“I don’t know.”
“Why? Why can’t you remember?”
She wrenched her arms free. “Something my father did. Something I let him do. I don’t know. I’m just…”
“Sorry?” he snapped, parroting her words from the stairwell. “Is that what you were going to say? But you don’t even know if you are because you can’t remember how any of it went down.”
For the first time fire snapped in her eyes. “You think I’m lying? Why the hell would I lie about something like this?”
“Maybe you’re more like your father than you thought.”
She took a step back as though he’d struck her. “I know you’re angry and hurt—”
“I’m also gone. I’m going to see Adrian and then I’m doing exactly what you wanted since the day I showed up, I’m leaving.”
He wrenched the door open, nearly colliding with Jordan on the way out. “She’s all yours.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Is it broken?”
Rae carefully dragged herself off the training mat, tentatively testing her weight on her left foot. Pain radiated up her leg, and she winced. “You’re still mad at me, remember? Shouldn’t you be laughing or something?”
Jordan shrugged. “You completely kept me out of the loop about my brother, and sent Darcy to find him.” She rolled her shoulders. “Besides, I’m not as pissed as Blair is. That is one pregnant woman whose good side I plan to stay on for the next seven months.” Jordan grabbed Rae’s arm, draping it over her shoulder and helping her to the bench.
Rae couldn’t blame Blair for being angry. If Rae hadn’t kept the truth about her father to herself, afraid of what the others would think of her, Drew wouldn’t have been blindsided at the worst time. Although he was recovering from his injuries, he’d been critical by the time he’d gone into surgery.
That was one close call that hadn’t sat well with any of the team, least of all Blair.
Jordan sank down next to her. “It’s only been a couple of days. She’ll come around.”
“Yeah? What about you?”
Shrugging again, Jordan studied the floor. “I just want to know that my brother’s okay. That doesn’t mean I’m not dragging your ass back out there after your ankle has had a few minutes to heal.”
“You’re brutal.”
“And you’re a bitch for not sending me. Nobody’s perfect.” The remark lacked any real venom, but Rae still felt the need to explain. At least if she was thinking about Darcy and Jordan’s brother, she wasn’t thinking about Parker.
“Darcy wasn’t even sure where to start looking for him, or if she was even headed in the right direction. And when I thought about sending you…”
“You realized that he’s had years to come find me and hasn’t,” Jordan finished. “I know. As much as I want to find him, I don’t want to scare him off either. Not that Darcy won’t.”
“She has to find him first.” And given Darcy’s lack of progress so far, Rae was growing less convinced the telepath would at this point.
“Still haven’t heard from Parker?”
“Nope.” And she doubted she would. He’d done exactly as he’d said, spoken to Adrian and left. By the time she’d dealt with everything at the clinic, filled Adrian in and got back to the field office, he’d already packed up his stuff and left without a word.
He’d been right about her wanting him gone in the beginning. She’d been so afraid that he would wear her down that she hadn’t imagined anything worse than falling for him all over again and having him break her heart a second time.
This, though—this hole in her chest that threatened to consume her from the inside out—was so much worse. And the irony of being afraid to get hurt only to end up inflicting the pain wasn’t lost on her.
She’d thought him forgetting she existed outside the bedroom had been rough, but knowing how much he must hate her was killing her. Tears burned behind her eyes.
Jordan bumped her arm. “Time-out is over. How’s the ankle?”
Swallowing past the thick lump in her throat, she put a little weight on her foot. The pain had subsided to a tolerable enough level. Whatever damage she’d done was thankfully healing.
She only wished it was so easy to heal the broken pieces inside that she couldn’t see.
“No holding back this time,” Jordan warned. “I want the full monty.”
“Full monty?” A grin caught the corner of Rae’s mouth.
“Right. No point in having a Super Destroyer in our midst if you’re playing it safe.” Jordan withdrew her Sai, twirling them around, looking cocky. “I want the full package deal.”
Rae laughed. “What makes you think I’ve been holding back?”
“Aside from not wanting us to catch on? Besides, no holding back would actually mean sacrificing some control.”
“Some might say that’s being reckless.”
Flashing her a grin, Jordan circled. “I can live with that. Most of the time control is only an illusion, something to make us feel safe. You and I and every other Destroyer out there aren’t safe. Hell, we fight the monsters that parents tell their kids aren’t real. The only thing we really have any control over is how hard we fight.”
“Is that supposed to be like ‘no guts, no glory’?”
“Something like that. Either way, I’d rather be reckless than in control any day of the week. Balls out, all the way.”
“Catchy. Maybe we should have that printed up on some T-shirts.”
Jordan laughed. “Shut up and show me how you control freaks do it then.”
The door swung open and Gage strolled in. He surveyed the pair of them. “You two get things worked out, or should I come back in another couple of hours?”
“We’re good.” Jordan lowered her weapons, a genuine smile lighting up her face as she crossed the mat to Gage.
“Good, because I’m starving and I’m pretty sure my stomach is close to digesting itself. It would really suck to waste away while pretending I’m doing my paperwork.” He shot Rae a guilty look. “You didn’t hear that last part.”
She rolled her eyes, a little relieved she didn’t have to push her healing ankle when Jordan ducked into the locker room to grab her stuff. “Been talking to Drew?”
“The guy hasn’t stopped texting me since last night. I give the clinic staff another six to ten hours before they can’t take listening to him bitch any more and send his ass home.”
Jordan reappeared, nodding to the door. “You hungry? Want to grab a bite with us?”
Knowing she’d make miserable company if she didn’t have sparring to keep her from dwelling on how things had gone down with Parker, she shook her head. “Not tonight, but thanks.”
Once the door banged shut behind them, Rae limped back to the bench. Her ankle wasn’t healing fast enough for her.
Glancing at her watch, she cursed and changed her mind about sitting down again. Adrian would be heading back to his hotel shortly to get ready for his late flight home, and he wanted to go over a couple things before he left.
He had ended up sticking around after the kids had been checked out and claimed by their distraught parents, hoping for another lead on her father or his demon partner. Locating the kids had been his priority, and he’d switched to operating on the assumption that the more time that passed, the less likely they would find her father—if he was still alive.
To make things even more confusing, none of the kids had been experimented on and none remembered even seeing her father. The only one they’d all positively identified had been Vanessa Pembrook. Adding to that was the complete lack of demon activity that had everyone torn between being grateful for the break and waiting for something to happen.
Deciding to get her last briefing with Adrian out of the way, she pushed to her feet, not looking forward to going home. After a quick shower, she dressed and made her way down the hall.
She found Adrian on the phone in the briefing room. He held up a finger, signali
ng he’d be just a second, and she perched her hip on the edge of the closest table to wait.
He slid his phone into his pocket moments later. “How are you holding up?”
So much for hoping he wasn’t going to ask how she was holding up. Skipping right over the part where she should actually answer him, she nodded to the thin file folder on the table. “Please tell me that’s all you want to go over, because Jordan gave as good as she got tonight and I’m beat.”
Which sounded so much better than admitting she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on a damn thing and was better off curling up on the couch with her cat, watching something that required little brain power. Like the weather channel.
“There’s nothing in there we can’t discuss over the phone.”
Thank God, though she’d gotten used to having Adrian around.
“We never got to go for ice cream, you know.”
She grinned. “Next time you’re in town.”
“You’re on.” He glanced at his watch. “I need to get my butt in gear if I want to get to the airport on time.”
Rae followed him to the elevator, almost glad her phone rang so she had an excuse not to drag out their goodbyes. Adrian seemed equally relieved, giving her a quick hug and telling her he’d call in a couple days before slipping into the elevator.
She waited until the doors scrolled closed before answering her phone. Recognizing the number for Kane’s bar, she decided it was too much to hope for that he might be calling to say a group of wannabe pool hustlers had set up shop in his place tonight.
“We’ve got a little bit of a situation here, Rae.”
“Situation?”
“Yeah,” Kane answered. “With Parker.”
Her lips parted, but no sounds emerged. She’d just assumed that when he cleared his stuff out, he hadn’t hung around, and she hadn’t been ready to ask Adrian where he was being reassigned.
“You busy? Because I think you need to stop by.”
“Okay,” she said slowly, not sure what he thought she could do.
“See you soon then.” Kane hung up, and she stood in the hall, her pulse racing.
It hadn’t slowed down all that much by the time she walked into Kane’s less than ten minutes later. She scanned the dim interior, torn between hoping Parker had already left and praying he hadn’t.
The fact that her heart was still hung up on the latter meant she hadn’t learned a whole lot from the pain of the last forty-eight hours. Nothing had changed since then. Parker’s mother was still dead and Rae had been the one to do it. There was no getting past that, for either of them.
So why then couldn’t she make herself stop wanting to see him, talk to him?
Trill laughter rang out, vaguely familiar, and Rae glanced at a table in the far corner. She recognized the brunette from the night she and Parker had closed the bar up, but it wasn’t the woman’s breasts-to-go halter top and three-sizes-too-small jeans that made Rae want to look away.
No that honor went to the man who had one arm slung around the hips in those jeans.
This was what Kane had called her for?
Disgusted, hurt and more than a little pissed off—all of which were directed at Parker—she swiveled on her heel to leave.
“Rae.”
Turning toward the bar, she didn’t look to see if Parker had heard Kane call her name, though she wasn’t even halfway there when a belligerent voice, yelled out.
“Barkeep, a few drinks for my lady here.”
Lady? Rae snorted, thinking of the brunette. That was rich.
Kane ignored Parker, mopping up an invisible spill on the bar, more out of habit than necessity, Rae guessed. “I’ve tried cutting him off and it hasn’t been going so well.”
“How long has he been here?”
“Just today or would you be referring to total time he’s spent wasted in the last two days?”
“That long, huh? Though I’m not sure what you think I’ll be able to do.” Aside from likely agitating Parker once he spotted her.
Trying not to be obvious, she glanced in their corner, watching the brunette give Parker some kind of two-steppin’ lap dance. Cute.
Kane set a glass of wine on the counter for her. “He hasn’t left with her.”
That he knew of anyway. Rae didn’t need to get close to see Parker was walking a fine line, and with the shock of her being behind his mother’s death, if he hadn’t given himself over to the lust that had him following the brunette’s every move, it was just a matter of time.
“Though she’s gotten a little further with him every time she’s been within a few feet.” He said it like Rae was supposed to do something about that.
“Parker and I are pretty much dead in the water.”
“I’m not sure he thinks so. Otherwise he’d be leaving with the brunette instead of watching you.” Kane had no sooner finished that thought, than she felt that hot wave of awareness wash over her.
Sipping her wine without looking over her shoulder took the kind of willpower she hadn’t imagined she possessed. Not that she had to fight the urge for long. Parker’s long, confident strides speared across her peripheral vision less than a minute later.
He leaned against the bar next to her, and she felt the heat all but rolling off him. Yeah, he was so close to the edge she’d bet a stiff breeze—or a cleavage-jiggling bimbo—could push him right over.
Refusing to watch that happen, she dug out a few bills and turned to leave.
Parker blocked her path. “Didn’t you just get here?”
“And now I’m leaving.”
“Stay, have a drink with me.” His tone bordered on hostile.
She nodded to the brunette who’d noticed Parker talking to Rae. “I wouldn’t want to tread on your girl’s territory.” And the possessiveness that flashed in the other’s woman eyes.
“Jealous?”
Deciding it was safer to switch subjects, she tipped her head. “How much have you had to drink tonight?” He couldn’t be as drunk as Kane seemed to think, given how their bodies metabolized alcohol.
He countered with, “How much have you remembered about killing my mother?”
She managed not to flinch—barely. “Okay then.” She waved to Kane. “He’s all yours.”
She’d been stupid to even linger for this long. There wasn’t anything they could say to each other that wouldn’t hurt, nothing that could undo the past. Admitting that when he stood there staring at her like he couldn’t stand the sight of her, drove an agonizing sharpness straight through her heart.
How could she have, even for a second, dared to think they could have any kind of conversation that wouldn’t end badly?
Parker didn’t try to stop her, for which she was supremely grateful, especially when the brunette made a sashaying beeline for them. If she had to watch her put her sleazy paws all over him, or worse, see him return the favor, she might have to hit one of them.
She thought she heard Kane holler out, but let the door bang shut behind her anyway. No way was she ready to deal with Parker when she wasn’t dealing well with the fact that she’d killed his mother.
Given the shitty turn things had taken, it shouldn’t have surprised her that it started to rain when she was only a few blocks away from Kane’s. The cold rain needled her skin, and she drew her jacket up closer to her chin, determined to forget about Parker before she turned around to go kick some sense into him.
Oh, what the hell? She spun around to head right back to Kane’s. It wasn’t as though he could hate her any more than he already did.
Not that she had to go far to tell him that when she turned and found him barely twenty feet away.
Parker blinked through the pouring rain, watching Rae stalk toward him like she had a right to be pissed off. The way he saw it, he was the one entitled to a boatload of anger just for her showing up and reminding him he couldn’t drink away the ache permanently nailed between his ribs, or even fuck it away when one look at her killed even
the miniscule interest he’d had in getting laid earlier.
That’s what stuck in his craw the most. That no matter how much he hated what she’d done, he ached for her. Ached so damn bad that he wanted to let the darkest parts of him suck him under so he could forget that any of it mattered. Forget she mattered.
Except there was something in his head that wouldn’t let go, and somehow he knew that was her fault too.
She stopped a foot away from him. “You’re an ass, you know that?”
“Were you headed back to Kane’s to tell me that, or were you looking for a little action?”
“Sorry, that’s not how I plan to get through to you this time.”
He deliberately leered at her. “That’s a real shame, shortcake. Especially when we both know how good you are at it.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“But just out of curiosity, what is it you think you need to get through to me about?”
“You’re better than that.” She stabbed a finger over his shoulder. “Better than losing yourself in a bottle of alcohol or—”
“Or a woman,” he threw in.
She didn’t bite. “If you go there again, either you’ll never snap out of it, or you’ll wake up one day, like you did six years ago, wondering how you let yourself get so fucked up. You lost them, Parker and that hasn’t changed in six years. Don’t kill yourself mourning them all over again.”
“Trying to appease your guilty conscience?”
“Maybe I am, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re better than that. You deserve…” She trailed off, shaking her head as she looked everywhere but at him.
“Deserve what?”
A sad smile caught the corner of her mouth. “To be happy.”
“Well, you pretty much ruined any chance of that, didn’t you?”
“Go to hell.” Without a word, she started down the sidewalk, away from him.
Backing down already? No way. If he was going to be fucking miserable, she wasn’t just going to leave him standing in the rain alone. He strode after her. “You don’t get to be angry.”
She whipped around so fast, he expected to hear something crack.
Dark Obsession: Shadow Destroyers, Book 4 Page 24
