Longing swamped her. How she wanted him to stay. If only they could go back to before she knew he’d accepted money to leave her.
But she did know. She honestly didn’t think she could trust him. If she gave him her whole heart once more, he might leave her in the future. How many times could she love and lose? She couldn’t bear the pain of being left behind again.
Too restless to play what-if games with herself, she refilled cups of hot chocolate with the carafe she’d brought from the kitchen. When she approached Reese, who sat off by himself near the fireplace, he declined. Instead, he patted the seat beside him.
“Do you think we can talk for a moment?”
“Sure.” Maggie set the carafe on a side table, then sat beside him and folded her hands in her lap. Nerves made her heart race. Though she’d known Reese for months, it was like meeting him for the first time.
In a way, she was. For the first time, she was learning about him as her father.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry for not telling you the truth long ago.”
“I had a good life, with grandparents and sisters who loved me, so I don’t regret anything. But it would have been nice to know I had a father who cared about me.” She sighed. “I wish my grandparents had let me get to know you.”
“That’s on me. I should have found a way. The truth is, I was afraid.”
That surprised her. “Afraid? Why?”
He swallowed and lifted his gaze to look in her eyes. “I was afraid to be a disappointment to you. I still am. I’ve had my share of demons, Maggie. Depression, alcoholism, hopelessness.”
She laid her hand on his. “But you’ve overcome those things.”
He put his callused hand on top of hers. “For the most part. That was Abby’s doing. She was all sunshine. She came into my life and swept away the gloom.”
Maggie smiled, though her heart ached. “She did that for all of us. She was a remarkable person.”
“She certainly was.”
“What was my mother like, Reese? I mean, what was she really like? My grandparents only told me things they thought I should know, and my sisters were children when she died. They knew her as a mother, not as a woman. Tell me about her.”
He smiled sadly. “Miranda was one of a kind. She was determined, headstrong, ambitious, and smart as a whip. But she was also the kindest person I’d ever known. She wasn’t afraid to stand up to bullies or to speak up for what she believed. She was a lot like you.”
“Like me?” His words stunned her. “I’m not sure I’m any of those things.”
Reese squeezed her hand. “Yes, you are. You’re your mother’s daughter.”
“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“It’s only the truth.” Reese looked at their joined hands. “That picture that Luke found of you with your mother? Miranda had that taken for me. She told me you were mine, and I sent her the earrings through Abby. They’d been my mother’s, and Miranda knew they were special to me. I was so damn thrilled you were my baby.”
Maggie couldn’t speak around the lump in her throat, so she nodded and clutched his hands tighter.
“When you were fourteen, Abby told your grandmother she’d given the earrings to Miranda as a gift when you were born, and she wanted you to have them.”
She gave a laugh that teetered on the edge of tears. “She must have been pretty convincing. Grandma Dorothy could sniff out a lie from a mile away.”
One corner of Reese’s mouth turned up. “I’m glad Luke was able to get them back for you.”
“Yes, so am I. I’m sorry I lost them. I didn’t want to pawn them, but—”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I understand. Remember what I told you. If you’re ever in trouble again, come to me. You’re not alone anymore.”
Hearing those words was like a balm to her soul. “Thank you. You’re not alone either, Reese.”
He shook his head, his mouth trembling. “Losing Miranda was unbelievable agony. And now losing Abby…I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.”
“I know how difficult it’s going to be. But she’d want you to have a good life. She’d want you to be happy.”
“She wanted all of us to be happy. Especially you and Luke.”
Maggie looked away, her eyes stinging. “I don’t know if there’s a me and Luke.”
“If you’re angry that he accepted money from your grandfather to leave town, you need to put it behind you.”
“You knew about that?”
He nodded. “Abby told me. We had no secrets between us. That’s what made our relationship so special.”
“Luke and I have nothing but secrets between us.” She heard the bitterness in her voice.
“Then you both have to lay out all your cards and tell each other what you really want and how you feel.” He squeezed her hands again. “Try to put yourself in Luke’s position. Considering your age, what else could he have done?”
Maggie looked into deep brown eyes so similar to her own. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was being selfish and childish. But she’d been hurt badly by Luke’s actions, and she wasn’t sure the wound had completely healed, no matter how much she loved him. “It’s not easy for me to tell people how I feel.”
“I understand. It’s never been easy for me either. I guess it’s a trait we share.” He patted her hand before releasing it. “I hope…I hope eventually we can be friends, Maggie.”
“I’d like that, too.” Longing overwhelmed her. She wanted to know him, to know her history and her heritage, but mostly she wanted to belong. For the first time, she had a chance to know a parent. “But what I really need is a Dad.”
Reese nodded as his eyes filled with tears. “Say the word. I’m all yours.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Luke drew in a fortifying breath before knocking on the door of Ethan and Harper’s rented house. He was taking a big chance. Ethan had told him Maggie would be home today on her day off, but Luke wasn’t sure she’d want to see him. In the five days since the funeral, he and Maggie had been scrupulously polite to each other, but had managed to say very little.
He needed honesty. And he needed to know where he stood.
Maggie answered the door, and he noted the way her eyes widened in apprehension. “Luke, hi. What are you doing here?”
Not exactly the welcome he’d been hoping for. “I came to talk to you. Can I come in?”
She stepped aside. “Of course, come in. It’s cold out there.”
As she closed the door behind him, she wrapped her sweater a little more securely around herself as if fending off the cold. Or protecting herself. From him.
The thought made his stomach lurch.
“Can I make you some coffee?”
Luke pulled off his knitted hat. “No, thanks. I came because I wanted to talk to you in private. I think we have some things to say to each other.”
“I see.” She averted her gaze. “Do you mind if I make myself tea?”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
Maggie looked relieved to have something to do rather than talk. As she filled a kettle with water, Luke pulled off his coat and tossed it over one of the kitchen chairs and took a seat. She moved around the kitchen like a dancer, totally in tune with her surroundings, belonging there, even though she’d only lived in the house a short while. He smiled when he noticed her bare feet. As a girl, she’d loved to go without her shoes. Some things didn’t change.
Like his love for her.
“Ethan asked me to work permanently at the lodge. He made me a very generous offer.”
Her hand trembled and her shoulders bunched with tension as she spooned loose tea leaves into a pot. “Ethan told me he wanted to ask you to stay. What did you say?”
“That I’d have to talk to you before I could make a decision.”
“You don’t need my permission. I told Ethan that.”
“I think I do.”
She carried a small teapot and cup t
o the kitchen table and set them down carefully before taking the seat across from him. Finally, she looked at him, her dark eyes wary. “Is staying in Minnesota what you really want to do? Honestly? I love Minnewasta, but I know it’s not the Napa Valley.”
“I want to stay. Reese and Grandma need me.”
“I know you want to be here for them, but what about you? You have to be happy, too.”
“I will be. It’s truly what I want. I need my family right now.”
Her brows knit together and he got the feeling his answer disappointed her. “If that’s what you want, then you should stay.”
“I have to know how you feel about me staying.”
“What do you want me to say, Luke?”
That you love me, and you don’t want me to go. “I can’t take the job if working with me makes you…uncomfortable. I’m sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to make you unhappy, Maggie.”
She waved her hand as if dismissing his apology. “Do you want to take the job? I thought you were happy in California.”
“I was, but things are different now. I don’t like the idea of leaving Grandma and Reese on their own.” I don’t like the idea of leaving you.
“No, of course not.” She drank her tea and avoided his gaze.
She could have been discussing whether to wear white socks or blue ones. She acted as if she didn’t care about him at all. That their relationship meant nothing. That everything was a lie.
“Dammit, Maggie.” Luke exploded out of his chair, too agitated to sit. “We were lovers. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
She set down her cup and lifted her chin. “Of course, it does. But don’t make this about me. If you want to take the job, then take it. If you want to go, go. I don’t want you to be unhappy either. I’m not going to stand in your way whatever you choose.”
Luke’s heart sank. He wanted her to stand in his way. He wanted her to tell him he should stay because she needed him. Because she loved him.
The closed expression on her face told him wishing for such a thing was pointless. Perhaps, he had his answer. Whatever had been between them was truly over. Acknowledging that truth stabbed him in the gut so hard he was momentarily dizzy.
He grabbed his coat and pushed his arms through the sleeves. “I should go.”
He headed for the door and pulled on his winter boots, not bothering to lace them. Maggie followed him.
“Luke?”
Her arms were around herself again, making her look small and vulnerable. He fought the urge to gather her in his arms and hold her close.
“I meant what I said. I want you to be happy, more than anything in the world.” She stopped talking, her lips pressed together as if she were afraid of saying too much. Of revealing too much.
He couldn’t resist one touch. He traced his finger down the curve of her cheek, revelling in the softness of her skin. “I want that for you, too, Maggie.”
She nodded and stepped away, breaking the tenuous connection between them.
“Goodbye, Luke.”
Her words had an air of finality to them.
“Goodbye.”
He closed the door and walked quickly to his truck, hunched over against the cold.
Time to go.
“Maggie, have you got a minute?”
Maggie finished plating the grilled whitefish and looked up at Harper in disbelief. “Kind of busy here. The restaurant is full of dinner guests. Can it wait?”
“Actually, no. It’s urgent.”
Cheryl Johnson took the plate from her and slid it under the warming light. Maggie and Luke had hired her the previous week, one of the last things they’d done together. “The rush is nearly over. I can handle dessert and anything else that comes up.”
“But—”
Harper untied her apron and pulled it over her head. “You heard the woman. Let’s go.”
She steered Maggie out of the kitchen. Once they reached the office, Harper closed the door and turned to her. “Luke’s leaving.”
The bottom fell out of Maggie’s stomach. Even though she’d known all along this was coming, the intensity of the pain robbed her of breath.
“He told Ethan today he plans to leave for California by the end of the week.”
For a moment, she could only stare at her sister. Of course, he was going to California. She’d always known he would.
Still, she’d hoped. When he’d asked her how she felt about him staying, she wanted to tell him she needed him to stay because she loved him, but the words stuck in her throat, frozen in fear. He had only said he wanted her to be happy, not that he loved her. She was too afraid to put her feelings out in the open, especially if her feelings weren’t returned.
Would he leave without even saying goodbye?
Harper grabbed her by the shoulders. “Maggie, do you love him? Do you want him to stay?”
Her throat closed and all she could do was nod.
“Have you forgiven him? Do you understand why he accepted money from Grampa Bill?”
She nodded again.
“Have you told him how you feel?”
She swallowed hard. “No.”
Harper shook her. “You have to tell him. I know how hard it is. I was so scared when I went to Ethan’s condo in the city to give him the shares in the company. I was afraid he’d turn me away, or laugh at me. But the thought of living the rest of my life without him…I had to find the courage to fight for him.”
“I’m a coward,” Maggie whispered. “I’ve never told Luke how much I love him, not even when we were kids. I can’t say the words.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I’m more like our grandmother than I ever wanted to believe. Do you know she never once told me she loved me? I can’t even say the words to you and Scarlet.”
“Grandma had a lot of demons. Don’t make them yours, too.” Harper ran a soothing hand down her back. “If you love Luke and you want him to stay, you have to tell him. I think he feels the same way.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“Then, you’ll know for sure. Do you want to spend your life wondering ‘What if?’”
Harper was right. She couldn’t let Luke walk away believing she didn’t care. She’d lost him once because of secrets and lies. She couldn’t let it happen again. “I have to go. I have to tell him.”
Harper gave her a relieved smile as she pulled her keys from her pocket. “Here. Take my truck.”
“Thank you. For everything.” Maggie’s throat threatened to close, but she forced the words out, knowing she was long overdue in saying them. “I…I love you, Harper.”
Harper cupped her cheeks. “I love you, too, Maggie Cat. See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“No, not so hard.” It had been the most difficult thing she’d ever said to another human being. Telling Luke the depth of her feelings would be even harder.
Maggie’s hand shook as she knocked on Phyllis’ front door. A moment later, Phyllis answered, her smile welcoming.
“Maggie! Come in, come in.”
She stepped over the threshold on unsteady legs. Phyllis pointed to the blue cardboard box Maggie held in her hands. “Is that a going away gift for Luke?”
“Something like that.”
“You’ll want to say goodbye to him, I expect.” As Maggie nodded, the older woman’s smile disappeared and she whispered, “I don’t want him to go.”
Maggie struggled to keep tears at bay. “Neither do I.”
Phyllis gripped her arm. “Good. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”
Phyllis led her into the living room where Reese and Luke were drinking coffee. Luke immediately got to his feet. “Maggie, hi. I didn’t expect to see you.”
“Harper told me you were leaving. I wanted to talk to you.”
He shrugged and looked away. “It’s time for me to go.”
“Don’t say that.”
Reese got up from his chair. “Phyllis, why don’t I make you a cup of coffee at my place? I bought some donuts we can h
ave with it.”
Phyllis looked from Maggie to Luke and back again. “That sounds lovely. Let me get my coat.”
Reese kissed Maggie’s forehead. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” In a soft whisper, he added, “Good luck.”
Maggie could only nod. A moment later, she heard them leave through the front door. She lifted her eyes to Luke’s, her body trembling. “I have something I want to show you.” She held out the blue box to him.
He accepted it from her and then sat down. “What is it?”
She sat on the sofa across from him and clutched her hands in her lap, her knuckles white. “Open it and see.”
He opened the lid and pulled out the second box and then rummaged through the tissue paper until he uncovered the glass unicorn. For a moment he stared at it, his brow wrinkling. “I remember this. I thought of you the minute I saw it. Beautiful and unique, and rare.” He lifted his gaze to hers, incredulity in his eyes. “I can’t believe you still have this. I would have thought you’d have smashed it against a wall years ago. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”
“I couldn’t do that. The unicorn was all I had of you. And no matter how many times I moved, that little guy came with me.” She swallowed. “You came with me.”
“Maggie.”
“All the years we were apart, I never stopped caring about you, Luke.”
Luke got to his feet and began to pace. “I never stopped caring about you either. I wish you could believe that.”
“I do.” She held out her hand to him. “Sit with me, Luke.”
He sat next to her, keeping his gaze averted as if he was afraid to look in her eyes. She laid her hand on his and squeezed his fingers. “You were right. If Grampa had gone to the police and had you charged with rape, I never would have spoken to him again. Everyone in town would have found out, and there would have been a firestorm of gossip. I’m sure Grampa knew all that, and he didn’t want it to happen anymore than we did. When his idle threats didn’t work, he resorted to bribery.”
“Being charged with rape didn’t feel like an idle threat.”
“No, I’m sure it didn’t. You were young and scared. And you wanted out. Grampa knew that, too.”
Truth and Solace Page 27
