Chapter Eleven
Brody
I was shamelessly watching Riley and her boyfriend out on the terrace when he did something that made it difficult to breathe. He pulled a small box out of his pocket and dropped to one knee.
I was witnessing the woman I loved get engaged to another man…
“Hey,” Seb said, walking up to the bar and curling his arm around my shoulder. “What’re you doing over here all by yourself?” His eyes followed mine, and he muttered a curse when he spotted Riley and Stephan. Turning his body to block my view of the happy couple, he said, “You can’t keep torturing yourself this way. If it’s over, you’ve got to let her go, man.”
“You tell me how the hell I’m supposed to do that.” I tapped the bottom of my glass on the bar to let the bartender know I was ready for another scotch.
“You love her. You want her to be happy, right?”
“Not with him.” I didn’t expect Seb to understand. He was sharing his bed every night with the woman he loved.
“Not with anyone else, you mean.”
“So what? Does that make me a bad guy, just because I don’t want her with anyone else?” I watched the bartender pour before I tipped the glass back. “She’s mine. She’ll always be mine.”
“I don’t know that Riley would appreciate hearing you say that.”
“You saw that douche, didn’t you?” I asked, looking past my brother’s shoulder. Stephan was back on his feet, and they were hugging, no doubt celebrating their engagement. “He’s not good enough for her.”
“And you are?”
My brothers made it their job to challenge me, but nobody was going to push me without getting pushed back tonight. “Don’t act so goddamn high and mighty with me, Seb. Before Skylar, you weren’t any better with relationships than I am.”
“True, but meeting Sky changed all that. She changed me. I just can’t figure out why the hell the same isn’t true for you. We all know you love Riley, that you’d do anything for her, so why didn’t you just go out and buy a goddamn ring when you had the chance instead of dragging your feet until it was too late?”
I suspected I’d be asking myself that question for the rest of my life. “I don’t know. I just know I didn’t want to mess up with her. I didn’t want to hurt her.”
“But you did hurt her. You know that.”
“Looks like she’s doing just fine now,” I said, tipping my head back as Riley walked across the dance floor behind us, holding his hand. “If she was hurt, she’s not anymore.” I dared a glance at her, and it felt like a dagger through the heart as I caught a glimpse of her smile. “She looks happy.”
“That’s what you want for her, isn’t it? To be happy?”
“I don’t know. Would you want Skylar to be happy with another man?”
Seb sighed as he claimed the seat beside me. “No.” He held a finger up to the bartender, who produced a bottle of the beer Seb’d been drinking all night. “But if I couldn’t make her happy, I wouldn’t try to hold on to her. That wouldn’t be fair.”
“No, I guess it wouldn’t.” I closed my eyes when the tears started to burn. “I know what I have to do, Seb. I have to let her go. Christ, she’s engaged to another man now. I have to let her go. I don’t have a choice, right?”
“Looks that way.”
***
Riley had stayed behind after all the guests retired to their rooms—in case the clean-up crew needed her, she claimed. So I took advantage of the opportunity to corner her.
“Brody,” she said, flattening her palm against her chest. “I thought you went upstairs.”
“I did, but I came back down. I figured we should talk.”
“About?”
My eyes drifted to her left hand, and I could have sworn my heart stopped beating when I realized she wasn’t wearing a ring. “I assumed congratulations were in order.”
She winced before sinking into one of the chairs surrounding the dance floor. “You saw that, did you?”
“He proposed to you?”
“Um, he would have. But I stopped him.”
Yes! “Why’d you do that?”
“I wasn’t ready.” She shook her head. “I thought I was, but when I was faced with the possibility of getting married…” She cleared her throat as her eyes finally glided to mine. “To someone else, I realized I just wasn’t ready to make that kind of commitment.”
I sat down next to her. We were silent as we watched the clean-up crew clear the tables. “So where did you leave things with him? He didn’t seem too upset.” If she’d rejected my proposal, I would have been crushed.
“He respected my decision. We haven’t been seeing each other that long.”
“So you’re going to keep seeing him?” I couldn’t understand why she would want to waste another second with a man who clearly wasn’t right for her.
“Why wouldn’t I?” she asked, glancing at me. “We have fun together. We have similar interests. He’s good to me.” After a moment’s hesitation, she said, “He loves me.”
“But do you love him? Isn’t that the real question?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“Because I’m the one asking or because you don’t know?” No one knew her better than I did. And I knew if she genuinely loved that man, she wouldn’t have hesitated to accept his ring and start the life she claimed to want. There was only one reason she hadn’t. Me.
“We shouldn’t be having this conversation. It’s not right.”
“There’s nothing wrong with talking, Ri. It’s not like you’re being unfaithful to the guy by talking to me.”
“But it feels like I am, sharing things with you I wouldn’t or couldn’t share with him. It’s doesn’t feel right.”
I took a risk, reaching for her hand. I held it, remembering all the other times I’d taken that small act of intimacy for granted. “You’re able to share things with me because we have history. The kind of history you’ll never have with anyone else. I watched you grow up. I was your first kiss, your first love…” Her eyes locked with mine. “Your first lover.”
“That’s what makes it so hard to forget,” she said, closing her eyes when a tear trickled down her cheek.
“Maybe you’re not supposed to forget. Maybe neither of us are.” I leaned forward, hugging her when a sob escaped, prompting her to cover her mouth with her hand. “It’s okay to be confused, baby. I am too. But it’s not okay to rush into something you might regret for the rest of your life.”
“Like marrying Stephan?”
“You know he’s not the man for you.” I brushed a loose tendril of hair off her cheek as my eyes fell to the diamond necklace I’d given her. If I had one more wish, I’d ask to start all over again with her. A clean slate, to erase all of my stupid mistakes from her memory.
“I obviously need to figure some things out,” she said, inching her chair back so we were no longer within touching distance. “So do you. Spending this time with you has made one thing clear to me.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I asked, hooking my arm over the back of my chair.
“You’re messed up, Brody. At first I thought you couldn’t commit to a future with me because you were being stubborn, but it’s more than that. You don’t trust yourself.”
Only someone who knew me as well as she did could see the truth behind my fake façade. Everyone in my circle of so-called friends and business acquaintances thought I had it together. I was the man with the Midas touch. Only my brothers and Riley knew better. Instead of turning to gold, everything I touched turned to ash. I couldn’t let that happen to Riley.
“You’re right.” There was no point lying to her, not that I ever would. I’d made a lot of mistakes in my life, but cheating on or deceiving Riley would never be one of them.
She slid her chair forward, reaching for my hand. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I want the same for you.” I rubbed my thumb against her manicured nails, up the length of
her slim finger. If I’d been a smarter man, a stronger man, that finger would have adorned with the three-carat diamond I’d have given her, not bare as a testament to the years she’d wasted with me.
“I’m glad I came,” she said, squeezing my hand. “This time with you has been good for me.”
“It has?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise. If anything, I felt I’d only made things worse between us.
“I was so angry with you for so long. I blamed you for everything, and it’s obvious to me now it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t mean to hurt me. You were doing the best you could to figure things out. It was my fault for expecting more of you than you were capable of giving.”
The fact that she was willing to share responsibility for the demise of our relationship only made me love and respect her more, not that I agreed. As I looked back on this years from now, I had no doubt I would see it as the biggest mistake of my life.
I glanced at the twelve-foot Christmas tree in the corner as my mind flashed to what life could have been like, had I not been my father’s son. Christmases with Riley, sneaking downstairs to fill our kids’ stockings, decorating the tree as a family, carving the turkey, watching her light up when she opened our kids’ homemade gifts for her…
“What are you thinking?” she whispered.
“That this might very well be our last Christmas together.” My heart ached as the realization hit me. This could well be the end of the road for us. Though we’d ended our arrangement months ago, it hadn’t felt real until now. “And I guess I’m thinking about the Christmases we could have had.”
She swallowed before brushing away another tear. “We did have some great ones though, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, we sure did.”
She’d made me do all the corny things I wouldn’t have been caught dead doing with anyone else. Chopping down a real tree and lugging it home. Stringing popcorn and cranberries. Sleigh rides in a horse-drawn carriage. Slipping a twenty to random carolers who made her smile. Trying to wrap her gifts so it didn’t look like a five-year-old did it.
“I’ll treasure every single one of those memories, Brody.”
“Me too.” Since it was well after midnight, I leaned forward, brushing a kiss across her cheek. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
She framed my face with her hands as she looked into my eyes. “Merry Christmas, Brody.”
Chapter Twelve
Jaci
“Good morning, Mrs. Steele.” I burrowed deeper under the covers, smiling as the warmth of my husband’s arms encircled me.
“Hmm, I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”
“You better not,” he teased, grazing the slope of my shoulder with his teeth. “So was the wedding everything you hoped it would be?”
I turned onto my back so I could see his handsome face. I knew that was a sight I would never tire of—sexy, scruffy Nex, his clear blue eyes still bleary from sleep, yet a promise in his lazy smile.
“Better than I ever dreamed,” I whispered, brushing my hand across his bristled cheek. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked, looking amused.
“For loving me so much. For trying so hard to make me happy. For being… everything I ever wanted.”
His eyes closed as he turned his head, pressing his lips into my palm. “Right back atcha, sweetheart.”
“Merry Christmas, by the way,” I said, pressing a kiss to his inked chest.
He chuckled before pulling me close. “I still can’t believe I let you talk me into a Christmas brunch with our family and friends before we leave for the airport.”
“It’s the least we could do,” I said, laying my palm against his heart as I tipped my head back to look at him. “They did sacrifice their holiday to be here with us.”
“I don’t think it was much of a sacrifice for most of them,” he said, kissing my forehead. “I think they were almost as happy as we were.”
“All except for Brody.”
Nex groaned. “God, did you see Riley out on the terrace with her boyfriend last night?”
“Yeah.” My heart broke for Brody. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for him to sit there and watch another man professing his love to the love of his life. “But I didn’t see her accept the ring. Do you think she turned him down?”
“I don’t know. For Brody’s sake, I’d like to think she did. But on the other hand, I love Riley and want her to be happy.”
“I know what you mean,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. “It’s not easy, is it? Being caught in the middle.”
He shook his head, his expression solemn. “It sure as hell isn’t. I just wish that guy could get his act together.”
“Speaking of your brothers,” I said, raising his hand so I could admire the plain gold band he’d chosen to wear. “I was surprised Kane and Gabe didn’t want to bring dates to the wedding. Knowing those guys, they must be beating women off with a stick, huh?”
Nex smiled when I kissed his shoulder while running my hands down his back. “I think Gabe’s too focused on the new house and job to worry about dating right now.”
“What about Kane?”
“What about him?” He tucked his arm under his head, drawing my attention to his bulging bicep. “You know him. He’s convinced no woman will ever be able to look past his job.”
“Why does he think that? I know Kane’s job is dangerous, but there are SWAT team members out there with wives and families, right?”
“Yeah, I just think he’s had his heart broken by a few too many girls who said the job was a deal breaker for them. After a while, he just stopped putting himself out there. Decided it wasn’t worth the risk anymore.”
“So he’s happy with meaningless hook-ups instead?” I already loved Kane and wanted so much more for him. “I’ve seen him with your nephews. He’d be a great dad.”
“I think so too.” Nex trailed his fingertip down my arm. “I don’t know. Maybe when he retires from the force he’ll find someone.”
“That won’t be for a long time,” I argued. “Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe…” He distracted me by kissing my neck while I coiled my leg around his.
“I can’t believe we’re lying in bed, the morning after our wedding, talking about my brothers.”
When he put it that way, I couldn’t believe it either. We’d have the rest of our lives to help his brothers sort out their problems. We only had an hour and a half before we had to be downstairs. “If you don’t want to talk, what do you want to do?”
I squealed when he pinned my wrists and rolled over, covering my body with his. “I’ll give you one guess what I want to do.”
I didn’t need any more prodding to figure it out. “Hmm, I like the way you think.”
***
The resort had used the tables to create a huge rectangle in the dining room so we could all enjoy brunch together. I’d made sure Nex was sitting on one side with Riley on the other. After what I’d witnessed on the terrace last night, I was dying to know whether the next wedding she’d be planning would be her own.
After a round of mimosas—juice for me, just in case we’d gotten lucky on the first try—we all dug in to the incredible spread.
“Where’s Stephan?” I asked, slicing my French toast. “I’m surprised he’d not here with you.”
Riley winced. “I should apologize for that, Jaci. I had no idea he was coming.”
“Don’t be silly,” I said, touching her arm. “I’m just dying to know what happened. I saw you two on the terrace. Did you…?” The fact that she wasn’t wearing a ring gave me a hint, but I wanted to hear her say it.
“No, I couldn’t accept his proposal. It’s just too soon.” She reached for her coffee and took a sip. “And I’m too confused.”
“Because of Brody?” Maybe there was hope for them, after all.
“Because of everything. I think I need to take some time to regroup. Maybe I’ve been putting too much pressure on mysel
f to find a good man and settle down.”
“Does that mean you’re actually considering going back to a casual relationship with Brody?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “There’s no going back with him. If anything, we’d have to move forward. And that just doesn’t seem like a possibility now.”
“Was Stephan angry when you turned him down?” I couldn’t imagine any man would be thrilled after the ultimate rejection.
“He said he understood, but he couldn’t get out of here fast enough this morning. He said his family was expecting him, but when I went up to the room last night, he was asleep on the couch.” She diverted her gaze when Brody looked at her. “I could’ve have woken him, but I didn’t.” She whispered, “I didn’t want to sleep with him. That says it all, doesn’t it?”
“Does that mean you’re going to break up with him?” Nex was talking to Seb, who was seated on the other side of him, but I had a feeling his curiosity was piqued by my question because there was a sudden lull in their conversation.
“I think so. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it now, during the holidays.” Riley took a bite of her pancake before sighing. “I might be crazy, and chances are I’ll look back on it years from now and regret it, but it just doesn’t feel right, you know?”
I circled her slim shoulders with my arm. “I know exactly what you mean. I dated Mr. Right for a long time, and while he may have been everyone else’s definition of the perfect guy, he wasn’t right for me. I didn’t know why at the time. I thought there was something wrong with me. But it turns out I was just waiting for the right man to find me. And he did.”
Riley smiled. “I’m glad.”
“But it’s different for you, isn’t it? You can’t shake the feeling you’ve already found the right guy. But how can he be if he doesn’t want the same things you do?”
“It’s not just the fact he doesn’t want to settle down,” Riley said, sounding frustrated. “It’s his lifestyle. He travels all over the world gambling. It’s in his blood. Everywhere he goes, he’s considered a high roller, and we all know there are certain perks that go with that, right?”
Steele Brothers Christmas Page 9
