by K Larsen
My jaw falls open. “You read it?”
She nods. “I didn’t believe a word of it. At first,” she says. “But I kept thinking about it. For the last twenty four hours, it’s all I’ve thought about. And then today, I found out Liam made that donation and … I don’t know, Nora, it all adds up. It isn’t right, but it adds up.”
“What are you saying exactly?” I ask. As much as I want Liam in my life, I cannot have him at the expense of my makeshift family’s emotions.
“That Lotte and I are okay. That you don’t need our permission to live your life the way you want to.” A tear streaks down her cheek. “That if he’s something you want—and don’t lie to yourself because you’ve been a miserable hag the last month without him—then I will find a way to support your choice.”
I push backward, causing the chair legs to screech against the floor and fly around the table to Eve’s seat to wrap her in a fierce hug.
Liam
I have never felt so lost. I’m freefalling with no way to catch myself. Mike has spent the last week at my place, insistent that I need to be watched. For what, I don’t know. I’m not about to off myself. I’m lovesick.
I begged Mike to tell me what’s going on in Nora’s life but he maintains that she doesn’t talk to him and that Aubry is incredibly tightlipped on the subject. The only plus is that I finally told him the whole truth. I told him about the mountain, about Ma and Holden and Laura. I don’t think, in his wildest dreams, he’d imagined what I told him, if his reaction was an indicator. But to his defense, always the best friend, he didn’t judge me for my past. He stayed, talked it out as best he could with me and promised never to tell a soul. We’ve drunk ourselves stupid in the last two days. His feeble attempt to lighten my mood but all the alcohol does is make me more sullen.
My days feel like an eternity. I run. I eat. I work. I drink and I try to keep Mike from thinking he needs to stay any longer.
My computer speakers ding, alerting me I have an email. There is a spark of hope at the sound. Maybe it’s Nora? I click open the screen and frown. It’s Yuri, complaining of a breach of contract regarding the police and their shipping containers. I grind the heels of my hands into my eye sockets to relieve some tension before responding.
At six, I stroll through the front door. Carol stops me dead in my tracks.
“You’ve got to stop this moping business.”
I almost smile. “I’m sorry. I’m trying?”
She tilts her head to the side and frowns at me. “My darling, Liam, love, real love is hard. Moping never solved a broken heart. If you want the girl that badly, you fight for her. True love is painful sometimes.” She pats me on the shoulder as she passes by. Love is painful. If I had known that, I never would have succumbed to it.
Nora
I stare upward at the glass panes of the top floor where my naked body was pressed against just short months ago and debate if this is truly the correct thing to do. I have debated coming here for days. I’ve thought of every possible outcome. Maybe he has moved on. Maybe it will only lead to hurt down the road. Maybe it will be everything my heart desires. I waited for Eve to change her mind. To tell me that I am twisted and wrong for not hating him, but she hasn’t. I waited for Lotte to protest, but as ever, she is accepting and adapting, so here I am, standing outside of Liam’s office building, prepared to go in and tell him how I feel.
“Nora?” I cast my gaze downward and find myself face to face with Mr. Lockwood. Holden’s father. My belly flips and knots.
“Hello.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m ... I am going to see Liam.”
He regards me for a moment. “I think that is a poor choice.”
“Excuse me?” He grabs my hand in an iron-like grip and tugs me toward a parked black sedan.
“Take a ride with me.” His driver opens the back door and I am nudged inside. I slide to the opposite door to get out but the locks click into place. Mr. Lockwood laughs. It is not a jovial sound. It is menacing and deviant. “I think you’ve caused enough damage to my family.”
“Your family?” My stomach clenches.
“One son is dead because of you and the other is a weak, pathetic mess.”
“How can you lay claim to Holden after what you did? Let me out.”
“What I did? He was no idiot. He could have left that hell hole mountain on his own.”
“He was sick! He was abused. He was ...” he cuts me off.
“Yes, we all were. Poisoned by a woman.” I dig my nails into my palms.
“How can you say that? You married her.” I slide away from him until I am pressed against the opposite door.
“Men are often reduced to morons when women are involved. I am not proud that I let her control my life as long as she did. But you, Nora, have inflicted enough pain on my children and I will not allow it to continue.”
I let out a shaky breath. I will not let another man cause me fear. I straighten my posture. “I don’t think you get to choose.”
The car stops and the doors unlock. He grabs my forearm and drags me from the car. The street around us is devoid of passersby. There is a sign above a doorway; The Black.
“Let go of me,” I say firmly.
He pulls me inside. We walk through a smoky, dimly lit bar area and down a hall. I stumble twice but he does not let me go. He throws open a door. A blonde is in lingerie and heels, whipping a fat-bellied man. Sweat drips down his face.
“Meet Candy,” he says. Candy turns to face us and smiles coyly.
“Hello, sugar,” she says. Her eyes are tired and vapid. “Oh.” She cocks her head. “You look familiar.”
Liam’s father slams the door shut, blocking the scene from my view. “Stay away from Liam unless you want to end up like Candy.”
Tears prick my eyes but I do not let them fall. Mr. Lockwood releases my arm and I bolt back the way we came for the exit. The early fall air hits my face and I cannot catch a breath. I heave on the sidewalk, while still trying to move further away from the club. That repugnant establishment is where Liam spent his time? That noisome hole is where Candy spends her days? I round the corner and try to get my bearings. Fishing my cell phone from my clutch I call an Uber.
At home, I collapse against the wall outside my bedroom door in a mess of tears. Lotte is at school and will not be home for hours yet. Eve is at N.E.L. and I do not want to bother Aubry. I try to collect myself but I am unable. Burt curls up next to me as I sob. That man is vile. Interested in no one, but himself. I want strong arms and shaggy hair and a soothing deep voice to console me. I will not let Holden’s father deter me from my happiness. From my life.
I pull up my contacts on my phone and unblock the number, then call. There is a deep exhale on the other end of the line.
“I need you. Here,” I state, trying to compose myself.
“Nora,” He whispers.
The line goes dead and I sink to the floor, holding the phone to my chest.
Twenty minutes later, Liam is looming over me. I am still on the floor with the phone. Liam bends at the waist and lifts me into his arms, as if I weigh nothing. I don’t have anything to say to him that will make any of this better, so I stay silent. He carries me to my bedroom and lays me on the bed. I watch as he kicks off his shoes and grabs a blanket from the arm chair in the corner. He covers me with it. I’m shivering. He climbs into bed with me and pulls me to him.
It is strange to have him in my home.
In my bed.
Liam
“I will always come for you, Nora.” I hold her tightly to me, as though she might evaporate. She called me. She needs me. I couldn’t even form an appropriate response when I heard her voice. I grabbed my keys and sped here without thinking it through.
“That is what scares me,” she says.
“Why?” I ask. I missed this. The feel of her. The smell of her.
“Because of your family.”
“Who, Holden? He’
s just bones in dirt, Nora.” She shakes her head against my chest.
“I came to see you. I was going to come to see you. Your father took me.”
Did I hear that right?
“What?” I growl.
“I was at your office, outside. He forced me in his car.” Her shivers of terror alone are enough to ignite the rage that simmers below the surface of my soul.
“What the fuck did he do to you?”
“He took me to The Black. He showed me Candy working. He told me I will end up like her if I don’t leave you alone.”
“When?”
“Today! I was right outside. I was coming to see you.” She trembles, despite how firmly I am holding her. Fury vibrates through me in small shockwaves. I shift, ready to leave. “Please don’t go now.” Nora’s plea sends a dagger to my heart and I cannot disobey her.
“Okay.” I continue to hold her, wishing that I wasn’t a Lockwood at all. I decide to ask the obvious. “Why were you coming?”
She pushes back from me slightly so she can see my face. “Because I deserve happiness and you make me happy.”
I can’t contain the grin that takes over my face. “You’re complicated as fuck but I love that about you. I love that you’re a mess. I love that you use four letter words in the same sentence as a four syllable word. I love your scars. I love that you wear them like jewelry. I love that ... shit, Nora, I’m telling you I love you.”
She is smiling, too, and it makes my fucking heart swell knowing that I put that smile there. I will deal with my father later, right now, I am going to fuck my beautiful, crazy girlfriend.
“I love you, too.”
I dip my head and rest my forehead against hers. “I’m going to kiss you now.”
She doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t resist. When my lips connect with hers, a groan escapes me. My world rights, clicks into place like a missing puzzle piece. Her fingers thread in my hair, holding my face to hers. Our tongues taste, teeth nip. It’s heaven.
“Fuck me,” she says against my lips. My cock jumps to attention, a salacious grin sweeps the corners of my mouth up. She bites her bottom lip and I lose all control.
“I won’t go easy, Cherry.”
“I don’t want you to,” she says.
As I knock on the door, I realize that my heart feels like it is in my throat. When the door swings open, I side-step the help and march to my father’s office before I lose my nerve. I let the heavy ornate oak door creak closed behind me.
“What the fuck, Dad?” I bark.
He looks up from his paper. “Liam.”
“I’m done.” He laughs. It is a cold and hollow sound. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“I don’t think you understand. You cannot keep Nora and me apart. I won’t have it. I don’t care what you want. I’m done with the business and I am done with you. You’re no better than Holden or Ma.” At this, he stands. His fists clench at his sides.
“Be careful what you wish for, boy. That bank account you have, is funded by me. Nora is a liability, a weakness. One you nor I can’t afford.” He rounds his desk toward me. My instinct is to cower but this time I stand tall.
“There is strength in my weakness, old man. I don’t need your money. I don’t need you. Stay the fuck away from Nora and stay the fuck away from me.” He stands inches from my face, seething. Little bits of spittle fly with each breath he takes. His arm cranks back. I move aside. I don’t need his abuse. I am not his. I am Nora’s. I pop him in the jaw. He stumbles backward and clutches his face.
“You will live to regret that.” His voice bellows.
I turn and head for the door. “I don’t think I will.”
I step into the hall and slam his door behind me. I don’t speak to anyone on the way out. In my car, I text Mike. I don’t want him hearing anything from my father’s mouth. I want him to know the truth. As I pull into traffic he replies; ‘Bout fuckin’ time. I laugh, feeling heady and bold and head back to Nora’s.
Exhaustion settles in when I knock on her door. Adrenaline leaving my bloodstream. The door opens and Nora’s face drops. I don’t need words with her. She can sense my emotions. It is one of the things that I find so endearing about her. That she pays attention to the miniscule things.
“Do I want to know?” she asks.
“Move in with me. Don’t need any more time or space. We’ve gone through enough to know it’s right. I know what you need and you know what I need,” I blurt.
“What?” she laughs. “That is random.” She pulls me inside.
“It’s not. I’ve been thinking about it for ages.”
“Bullshit,” she says. Music plays from a speaker in the kitchen and it smells like heaven. Eve is at the stove stirring something and Charlotte is chopping vegetables at the counter.
“Hey,” Charlotte says. I lift a hand and smile back at her. I turn to Eve.
“Don’t,” she says. “I’m still not sure how I feel about you being related to that monster.”
“Okay,” I say and toss my hands up in mock self-defense. “Noted.” I look around the room. Everyone seems to have a place and I don’t feel a part of it.
“Sit,” Nora says. “It’s Monday night. It’s our night to cook up a big meal and all be home to eat it together. So, you just sit while we do our thing.” I nod and take the beer that Charlotte’s outstretched hand holds for me. Although she smiles, I notice she moves her hand so our fingers don’t touch as she gives it to me. I am going to have to work hard at gaining their trust back. Burt saunters into the room and curls up under the table at my feet. Watching Nora and her girls ‘do their thing’ from inside the kitchen, versus outside looking in, is a completely different experience. Charlotte likes to sing along to the music, while Eve pretends not to dance. Nora full on dances between them, bumping hips and prepping food. I feel like an intruder. The moment is intimate between them. They’re like a tight knit family. The kind of rapport that I never experienced.
Nora comes over and sits on my lap for a moment. “What’s wrong?” she asks.
“Nothing at all. I like this. I’m not used to it.” I relish the feel of her in my lap.
She nods as if she understands. “I get it.”
“Do you?” I squeeze her hip playfully.
“I used to walk home at night and look in people’s windows. Families sitting around tables, eating together, talking. I didn’t have that. I came home to an empty house. I ate alone. I do get it, Liam. There’s damage that needs to be repaired. Dr. Richardson would actually like to do a couples session, but know this, we’re glad to incorporate you into our fray, if you’ll have us. It might take a while to adjust,” She gives me a mischievous smirk.
“What was he like?” Charlotte asks.
“Who?”
She clears her throat. “Holden. As a kid.”
I cringe but Nora nudges me. “Honesty.”
“He was quiet and for a while, he was a good brother. He liked birds and fishing. He hated when my dad left us alone with Ma.”
I notice Eve’s white knuckled grip and look to Nora. She murmurs in my ear, “Time and honesty.”
“Hmm, weird. I kinda thought maybe he was just always a monster,” Lotte says.
“Monsters are made, not born,” I say. “And I’m sorry to you two, as well.”
“Go on,” Eve says and leans against the counter.
“I’m sorry for what you’ve all been put through because of my brother. I’m sorry for lying to you about who I was. I’m sorry for a lot of things these days.”
“Ugh, I hate too much seriousness all at once,” Charlotte says, and moves to turn up the volume on the speaker. Eve gives her a pointed look but I am thankful for her interruption.
I grin as I watch Charlotte bump hips with Eve until she relents and her scowl is replaced with a smile. “Soon enough, you’ll be singing into a ladle, too. No one can resist,” Nora says.
“Did someone say ladle singing?” Mike’s voice cuts through the ki
tchen. He snatches the spoon from Eve’s hand and holds it to his mouth like a microphone. He sings along to The Shape of You, wiggling his butt ridiculously and dancing around Charlotte. Aubry laughs loudly and takes a seat next to me.
I am shocked to see Mike. In all his time at my house, he made no mention of being serious with Aubry, nor did he mention family dinner nights. “Did I miss something?” I ask.
Nora leans into my ear, “Aubry and Mike are just ‘hanging out’, so they say.” I throw my head back and laugh because Mike doesn’t just ‘hang out’ with women.
“Uh huh, sure,” I say.
Dinner is a ruckus of conversation. Everyone getting the chance to talk about their day and what will be going on the following week. Charlotte has a Halloween costume dance at school that Nora is chaperoning. Eve is collaborating with a sex trafficking support non-profit to expand N.E.L.’s services and Nora proudly announces that she has nearly finished her memoir. Mike says nothing interesting is slated for him this week, which makes the table laugh.
“I have big news,” Aubry says. Nora bites her lip to hold back a smile. I squeeze her thigh under the table. She rests her hand on top of mine. “I am officially starting my own interior design firm.”
“That is amazing,” Eve says. She looks at Aubry with a funny look in her eye. One that is familiar to me. It is longing. I don’t know what to make of it, though. I will ask Nora later.
“So, what are you going to the dance dressed as?” I ask Charlotte.
She grins, “Mrs. Who from A Wrinkle in Time.”
I scrunch up my nose. “Come again?”
“It’s a character from a book that Lotte and I read together,” Nora answers.
“Yup. Because she makes sure that the main character knows that people's faults,” she pauses dramatically, and looks at her sister, “can really be sources of power.”
“Gotcha, and you, Nora? What are you going as?”
“I was thinking of dressing up as a spoon. But I need a partner so it makes sense.”
