by Lyla Grace
She puts her arm around me to comfort me. "I don't think he hates you. I think that he hates himself. He is so jealous of you, and what you have accomplished, he can't process it. He's the older brother; he is supposed to take care of you, be the hero. Not the other way around."
"But he could have been. We should be out there together. It's not like he wasn't good. He was great, probably even better than me. But something changed him. And it wasn't for the better."
"I wish there were something I could do to help you," she says.
“You’re doing it,” I tell her. “You being here, listening to me. It means a lot.”
The sun is setting in the horizon, the orange hue of it spreading over the water. It’s almost as beautiful as the woman sitting next to me. The one I find myself leaning closer to, my lips nearing hers, unable to stop or control myself. It’s like life is in slow motion until our lips meet. And when they do, we are out of control. It’s the most frantic, desperate kisses I have ever experienced. Each brush of our lips is more hurried than the last as though we can’t get enough of each other. Which, I suppose after depriving ourselves all day, we can’t.
“Christ, Princess, I…” She straddles me, her warm wet sex hovering above my already hardened dick. “Are you trying to kill me here?”
She pulls back and looks me straight in the eye. With a solemn look on her face, she says, “I’m sorry, Carter. I can’t do this anymore. If you want me, I will do whatever I have to to be with you. Otherwise, I can't. I can't be your therapist, or anything else."
"Wait; what?" She moves off of me, and I hope to my feet following her. "You're giving it all up? The job? Us?"
"I don't want to, but… I fucked up Carter. I know that. I should have told you from the start. Maybe if I had, we wouldn't be in this position, our feelings wouldn't be so strong. But they are. And you can try and deny it all you want, but you feel it too. I know you do. Maybe I deserve to be punished for lying to you, but this? This back and forth with us isn't punishment. It's torture. I…I love you, Carter. And I can't stand here and pretend I don't anymore."
“I love you, too.”
We stand in the hot sand, staring at each other.
“Are you willing to do this?”
I hear the words come out of her mouth. My head tells me I’m not sure. But apparently, my head isn’t what’s doing the talking right now. “Yes, I am.”
Well, damn.
Heart – 1, Head – 0
It looks like I'm making a go of this thing with Lexie once and for all.
When she hugs me and buries her head into my chest, I know why I agreed to it. I didn’t have a choice. The decision was made for me the moment I laid eyes on her. Lexie Masterson is it for me. Now, to convince her father of that.
Chapter 14 – Lexie
When Carter told me he loved me, I thought I was going to fall over from shock. I had expected him to say it's over, that after I lied to him, I wasn't worth taking a chance on. He didn't, though. He told me he loved me. He took me in his arms. He's making us real. Again. Finally.
After we made our profession of love, we decided that before we did anything else, we needed to talk to my father. Maybe then, we could finally feel at peace. But it was late, and that wasn't happening tonight. Seeing the lights on in the house, it seemed like a good idea to do a trial run on Carter's parents. There was a good chance they would be much more receptive than my father would.
“Well, where have you two been?” Rebecca asks when we walk into the house.
“We spent the day at the zoo,” Carter tells her.
“That’s nice dear,” she says. “Did you two have fun?”
"Yeah, we did," I say with a huge beaming smile. I can't help it. I'm on cloud nine right now, and nothing is going to bring me down.
“Was it a date?” Richard asks as he peers over his newspaper.
Both are staring at us, waiting for our reply.
Carter looks nervous, afraid his parents might think he’s making a mistake. You know, throwing his career away on some hussy. “Yeah, it was. Lexie and I… we’re together.”
“Are you sure about this?” his father asks. He doesn’t seem upset, just concerned, and with every right to be.
“I’m positive. I love Lexie.”
God, I swear I will never tire of hearing him say that. “And I love, Carter. I swear to you, I would never do anything to hurt your son. He means the world to me,” I chime in.
Just then, Cody walks in. “Idiot. You’re going to destroy your whole career over some girl.”
The look on Carter's face changes. He's not angry, not hurt, just resolved. Something tells me this is the final straw. Carter looks at Cody and shrugs. "Why not? You almost destroyed it for me, first."
“Shut up, Carter,” Cody says.
“What do you mean?” my dad asks.
"Nothing Dad, right, Carter?" Cody says.
"I told you, man; I'm done protecting you." Carter turns to his father. "What I mean is that Cody is the reason I am in this sling. He was driving my car, high, and crashed."
“Is that true?” his mother cries, tears welling in her eyes. “Damn it, Cody, answer me.”
“I thought you were clean,” Richard remarks.
"I am. I was. I messed up," Cody flounders.
“How could you do this to your brother?” Rebecca asks, her voice cracks as she the tears fall.
“It’s always about him, isn’t it? We all have to make sure Carter’s okay? To hell with Cody,” Cody shouts.
I hate watching what is unfolding before me. I hate even more how it is affecting Carter.
“Here we go again,” Carter says. “Your ‘Woah is me’ routine is getting old Cody.”
“Fuck you, Carter. You don’t know anything about me,” Cody retorts.
He moves toward Carter and presses his hands against Carter’s shoulders and shoves him.
Carter cries out in pain.
“Cody,” Richard yells.
“You can all go to hell,” Cody yells as he storms out of the house.
Carter is still holding his shoulder and looking like he is in a substantial amount of pain.
“May I?” I ask as I take a seat next to him on the floor.
“Something popped,” he replies somberly.
“It’s going to be okay,” I tell him. “We’ll fix this.”
“We need to go to the hospital,” he says.
If Carter is asking to seek medical treatment, it’s bad. I nod and help him from the floor. “It’s going to be okay,” I promise him though I shouldn’t because frankly, I don’t think it is.
As we sit in the exam room, his gaze is on the floor. The light that had been in his eyes an hour ago is gone. He's lost and so am I because I don't know if I can get him back from this.
I sit with him silently, waiting for the doctor to return with the MRI results. I didn’t want to touch him, to risk anything without being sure.
“Why the hell is this taking so long?” Carter says, his voice filled with frustration.
I’m sitting here thinking the same thing. I need answers so that way I know how to make this better for him.
Another twenty minutes go by before the door to the secluded room opens. Carter sits up straight, and I turn my gaze to the door. It's not the doctor, though. It's my father.
What the hell was he doing here? How did he get here so fast? How did he even know?
He storms into the room without a word and charges toward Carter. “I trusted you,” he tells him.
"I didn't do this; it's not my fault," Carter says, defending himself.
“So you’ve said,” my dad replies.
“Wait, what are you talking about?” Carter asks utterly confused.
My dad doesn't answer him, though. He flat out ignores him and focuses his attention on me. "And you…" he shakes his head. "Your mother would be so disappointed."
He is pulling out the big guns now. He's not talking about Carter's arm. The
re's no way he would throw my mother in my face for that. No, this is bigger.
“Daddy…”
"We're leaving. You're no longer his therapist, and you can bet your ass that your stupidity means you're done elsewhere in the league," my dad replies.
“Sir, that’s not fair,” Carter chimes in as she stands from the exam table. “Lexie is a great therapist. She’s been doing amazing things to my arm until Cody fucked it up. Again.”
"It's not fair? Do you know what isn't fair, Carter? That thanks to you not being able to keep your dick in your pants, the whole world now knows that Lexie is the one with you in your little video. That isn't fair."
Carter's mouth falls open. We're both shocked. How? How could anyone possibly know? It's not like there are that many people who knew. Except...
Cody.
I can almost guarantee it’s him. By the look on Carter’s face, he’s thinking the same thing.
Without another word, Carter bolts for the door. He's going after Cody, and this can't possibly end well. He's stopped, dead in his tracks as the doctor walks in when he is about to leave.
“Going somewhere?” the doctor asks.
“I have something I need to do,” Carter replies.
“What you need to do is sit down,” I tell him. “Let’s hear what the doctor has to say. Cody can wait.”
Carter won't face the doctor. His eyes are on me, filled with terror, just like a little boy. I want to reach out to him and hold his hand. I need to do something, anything to give him comfort. But with my dad here and considering how pissed he is, I just lock eyes with Carter.
“So, what’s the verdict?” Carter says, still looking at me.
"Well, you're one lucky kid. Your shoulder did not sustain any additional damage."
"Seriously?" Carter's face fills with relief. "Thanks, Doc."
"Keep doing whatever it is you've been doing. You'll be back at it before you know it," the doctor says before leaving the room.
Carter turns to my dad. "You can't take her away from me now."
“Like hell, I can’t,” he says. “Let’s go, Lexie.”
I am well aware of the fact that my father is ordering me around like I am a child. I feel so torn, though. I want to be here, with Carter, helping him and loving him. But looking at my father, eyes filled with disappointment, I feel like a little kid again, riddled with guilt because I disappointed him when he has done so much for me.
“Lexie, stay,” Carter pleads.
I look between them: my past and my future.
I walk to Carter, my hands gently taking his face. “I’m so sorry. It’s best for both of us, though.”
“Don’t do this,” he pleads.
“I love you.” I press my lips to him in a chaste good-bye kiss.
Tears are already streaming down my cheeks before I break the kiss and walk away.
I keep walking, out of the room, past Carter’s parents, out of the hospital, and right out of Carter’s life.
“Lexie, slow down,” my dad yells after me.
I stop, my shoulders heaving up and down and I try to keep the sobs at bay. When I feel my father’s hand on my back, I spin on my heel and face him. “Don’t touch me. I am doing this for him, not you.”
Unaffected by my statement, he leads me to the car. "We'll stop and get your things and…"
"No. I don't need them; let 's go."
I don’t want to prolong this. If I thought it was torture keeping things between Carter and me platonic, it is nothing compared to having to walk away from him. No way can I walk back into that house where we shared so much, where I felt like I was part of the family. Not now, not when I broke his heart the way I did.
We walk to his car. We get in, and I sit there silently staring at my hands. Less than twelve hours ago, we were happy and in love. How did we end up here?
“Lexie, can we talk about this?” he asks. I don’t answer, so he continues. “You deserve better than a guy like Carter. Someone who would put you in that position, someone who will inevitably cheat on you and hurt you.”
Four hours of silence later, we arrive at my apartment. I spent the entire time wanting to yell and scream, but I held it in. Now, when I can say my peace and escape, it’s time.
"You know what Daddy if you knew me at all, knew Carter at all; then you would know that's not going to happen. But, even if it did, that's my choice to make — not yours. So I will give you this one, for Carter's sake. But, never again. You will never interfere in my life again. If you do, I will remove you from it. Permanently."
I get out of the car and slam the door behind me.
Once I am safe inside my apartment, I relax against the door, the weight of today finally settling in and making me weak.
“Oh my God, you’re back,” Abbie squeals when I enter the apartment. She flings her arms around me. “I missed you.”
"I missed you, too," I tell her. My voice is somber, and when she pushes off of me, she knows something is wrong.
“Oh no. Does this have something to do with…”
“The sex tape? And the fact that the whole world knows it’s me thanks to Carter’s stupid brother? It has everything to do with that.” I shake my head in disbelief in how today transpired. “I lost everything because of it. My chance at my dream job, my father’s respect, and Carter.”
Her arms are back around me in seconds. As much as I want to be alone, hide away in my room, I take solace in her embrace. Having spent the last four hours stuck in a vehicle with my father being nothing but livid with him was exhausting. Mix that with the pain I feel from leaving Carter, and I am just a mess.
“So, you and Carter?”
“We’re over.”
“Oh, honey…I am so sorry.”
I cry into her shoulder over losing Carter for a second time.
"Don't be. It's my fault." I pull out of her embrace. "I did this. You warned me, and I still did it. I should have never gotten involved with Carter Wallace on any level."
Chapter 15 – Carter
"Carter?" my mom says, her voice is full of concern.
“I’m fine. My arm is fine,” I say when I enter the waiting room.
“Where are you going?” my father asks as I keep walking past him.
“To find Cody,” I reply.
Fucking Cody. As if the tape itself wasn’t bad enough, the one saving grace was that no one knew it was Lexie in it with me. Hurting me wasn’t good enough. He needed to destroy her too.
I could see it in her eyes before she even spoke. She was going to do what her father said. I’m not sure if it’s out of love for him or concern for me. Either way, I know it’s not what she wants. And it is not what I want either. Once I finally realized what was going on, the real reason Coach was there, part of me hoped the doctor said my arm was irreparable. It would solve all of our problems, or at least most of them. But, no. My arm is fine, and I just lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. And it is all because of Cody.
I storm into the house. “Cody,” I shout. “Where the hell are you?”
I continue to walk through the house, room by room in search of him. Once I’ve gone through every room only to find he isn’t here, I punch the door.
“Carter,” my father scolds. “Calm down, son. What is going on? Where is Lexie?”
“Gone.”
“What do you mean, gone?”
“I mean, your son decided to leak shit to the press, for a second time. He told them that…” Having a sex tape is bad enough, talking about it with my dad was worse, but now? Telling my mom, admitting this to her, sucks. “He told them Lexie was the girl in the video with me. That’s why Coach was here. To get her away from me.”
Suddenly it hits me where Cody is. The one place he always goes to get high.
I charge out the back door, through the yard to the swing set that he and I had built for Luke before I left for college.
“You son of a bitch,” I shout from across the yard. “I’m go
ing to fucking kill you. How the hell could you do that to me? To Lexie?”
I stop dead in my tracks as my eyes fall on Cody, head hung sitting on the swing set. The swing set that Luke fell off and became paralyzed. Fuck.
This whole time I've assumed that him using had to do with me, with my success. That everything stemmed from jealousy or resentment. Looking at him now, I think I might be wrong. None of this had anything to do with me. Now that I think about it, he didn't fall down that path until after Luke's accident. That day is when everything changed.
“What can I say, I’m a fuck-up,” he replies. “Always have been.”
My anger, albeit still there, dissipates significantly, replaced with sadness.
“That’s not true,” I tell him.
After Luke’s accident, everyone’s attention was on Luke. Then my career. Times were so hectic that I don’t think anyone ever really stopped to make sure that Cody was okay. Not even me. No wonder he hates me.
I make my way the rest of the way to the swing set and hop up next to him.
"You remember the weekend we built this thing?" I ask. He doesn't answer; he won't even look up at me. "We had a blast putting it together." Still nothing. "We were drinking, laughing, and I swore I was going to fuck up my hand after hitting it with the hammer so many times."
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“What the hell are you sorry for?” he asks, astounded.
“Because I never realized before now what all of this did to you – the accident, Luke. You know none of us ever blamed you, right?”
Cody hops off the swing set and begins pacing. "I was supposed to be watching him, just like I was supposed to have your back that night at the club. But I didn't. I took my eyes off him, and he fell and now? Now, because of me, he can't walk."
I climb down, joining him on the ground. "Man, you give yourself too much credit." He looks at me incredulously. "I get it; you were the one with him when he fell. Let's face it, though. It could have been any of us, including me. You think I didn't check my phone and shit when I watched him? And Char? Between her school work and the farm, she doesn't have eyes on him twenty-four seven."
