“I’m a complete asshole, aren’t I?”
I can’t hold the laugh that falls out. “You could say that.” I try not to, but I think of all the hurt I’ve went through when it came to Keegan; the comments about being a second fiddle to my dead boyfriend or my best friend, the angry and drunk comments. Of course, the thought unintentionally invades my mind about him saying goodnight to Sarah. I attempt to squash it. “But now, you get to be whoever you want to be. You are lucky you still remember your life.”
“But I don’t remember you.” I shake my head, holding back the tears that are threatening to spill over my now glistening eyes.
“It could be worse, and that’s what we have to keep telling ourselves.” Silently I kept saying that to myself, hoping I’ll believe it, but right now all I can think of is how could this get any worse. “I will also be here for you to talk to and ask questions. If you want to know about us, then I can tell you. If you don’t, then that’s okay too. I won’t push anything on you. I was in an accident similar to this one before. I had pushed the memories out of my mind because they were too painful. Maybe you will remember one day, just like I did. If not, we will deal. I won’t let you live every day waiting for the memories, Keegan, because you wouldn’t have let me. You would have wanted me to move forward so that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”
“That’s something I do know about. You’re talking about your accident with Michael. Your brother told me about that one night after we’d been rooming together for a while. I’m sorry that happened to you Bec… Becca.” He gives me a small smile and I know he only remembers hearing my brother talking to him about me as Bec. I can’t blame him but it’s a constant reminder of what we’ve lost. What we might never get back. I wasn’t just talking about my accident with Michael. I was also talking about when Dillon had attacked me and left a butterfly. I remember him doing it and giving it to me, enough to give it to Jake before I was shipped off by ambulance. Although when I woke up, I had to be reminded. My heart hopes all he needs is a reminder, but I don’t think this is going to be that easy. “Thank you, Keegan.”
He looks flustered. I’m not sure what’s causing it so I ask him, which only seems to make him even more flustered. “Guess you really do know me, eh?” I try to laugh but it comes out awkward. “Well Bec, I was wondering why you call me Keegan? Most people call me by my nickname Key or by my last name.” Hearing him say that breaks my heart. I know he has no feelings for me because he is talking about this openly. My Keegan would have never asked me why I don’t call him Key. Actually he insisted I didn’t call him that.
“You never let me. You didn’t even want me to know where it came from or what you had been like in the past.” I can’t help feeling like I’m looking at the past right now. He isn’t the Keegan who had changed, he’s the Keegan from the past. His nickname came from him having the ability to unlock any woman’s panties. Hence, he was the Key to them. “Must have liked you if I didn’t want you to know.” I make a small gasp at those words, but he doesn’t notice. Liked? Past tense and liked at all is not enough (not making sense). My Keegan loved me and now I know my Keegan is gone. Question is: will this Keegan love me and will I want to love this Keegan?
***
Being around Keegan is a challenge and being away from Jake is an even larger one. I spend my days with my brother and Keegan staying on the sidelines listening to them. I go to my classes and do my homework while they talk about anything under the sun. I wrote my exams and did well considering the facts of my current life situation. The snow seems to be leaving and I’m looking forward to spring. Charlotte is adamant that we spend the summer away from all this, with no men in my life. A summer to myself, but I know I just can’t do that. At least not until I know Jake is okay. As far as Keegan…well, he’s okay, but I need to know he’s happy.
“Becca, you can’t stay in this room all day and only switch out to see Keegan. You only leave for school.” I look up and see Alec looking at me from the doorway, I am sitting in the bed with Jake stroking his hair. He looks so pale. The doctors still aren’t sure if he’s going to pull through. When they say this, I usually just walk away. Jake has to make it. The alternative isn’t an option.
“Becca, I’ll give you five minutes, and then you and I are leaving the hospital to go home. You will shower and eat something that’s not from a vending machine or... I call Charlotte.” I look at him, stunned because he knows Charlotte will drag me out of here kicking and screaming. It would make no difference to her. She’s not embarrassed by anything.
“Fine. You win.” He backs out of the room, giving me my time with Jake. “Jacob Kelso, you better be here when I get back and awake. I miss my best friend. You promised never to leave me so I won’t let you out of that one.” Looking at Jake, even though he is pale and sick, he’s still one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. I wish more than anything he’d open those piercing hazel eyes and look at me. His honey brown hair is shaggier than it usually is and he has slimmed down a bit, but he is still solid. A hockey player through and through, no matter his ill state. I turn to snuggle into Jake. “I love you.”
The door opens and I see my brother pop in. “Times up.”
Chapter Three
Keegan
I hear a knock at the door and I say come in. It’s probably Alec or Bec…. His sister…. And my girlfriend. It’s weird having a girlfriend I don’t remember. Don’t get me wrong; she’s damn beautiful and I’m drawn to her but I still feel like something’s not right. Like I don’t deserve her.
“Hey, Key.” I look up and see Sarah staring at me from the end of the bed and all those feelings come rushing back.
“Sarah...” She walks around to the side of the bed and sits on it with me. Her hand comes to my face and I lean in. As much as I know this is wrong I can’t deny that I have feelings for Sarah. The Keegan that’s with Bec might not have, but he’s gone. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I tried to come before but that friend of yours wouldn’t let me in because of his sister.”
Oh, yeah. Alec is going to be furious that she’s here but I can’t help it. I want to be near Sarah. “I’m glad you came. This is all so weird. Last thing I remember is us, being together, and everything being fine. What happened, Sarah?”
I can see her eyes look down, trying to shield the tears that are begging to be released from the back of her eyes. “She happened.” I’m taken back by this because I don’t understand. If I felt the way about her that I still am feeling, then I don’t see how that happened. “She came to visit her brother in the spring and after that you started to pull away. You started to come back during the summer. But as soon as she showed her face, we were different and you ended it. I get it. You were protecting her from that psycho ex of hers. But he’s gone. I don’t get why you’re with her or stay with her. She was always with Jake. He slept in her room even when you were together. She hasn’t been sleeping in her dorm or at Alec’s while you’ve all been in the hospital. So if she’s not sleeping in here with you, she’s with him. She doesn’t love you, Key, but I do. I love you.” I look up and many things go through my head. If Bec and I were together then what the hell was she doing with my buddy Jake? I know they’re friends but that seems to be beyond the friend zone. Why does hearing about Jake make me furious as shit too?
I sense Sarah lean towards me and I go the rest of the way to kiss her. I can’t deny that it’s still there. It’s different from before but I still care about Sarah. I move my hand around her back and pull her tighter towards me as our kiss deepens. I feel her open her mouth slightly, allowing me access, and I take it. God, I miss this, but yet I feel odd. Who cares? Clearly Bec’s with Jake, right? I put my hand under her shirt and she moans as my hand connects with her skin. It’s an instant turn on and I’m getting more into this as it goes. I hear a squeak of the door followed by a gasp. We separate and I see Bec looking at me with her eyes wide and full of tears. It’s like a ton of bricks have dropped on
my heart. God, she wasn’t kidding, I am an asshole.
Before I can say anything, she turns and runs out of the room with Alec just standing there, and not following her.
Sarah has a smug look. “Well, I guess she knows how we really feel about each other now, doesn’t she? I’m going to go, but don’t worry, I’ll be back, Key. Love you.” Sarah said with pleasure.
I turn to Alec and wish I could place the unfounded panic that has my heart racing at the fact that Bec just ran from the room. His eyes are on me and I feel like I deserve whatever he’s about to do. “What did I just do?” I look to Alec, hoping to see my friend, but all I see is hurt in his eyes. Of course… it’s his sister. Shit!
“Well if you were trying to hurt her, then I guess you did what you wanted to. Are you sure you don’t remember the last year or so?” I’m speechless to what he’s just said. Why would he think I’m lying about not remembering and why would this have anything to do with that.
“What do you mean, ‘remember?’ Of course not! Why in the hell would you say that shit?” He shakes his head and turns around so that I can’t see his face. “You know what, Alec? Don’t be pissed at me because, from what I hear, I’m not the only one stepping out of this relationship. You should ask your little sister Bec where she sleeps at night.” Alec whips around and stalks up to me. I will admit that I pull back, wishing I’d played it cool. He’s seriously pissed.
“Don’t you dare! Don’t ever put that shit on her, man! Jake is her best friend. Yes, she loves him but she loves you too. She was with you, Key. She never cheated on you. You’re just letting that bitch Sarah screw with you like she always has when it comes to my sister. I won’t let you, not this time, I’ll push her to Jake and you will lose the best thing that every happened to you in your pathetic little life.”
He takes a deep breath, letting out the anger. “But to answer your questions: you were together and, yes, when you weren’t around she’d sleep with Jake. However, it wasn’t sexual and you knew that. It was because of her nightmares from Dillon and the fear she had over it. He tried to kill her on a few occasions. Not to mention watching Michael, her boyfriend, die. So, pardon me that my sister’s a little screwed up from all the shit that’s happened to her. But what the hell is your excuse then?”
I’m furious she’s been in Jake’s bed and we were together.
“Well, Jake and her better not be doing that anymore.” I see the anger return to his eyes but my anger won’t allow me to calm down.
“Guess the Keegan we all know is still in there somewhere because of what just happened with Sarah. Well, that’s exactly what he did when he was insecure about her loving him too.”
“Time to pick, once and for all, Key. Is it Becca or is it Sarah? I sure as hell don’t see what choice it really is, but with everything that’s happened, I sympathize with you. I wouldn’t know what to do but, man, you can’t keep them both.” I nod because I know he’s right. I just wish I could remember everything so I could make the right choice. I guess that would just be too easy.
“She needs to make one too. She can’t have both of us. I won’t rush her because Jake’s sick, but she has to make a choice.”
He looks at me somberly and nods. “Don’t I know it. Now get your head outta your ass and stop screwing around with this Sarah shit. If you want Becca, or even want the possibility of having Becca, then Sarah has to go. Sarah’s had it out for Becca from day one. If you choose to see Sarah, that is your choice. I will understand. However, I can’t have you living with me. Becca needs to feel safe and I’m going to talk her into moving back in with me.”
“I think I’m in love with Sarah though. I just can’t explain it.”
Alec just shakes his head and looks at the floor. “Then I guess I will start packing you stuff. I’ll talk to the dorms and see if we can get you in there for the rest of the semester.”
I shake my head. “No, no dorms. I just want a small apartment of my own.”
He nods and says he will bring me some ads. “I hope you don’t ever remember, man. If you did, you’d hate the choice you just made.” With that, he turns on his heels and walks out the room.
“I think I love Bec too, though.” I know he didn’t hear me but I said it anyways. I just wish I could remember her. What if I’m making the mistake he thinks I am? Or what if I choose her and I’m not remembering that even with Bec, I still loved Sarah. Either way, I’m screwed. Isn’t that just great shit!
Chapter Four
Becca
Keegan and Sarah. I can’t continue to compete with her. She wants Keegan and clearly he wants her. I won’t stand in the way anymore. I will be his friend but I won’t fight to keep what doesn’t seem to be mine. First, he did stunts like this even before we got together. Then, during my first time, he says her name. Come on, Becca! How much more do you need to realize it’s over between you two. I ran, I’d admit to it. I couldn’t watch that, not again. I’m tired of fighting Sarah. But I will still be one of Keegan’s best friends if he will have me, no matter the heartache it costs. Right now he needs friends that are going to be there for him and I won’t turn my back on him. Not after everything he’s done and given up for me. Time to put on your big girl panties and be a friend. It’s not like you even had made a choice as to who you love more. You are going to lose one of them.
My inner thoughts have never been more right because as I push through the door to Jake’s room, my body turns cold at the sight in front of me. Doctor and nurses are rushing around the bed and Jake is hooked up to more wires and a breathing mask. I can’t hear anything. The world is right there but yet so far away. I see them trying to stabilize him, but it’s not working. Don’t leave me, Jakey. I watched on, wishing my inner plea could reach him. I start to hear again and the world comes crashing in. I hear the beeping of his monitors slow and now the alarms are sounding. I hear someone say, “Call the OR.” I feel like I’m going to pass out, I can’t lose Jake. He can’t die from trying to save me. I’m not worth that type of sacrifice. I see them push the button and the speakers are blaring, indicating a code blue in Jake’s room. The next words make me sink against the wall, right to the floor. I sit there staring blankly, in a pile of scattered emotions.
“We’re losing him!”
I’m still in a puddle on the floor when the door opens. Staring around the room, all around is disarray. Medical supplies are laying everywhere and the bed where Jake was is no longer there. “Becca, are you okay?” I look up to see Drake pulling me off the floor. I’m too shocked by what has happened to even understand the meaning of him being here.
I hear the door swing open again and shriek. “Becca!” Drake is holding me while Keegan yells at me, with my brother and Charlotte looking at me, stunned to our current surroundings.
“Where’s Jake, Becca?”
I look to Alec, with no emotions left to convey. “He’s been rushed to the operating room.”
I don’t move out of Drake’s hold and Keegan’s eyes are burning me. “What does that have to do with Drake being all over you?”
I hear Drake groan. He turns but doesn’t let go of me. “I’m here because Charlotte asked me to come. We’ve become friends and I wanted to stop and see Jake before I went to find her. When I came in, I found Becca laying on the floor in shock and picked her up to comfort her.” I pull tighter to Drake trying to hide from Keegan, since I haven’t seen him since the Sarah incident.
“Let go of Bec. She’s not yours Drake.” Keegan is seething but all I feel is the pain of being called Bec.
“She’s not yours either, Keegan. From what the bitch new girlfriend of yours has being tell everyone, you and Becca are done.” I peek out from Drake to see that Keegan doesn’t deny it. Why should he, Becca? He doesn’t remember you.
Keegan responds slowly, “I didn’t. I don’t know. I guess she’s right.” I turn my face away from his eyes because I just can’t bear to look at him anymore.
“Key, don’t act like
you ‘guess.’ I asked you and you flat out said shit to cement that fact... Like I don’t know you’re moving out of our house?” Alec is furious; he has so much hate in his tone.
This is news to me and I tense. Drake pulls me closer and I’m in his full embrace as he strokes my back and hair. “How am I the bad one here? From what I’m told, she was like this, if not worse, with Jake. Why would I stick around for round two? Who knows, maybe this time it will be both Drake and Jake she’s sleeping with at night.”
I can’t help the anger that comes over me and I blow up. I start screaming. “Get him out of here!”
I hear shuffling and then the door is shut. I look up to see just Charlotte left in the room. Drake is comforting me and I’m actually surprised that it doesn’t feel off. I don’t get the same vibe I did from him anymore. “Becca, let’s go see if they have an update on Jake, okay?”
The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) Page 2
