He can’t finish his sentence.
But in the end, there’s no room for me.
Anne Why do you say that? I thought your father was saying …
Nicolas They find me disturbing more than anything else. I can see it now. I disturb them. And he puts so much pressure on me.
Anne Your father?
Nicolas Yes. He doesn’t realise, but he never stops talking to me about my school work. As if that’s all there was to life …
Anne It’s normal. He worries about you.
Nicolas No. He doesn’t give a shit about me. I mean, about who I really am. He just wants me to succeed, like him. The way he has. But I have no desire to be a law student or to become a lawyer. I couldn’t give a shit. It doesn’t interest me.
Anne I know.
Pause.
At one time, your dream was to be a writer.
Nicolas Yes.
She smiles at him.
Anne Are you still writing?
Nicolas shrugs his shoulders but in a way that implies the answer ‘yes’.
You remind me of my brother. Both of you are artists.
Nicolas I never said that. Anyway, he went into insurance. So thanks for the comparison …
She smiles.
Anne That’s right. I always felt he’d missed out … He could have done great things, I’m sure of it. If he’d persevered … And so could you.
Pause.
Nicolas Anyway, I’m not feeling good over there. I don’t think I’ll ever be up to standard.
Anne Don’t say that …
Nicolas It’s true. I feel so worthless … I can see what he thinks of me. I can see it from his side. Even if he denies it … And I don’t want to disappoint him.
Anne What are you talking about?
Pause.
Your father wants the best for you, Nicolas. It’s just you’re very different. And I suspect that at the moment he’s also under a lot of pressure. Don’t you think? You mustn’t hold it against him. This business … Has he talked to you about it?
Nicolas About what?
Anne He’s going to help Signoret draw up his economic plan. He’s been dreaming about doing this for years. It’s important to him. His father was in politics. He was a town councillor for years, did you know?
Nicolas No.
Anne I suspect there’s some connection. In some way, he wants to poach on his territory …
Nicolas Did you know he’d given him a gun?
Anne Mm?
Nicolas Speaking of poaching … He told me he’d given him a gun.
Anne Maybe. I don’t know.
Nicolas He still has it at the flat … I’ve seen it. He says he loathes hunting. But when he says it, you get the feeling that it’s actually his father that he loathes.
Anne smiles, confirming this.
Why weren’t they on speaking terms?
Anne It’s a long story … Your grandfather was a very … unusual man.
Nicolas Meaning?
Anne He showed no generosity to Pierre. He was very absent … And he never encouraged him. That’s the thing, when you tell me your father’s putting pressure on you … He’s trying to do what’s best. In his own way. But he believes in you. He loves you.
Pause.
Nicolas I’ll never manage it.
Anne Why do you say that?
Brief pause. Nicolas hesitates to confide any more.
Nicolas I …
Anne Why can’t you manage it?
Nicolas I’m not well, Mum.
Anne is thinking about the romantic break-up Pierre has talked to her about. She smiles gently at him. She’d like to show that she understands his unhappiness.
Anne Your father told me you’d broken up with a girl. Is that it?
Brief pause.
That’s not it.
Nicolas No.
Anne All the same …
Nicolas (interrupting her) Yes, I know. That’s what I told him.
Anne looks at him uncomprehendingly.
He didn’t understand what was wrong … He needed a rational explanation. You know what he’s like … So I told him what he wanted to hear.
Anne You mean …
Nicolas I never even went out with that girl.
Pause. Anne still doesn’t understand.
It’s just …
Brief pause.
It’s just I’m not made like other people.
Anne looks at him questioningly. What does he mean?
Sometimes I feel I’m not made for this life. I can’t manage it. Even so, I try, every day, with all my strength, but I can’t manage it. I’m in pain, permanently. And I’m tired. I’m tired of being in pain.
Anne Nicolas …
Nicolas I want it to end, Mum.
Anne seems very upset. She takes him in her arms.
Anne Don’t say that, my love. Never say that. Do you understand me? You have so much ahead of you. You have your whole life … So don’t say that, my little sunbeam … Do you understand me? Don’t say that to your mother.
She caresses him, maternally. He closes his eyes. Pause. Blackout.
TWELVE
The apartment. Afternoon. Pierre arrives back from his office. He goes directly to Nicolas’s door and knocks.
Pierre Nicolas! Could you come here, please?
Nicolas (offstage) What is it?
Pierre Come here! I need to talk to you.
Pierre crosses the room. He’s clearly tense. Nicolas appears in his doorway.
Nicolas What?
Pierre Sit down.
Nicolas What is it?
Pierre I said, sit down. We need to talk.
Nicolas sits down.
I’m going to try to speak calmly, but I’m not sure I’ll manage it. Because I’m very angry.
Pause.
What’s going on?
Nicolas doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
You obviously don’t know what I’m talking about.
Nicolas No.
Pierre I’m talking about school … What’s going on?
Nicolas Nothing special. Why?
Pierre Nothing special?
Nicolas No.
Pause. It’s clear that Pierre is trying to restrain himself.
Pierre Yesterday afternoon you had your mock exam, is that right?
Nicolas Yes.
Pierre That’s what you told me. How did it go?
Nicolas I’ve already told you.
Pierre Yes, but I’d like you to tell me again.
Nicolas Quite well. I think.
Pierre Good.
Brief pause.
Only, you see, yesterday afternoon, Sofia went for a walk with Sacha. They went to the park and they saw you. You were sitting on a bench. Apparently, you were writing in an exercise book. In any case, you weren’t at school.
Pause.
So I’m going to ask you one last time and this time I want an answer … What’s going on?
Pause.
You’ve started to skip classes again, is that it?
Nicolas No.
Pierre Then why weren’t you at school yesterday?
Nicolas Why did she tell you that?
Pierre That’s not the problem, Nicolas.
Nicolas Yes, it is the problem.
Pierre No! It is not the problem. The problem is that we’re doing everything we can to help you, that we’re trying to do our best for you, that we’re bending over backwards for your sake, while at the same time you’re taking us for … You’re taking the piss!
Nicolas She told you because she wants to set us against one another.
Pierre That’s not true.
Nicolas Since the start, she’s wanted me out of here.
Pierre You’re wrong. And anyway, that’s not what we’re talking about. Whether she’s said that to me or not is not the problem! The problem is that you’re lying to me, Nicolas. Why weren’t you at school yesterday?
Pause.
&nbs
p; I’m listening.
Nicolas I didn’t feel well. I … I couldn’t bring myself to go. I’m under too much pressure because of this exam and I … I’m sorry.
Pierre You’re sorry?
Pause.
I called the school. I called them. And you know what they told me?
Pause.
They told me you’d never been back there.
Nicolas lowers his eyes. Pause.
They told me you were there on the first day, two months ago, and afterwards, you never came back. Never. Not once.
Pause.
They said they’d been sending letters. You’re not saying anything?
Pause.
When I think you had the nerve to tell me you were getting good marks and being invited to parties and … The whole time, you were lying to me!
Pause.
Now what am I supposed to do? Send you to boarding school?
Nicolas gives a strange smile, as if what Pierre has said is predictable.
What sort of a reaction were you expecting from me? What have you been doing all these days? Because I can’t understand what benefit you … You were walking, is that it? You …
Pierreseems at a loss.
We give you a chance to climb back up the slope and what do you do? You carry on just as before. You … You lie to everybody … You …
He can’t find anything else to say. Pause.
Explain it to me! What’s going on? Are you on drugs?
This makes Nicolas smile.
Well, then, explain it to me!
Pause.
Because I don’t know what else to do with you. I’m telling you honestly, I just don’t know … I’ve tried to listen to you, to stand shoulder to shoulder, to give you strength and confidence, but evidently, none of that’s any use.
Pause.
You think you can live your life like that? Just doing what you feel like? Getting out of going to school, of taking any responsibility, of growing up … What are you going to do with your life? If you’re not doing anything! Tell me, what’s to become of you?
Pause. Nicolas says nothing, but is staring at him.
Obviously, you have no answer. And stop staring at me like that. What’s the idea? To intimidate me. That won’t work, I can tell you right away. Not with me.
Pause.
All right, I’m going to explain to you how things are going to be. From tomorrow on, whether you like it or not, you’re going back to school. Is that clear?
Nicolas No.
Pierre Sorry?
Nicolas (calmly) I’m saying no, I will not go back to school.
Pause.
Pierre What are you playing at, Nicolas?
Pause.
When I was your age, my mother was ill, I didn’t see my father any more, I had money problems, but I fought on. I fought on and, believe me, most days it wasn’t much fun. And what’s happened to you? What is there in your life that’s so dramatic you’re not able to go to school like everybody else? Answer me!
Pause.
Answer me, Nicolas!
Nicolas I can’t manage it.
Pierre You can’t manage it? I don’t even understand what that means. You can’t manage what? Getting up in the morning? Concentrating? Making an effort?
Nicolas Living.
Brief pause.
I can’t manage living. And it’s your fault.
Pierre Sorry?
Nicolas If I’m like this. It’s your fault.
Pierre What are you talking about?
Pause.
What’s my fault? What have I done? Tell me.
Nicolas You disgust me.
Pierre Sorry?
Pause.
What did you say?
Nicolas You make all these grand speeches about life and work, then you abandon us as if we were pieces of shit without a second glance …
Pierre What?
Nicolas You give yourself these superior airs, but since the start you’ve basically behaved like a bastard.
Pierre is trying to keep calm.
Pierre Take back what you just said! Nicolas … Do you hear me? Take back what you just said, at once!
Nicolas Bastard!
Pierre cracks and launches himself at Nicolas. He grabs him by the scruff of the neck and shakes him as he speaks.
Pierre Me, a bastard? Me?
Nicolas tries to struggle free, but Pierre keeps a grip on him.
I’ve taken care of you all these years! Have you wanted for anything at all? Have I not always done everything for you? Answer me!
But he won’t answer. Pierre raises his voice, he’s practically in tears and he shakes his son more and more violently, in desperation.
Answer, for Christ’s sake!
Pierre goes on, more and more desperately and it turns into an increasingly physical struggle.
For years, you hear me … I’ve looked after you. I stayed with your mother … So why are you saying this? Why?
Nicolas Let me go!
Pierre Is it because I fell in love with another woman? Is that it? Is that my crime? What business is it of yours? Mm? I have the right to reinvent my life. Shit! It’s my life! You hear me?
Pierre is almost shouting.
It’s my life!
They both collapse on the floor. Pause. Nicolas is as if paralysed; he never thought his father would react so violently. Pierre also seems shell-shocked. He gets his breath back and controls himself. Pause. Pierre reaches for Nicolas’s shoulder, as if he wanted to pacify him, but then moves away to let the tension dissipate. He has some difficulty getting his breath back. He wipes away his tears and tries to calm down. Nicolas still hasn’t moved. He’s like a six-year-old, terrified. Then, Pierre turns back to Nicolas.
I’m sorry, Nicolas. I don’t know what came over me.
He wants to help him get up, but Nicolas snatches away, gets up on his own and looks at Pierre with horror. Then he heads for the front door of the flat.
Nicolas?
Nicolas doesn’t turn back.
Nicolas, please …
Nicolas leaves, slamming the door. Pause. Pierre looks totally lost. Blackout.
THIRTEEN
Waiting room in an emergency ward. Pierre is anxiously waiting. Suddenly, Anne appears. It looks as if she’s been running.
Pierre Anne …
Anne Where is he?
Pierre They’re with him. Don’t worry.
Anne How is he? Have they told you anything?
Pierre They found him in time. Everything’s going to be all right.
She embraces him tightly.
Anne God … What’s happened?
Pierre The doctor’s coming to see us. He’ll explain. Don’t worry.
Anne But you’re sure there’s no danger?
Pierre So they told me.
Anne My little boy …
Pierre Come on, it’s almost over. It’ll be all right …
Anne But what happened? What did he do it with?
Pierre A razor.
Anne He told me the other day. He told me he wanted to … I should have listened to him … Or understood him better.
Pierre Come on … calm down.
Anne It’s my fault. He came to see me. He came to talk to me and he … told me quite plainly.
Pierre Anne, please, calm down … Everything’s all right. Do you understand me?
Anne No, everything’s not all right! How can you say that? And why doesn’t he have an electric razor?
Pierre takes her in his arms to calm her down.
Pierre Come on … Calm down. Please … Calm down. It’s no use getting into a state. Please …
Pause. She calms down.
Anne How long do we have to wait?
Pierre I don’t know.
Anne How long have you been here?
Pierre Half an hour, something like that. They told me they’d be out to see us soon.
Anne But why did he do that?
She sens
es that Pierre is hesitant to answer.
What happened?
Pierre I wasn’t there. I was working. It was Sofia who found him. She called an ambulance and they brought him here. I came right away.
Anne But didn’t she say anything to you?
Pierre No. All I know is, she … She went out and … She’d forgotten her mobile and she had to go back to the house. That’s how she found him in the bathroom … He’d just … We were lucky. The ambulance arrived very quickly … I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.
Anne I don’t understand.
Pierre It’s more than ten days since … Since our fight … He told you about it, I expect? He hardly ever left the flat. He was going round in circles. He wasn’t doing anything. It was hell. For everyone else, as well.
Anne I know.
Pierre After it happened, his attitude towards me changed … He hardly ever answered me, he wouldn’t look me in the eye … I’m telling you, it got really unbearable. And yesterday evening, I lost my temper … D’you understand? I can’t get rid of this constant feeling of rage … I want to shake him! He has everything anyone needs to be happy. Everything! And he just lies in bed doing nothing … It’s heart-breaking. He’s completely switched off. I’m not even talking about school … Forget about that.
Anne So you had another fight?
Pierre buries his face in his hands.
Pierre …
Pierre I wanted so much to help him … I wanted to save him. And in the end, what’s happened is the opposite … And today, we end up here … It’s horrible. I so much wanted to succeed in … For things to turn out differently … To be in a better position to …
The Son Page 5
