by Joyce Alec
There was a brief silence.
“No,” Bernard said, glancing at Esther who stood quietly, her face a stark white against the darkness of her housekeeper’s dress. “But you should have spoken to me, Mother, and certainly to the Duke.”
Amos said nothing, choosing to pour himself another whiskey before sitting down, facing the two women. He studied the woman he now knew to be Lady Esther Bertram, wondering how she was feeling in all of this. Now that his anger had faded to nothingness, he felt sorry for the woman. Had he been in her position, he was certain he would have done the same thing.
“I am sorry, Your Grace,” Esther tried to say, sinking down into the soft chair. “I know what I did was beyond forgiveness. I should not have deceived you so.”
“What you did?” Amos asked, lifting a brow. “What you did was put my house in order. There is nothing here that I have found fault with, other than pretending to be Mrs. Edwards.” He found himself smiling at her, as both Agnes and Bernard sat quietly, listening to his words.
“You are not furious with me?” Esther asked, keeping her eyes fixed on the carpet.
“I was at first,” Amos admitted. “But then I chanced upon your father and, after what I have heard from him, I suddenly found myself having a great deal of sympathy for your situation.”
“Thank you, Duke,” Agnes said, feeling a heady mixture of astonishment and relief. “The problem that lies before us now is what we are going to do about it all.”
“Can Lady Esther stay with you, Mother?”
“The servants would talk,” Lady Heber replied, with a shake of her head. “It would soon be common knowledge that Esther was staying with me.”
“Oh.” Bernard sat back glumly and stared into the fire.
“Could I not simply remain here?” Esther squeaked, trying not to sound like a timid little mouse.
“No,” Amos replied, firmly. “If you are found to be here, then I should have to marry you to save your reputation, and that simply will not do.”
Esther said nothing, flushing deeply as she heard the censure in his voice. The thought of having to marry her clearly disturbed him, although she found that she could not say the same. The thought of being the Duchess of Hawdon made her stomach flutter, but she pushed the thought away almost the moment it entered her head.
“I have it,” Bernard said, slowly. “Lady Esther, I would be honored to have you as my wife.”
11
Esther turned to Bernard, staring at him with wide eyes whilst Agnes clapped her hands together, her face glowing with joy.
“Oh, Bernard! How wonderful!”
Bernard shrugged his shoulders, his eyes on Esther. "What do you say, Lady Esther? I know we do not know one another all that well, but I know the kind of woman you are, and I am sure we shall do quite nicely together."
Esther felt as though someone was squeezing all the air from her lungs as she stared at Bernard. She heard his words as though they were coming from far away, buzzing around her head. Trying to take deep breaths, she found she could only take short, shallow ones, beginning to feel a little dizzy.
“Here.”
Esther looked down to see the Duke bending on his knees in front of her, pushing a whiskey glass into her hands.
“Take a sip,” he said quietly, looking into her eyes. “It will help.”
With a trembling hand, she lifted the glass and took a small sip, the liquid burning her throat and electrifying her senses. Catching her breath, she felt Amos take her other hand, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand gently.
“Are you all right?” he asked, his hazel eyes focused on her face.
Esther nodded, her own eyes focusing on the glass in her hand and not on his handsome face. He was close enough for her to reach out and touch his cheek or his hair, even though she had just had a proposal of marriage from Bernard.
“Thank you,” she whispered, handing him back the glass. Getting to his feet, Amos walked back over to his chair, leaving Esther feeling a little bereft.
“Are you well, my dear?” Agnes asked, moving to sit next to her goddaughter. “I know this is quite a lot to take in, and ultimately it is your decision.”
"What choice do I have?" Esther asked, helplessly. "Not that I don't appreciate your offer, Lord Heber, because of course I do. It is most generous of you."
“You will be a great match, my dear,” Agnes said, softly. “I know Bernard will take good care of you.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Esther replied, a soft smile on her face. “Yet, I do not want to deprive Bernard of the chance to marry for love, to marry someone of his own choosing.”
Bernard got to his feet, coming forward to take her hand. "Pray, do not concern yourself with such things," he said, gently. "It is high time I took a wife, and if my mother approves of you, then that is all the confirmation I need. I am sure we shall suit. What do you say?"
Esther took a deep breath. “May I think about it? It is all so sudden, and I must confess my head is spinning. I think you will make a fine husband, and it would please me to get to know you. However, I do not want to make the wrong decision.”
“Of course, my dear,” Bernard replied, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. “Take all the time you need.”
“Please just give me a few days to take all of this in,” Esther said, pulling her hand from his. “I shall not keep you waiting long.”
“But where shall you stay while you consider his offer?” Agnes asked, frowning a little.
Amos cleared his throat. “She can stay here,” he said, firmly. “The ruse can continue for a few more days, just until you make your decision.”
Esther sagged a little in relief, thanking him profusely. “It will just be a few days, Your Grace.”
“Take as much time as you need,” Amos heard himself say. “It is an important decision and not one to be rushed.”
“Thank you, Your Grace,” Esther repeated, finally able to lift her eyes to his. A spark shot between them, and she dropped her gaze again, rising to her feet as she excused herself. She had responsibilities in the morning and needed her rest. Embraced by Lady Heber, she spoke quietly to Bernard for a few moments before leaving the room. As Esther left, she sent the Duke one final, enquiring glance over her shoulder.
None of them saw the shadow of a maid scuttling along the floor who, only moments earlier, had her ear pressed to the door.
Amos could not sleep. He tossed and turned long after the household had gone to sleep. He told himself it was the shock of finding out that Mrs. Edwards was, in fact, Lady Esther Bertram, but it was something more than that. When Bernard had proposed marriage to her, he sat as though pinned to his chair, with something like ice racing through his veins. He had forced himself to look at her face, seeing her astonishment, and then her gratitude. Something had kicked him in the gut, and he couldn’t explain his anguish.
Amos threw an arm over his eyes, his mind tormenting him further. He knew that by both his words and his tone, he had expressed a wish to never marry the lady, but when Bernard had put his own proposition forward, he had found himself regretting his haste. The woman was beautiful and hardworking, taking on paid employment in order to escape from her ruthless father. She was not a feather-brained miss whose only goal in life was to marry for money; she was much more than that.
If he was honest with himself, he had been intrigued by Lady Esther, catching himself wondering how long her hair was and whether it curled when it was down. Of course, at the time, he had considered her a servant in his household, so he had pushed thoughts like that away. But now, knowing that she was a lady, that changed things. Then why had he appeared so disgruntled over the idea of marrying her to save her reputation? He groaned, punching the pillow as he grew frustrated with his own behavior. Regardless of how he felt, it was too late now. Bernard had proposed first and, as a gentleman, he would say nothing until she had made her decision. Rolling over, he tried to put her from his mind and eventually drifted off into
a dreamless sleep.
12
Esther spent the next two days in a dream, her mind foggy from everything that had happened. She managed her responsibilities well enough, but found her thoughts constantly turning to the Duke pushing the idea of marrying her firmly to one side. How humiliating it had been. Remembering that he was most likely a rake with a stellar reputation amongst both the ladies of the ton and the household staff, she told herself that he would not have made a good husband—but her heart refused to listen.
It was Sunday, and most of the servants had the afternoon off. Esther was enjoying sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea. Bernard was a true gentleman, and she knew they would, most likely, get along quite well. But what of the Duke? Shaking her head, she realized how ridiculous she was, hankering after the man. He already made his position quite clear.
A sudden cough caught her attention. The butler informed Esther that the master wished to speak to her and was waiting in the study. Taking a deep breath, she drank the last of her tea before making her way up the stairs, wondering what the Duke wanted.
Taking a breath and shaking her hands out in an attempt to get rid of her nervousness, Esther knocked on the door and walked in, not lifting her eyes.
Amos let out a frustrated sound. “Lady Esther, you need not act so deferentially now, considering I know your true status. Please, sit.”
She did so, sitting carefully on the chair opposite him and folding her hands in her lap. Even though he’d requested it, she could not help but keep her eyes on the ground, still feeling a keen sense of embarrassment.
“Lady Esther,” Amos began, feeling a little flustered. “I wished to speak to you about our situation.”
“Yes, Your Grace?” she replied, not lifting her eyes for a moment.
Amos clenched his jaw, trying to think of a way to express what he had wanted to tell her all day. “Yesterday, Lord Heber proposed marriage to you.”
“He did,” Esther said, wondering where this was going. “It was very kind of him.”
“Are you going to accept him?” Amos asked, his voice quiet.
Esther shook her head. "I have not yet decided, Your Grace. Why? Are there some concerns you wish to share with me?"
“He is a dear friend to me,” Amos began, still not sure how to express his feelings. “I should not wish him to be hurt in any way.”
Esther sat quietly, but her face began to burn with both anger and shame. Did he really think she was deliberately going to hurt Bernard in some way by accepting his hand?
“We have been friends for a long time,” he continued. “Bernard is a good, kind man and someone on whom I depend on.” And that is why I am struggling to tell you that I want you to marry me and not him, he wanted to say.
Esther got to her feet, her eyes flashing as she looked at him for the first time. “I would not upset or hurt Lord Heber for the world,” she cried. “You forget that his mother is my godmother, and I, too, have known him since I was a child. Although we do not know each other well, he is a most generous man, and it is only because of his kind nature that I have taken some time to consider his proposal.”
Amos got to his feet, startled by her sudden ire. “Lady Esther, that is not what I meant—”
“After my mother died, I was left completely without help,” she continued. “It is only because of my godmother that I have managed to find any kind of sanctuary away from my father and Lord Thompson. Do you think I wished this for myself? Wished it for Lord Heber? I did not, I assure you! I want Lord Heber to have his own choice of bride, not to feel compelled into matrimony with a woman he barely knows.” Her chest heaved as she spoke, tendrils of blonde hair coming loose as she gesticulated wildly. “I had hoped that going into hiding would have been enough of a stain on my reputation for Lord Thompson to reject me completely, but according to my godmother, it appears I am still in a dire situation.” She paused for a few moments, her green eyes filling with sudden tears. “But you are right, Your Grace. I do not wish to injure Bernard in any way. It is not fair. I shall refuse his proposal, so that he will have a chance at happiness.”
Esther’s voice grew quiet and her face fell, her whole body relaxing into a depression. Her gaze moved from his face back to the floor as she felt the enormity of her decision crashing down on her.
“Then what will you do?” Amos asked, softly, moving a little closer to her.
She raised her eyes, water-filled emerald pools, to his own. “I shall marry Lord Thompson,” she whispered. “I can see no other way out.”
His mind going wild at the thought, Amos strode to her, catching her up in his arms and pinning her against the wall. His breath came hard and fast as he watched astonishment climb into her eyes, her mouth opening slightly at the suddenness of his actions. Without even thinking, he dropped his mouth onto her own, kissing her with such a ferocity that she was momentarily stunned, unmoving under his caress. Slowly her resistance began to thaw, and she allowed her arms to twine around his neck, softening her lips as he continued to kiss her.
Amos’s senses were swimming as he pushed his body closer to Esther’s, finding no objection as he pulled the pins from her hair and dug his hands into the fallen tresses. It glided over his hands as he ran his hands through it, down her shoulders and arms. Grasping her hands in his, he angled his head and intensified his kiss.
A sudden knock at the door threw them apart. Gasping for breath, Esther stared at him with terrified eyes, putting a hand to her unpinned hair.
“Duke, I...” Bernard walked in, closely followed by his mother.
The atmosphere grew tense as they each stared at one another.
Bernard spoke first. “I see,” he said, quietly, moving to a chair. “So this is how it is to be? May I congratulate you, Duke.”
Esther took great gulps of air, hastily pinning up her hair as her cheeks flamed red. Whatever had come over her?
“My dear,” Agnes said, coming over to her clearly distraught goddaughter. “Are you all right?” There was not a hint of disapproval in her voice, but Esther stood, humiliated nonetheless. Agnes patted her hand and walked with her to a small couch.
“Heber, I am sorry,” Amos said, walking to the chair opposite and flinging himself into it. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He stapled his fingers and looked honestly at his friend, quite prepared to take anything that Bernard threw at him.
Bernard took a long breath, looking first at Esther, and then back to Amos. “It is quite all right,” he said, heavily. “Whilst I admit I had been hoping that she would become my bride, I know you would not have done this had your heart not been engaged.”
Esther hardly listened, the blood roaring in her ears as she felt her cheeks still hot. She was barely able to look at either man.
Amos swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, hating how humiliated she was. "I must apologize, Lady Esther," he began, using her given name without permission. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I wanted to show both you, and Lord Heber, the respect you deserve, but my heart would not let me."
Esther's head shot up. "I beg your pardon?" she exclaimed. "Your heart?" She let out a mirthless laugh, feeling panic and mortification pulling her under with every moment she spent in his presence. "I know your reputation well, Your Grace. Telling me to make sure the servants do not seek you out for a dalliance? And your previous two housekeepers gone, for similar reasons, I am sure! I am another conquest, no? And I gave in to you so easily."
Amos did not know how to respond, his reputation one of his own making. He had once thought it a good thing, and now it was the biggest stumbling block in his path. Bernard, wishing to ease her discomfiture and the situation, got to his feet and came to sit beside her. Lady Heber, wishing to leave them both alone for a time, got to her feet and moved to talk to Amos, trying to hold back a smile at his embarrassment.
“Lady Esther,” Bernard began, taking Esther’s hand, “I would have married you tomorrow, should you have wished it, but my heart wou
ld not have been yours. I know that I said that it did not matter to me, and perhaps it still doesn’t, but wouldn’t you prefer to marry a man who has already starting falling in love with you?”
“It is all a farce,” Esther whispered, refusing to believe it. “I know of his reputation, and I cannot allow myself to be another notch on his bedpost.”
Bernard smiled, patting her hand. "Do not believe everything you have heard about this man," he said softly. "He has encouraged his reputation undoubtedly and, at times, flirted with his staff in a way that ultimately led to their dismissal, but he is not the rake you imagine him to be."
She studied his face for a long time, trying to spot any tell-tale signs of a lie, but she found none. “Truly?” she whispered. “You are not just saying that to make me feel better, Lord Heber?”
He kissed her cheek. "No, not in the least," he said, smiling. "I am not in the slightest bit upset over our proposed engagement being so swiftly at an end. Not when I know you will be vastly happier with him than you could ever be with me.”
Esther got to her feet, thanking Bernard before turning to Lady Heber and Amos. “I am just going to wash my face,” she said, a little tremulously. “When I return, perhaps we can have a conversation, Your Grace.”
Amos got to his feet, moving forward to take her hand. “Please, call me Amos. I will be waiting for your return.”
Gently removing her hand, Esther gave him a wobbly smile before exiting the room.
13
Esther has been gone for quite some time,” Agnes commented, looking a little worriedly.
Bernard frowned. “It has been quite a while, Duke. Where could she have gone?”
“I’m not sure,” Amos replied, getting to his feet. “Excuse me while I go downstairs to check.”
"I'll come with you," Bernard said, following him from the room. Lady Heber, of course, was not about to be left behind, so the three of them trooped downstairs, only to find her parlor empty. There were only a few servants about, who all quieted their chatter the moment the Duke and his guests arrived.
