by LK Collins
“Please, James, just get me one more day. Just one more day.”
He grumbles into the phone. “Jesus Christ, one more day, Bain, but that’s it. Don’t ask me again. I won’t let you jeopardize your career before it even starts.”
“Thank you, I promise I won’t.”
I hang up and go in search of Arion. She is right where I left her. Stark naked and gorgeous, soaking in our oversized bathtub.
“Hey,” I say as I begin to undress, she looks at me with an eyebrow cocked and then scoots forward so I can slide into the scalding hot water behind her.
“God, I love holding you in my arms,” I whisper behind her ear and lean us back together. She sighs heavily as do I, and then there it is, the awkward silence. I don’t know if it’s her or me, but it’s there and it scares the shit out of me.
“I talked to James,” I tell her, trying to spark up conversation.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, he said he’d get me out of practice again tomorrow.”
“No! I don’t want you to miss practice again. Not because of me.”
“I’d rather be here with you ‘til I know you’re ready to move past all of this.”
“I’m ready.”
“You are?” I ask confused.
“I mean, I don’t know. I’m ready to focus on work, but I can’t decide what to do. I just don’t know, Bain.”
“Baby, I don’t want to be the one to force you to do this, but in order for us to move on, you need to talk to him. You can’t act like he’s not back and everything is as it was before, because it’s not.”
“I know, trust me, I know!” she snaps in frustration.
I stay quiet not wanting to upset her further, or push the subject. Deep down, I don’t want her to see Nate again or to talk to him for that matter. I could only imagine how he’s going to act to try and win her back. But in my heart, I know this is what’s right.
“You could invite him over here?”
She looks at me with a blank expression and doesn’t respond.
“You’ll be most comfortable in our home. He can come when I’m here and I’ll give you privacy. But most importantly, I’ll make sure that you’re okay.”
Hearing myself invite him to our home is a bit crazy, but I care for her enough that her safety and happiness mean that much to me.
“I don’t know. Can’t I just keep acting like that part of my life is all a dream?”
“You can’t, baby. Put yourself in his shoes.”
“It’s just…” She trails off and stares away from me.
“What, love?”
“I’m scared at what seeing him will do to me. What feelings it will evoke and most importantly, how it will affect us.”
Hearing her say that takes my breath away. So this is why she’s being so resistant. She’s scared that seeing him will be the end for us. I search for the right words to say, something that can comfort her in this moment. But I’ve got nothing. There is nothing that I can say or do, because the truth is that true love prevails. The question is, whose love is stronger? Anger fills me. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I’d lose my goddamn mind and I don’t want that, that’s for fucking sure.
“I’m sorry,” she responds.
“Don’t be,” I say, holding her body tightly against mine. If my time with her is limited, I have to make the best of what time we have. “I love you, Arion, more than anything or anyone in the world, and I can’t imagine the predicament that you’re in. For that, I’m sorry. As much as I want to make you choose me…I can’t, but I can show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you, and how my body yearns for you like nothing else.”
Reaching around her, I slide my hand down her soft body, adoring every curve that she possesses. She leans her head back, letting all of her weight fall against me. Her arms drip water, and I finally make it to my heaven – her sweet cunt. Even though we are submerged in water, she’s still wet. I move my fingers inside of her soft folds and over her clit. She moans a little and turns her head into my neck. Leaning down, I search for her lips. Letting her know what I want, she parts them slightly, breathing softly and looks at me.
I watch her while I sink two fingers high inside of her. As we kiss, I’m scared – scared that this is going to be the end for us, but I push away those thoughts and do what I promised myself I would do a long time ago. I focus on making her happy. It’s all that I can control in this moment.
My body aches for more, I need to be inside of her. But first, I please her, rubbing vigorously back and forth over her clit, while my fingers feel her. She begins to moan, really giving in to what I’m doing, so I don’t waste a second taking her out of this world. My hard cock throbs against her back and I sit us up a little. I know making her come will clear her mind; it’s what she’s always turned to for relief.
I work her clit like I have so many times. Just the right amount of pressure to get her there, she writhes on top of me. And I count down waiting for her screams. She holds on to her orgasm as long as she can, she says it makes them that much better. Three, two, one…it’s easy, like clockwork, baby.
Her entire body arches out of the water, her hands search for the tub, gripping the sides, trying to give herself some friction to hold on to.
“Yes, baby. Let go,” I tell her. “Come for me.”
Her noises increase as she enjoys the pleasure, then suddenly she quiets down and her body stops shaking. We both are breathing heavily and I bring us back under the water, sliding myself inside of her, instantly I fit right in.
“Oh God,” she says, leaning into my neck, and I begin moving, pushing and pulling inside of her. Her cunt is so tight and mixed with the water makes the friction unbelievable. My insides crave her; even when we fuck, it’s not enough. I continue to move, over and over, and work her ‘til she begins to give in, moaning louder and louder. Ever so slightly, she moves her body along with mine and begins matching my thrusts.
My body wants to come. I’ve always said my dick has a mind of its own, but I fight the feeling, knowing that I won’t let go, not yet anyways. Then all of a sudden, Arion sits up and takes control, moving along my shaft. My eyes go right to her ass, then my cock, as our bodies mold together.
Taking my hands, I hold her ass and help guide her. She tips her head back, her long blonde strands dipping into the water and then she lets go. I follow suit, slamming her hard on my cock. My body quakes from head to toe and I’m forced to close my eyes, although I don’t want to take them off of her. She slows, as do I, and her beautiful body lies back on top of me.
“Thank you,” I tell her. Surprised that she took the lead.
“You don’t need to thank me. Thank you for everything.”
Then she stands and holds her hand out to me. Reaching up, I grab her hand and stand, both of us never taking our eyes off of each other. As I step out of the tub, she hands me a towel and we begin to dry off.
“Do you have practice the day after tomorrow?” she asks me.
“Yeah.”
She doesn’t say anything else and my mind starts to wander. Maybe when I am at practice she will go and see Nate? I don’t really believe she would go behind my back. I have to trust her and at the same time, I have to support her. If she sees him, so be it. I need this over with just as much as she does. God won’t take her away from me. I know he won’t…he can’t.
“Bain, if I invited Nate to our home, could I talk to him alone, maybe when you are at practice?”
“I’d rather you not. Why does it matter if I’m here anyways?”
“I just don’t know how I’m going to feel, or what I’m going to say, and I…I need to be able to speak openly to him.”
“I understand and you can do that with me here. Baby, I don’t want him upsetting you and something happening without me somewhere close. He can barely help himself, much less you, if something were to happen to you again.”
“Come on, Bain, that’s not fair to say. He’s been
through a lot and when he was here last time, I was caught off guard. He shocked the shit out of me.”
“What if he does that again? What if he proposes or something crazy to try and win you back?” I ask, aggravated that she is defending him, though I know what she says is true.
“Bain, he won’t. Trust me. I know Nate, better than anyone does. I hate to say it, but he already proposed. I guarantee that he just wants what is best for me.”
“Please, baby, we don’t know how you’re going to react. He’ll never know that I’m here. I just need to be close in case I need to help you.”
“No, Bain, I’ll be fine. I just need to talk to him alone.”
“Arion, I obviously can’t stop you, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Really, I’ll be fine,” she snaps.
I nod my head in disappointment and get dressed. Then we head into the living room, mixed emotions running through me. I’ll be damned if I let this ruin my day. “I’m sorry, I got frustrated, babe. I’m just…” I trail off. How the fuck should I say what’s on my mind without sounding like a complete jealous ass. “I’m scared.”
“Scared?” she questions me, hopping up on the cool granite of our countertop, sitting in her normal spot. “Well, I’m scared too.”
The worst part about me telling her how I really feel is that she doesn’t tell me that everything is going to be okay and there is nothing to be scared about. She just agrees with me.
Jesus, if I could just get into her head for a few minutes, then I feel like things would be better. Even if I don’t agree with what she’s thinking, it would at least answer some of my questions. But where I stand now, that’s all out there with no definitive direction on how our lives are going to be, or where things are headed. Knowing that yet again, this argument is a lost cause, I change the subject. “Are you hungry?” I ask.
“No, not really.”
“Come on, babe, you’ve barely eaten anything lately. I’m sure something sounds good.”
“I don’t know, maybe the Metro Café?”
“That’s perfect, let’s go out and get you something.”
“Okay,” she says and I step to her. She won’t make eye contact with me and I’m getting tired of things being like this with us. Holding my ground, I place my hands on her sides and watch her intently. She doesn’t last long and finally looks at me. I smile and lean in, kissing her gently. She kisses me back the way she always has, strong and with confidence. My hands find her head, cupping it and holding us together. Threading my fingers into her soft blonde strands. As we kiss, her phone rings in the distance. But I push away the anxiety. I know that everything is going to be all right – it has to. Pulling away, I help her off the counter.
“Shall we?” I ask.
“Yes.”
We slide on some flip-flops and leave hand in hand. She doesn’t slow or falter in the hallway, like I’d worried. This is the first time we’ve left since we came home. I’d been anxious about how she would handle stepping foot in the spot that her breakdown happened, but it’s like nothing to her. I seem to be more stressed about it. On the elevator ride down, she hugs me and I tightly hold her back, resting my chin atop her hair.
The lobby is quiet. Herbert is off today and for once I’m kind of thankful. With all of the stress flowing through me, I’m not in the mood to talk. Once we emerge into the noisy busyness of New York City, the sun is warm and I go to hail us a cab.
“Let’s walk,” she says, stopping me by grabbing my arm.
She never wants to walk, as it always seems that I get recognized, so I’m a little thrown off by her request. “You sure?” I ask.
She nods her head, wrapping her hand tightly around mine and we head off. I love how confident she is leaving the house at the drop of a hat, with no make-up on, messy hair, and whatever clothes she threw on.
Internally, I again want to bring up the fact that I don’t want her to see Nate alone, but how can I? I know it will ruin our lunch. “I’m surprised no one is recognizing you,” she says.
“Right? It feels good,” I respond, as we round the corner on our last leg to the Café.
“Bain, I want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you, okay?”
“I know, babe, and I love you. Can I ask you a question?” She nods her head looking up at me with those gorgeous light eyes. “Are you doubting us? I mean, are you having second thoughts that we are going to stay together?”
“No! I mean, I don’t know. I just…I just want you to know that I really and truly love you.”
“I know that and I can’t imagine my life without you, I love you just as much. I know what we’re facing is difficult, but can you promise me one thing?”
“Of course.”
“If you talk to Nate, will you please talk things over with me afterwards? I mean, you owe me at least that much, right?”
“Of course I will.”
She nods her head and I stop us right in the middle of the sidewalk. There are people bustling by, but I don’t notice any of them except for her. She’s all I ever see. Taking her head in my hands, I thread my fingers into her hair. Her eyes look at me searchingly, and I claim her mouth. Wrapping my lips around hers, tight and hard. I kiss her with all of my might. My tongue barges access to her mouth and she accepts me, wrapping her arms around me.
As I stand here and kiss her, showing not only her, but the world that she is mine, tears fill my eyes, tears of fear and worry. She is truly my everything, and without her…I am nothing.
6
Arion
Standing on the side of this busy New York street with Bain, we embrace and kiss. I feel a passion inside of me that only he makes me feel. But still nagging at the back of my head is Nate – my Nate. He is alive and back. It’s something I only dreamt of, but now it’s true. I give Bain everything that I am, knowing what I must do.
Thinking about my plan makes my insides heat with anxiety, I’m not sure how he is going to handle things, but I know in order to work through all of this, I have to take a break. Once he pulls away, his face is red and cheeks are tear stained. I hate that a simple kiss can do this, but right now it can.
Bain smiles at me and we continue to walk. My appetite is no longer there. Well, truth be told, it hasn’t been there at all lately. I begin to replay in my mind what I’m going to say, but it all jumbles together and I know I’m just going to say how I feel and wing it, hoping for the best.
When we enter the Metro, it’s slow, and both of us take a moment to look over the menu. I try to decide on something that will be light on my stomach and order a bowl of soup. Bain orders a pasta bowl, then we both sit down to wait for our food. He hasn’t said much since our kiss and neither have I. I can sense his eyes all over me. The same way they were the night that we first met. But that night, I was free. Yeah, I was in pain, but I didn’t have the weight of another pulling me towards them. Though it had been difficult to decide between holding on to the pain of losing Nate or letting go of it to allow myself to move on. If only I’d known then, what I know now.
“Arion?”
“Yeah,” I respond.
“I can’t take the silence, baby. Please, say something, anything. I need to know what you’re thinking.”
With one heavy exhale, I look him right in the eye. “I’m going to stay with Aubrey ‘til I can figure out what I want. I need a clear perspective on things and—”
He cuts me off, “No, no, no, no, no. Please, baby, no. Anything but that. I’ll leave our house if you need the space, but not her house.”
“Why?” I ask confused.
“Because it’s minutes from his and I’m too far away if something should happen to you.”
“Oh, Bain, I appreciate you worrying, but Aubrey has next week off of work, so she’ll be there with me. I really need to just clear my mind. I can’t do that at our house.”
“So you already talked to her about this?”
I nod my head, clearl
y seeing that he is getting frustrated.
“Arion, please, baby. I’m begging you, I can’t…” He puts his head in his hands and it kills me to see him like this. Tears stream down my face watching my actions cause him this much distress.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Me too, Arion. Me too.”
The server brings our food over and sets it in front of us. Bain looks at it with as much enthusiasm as I do.
“I can’t eat,” he says.
“Me neither.”
Finally he looks up at me. He’s so broken. Maybe I shouldn’t leave. Maybe I should just stay at our house. I break our gaze, not able to look into his eyes anymore.
“Are you ready?” he asks me.
I nod my head and go to stand. He holds his hand out to me, and I grab it. I’m still unsure how we ended up in this situation. It was never my intention to hurt him, but that is exactly what’s happening.
On the walk home, neither of us speaks. We just take our time, with the occasional photo and shouts at Bain. Walking at this slower pace, Bain lowers the brim of his hat. I know he’s not in the mood to deal with fans right now. My mind races a million miles a minute and I wish that I could turn it off, to just enjoy this time with Bain. As I look over at him, in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, he is the sexiest man alive.
I used to think that about Nate, but things are so different now. As I weigh the pros and cons of both guys, it’s just too much to handle and I know that I need to go to Aubrey’s. As much as I wish I could stay at our place in the city, I just can’t.
I need clarity, another person’s perspective. I know Aubrey can give me that and she invited me to come and stay with her. She is my best friend after all.
As we walk into the condo, I feel sick that I’m about to leave not only Bain, but our home. I wish it wasn’t this way, but my heart is telling me that this is what needs to be done and I have to follow that. Bain flops down on the couch, throwing his arm over his eyes. I grab my phone and text Aubrey. I told Bain. I’m gonna pack some stuff and head your way.
