open it,” I whispered, taking another step closer. Her knuckles brushed my light cotton T-shirt, and I felt it as though she’d wrapped her arms around me. God, what
I wouldn’t give for her to do that. Just one more time…
“Fine,” she said, taking a deep breath. “But only because I’m dying to know what’s inside.”
My eyes drifted to a few packages on a table by the window. “Did your boyfriend send you a gift?”
“No, those are birthday presents from your family.”
What kind of boyfriend was he, not to acknowledge her special day even with a bouquet of flowers? Clearly one who didn’t deserve her.
She gasped when she opened the box to reveal a shooting star necklace encrusted in diamonds.
“Do you remember lying on a blanket in the bed of Ryker’s truck when we saw that shooting star?”
“Of course I remember.” She winced when a tear rolled down her cheek and I brushed it away with the back of my hand.
“You wouldn’t tell me what you wished for. You said it wouldn’t come true. Will you tell me now?”
She licked her lips before her beautiful blue eyes captured mine. “I wished that you would fall in love with me.”
I closed my eyes, lowering my head. “You may not have realized it then, Ri, but your wish had already come true.”
She wrapped her hand around the back of my neck, whispering in my ear, “How did it go so wrong? What happened to us?”
When I could no longer continue the fight, I pulled her against me, resting her head in the crook of my neck, wondering how the hell I was supposed to let her go now that I’d held her again. “I don’t know, baby. I don’t know what the hell happened to me. All I know is I feel like I’m self-destructing, and I don’t know what to do about it, how to stop it.”
We were a few feet from a warm bed, and I knew for one night, the woman of my dreams could set my world right again. But she wouldn’t. Not as long as there was a man waiting on her at home. Because that’s not the kind of girl Riley was, which only made me love her more.
“I still need you,” I whispered, her heart hammering my chest as I threaded my hands through her hair. I was dying to pull the tie on that robe, to satisfy my curiosity about what laid beneath, but she would never forgive me if I tempted her into betraying her morals. “I’ll never stop needing you, Ri.”
Steele Brothers Christmas Page 7
