by Cherry Kay
“No,” he said, surprised how it came out so strongly. “Where do you live? Where are you going? When can I see you and the baby again?”
“No,” she said flatly. “You can’t even say her name. It’s Emilia.”
“Don’t I have the right? I’m the father.”
“Not on paper you aren’t. It’s just within my personal knowledge that you are. And like I said, I don’t need any support from you. We do fine on our own.”
“Who’s taking care of Emilia if you’re at work? Your father?”
Caryn’s eyes clouded. “It’s none of your business, but Em is safe when I work.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“You don’t have to like it,” she said standing up. “This conversation’s gone far enough, don’t you think? Let’s get back to our lives and pretend we never met.”
“Like what you did back then?”
She frowned. “I had my reasons, and I’m sure you weren’t interested in anything long term.”
He closed his eyes, remembering what had transpired. It was surprisingly fresh in his mind, perhaps, that was what pain did.
He knew that he couldn’t live without her around. He was prepared with a bunch of hurriedly picked flowers to surprise her…
“I went there the day after, because I wanted things to move up, you know,” he said uneasily, disliking how emotions like these made him feel vulnerable. This whole thing caught him off guard. How in the hell was he supposed to respond to this?
Caryn breathed in and out heavily. “I can’t- I can’t do this right now, I have better things to worry about.”
“I have to see you again. I need your number, that one at least,” he said, ready to beg for it. He had lost his restraint, and his superiority as well.
“Forget it, David,” she told him, sounding tired. “I have to go, before Emilia gets cranky-“
“I have to see her again,” he insisted, looking at the stroller.
She took a deep breath, one that was filled with regret and exhaustion. “I didn’t want for this to happen. I didn’t want for us to meet. I didn’t want you to know about Emilia.”
“So you can deprive her of a father?” he snapped.
“So she can grow up with lesser issues than the both of us,” she told him, her face contorting.
“You can’t do this alone.”
“I already have. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she said, making her way past him with the stroller in front of her.
His hand reached out to grab her arm, quickly and surprisingly. Caryn’s eyes widened, and then he loosened his grip. “I won’t let you go. This is a game changer, Caryn. I’d like to discuss her future, and yours.”
He saw her roll her eyes, as if she knew he was going to say that all along. “Look, David,” she began, “I don’t need you in our lives, she doesn’t know you exist, even. We were fine without you, and we’ll be fine even after you’ve seen us.”
“I won’t be,” he said, tightlipped. “I’m not going to end up like my birth mother, who abandoned me for crack.”
Caryn’s eyes narrowed. “I thought your mother was Dr. Pierce.”
“I was adopted,” he said heavily, “but that’s another story, and it’s one not many know about. So you see why I won’t let you or her go without knowing where you live? Or get your number, at least?”
He saw the change in her facial expression, the moment he had admitted he was adopted, and he knew it had shifted her opinion of him this time. He didn’t do it for pity. It was all true. Why let a child grow up without a father? He was here, alive and well, perhaps in need of some attitude adjustments- but, he was here.
She took out her phone, and David could only breathe a quiet sigh of relief.
Chapter10
She had thought about him almost all the time. Seeing Emilia’s face, that was similar to his, of course she thought about him. But she didn’t expect to see him earlier. Her life had been quiet and busy and always struggling, and that would have been okay, except now he was here, he had resurfaced into her life.
Of all the places to meet, it had to be in some little bookstore. She begrudgingly gave her number, and she begrudgingly took his. He told her he was staying at this hotel, and she didn’t want to go, but he was flying out on Sunday, which was tomorrow. She needed time to think, but Emilia threw a bit of a fuss as she worked on the dining table, and the document on her laptop remained empty.
What was there to think about? That her life was so messed up because he was now here? There was a reason she didn’t name the father. She wanted to do things alone. It meant lesser commitment. The only thing she needed to be committed to was Emilia, her darling Emilia.
The sight of him screwed her up. Didn’t he have any idea how difficult it was to get over him? And now here he was, waltzing back into her life, demanding to have parental rights, when he wasn’t even there in the first place! It irritated her, the idea of David wanting to see more of Emilia. Emilia was hers alone, and he, he was just the sperm donor.
Will you and Emilia come over for dinner tonight?
He had texted her this a little over five hours ago, and still she hadn’t responded. He was only in town for a meeting, and he was off, back to his California life. Was he dating anyone? That anxiety gripped her. She had forgotten to ask, in her haste, in her shock. David James Pierce was right in front of her, and he still used the same aftershave that she had smelled back in the island…
She replayed the conversation in her head, and she could find no lie. He was in shock, but he didn’t shy from his responsibility. That scared her. He was a control freak. He would change everything he didn’t find appealing, her parenting styles, her apartment, even Emilia’s diet… he had a way of manipulating people into saying yes. He had called twice earlier as well, but she didn’t answer. It was a little past four in the afternoon, when he texted again.
Please, I’d like to see her.
Would she dare deprive her daughter of a father? She didn’t want to be that kind of parent. Besides, David had clearly stated he wanted to see Emilia again, it wasn’t a joke. She saw the determination in his eyes, whatever it meant.
Sighing, she grabbed her phone and took a breath. What time?
Seven in the evening, I’ll have a car come pick you up by six.
She had less than an hour and a half to prepare everything. Her heart almost jumped, and she began packing diapers and milk bottles for Emilia. Caryn muttered under her breath, realizing she didn’t have anything nice to wear. Of course, she wasn’t going to show up in sweatpants at the hotel. Caryn knew she had partially neglected her appearance after giving birth to Emilia. The budget didn’t have to go into a new wardrobe, or makeup, anyway. She was only glad that she had clear skin that didn’t need much coverage. But now, looking at her tiny closet, she began to fret.
She had to look nice, well, at least decent. This was just another meeting to him, but she didn’t want to give off that vibe that she couldn’t take care of herself, and let alone, Emilia. She grabbed a cobalt blue dress, and there were loose bits of threat she hastily cut off. Bundling up Emilia and herself, they set off for the hotel moments later, inside the warm hotel service vehicle he had sent over. The chauffeur was kind enough to handle the stroller and the baby bag, to which she breathed a sigh of relief.
Arriving a little past six-forty in the evening, she and Emilia were ushered into the hotel, and she saw her baby’s eyes widen with all the Christmas lights and décor. It felt posh, and she felt out of place.
“You look nice,” someone said.
Caryn spun around to see David standing in front of her, wearing a crisp, buttoned down, white long-sleeved shirt. She nodded, not knowing what else to say.
“Thank you for coming over,” he said, looking at her intently. It made her feel self-conscious, and for a brief moment, she thought he was manipulating her once more. No, this was all for Emilia. If her daughter weren’t here, she’d have walked out on
David the moment she saw him…
“Only for Emilia,” she said.
“Come, let’s eat dinner,” he said. Caryn followed him, or it was more of David walking beside them all the way.
“Table for two adults and a baby, please,” David said.
“Of course, Sir, this way, please,” the attendant greeted with a smile.
Caryn didn’t feel the discrimination at all. They had a lovely seat in a corner of the restaurant, which overlooked Central Park, with the stroller and Emilia in it, carefully tucked away into a corner.
“What would you like to have?” he asked her.
She shrugged, not wanting to eat at all. She was nervous, and she hoped he wouldn’t see. “You choose.”
“Still eating instant food?” he asked her jokingly.
“Unlike you, I haven’t got the time or resources to eat my merry way into healthy,” she replied wryly. “But Emilia’s fine, she’s just into milk.”
David smiled. “I see you haven’t changed that part of you.”
“Little changes are big nowadays,” she d him, “it’s not easy with a baby in tow.”
He ordered for them a little while later, including glasses of wine. She heard him sigh.
“I’d like to see you again, soon,” he said.
“We’re only a 6-hour flight away, you know,” she told him. “Not a big deal at all.”
“I’m serious, Caryn,” he told her, “I’d like to see you and her.”
“She has a name,” Caryn told him. “It’s Emilia, remember? Look, you don’t have to play nice with me, just because you found out you’ve become a father.”
“Are we back at this again?” David sighed.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were adopted?” Caryn suddenly asked, knowing this matter bothered her since yesterday.
“It just didn’t come into topic.”
“We spent so many days together, talking about everything.”
“Except the past, if you noticed,” he interrupted her. “Apparently, we have an aversion to that. But now that we’re here, and Emilia’s here -- we have to give her the best present and future, right?”
“Don’t go all condescending on me. You think I’m giving you any rights to see how her future goes?” Caryn frowned. “We? There is no we.”
“We can work things out,” he said.
“Like we always have?” she said sardonically. “Let’s make things easy for ourselves, huh? Why don’t we get on with our lives, the ones we’ve been used to--” He took a deep breath, and she could see he was trying his best to control his temper. “Make things easy? You think it was easy for me? That you left so suddenly? You couldn’t even leave a note? I spent weeks trying to come to terms that you had left abruptly, I wondered how you were.” “And yet, you never bothered to find me,” she told him pointblank. “Is that how far your care takes you? You think I’ll just allow you to waltz back into my life”
“You were the one who left,” his voice rose, and Emilia stirred in her stroller.
She quickly shot him a glare. “I didn’t come here to argue.”
“No, you came here to feel good about yourself, that I’m here, actually begging for you to allow me into your life and the baby’s.”
“She has a name.”
“Emilia. I’m actually begging for the chance to be in Emilia’s life,” he finished. “And yours, if you’d allow it.”
Caryn blinked. Did she hear it right? If I allowed it? I mean, would I allow it? We both want to avoid drama, and if we’re together, all that we’ve worked so hard to achieve would just end up a mess…
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” she said, “We can come up with arrangements for Emilia, but I don’t get why you’re suddenly too attached to her. I didn’t take you for one. Besides, you haven’t even proven if she’s yours to being with.”
“I know she’s mine,” he said. “I don’t think you’d be in your right mind if you lied to me about this. This is too important. If it pleases your ego, we can have a DNA test, that’ll take around a month.”
She shook her head. “I don’t need to be fed this crap from you.” She stopped, seeing their food was brought in. He had ordered a feast, a healthy spread, far healthier than all those post-partum months.
“Eat,” he said to her, “we can discuss this later.”
Carny couldn’t find it in her heart to protest. She was hungry, and her boobs had just begun to hurt. Milk production was on its way, and Emilia would be crying for it soon. Did the hotel have a nursery of sorts? Just so she could breastfeed in peace…
“How do you like the food?” he asked her, breaking her pattern of thought.
“It’s… healthy,” she said lamely. She quickly finished her salad, and then her soup, some lobster bisque, and then her grilled salmon over a bed of mashed potatoes and vegetables.
“You’re hungry, huh?”
“I- uh, I need to do something,” Caryn said, feeling her cheeks heat up.
“Like what? Something I can help with?”
“Do they have some sort of mom’s room here?”
He looked at her blankly for a moment, and then he nodded and took a breath. “Right, let me get the bill first.”
Five minutes later, they were headed up to his room. It was a standard room, an expensive looking standard room, with a sitting area, and a refrigerator stocked up with branded and imported products.
“You can stay in the bedroom for a while,” he told her, “I’ll just be in the living room.”
She nodded, thankful he didn’t make things uncomfortable. Emilia’s eyes were as wide as saucers by then, and she was about to cry. As Caryn sat down on the edge of the bed, she looked at the light coming in from the partially open door. She heard him turn on the television set, heard analysts talk about the stock market, and she wondered if he knew more about stocks than she assumed.
There was a lot he didn’t tell her, and there was a lot she didn’t tell him. Meeting him again put things into perspective. No man was an island, and no woman was either. As Emilia suckled on her breast, she closed her eyes, knowing full well she had begun to contemplate everything that David has suggested. He was being manipulative, and yet, she knew Emilia needed more than what she could afford and give to her.She cleared her throat as she walked into the living room, and he turned around with a calm expression on his face.
“She okay?”
It was the first thing he asked. It was about Emilia. She knew the sincerity for the child was there. It didn’t matter that they wouldn’t end up happy together, right? Emilia was the priority here, and not her feelings, or his.
Caryn nodded. “Yeah, happy and full.”
“Looks like it,” he said with a hint of a smile. “I take it you need to get home, but while we’re here, can we talk some things through?”
“Alright, I’m listening,” she said, taking a seat across him with Emilia in her arms.
“Do you want a lawyer present for this?”
She frowned. “Should I be cautious about your arrangements and plans already? I know you’ve made more than a few by this time.”
“Looks like you know me better than I thought,” he told her.
“So, I figured.”
“Alright, just between us two,” David said, “although I shouldn’t be doing this again. The last time we agreed to respect each other’s lives, I ended up not researching about you, and you ended up leaving without telling me.”
“If your intuition is telling you not to, then don’t,” Caryn challenged him.
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what my intuition’s telling me. What matters is Emilia. No baby should be given less than what she deserves.”
She felt the heat rise up her face. Excuse me? “What are you saying? That I’m not giving her what she deserves?”
“No, it’s not that-“
“Tell me more about it, then. How you can give her something better just because you’ve got money to burn? W
hat? Two honest jobs a day isn’t enough for you? What she deserves? What does she deserve? A gold crib? Thousand-dollar shoes?”
“You’re taking it the wrong way,” he protested.
“I shouldn’t have come here. We shouldn’t have come here,” she told him, standing up. “I knew you’d do this, your ego is as inflated as ever. You’re still controlling, still the boss of everyone.”
“Caryn, wait, you’re not leaving this room without my consent,” he said, his voice low. “You’re not leaving me again like this.”
She held Emilia tighter in her arms. “I don’t care about your consent. This is why it would have never worked out between us, and I don’t want you throwing issues my daughter’s way.”
“Wait, what?” he frowned. “What do you mean by it would never have worked out between us? So you considered it, then?”
It took her a few seconds to respond. “Once. A year ago. When I thought there was something in you that I didn’t find in anyone else…”
“Where did that go?”
She shrugged. “Look, it happened a year ago, it’s all gone now.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” he said quietly, “I never stopped thinking about you no matter how much I tried.”
*
He hated to admit that kind of truth. He was deliberately being vulnerable, but he had to be. How else could he make her believe in him? Sincerity made him awkward, and it made him weak, didn’t it? But at that moment, he didn’t care. Emilia pulled him to vulnerability, and acceptance. He had tried his best to be pleasant about it, even if he knew he was forcing things on her just a bit.
It was a just bit, right? Sure, he had his ideas on how to give Emilia the best, but he was no expert parent. Speaking of parent, he knew his parents had every right to know. How they would react, he didn’t have much of an inclination of.
Caryn was still in front of him, every bit hostile, and every bit defensive. He knew that she couldn’t imagine him being a good parent, when she was struggling hard to be one. Panic had begun to swell in him, but he did his best to keep it at bay. He had no idea what it was like to be a parent, and had never contemplated becoming one, until yesterday. In all truth, he hadn’t slept more than two hours.
